TTC After a Loss

February WTO

24

Re: February WTO

  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    edited February 2018
    Got a ton of sleep last night. I think I might actually be at the end here. My body is tired from the last 2 weeks though. Might actually feel like having sex this weekend.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • CD5 and could not be more anxious. What if I don't go back to my normal cycle? What if I don't get pregnant? Can I handle this month after month? Why is  EVERYONE around me pregnant? It feels like the days are crawling by. Went for acupuncture and made it to gym this weekend and I still feel like I'm sitting here watching paint dry. What do you guys do to get your mind off waiting and pass the time??
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  • Longest WTO period ever! Just finished femara on CD 3-7....now waiting on midcycle ultrasound! 
    @kikimi83 I hear ya! I feel the same way! Time is creeping by! And everyone I know is pregnant. 
  • kikimi83 I plan trips, keep myself busy, and I got a dog to deal with my severe impression (as well as a therapist). Life sucks and is totally unfair. No one knows if they'll end up PG in a cycle or two, or if it'll be 2 years later. Odds are that your next PG will be successful, but there are a few of us in the minority that have been here for years with multiple MCs and may never end up with a successful PG. It sucks. Just try to keep yourself busy and not obsess over it. There's literally nothing you can do but BD at the right time and hope for the best. If you have multiple MCs or over a year of trying with no success, then you can see an RE and get tests and see what the results are. So do what you can and live your life.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

    galactickates
  • Thanks @mrsjcrane and @dpjennifer. Trying to keep as busy as I can with work and life. Now I'm even more confused. I got a positive OPK last night but I'm somewhere between CD6 or CD9 (had some spotting at the beginning I wasn't sure if it counted or not). That seems too early as I'm usually around CD12 but who knows after this MC everything seems wacky and wrong. Anyone O that early?
    dpjennifer
  • @kikimi83 I have Od early after a MC.  Usually takes a while to regulate and will probably not be like your previous cycle 
  • Well, I guess I'll plop myself here now. FET #1 was a BFN. Just waiting for AF to start (and I feel like after all these drugs it's going to be one killer AF...not looking forward to it). I think we'll be trying a natural cycle FET this time around. I have an appointment with my RE in 3 weeks (she's out of the office the rest of February). After my experiences the last few months and putting the puzzle pieces together, I'm about 99% sure my issue is not "unexplained" but is instead endometriosis. I've had awful issues with pelvic pain, migraines, food allergies, and GI issues for years and all of these meds have exacerbated some of my symptoms. My RE didn't want to do a lap the last time I brought it up but I will now be asking her to treat me like an endo patient. This BFN today has made me feel so tired emotionally but I'm trying to find some strength deep down to press on.
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

    zamoraspingalactickates
  • @tosh24 so sorry for the BFN.  I can see how emotionally draining that could be.  Hugs 
    tosh24galactickates
  • Thank you @Mack2342. After my first MC I got pregnant the first cycle. I guess in my head I've just decided that has to happen again. Then I start to panic at the thought that it might not. Wish it was simpler. 

    Sorry @tosh24, that sounds terrible. Is there any silver lining in that now you seem to have pinpointed what it is? Maybe that can be helpful in figuring out what to do next? Sending hugs and support today. 
    tosh24
  • @tosh24 Sorry to hear about the BFN with FET #1.  I've had endo for as long as I can remember, and it can definitely be extremely painful.  I think it's such a good idea to ask to be treated like an endo patient.  I had a lap done when I was 21 and it helped for several years after the procedure.  I should have another one done soon probably but was trying to hold off until I've had another baby.  I hope your RE listens to you.
    tosh24
  • @tosh24 aw I'm sorry. I was hoping so hard for you. Hugs! 
    tosh24
  • DH and I were going to take this month off but he has talked me back into trying ha. I'm not temping this month though. So CD 11 here. DH has a sperm analysis Wednesday (happy Valentine's day?) and i have the rest of my insurance required testing scheduled for the beginning of march. Then we head to the RE. It feels good to have a plan. Although FX we won't need that plan.
  • @kikimi83 Try not to set expectations for ‘I’ll be pregnant by x month!’ ‘I need to be pregnant by y date.’ I know it’s easier said than done (myself included), but it’s super unfair to yourself to set a requirement for your own happiness that you have no direct control over. It’s good to be hopeful, but I’ve definitely put myself through some things I didn’t need to go through by setting ‘requirements’ for my body to go along with.

