@llamamama14 could we start theming them? Just to streamline? I don't really have any suggestions on how to do that, but something maybe with more prompts so it's easier to follow? This one was a lot of birth stories, so maybe the next one could be.... something I was worried about that didn't end up mattering. Or one thing I'd do differently this time.
Or maybe just theme them based on desired type/location of birth? So hospital one month, then birth center, then home birth, c-section, vbac, med-free...?
@doxiemoxie212 I like the theme idea. Other than labor/birth topics would add to your list of topics: -breastfeeding/feeding -newborn care -Baby sleep -What to expect in the 3rd tri. (I remember wondering about varicose veins, stretch marks, wetting my pants, and just how big I would get.)
It would make sense to do the baby care stuff a bit further into our pregnancies.
@llamamama14 oh duh, I was just thinking about birth but obv it makes sense to expand it. I think I was getting this confused with the birth plan thread we had a while ago since it sort of devolved into talking about birth plans again lol. Yes, I love your ideas. Maybe we can set it up sort of like our product spotlight but instead its like.... issue spotlight? Might need to work on that name lol.
@kfren@may14th2011 Regarding doulas, I'm semi-considering it. The only reason I'm thinking on passing is because my mom will be there, and she is legit awesome. She has a decent amount of medical knowledge, so she would understand the mumbo jumbo that I wouldn't, although I doubt she's up to speed on labor and delivery. She will advocate for me (as would MH, but you know moms are in a league of their own). She would make me as comfortable as possible and would 100% get me what I needed before I even knew I needed it. I'm very close with her and I will want her in the room during labor. The only thing she would lack is the technical labor knowledge. Did your doulas help you get through the pain of labor at all in a way that an attentive mom couldn't? I will have a midwife.
Me: 32 | DH: 36
Married June 2005
1/2016 - TTC#1
4/2017 - Initial RE visit, Dx: Severe MFI (Varicocele, 14% motility, 3% progression, but normal count)
7/2017 - Stage 3 endometriosis discovered during laparoscopic removal of ovarian cyst
9/27/2017 - BFP at 10dpo (cycle 22), baby boy due June 9, 2018
@kfren@May14th2011 can I ask about your own temperaments? I sort of like the idea of a doula, but I don't love new people, and I also don't have any problem at all advocating for myself generally (though admittedly labor is a totally new territory for me). DH has really been the only person ever who can calm me down when I get going (which is rare because I know how difficult it is to talk me down once I'm there, but again, labor, new territory), so I'm skeptical if I would enjoy a doula or if I would just end up getting very annoyed with her. I think I would feel very guilty afterward about potentially taking out my frustration on a person who I'm paying to care for me lol.
@RatParade I had my best friend act as my "birth companion" and loved it. Like your mom she has a decent amount of medical knowledge but the biggest thing for me is that we're very close. I think I'm like @doxiemoxie212 in that a new person would annoy me. I just had a gut feeling that I wanted this friend there and I'm glad she was. Sounds like you have that feeling about your mom.
I have a friend who has her sister act as pseudo-doula because her sister knows her the best and has a good personality for getting her through it. The sister also knows how to push on her lower back to ease labor pain. This same friend had a bad experience with a doula who she felt was a waste of money. (I mention this not because I think doulas are bad but just to make sure people ask around and get one they feel confident about if they go that route.)
@doxiemoxie212 I'm pretty quiet and reserved, but don't handle pain well at all. I'm sure doulas are used to people getting annoyed at them- they hopefully know this isn't a walk in the park lol. My doula was also super receptive to my directions. If I asked her to stop what she was doing, she'd move on to something or suggest another option.
Regarding themes, there are 7 months left (Dec. -June) Here is my attempt to organize the themes suggested by month. How's this look? We've already talked a ton about birth stories so I just did one month with some specific birth scenario topics.
December-What to expect in 3rd tri./later in pregnancy
January-1. Med-free/birth center/home birth -2. C Section/VBAC (Have 2 simultaneous threads because these topics don't include everyone.)
February- As a FTM I wish I had known...
March-Postnatal recovery (mom's physical and mental health)
April-breastfeeding/feeding
May-newborn care/baby sleep
June- Signs of labor ("How soon after your bloody show did contractions start?" type questions)
@llamamama14 looks good! Can I make a couple suggestions? Maybe switch the “signs of labor” one to make it a tad earlier. In my last BMB we had ladies go early. And maybe do two separate ones for breastfeeding and Formula? I would hate to have to search through a breastfeeding thread to find formula info when I was struggle with that decision myself with DD
thabks for doing this!
Me: 28 | Husband: 39 Married March 2016 DD: born 7.22.16 DS EDD: 6.23.18
@sunshineandwhiskey We can do separate breastfeeding and formula threads in April. We can switch the May and June topics so signs of labor is earlier. I'll wait for more feedback then go live with a new thread tomorrow a.m.
Totally in support of getting a doula! My plan was to go natural, so I thought it worth the investment. I interviewed about 5 women, who quoted me anywhere from $350-$1500 depending on experience (in Atl). I ended up in the middle with one that was about $750. Included two prenatal visits/coaching sessions,labor support and a postpartum visit, inclusive of lactation support.
She was a Godsend! I was in active labor for 23 friggin hours! Thanks to her, I was able to ask the right questions when she was still en route and the midwife suggested pitocin - I passed. She was there to give DH sleep and rest breaks which he still talks about today.
In the course of that 23 hours, we walked, we did the bouncy ball, we got on all fours while she did something w a bedsheet to get DD to move down the birth canal. She was a soldier. Then, after hour 18 and still no baby, she supported my decision to get an epidural and said she was proud of me for owning my process. She took our first family pics in delivery room and helped me nurse moments after DD’s arrival.
