Ugh I dunno if DS is over DST now so he's back to early rising or if he a bad dream but DS was up at 5:20 this morning crying, so of course I couldn't ignore him and went in to get him. Good thing, too, because I forgot to put a pull up on him and thankfully he didn't pee or anything but he could have! We have a preschool visit at 8:30 this morning so hopefully he can keep it together. Glad we did it early in the morning, lol.
@paytonpedro I’m sorry your struggling. It’s so hard to feel like you’re doing enough as a SAHM when things are tight. I’ve been a SAHM since my first was born (6 years ago!) and while my husband works hard and does his best to make sure we have everything we need, there’s never a time where we feel comfortable. I’ve gone back and forth about getting a job- even went through phlebotomy school/ only to realize that I didn’t want to give up all my time with my kids and part time work would only be covering childcare.
I recently went to my grandma’s funeral and saw a bunch of family I hadn’t seen for many years. They asked me what I was up to and I always hate saying “oh, well I just stay home with the kids” because I feel like I’m wasting my life. But the general response from most of them was “Wow, that’s so great!” (Im not trying to diminish those of you who are working moms- there’s just something in me that says that those of you who can help provide are superior to me and I don’t like feeling like I’m not worth much.) And it was really nice to hear that what I was doing at home was just as valuable right now as working is.
It’s really hard right now to struggle a little bit, but eventually the kids will grow up and go to school and I’ll have lots of time to work then.
@paytonpedro and anyone else looking for SAHM work. I work for a company called Belay Solutions and they are contractors for virtual assistants, bookkeepers, web masters, and content writers. I joined with them about a year ago and it has been absolutely amazing. I have experience as admin assistant, marketing manager, social media, etc., and they were able to place me with a someone who needed 5-10 hours per week of help managing his bookings (he is a youth motivational speaker). I've also done some website work for him, created marketing and branding materials, and a few other odds and ends jobs. The benefit of working for Belay is you get to decide your workload and you are your own boss. So if you want, you can work 20-30 hours per week or as little as 5 hours. I have a second job with my family company so I only work 5-10 hours per week. There are also other opportunities to pick up contract work if you need extra money or hours. The only cons are it is 1099, so you don't get taxed and there are no health or retirement benefits. The pay is decent but it's not going to support your family. We use it as supplemental income. However, if you're looking for a part-time job, get to choose your own hours, total flexibility, then check it out. I'm happy to answer questions! I've really loved working for them and will continue it even after LO comes.
And I promise this is not some sort of sales pitch! I don't get any bonus from you looking into it or applying. I am just happy to pass along a great company that is all about supporting SAHMs!
@paytonpedro I’m sorry you’re struggling, I wish I had some advice. I too work PT on the weekends when family can watch DS. If DH had normal hours and ever had weekends off I probably wouldn’t or I would hardly see him. If I worked FT the majority of my pay would be going to childcare and I couldn’t justify missing on out DS little years for a couple extra hundred a week. With two I’d probably be paying to put them in daycare. I feel bad with how hard I worked to finish my degree during DS’s first year and now I can’t even use it. I keep telling myself they’ll all be in school some day and I’ll be able to work normal hours then but it’s so far away. @hillbillywife I love the reaction of older people when I say I stay home, but I always justify it by saying I work PT because there’s that little part of me that’s frustrated with not contributing. I’m grateful I can stay home, I remember my mom as single mother when I was a kid, working her butt off on 3rd shift to provide for us. In theory I could find shift work with my background but I hate the idea of raising a toddler and baby on zero sleep.
@paytonpedro I work from home for my old company. I am incredibly lucky that they are so flexible with me. Before I landed that gig, I was given access to a private facebook group that only posts regarding WAH jobs. They announce when some of the better jobs are hiring, etc. It is called Virtual Workers of America. It may be invite only.. If you want in and need an invite, PM me with your Facebook name.
Some legit companies with decent pay I can think of offhand, Aetna and american express. I think Hilton also
@flockofmoosen3 I would also like to read some of those blogs if you have he links on hand! Thanks!
@SmashJam You’re right. I do need to be honest with myself. I Love staying home with my DS and couldn’t imagine my days without him. For this new LO to, I think I would be so guilty if I couldn’t give him similar attention that I’ve been able to give my DS. I do want to stay home, I would just like some gradification maybe, from DH, instead of always making me feel like what I’m doing at home doesn’t matter and isn’t comparable to his work. Ultimately, I think this is a conversation I need to have with him. When my boys are bigger, or after this pregnancy I wouldn’t mind looking for something, or revisiting the subject, but before this kid comes, I can’t. And I need to make that clear to DH. Thank you!!