    @tosh24 I’m so sorry for the BFN. That must be hard to go through, but I hope your endo theory helps lead you to success. 

    @Kath525 Good luck with your testing! It can feel really good to take a break from temping and tracking so much. 
    tosh24coco2787
  • @tosh24 - so sorry for the BFN as I'm sure that was a huge letdown.  But I'm glad you found an explanation for why it's taken some time.  GL with your next cycle.  How many FETs do you get?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    tosh24
  • tosh24  Sorry for the BFN after FET and that you think you have endometriosis! 

    Kath525 Your RE is OK with you trying during testing? That seems odd. Ours definitely put the ban hammer on any attempts until after RPL testing was complete.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    edited February 2018
    @kath525 - FX you don't need RE.  I already told DH we are taking next month off. lol.  I told him we could still have sex but not the baby making stuff during my FW.  This has all been way too much for me.  Needing a much deserved mental break.  My OB nurse said we could try something different but I stopped her and said no thanks lol.

    **tw** kid mentioned - I've felt like so much less of a mother and a bad one because of the clomid situation on my body.  My pharmacist told me 50% is out now but it could take up to 24 days from the last dose to 100% be gone. Not feeling good has made me not as productive.  I haven't been making her lunches and just letting her eat at school which is fine but still.  But I did have 3 good days over the weekend where we had a good time.  **end tw**
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @dpjennifer we're still with my OBGYN atm. Before we can head to the RE we have to do testing with her. She's fine with us trying while we under go testing. The RE may be a different story. 

    @vlagrl29 i totally get wanting the break, especially since clomid was so rough on you. I wanted to take a break but even just having the mental break the last week and a half has been nice. So I told DH I'll OPK and BD but not doing anything else this month. I doubt it'll happen this month but ya never know.
  • Kath525 I just know that after my 3rd MC, my OB referred me to an RE. When we got the appointment with the RE a month later he said "And you aren't trying now, right?" I was like "Um... yeah... we are." and he said (no joke) "What? Why? Do you WANT another MC?"  (our first RE had NO bedside manner). 

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

  • Thanks ladies, it's been a downer couple of days. And now that I stopped taking the estrogen and progesterone I think my body is wondering WTH is going on and I have a massive migraine today...sigh. 

    @vlagrl29 We have 9 embryos left, so 9 more embryo transfers if we do one at a time. After 3 failed FETs you're allowed to put 2 embryos back (rules of the program I'm in) so if we choose to go that route if we keep having failed FETs (God, I hope not), then we'd have 6 transfers left. I feel very fortunate that I'm not stressing out about the number of embryos I have left because I know not everyone is lucky enough to have a bunch frozen.
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

    zamoraspin
  • @dpjennifer wow! I don't even know how i would have reacted to that comment, but it wouldn't have gone well. Our dr would have sent us to an RE a few months ago but our insurance makes you jump through a dozen hoops before you can get a referral... It's all about the money...
    @tosh24 eek! Sorry about the migraine! No fun! I hope it clears up quickly for you!
    dpjennifer
  • @tosh24 I'm so sorry for the BFN and the terrible symptoms you've dealt with on the hormones. Good for you for advocating for yourself re: endo. I hope your next FET is the one. 

    tosh24
  • Sorry about the migraine @tosh24 fx for you next cycle!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    tosh24
  • Kath525 Yeah, I was so stunned I was speechless. Then I tried to explain how happy-go-lucky my OB was and that she thought these were just 'flukes' and I was totally fine, and she didn't even count the 3rd MC as a loss because it was so early and basic thought I was a mental head case... and she kept saying "Just keep trying" as if that's easy to do. Then I was staring at the 'expert' who was supposed to 'help' me who asked me if I WANTED to keep having MCs. *sigh* Both REs I've been to have been dicks.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.