She was at DD’s first bday party last month and we are chatting soon about her 2018 costs/packages!
Me: 31; DH: 31 NTNP: May 2015 TTC #1: late August 2015 PCOS Dx: January 2016, starting Femara Feb 2016 BFP: 2/29/16 - Happy Leap Day!
@krashke Per Wikipedia, “It can occur just before labor or in early labor as the cervix changes shape, freeing mucus and blood that occupied the cervical glands or cervical os.”
For me, it was just like when you start your period. Nothing crazy.
Full disclosure: My doula was already a friend of mine who was a nurse. She needed one more birth experience to get certification (which she did not get, as I ended up having a c-section due to slight complications) and offered her services completely free (but we ended up paying her because she did an excellent job and was there for 13 hours.) That being said, I think ultimately as long as you have someone there whom you trust, and you yourself have done a little research, you should be okay, regardless.
@RatParadeIt just really helped me that she knew positions to help relieve discomfort and could advise me on medical issues.(I could not have predicted how difficult it was to make solid decisions after being stuck at 8 cm for 3 hours with no pain meds.) Even without technical labor knowledge though, it sounds like your mom would be be a great substitute.
@doxiemoxie212 I am pretty mellow, so I can't say whether I would have had a different experience with someone unfamiliar to me, but I got to the point where I was in so much pain, I would have listened to anyone I thought might expedite the process. You have quite a bit of time to look around and if you don't find someone you click with, no pressure. I think too, that anyone who works with pregnant women/women in labor probably expect some frustration and wouldn't take it personally if you lashed out. I would imagine they kind of expect that, to an extent.
@krashke it's when you lose your mucus plug. Not all women lose it (I didn't). And, as an FYI, you can lose it early and it regenerates. So, just because you lose it at 33 weeks, it doesn't mean labor is imminent.
Re: S+TM AMA/Tell All/TMI for FTM's
Or maybe just theme them based on desired type/location of birth? So hospital one month, then birth center, then home birth, c-section, vbac, med-free...?
-breastfeeding/feeding
-newborn care
-Baby sleep
-What to expect in the 3rd tri. (I remember wondering about varicose veins, stretch marks, wetting my pants, and just how big I would get.)
It would make sense to do the baby care stuff a bit further into our pregnancies.
Others can chime in with theme ideas.
the mysterious 4th trimester is probably a good one to cover recovery tips/tricks/management, etc.
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
Me: 32 | DH: 36
Married June 2005
1/2016 - TTC#1
4/2017 - Initial RE visit, Dx: Severe MFI (Varicocele, 14% motility, 3% progression, but normal count)
7/2017 - Stage 3 endometriosis discovered during laparoscopic removal of ovarian cyst
9/27/2017 - BFP at 10dpo (cycle 22), baby boy due June 9, 2018
I have a friend who has her sister act as pseudo-doula because her sister knows her the best and has a good personality for getting her through it. The sister also knows how to push on her lower back to ease labor pain. This same friend had a bad experience with a doula who she felt was a waste of money. (I mention this not because I think doulas are bad but just to make sure people ask around and get one they feel confident about if they go that route.)
My doula was also super receptive to my directions. If I asked her to stop what she was doing, she'd move on to something or suggest another option.
December-What to expect in 3rd tri./later in pregnancy
January-1. Med-free/birth center/home birth
-2. C Section/VBAC (Have 2 simultaneous threads because these topics don't include everyone.)
February- As a FTM I wish I had known...
March-Postnatal recovery (mom's physical and mental health)
April-breastfeeding/feeding
May-newborn care/baby sleep
June- Signs of labor ("How soon after your bloody show did contractions start?" type questions)
thabks for doing this!
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
We can switch the May and June topics so signs of labor is earlier. I'll wait for more feedback then go live with a new thread tomorrow a.m.
Can I ask what a bloody show is?
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
She was a Godsend! I was in active labor for 23 friggin hours! Thanks to her, I was able to ask the right questions when she was still en route and the midwife suggested pitocin - I passed. She was there to give DH sleep and rest breaks which he still talks about today.
In the course of that 23 hours, we walked, we did the bouncy ball, we got on all fours while she did something w a bedsheet to get DD to move down the birth canal. She was a soldier. Then, after hour 18 and still no baby, she supported my decision to get an epidural and said she was proud of me for owning my process. She took our first family pics in delivery room and helped me nurse moments after DD’s arrival.
She was at DD’s first bday party last month and we are chatting soon about her 2018 costs/packages!
NTNP: May 2015
TTC #1: late August 2015
PCOS Dx: January 2016, starting Femara Feb 2016
BFP: 2/29/16 - Happy Leap Day!
For me, it was just like when you start your period. Nothing crazy.
That being said, I think ultimately as long as you have someone there whom you trust, and you yourself have done a little research, you should be okay, regardless.
@RatParadeIt just really helped me that she knew positions to help relieve discomfort and could advise me on medical issues.(I could not have predicted how difficult it was to make solid decisions after being stuck at 8 cm for 3 hours with no pain meds.) Even without technical labor knowledge though, it sounds like your mom would be be a great substitute.
@doxiemoxie212 I am pretty mellow, so I can't say whether I would have had a different experience with someone unfamiliar to me, but I got to the point where I was in so much pain, I would have listened to anyone I thought might expedite the process.
You have quite a bit of time to look around and if you don't find someone you click with, no pressure. I think too, that anyone who works with pregnant women/women in labor probably expect some frustration and wouldn't take it personally if you lashed out. I would imagine they kind of expect that, to an extent.
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18