@paytonpedro so many creepy internet hugs to you! I could have written so much of what you said. it is so hard and can definitely be overwhelming particularly when you dont feel overly appreciated or supported. hugs hugs hugd you are doing a great job mama
someone replaced my child with a banshee last night an angry sleep refusing banshee. However I can hear my little cutie chattering away calmly in crib now this morning.... i think daylight savings has possessed her... just kidding but not really.
Fingers crossed she is on her best behavior and daniel tiger works his magic since i have to bring her to my appt today which includes the one hour gd test ugh is today over yet?
@hillbillywife & @acunamatada it makes me feel better that there are other women in a similar situation (maybe not financial, but sahm that feel like less). When my parents got divorced my mom worked all kinds of restaurant jobs while we were in school and I have no clue how she did it, but she did. I guess “lucky” for her, we were all in school and she didn’t have to worry about childcare. @Kenya715 100% going to sign up for that!! Thank you!! @cseley321 I’m going to look for that group right now, I’ll pm if I can’t find it! Thank you!!!
Thank you ladies so much for your kind words and support. I feel like DH either read my rant or my mind because he came home last night and played with DS and read him books before bed for the first time in a long time! He was a little cold towards me (like what feels like normal lately) but I loved watching him spend time with DS (and quite honestly to not have DS up my butt for 20 minutes was awesome!)
edit: @lindsayleigh1989 your reply didn’t update until after I posted this comment. Thank you!
I’m joining the midnight child crying group. DS woke up screaming his lungs out. Finally got him to bed gave him some medicine since i think it’s his molars and he stayed in bed till 530. Hope we all catch up on sleep!
There must be something in the air, DS woke up in the middle of the night for no earthly reason- asking for his water that was already in his hands. Thankfully it didn’t take much to get him back down, but that’s so unlike him.
another Nor'Easter here so just catching up while trying to motivate myself to work with the whole family snowed in together in front of Daniel Tiger and waiting for my coffee to hit. So many great opinions in this discussion I agree with. I do think @SmashJam hit it on the head that you need to find what you really want to do. There really isn't a right way and a wrong way, there's the right way for your family and particular needs. There are definite cases where the cost of educational daycare exceeds the potential earnings of some positions, and a definite tipping point where it just financially makes more sense to keep working. Our family is in that
@paytonpedro I don't know how this works, but it seems like something that might be possible to do from home: I know some small businesses don't have a receptionist and instead use a phone answering service. I'm wondering if working as a kind of remote receptionist for a phone answering service is something that could be done from home. The transcription idea that someone mentioned is a good one as well. You could also look for companies that are in the process of some kind of major transition and do work where you come in on the weekends or evenings to organize files or whatever so that the reorganization doesn't interfere with normal business operations. (Edited bc I left out a word)
@paytonpedro Also I think smaller businesses tend to be more flexible with employees than larger ones. For example, I work at a very small local law firm. If there's a school holiday that isn't a day we give our employees off of work (like president's day), we allow them to bring their kids up to the office as long as they are supervised by the employee. I know that's not an option with very young children, but I just wanted to give an example of how a smaller local business might be more willing to make accommodations for their employees who are moms.
@paytonpedro@beanship My MIL actually works for an answering service. They answer for doctors, electrical companies, etc. basically any business that needs 24 hr answering. I will admit, she is bi-lingual, but not everyone she works with is. She doesn't love her job, but I think that is mostly due to her bosses be major A-holes. It does give her decent flexibility to work from home, but usually she goes into the office. They don't love people working from home bc they can't control the environment (i.e. toddlers, dogs barking, etc.) however, when there is a snowstorm and no one can get to the office she is able to work from home. When my DH's grandmother was sick, they allowed her to work from home for months just to be there with her. She works about 7am-2pm, but I believe she chose those hours. This is definitely something you could look into, if your LO is self sufficient enough to play by themselves. (I think MIL is expected to stay at her desk her entire shift except bathroom breaks). Maybe there is one that would work for you that has more flexibility?
@moguippy Like I said, I know nothing about the logistics of that, but we've considered using such a service before so the idea occurred to me. I'm glad you're able to give better advice than me on it haha. And yeah I have a friend who works from home for a marketing firm but she's required to make other arrangements for childcare, which sucks but I suppose makes sense.
@beanship It's definitely a option if @paytonpedro can find an agency that works with SAHMs. I only know about the company my MIL works for and honestly I know she would not recommend it. But there has to be other companies out there that are better managed than my MILs. MIL used to like it, but with recent management changes she hates it now.