    #BitterHagPartyOf1

  • @dpjennifer what horrible experiences!! Yikes! Like this whole thing isn't hard enough, and then there are doctors like that out there... 
    dpjennifer
  • @tosh24 I'm so sorry about the BFN, I was rooting for you.  I hope this next cycle is successful  <3
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
    tosh24
  • I’m back here now.  AF is here or least spotting has started.  
  • Mack2342 said:
    I’m back here now.  AF is here or least spotting has started.  

    Sorry that this wasn't your month :(
  • @bakerstreetboys it sucks but my cycle was really weird not sure when I really Od despite it being a med cycle.  It was first one after MC so I wasn’t expecting much but it sure would have been nice not to come back here
  • @Mack2342 Sorry about AF. I'm in the same boat - CD 2 here for me. Hopefully this cycle works out better for both of of us and neither of us come back here....
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • @tosh24 that would be great 
  • Boom! I'm here a week early! Mil informs me she has some info that might help us get pg. I told her that I'm sure I've tried it all but I'll humor her and see what it is. I then told her after this cycle I'm 100% leaving it up to God. Time to move on. Obviously we'd still love a child but I need a mental break for a month.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    GeorgiaGirl1230
  • Annnnd I’m here. AF showed up this morning as I predicted. I had a mini-breakdown on the bathroom floor. And then DH and I got into a fight about the cost of IVF. I think we need to start ASAP because my endometriosis is growing back as we speak, he doesn’t want to wipe out our savings and wants to save money for a few more months. So, great start to my day! I’m going to drown my sorrows in wine tonight.

    @tosh24 I’m so sorry to hear about FET #1. But good that you know your body and are advocating for yourself!
    zamoraspinvlagrl29
  • I’m so sorry @cassafrass15. Big hugs. 
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
  • I'm so sorry @cassafrass15 - hope things are better tonight.

    AFM I'm going back to TWW - It was just heavier spotting that has lightened up a bit today so I don't think it was AF. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Back here.   On my bench until mid to late April.  With my whimpy AF and whimpy lining.  All of the pity parties.

    Hugs to you, @cassafrass15.  I just hate that such an emotional and tough process has to be made tougher for so many of us by financial worry.  It just isn’t right. 
  • @cassafrass15 I'm sorry :(  I hope you and DH were able to talk things out and that you enjoyed your well deserved wine last night.

    @ccvslp That really sucks that you're back on the bench because of a vaccine.  I guess it makes sense to get it if you work with kids all day, but yeah.  That sucks.  Sorry :(

    AF finally arrived today!  I have never been more excited to see my period.  As long as it sticks around, I can go for my day three testing on Tuesday.  It's a long weekend here, and everything is closed tomorrow, so that worked out well.  I expect my cycle to be out of whack this month, but I'll start temping tomorrow and use OPKs starting on day eight.  Such a relief :)
  • Welp.  The universe is just kicking me in the ribs.

    Sister told me today she’s 7 weeks.  Saw the ultrasound pic.  Healthy heartbeat.  That must have been such a different appointment than the one I had with a black sac and nothing in it.... silence and all of the clicking of the machine... my husbands confused face.  All I want in the world is a scan like that with a real baby and a real heartbeat.  My heart hurts.  I’m excited and happy for her at the same time but this couldn’t be hitting me at a lower point as we wait two months now to even start our treatments.  

  • Big hugs @ccvslp.  It’s so hard to find in it you to be happy for others when you’re still feeling so much pain. It’s just a reminder of everything you lost all over again. 
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
  • I go here now. The neat freak in me is oddly pleased with CD1 being on a Monday, if this is my month it’ll be easier to count the weeks. I even ordered an OPK kit, there’s a first for everything right? Fingers crossed!
  • @ccvslp Oh man, that's so hard. I'm sorry. I know how hard it so to struggle with wanting to be happy for those close to you but it also being such a hard reminder of what you want. Hugs!
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