Well, I'm still in a pissy mood. After dropping the hint many times, turns out the landlords are NOT installing central AC and suggested a portable unit which I don't want to consider because I'm stubborn but TBH it's bulky and given our layout there isn't going to be a good spot to put it in. So we are looking at some options to present to the landlords and I flipped last night saying I want to move, lol. I can be very extreme and I felt like such an idiot complaining about this trivial stuff but I'm the one who works from home and I'm the one who will have a baby attached to my boob for hours on end in the summer - with my mom also here!
DH is being all logical about it which is great but he definitely does not plan ahead and I don't think he realizes his plan with this portable crap isn't really functional. He keeps saying we should buy it and test it. Well, it's 60f outside so yeah, how exactly is that a good test? Oh let's just wait and see. Oh, ok, let me just wait until this baby is out and we both sweat profusely every day and it it's that bad I'll just move then? Blah!
And this morning my clients are being twats. Deep breaths! Sorry for the bratty post and novel, I blame pregnancy hormones!
@kissableviv where do you live? I'm in Ohio and I can't imagine living without AC. And I would absolutely move lol so I don't think that's an extreme reaction.
Married 9/19/09 Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
TTC#1 starting Nov. 2009 3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12 TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts. TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
@kissableviv AC is not trivial. Infants can have a hard time regulating body temperature and can easily get hyperthermia (too hot). We own our home and looked into getting central air but it’s not in our budget. We get by okay with window units.
@kissableviv we have no central air and never had in VT, although we certainly don't have the 100 some odd degree days that you guys do, just 80 sometimes 90 at the highest. For DS we got a window fan unit that allows for temp regulation, instead of a huge bulky air conditioner. Like this one, but with the ability to set temperatures if you wanted, or just "high, low, medium" if you didn't want to be specific. It was $50? But its much less bulky than a window unit and kept DS's room nice and cool (he was a late june baby) during the summer, we still swaddled him and everything. Just a thought in case moving isn't an option!
ETA: we had them in every room of the house with windows that would accomodate them (some do not, like in our new house we don't have a single window in our nursery that will work with it), but I know this might not solve the heat prob in the rest of the house, just peace of mind for the nursery during sleep.
@paytonpedro Looks like you have gotten a ton of quality advice from everyone but I still wanted to reach out and say I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time.
I am in a very different situation but also feel very overwhelmed with life right now. You are not alone!
@kissableviv I would be pissy about that too. Central AC is a must for us - we keep our house around 68 during the day all year long and around 65 at night. We can’t sleep if we’re hot. However, I grew up with window units and while it’s not ideal it could work. It’s definitely better than nothing.
I also had one of those window fans @SmashJam mentioned. They work pretty well at nighttime.
Thank you all! It doesn't get in the 100s. The issue is that we have carpets upstairs which make the rooms super stuffy. Two weeks ago we had a couple of random 80 degrees days and I got anxious about it. In 2015 we had a crazy heat wave and basically we're in the 90s and no breeze for literally two months - it's actually worse in August and September here. We can't do a window unit because the nursery has a sliding door going into a balcony:( so even a window fan is not an option. It's completely possible that we'll be perfectly ok, but also completely possible that it will be very hot. Plus they built a new house across the street in the past year which took away some of the breeze.
The portable unit seems to be the only option at the moment as they have inserts for sliding doors. It just annoys me that it will be more of a trial and error deal and that we have yet another bulky item laying around in a small space. It's just that our condo is so nice and such an amazing deal, that's why we thought and in general still think it's a good idea to stay.
We also asked for a quote for a ductless system to present to the landlords
I have portable ac as a backup.. I live in Houston, so a backup AC is handy to have in case of long outages. It is an LG and I believe it is 10,000 BTU. It cools the room it is in ok, but don't expect it to cool the whole house or anything.
I have portable ac as a backup.. I live in Houston, so a backup AC is handy to have in case of long outages. It is an LG and I believe it is 10,000 BTU. It cools the room it is in ok, but don't expect it to cool the whole house or anything.
Exactly. I told DH I know those well, because that's what people have in Italy where no one has central air. I know they are ok for rooms, but still limited. He says "it's been a while since you lived there, technology is better now." Pfffff... Anyways, if it cools LO's room we'll be ok. The downstairs area is totally cooler as there is no carpet and we can have a window fan. We also get morning sun there vs afternoon sun upstairs:)
@kissableviv I used to live in Huntington Beach (2.5 miles from the beach). That heatwave in '15 was a B!TCH! So we went out and bought a portable a/c unit. I was the one who was like, "nope! those things are bulky and a pain in the a$$ to install in the window". Turns out the unit literally laid up against our wall and the install was easier than I thought into the window. It didn't take up a lot of space, either. I hope you guys find a solution because our weather has been so hormonal as of late, who knows what summer is going to be like.
@kissableviv we get by with window units but we have wood floors and ceiling fans, I think the fans make a 1000% difference in keeping the temp down if you don’t have them already. We only had an a/c in our bedroom when DS was born and he was born during a heat wave and it wasn’t terrible- but I wouldn’t want to do it again lol. My mother has portable a/c units, I don’t know the BTU but she’s got one in every bedroom and the living room. They work fine for them but they also went and got cut outs in the wall for the units to go so they don’t take up much space.
Thanks @zombiehoohaa and @acunamatada. Thankfully we have ceiling fans upstairs. So that's a plus. Ultimately, I just have to let it go and unless a mega deal pops up for an amazing home, I think at this point moving is out of the question.
I'm still going to play the pity card with my landlords (we are the only ones with a baby on the way;) ). They are the ones who planted the seed and mentioned it last fall otherwise I would not have even asked! Did I mention we have central heat so the expense is not that crazy...we would be happy to pay more in rent of they decided to install the damn thing. Let it gooooo, let it gooooooo....
I walked into the ladies room at work and in the toilet bowl of the first stall was a 5 dollar bill. Just floating there. I was like, what is this, some sort of test to see if anyone will take it? I went in later and it was gone, so either someone took it or the automatic flusher ate it.
Trying to catch up today. We don’t have an AC either and from last years summer experience we can do without one. We want to get a portable one for DSs room since it gets the hottest in the afternoon but we don’t plan to use it often since CO is WAY better than CA. Our rooms have ceiling fans and we have tons of windows to ventilate. We also tend to get summer thunderstorms so it helps cool down.
mmmmm pie. We have a lot of snow here in VT still and schools are closed in some of the more densely populated areas. I feel bad for the high school students who were really excited about participating in their protests today, but I guess there is another on 4/20 so hopefully they will be able to do that.
@SmashJam hmm protest on 4/20 you say... is there a specific reason or symbolism on the days they pick? I always wondered. I don’t mean to get political or start a debate here, but I have mixed feelings about these walk outs. I get what they are for and it’s nice to see the youth standing up for something, but to me it also goes beyond gun control. How about starting to show kindness and compassion to each other. Stop the bullying, stop the cliques, stop siloing others for being different. A whole lot needs to change not just gun control. rant over and sorry for my UO
@wildtot I don't know about 4/20 but 3/14 was picked because it's the one month anniversary of the Parkland shooting. I agree there are a lot of other issues in schools but that doesn't take away from the importance of this issue in my opinion. I also always stand up for the right to peaceful protest and it's important to maintain constitutional rights for students in schools, absent substantial disruption to learning.
ETA I looked it up, 4/20 is the Columbine anniversary
omg when am I going to learn not to google things >_< I was curious what about my EDS was calling for a 32 week follow up ultrasound...found a blog by a woman with EDS chronicling her pregnancy experience and she puts all the Gothic horror authors to shame... I'm sure the writing is overly dramatic for effect, but I'm going to eat blueberry pie and go to my happy place now...
Re: Weekday Randoms Pt 1 3/11-3/12
I recently went to my grandma’s funeral and saw a bunch of family I hadn’t seen for many years. They asked me what I was up to and I always hate saying “oh, well I just stay home with the kids” because I feel like I’m wasting my life. But the general response from most of them was “Wow, that’s so great!” (Im not trying to diminish those of you who are working moms- there’s just something in me that says that those of you who can help provide are superior to me and I don’t like feeling like I’m not worth much.) And it was really nice to hear that what I was doing at home was just as valuable right now as working is.
It’s really hard right now to struggle a little bit, but eventually the kids will grow up and go to school and I’ll have lots of time to work then.
And I promise this is not some sort of sales pitch! I don't get any bonus from you looking into it or applying. I am just happy to pass along a great company that is all about supporting SAHMs!
If I worked FT the majority of my pay would be going to childcare and I couldn’t justify missing on out DS little years for a couple extra hundred a week. With two I’d probably be paying to put them in daycare.
I feel bad with how hard I worked to finish my degree during DS’s first year and now I can’t even use it. I keep telling myself they’ll all be in school some day and I’ll be able to work normal hours then but it’s so far away.
@hillbillywife I love the reaction of older people when I say I stay home, but I always justify it by saying I work PT because there’s that little
part of me that’s frustrated with not contributing. I’m grateful I can stay home, I remember my mom as single mother when I was a kid, working her butt off on 3rd shift to provide for us. In theory I could find shift work with my background but I hate the idea of raising a toddler and baby on zero sleep.
Some legit companies with decent pay I can think of offhand, Aetna and american express. I think Hilton also
@SmashJam You’re right. I do need to be honest with myself. I Love staying home with my DS and couldn’t imagine my days without him. For this new LO to, I think I would be so guilty if I couldn’t give him similar attention that I’ve been able to give my DS. I do want to stay home, I would just like some gradification maybe, from DH, instead of always making me feel like what I’m doing at home doesn’t matter and isn’t comparable to his work. Ultimately, I think this is a conversation I need to have with him. When my boys are bigger, or after this pregnancy I wouldn’t mind looking for something, or revisiting the subject, but before this kid comes, I can’t. And I need to make that clear to DH. Thank you!!
Fingers crossed she is on her best behavior and daniel tiger works his magic since i have to bring her to my appt today which includes the one hour gd test ugh is today over yet?
@Kenya715 100% going to sign up for that!! Thank you!!
@cseley321 I’m going to look for that group right now, I’ll pm if I can’t find it! Thank you!!!
Thank you ladies so much for your kind words and support. I feel like DH either read my rant or my mind because he came home last night and played with DS and read him books before bed for the first time in a long time! He was a little cold towards me (like what feels like normal lately) but I loved watching him spend time with DS (and quite honestly to not have DS up my butt for 20 minutes was awesome!)
edit: @lindsayleigh1989 your reply didn’t update until after I posted this comment. Thank you!
So many great opinions in this discussion I agree with. I do think @SmashJam hit it on the head that you need to find what you really want to do. There really isn't a right way and a wrong way, there's the right way for your family and particular needs. There are definite cases where the cost of educational daycare exceeds the potential earnings of some positions, and a definite tipping point where it just financially makes more sense to keep working. Our family is in that
DH is being all logical about it which is great but he definitely does not plan ahead and I don't think he realizes his plan with this portable crap isn't really functional. He keeps saying we should buy it and test it. Well, it's 60f outside so yeah, how exactly is that a good test? Oh let's just wait and see. Oh, ok, let me just wait until this baby is out and we both sweat profusely every day and it it's that bad I'll just move then? Blah!
And this morning my clients are being twats. Deep breaths! Sorry for the bratty post and novel, I blame pregnancy hormones!
Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues
TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui
TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12
TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks
Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts.
TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
edited bc spelling is hard
ETA: we had them in every room of the house with windows that would accomodate them (some do not, like in our new house we don't have a single window in our nursery that will work with it), but I know this might not solve the heat prob in the rest of the house, just peace of mind for the nursery during sleep.
Looks like you have gotten a ton of quality advice from everyone but I still wanted to reach out and say I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time.
I am in a very different situation but also feel very overwhelmed with life right now. You are not alone!
*edit because spelling is hard*
I also had one of those window fans @SmashJam mentioned. They work pretty well at nighttime.
The portable unit seems to be the only option at the moment as they have inserts for sliding doors. It just annoys me that it will be more of a trial and error deal and that we have yet another bulky item laying around in a small space. It's just that our condo is so nice and such an amazing deal, that's why we thought and in general still think it's a good idea to stay.
We also asked for a quote for a ductless system to present to the landlords
He says "it's been a while since you lived there, technology is better now." Pfffff...
Anyways, if it cools LO's room we'll be ok. The downstairs area is totally cooler as there is no carpet and we can have a window fan. We also get morning sun there vs afternoon sun upstairs:)
This is similar to the one we bought:
I'm still going to play the pity card with my landlords (we are the only ones with a baby on the way;) ). They are the ones who planted the seed and mentioned it last fall otherwise I would not have even asked! Did I mention we have central heat so the expense is not that crazy...we would be happy to pay more in rent of they decided to install the damn thing. Let it gooooo, let it gooooooo....
I don’t mean to get political or start a debate here, but I have mixed feelings about these walk outs. I get what they are for and it’s nice to see the youth standing up for something, but to me it also goes beyond gun control. How about starting to show kindness and compassion to each other. Stop the bullying, stop the cliques, stop siloing others for being different. A whole lot needs to change not just gun control.
rant over and sorry for my UO
ETA I looked it up, 4/20 is the Columbine anniversary
I always wondered on date selection
@moguippy My non-pregnant co-workers do that ALL the time.