June 2018 Moms

S+TM AMA/Tell All/TMI for FTM's

124

Re: S+TM AMA/Tell All/TMI for FTM's

  • @doxiemoxie212 ~ It’s your body. They can’t  force you to do anything. They can can pressure you, they can highly suggest you do something, they can pull the “dead baby” card, they can make it seem like they have a lorn of power over your body. But they don’t. And they can’t make you leave when you are in active labor. You can choose to leave, but they can’t make make you leave. 

    Doctors obly prefer women to push on their back Because it is a convenient position for the doctor to catch. He gets to sit on his stool and have everything right at his preferred level. But if you started pushing in a different position, they would pretty much just have to deal. Depending on the doctor or nursing staff, they might get mad and try to coax you into bed. But they can’t make you. It’s just less convenient for the doctor to have to catch a baby that is coming out via a squat than one that is coming out when the woman is flat on her back - which is insane considering you are working SO much against gravity in that position. But you know that. You’ve seen the business of being born :) 
  • @BurlapandLace okay cool, that makes me feel better for some reason. I don't shy away from confrontation, especially if I'm in what I call Default-Doxie mode (ie, super hungry, tired, drunk or in pain) where I forget to put in the effort to be nice and agreeable lol. I don't even think I'd want to push in a position that would be that much crazier. What appeals to me most is if you imagine an adjustable hospital bed - move the head portion up so the bed is sort of a chaise, and then squat leaning against the head part, so my crotch would still basically be in the same place, like I think the doctor could still be in the same position... soooort of like this image below? I mean, who knows what I'll actually want, or if I'll even make it epidural free, but I hate the idea that it HAS to be particular way...


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  • @doxiemoxie212 - They can't actually force you to do anything, but, they may make you sign papers just to indicate that you're refusing whatever they're trying to get you to do if it's their own policy, and that you understand any repercussions that happen can't be put on the hospital (i.e.: having an IV in is usually the policy in the hospital setting, so if you're refusing it, they'll be asking about it constantly, documenting every time you refuse, and may have paperwork for you to sign indicating you understand the risk associated with refusing and what may happen should an emergency occur). Just depends on the hospital.


    I mean, they can't kick you out, not really, but, if the doctor charts at any point that you don't need to be hospitalized because of whatever (refusing all treatment, etc.), your insurance will jump on that and refuse to pay for the rest of your stay.
    I'm not sure how that works with L&D, because I doubt they can chart that you don't need treatment... I mean... a baby is coming out. But, it happens on med-surg floors all the time. Patients come in for treatment of XYZ, and then refuse every treatment offered and every evaluation, and at that point the insurance isn't going to pay for what amounts to a hotel stay.
    But again, I doubt they can chart that on a L&D unit if you're in active labour.

    Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
    PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023

  • edited December 2017
    @doxiemoxie212 @BurlapandLace my doctor totally pulled the “dead baby” card after I didn’t get the flu shot with DD. He’s not my OB anymore. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable for sure! :)

    edit: words
    Me: 28 | Husband: 39
    Married March 2016
    DD: born 7.22.16
    DS EDD: 6.23.18
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Yes to all of the above. It’s your body and they cannot make you do anything you don’t want to do. They can suggest things, but that’s about it. You can wear whatever you want, push in whatever position most comfortable to you, labor in whatever way you choose. Times have changed, thankfully, as I have heard soo many horror stories from my grandma of how the doctors would do things against her will to the point of her barely even remembering one of her child’s births. I can’t even imagine 
  • @missylaneous419 I managed to get through it twice in the hospital without any interventions.  I didn't have an IV put in or anything. I had fetal monitor on, but other than that - they were very supportive of my decision.  I also - and this is probably part of the reason why this was successful for me - labored at home for a very long time. When I got to the hospital, I was in very active labor and it was too late for an epidural even if I wanted it.  For me - that was the way to go because you will be in pain and you will want the pain to go away. If the option is not there for you - then you just do it without and you survive and your body recovers. It hurts, but it's over with in a very short time and all I ever took after the birth was advil. 

    And speaking of delivery - delivered baby #1 on my back and baby #2 they had me on my hands and knees because he was twisted the wrong way.  It works for some people, but delivering that way was not my favorite. It made me feel like an actual cow shooting out a baby calf. 

    Also - speaking of hospital visitors - speak up to the staff and to your family that you don't want them lurking outside of your hospital room until you are ready.  We went to the hospital with our first and told my in-laws we'd let them know when to come............they took that as "we better leave right after they do and go to the hospital" and the staff decided the best place for them to sit was RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR DOOR....so my in-laws got to hear lots of screaming while baby girl was being born. And then like immediately after she was out they were in there telling us - well your parents are just outside if you're ready for them.....uhm, I'd like to wait until we get the placenta out before we have any visitors and maybe hold my baby for 5 seconds and see if she wants to nurse.  They did much better when our second was born and actually waited to come until we told them to, but just be VERY CLEAR with the people in your life so you don't have that pressure to let others in on a very special moment before you are ready to share that moment.


    EDD 6/18/18
    DD=10/5/10 DS=4/9/13
  • marcus7676marcus7676 member
    edited December 2017
    @doxiemoxie212 some hospital beds have squat bars for that purpose. Ask during your hospital Tour. 
  • izza2 said:
    @doxiemoxie212 - They can't actually force you to do anything, but, they may make you sign papers just to indicate that you're refusing whatever they're trying to get you to do if it's their own policy, and that you understand any repercussions that happen can't be put on the hospital (i.e.: having an IV in is usually the policy in the hospital setting, so if you're refusing it, they'll be asking about it constantly, documenting every time you refuse, and may have paperwork for you to sign indicating you understand the risk associated with refusing and what may happen should an emergency occur). Just depends on the hospital.


    I mean, they can't kick you out, not really, but, if the doctor charts at any point that you don't need to be hospitalized because of whatever (refusing all treatment, etc.), your insurance will jump on that and refuse to pay for the rest of your stay.
    I'm not sure how that works with L&D, because I doubt they can chart that you don't need treatment... I mean... a baby is coming out. But, it happens on med-surg floors all the time. Patients come in for treatment of XYZ, and then refuse every treatment offered and every evaluation, and at that point the insurance isn't going to pay for what amounts to a hotel stay.
    But again, I doubt they can chart that on a L&D unit if you're in active labour.
    Emtala laws make it impossible/very illegal to be transferred or kicked out in active labor/placental delivery/ being stable for transfer.
    We are so excited to grow our family!
    DD #1 Born 10/3/2014

    Pregnancy Ticker


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • @sabby2 totally agree. You never know what could happen and in a situation where every second counts I wouldn't want them frantically trying to give me an IV. I really don't know why you wouldn't want IV access. 
  • @sabby2 - I get that point. But it doesn’t take that long to insert an IV when it’s needed, if it’s needed. It’s not like it takes many minutes or hours to do so. The time saving is only a matter of seconds. And those things are uncomfortable as ISH. I personally opt not to have them because the chance of me needing one is very small, and the chance of it annoying the F out of me while I am trying to move around freely and find comfortable positions in labor is 100%. 
  • @BurlapandLace I see your points but iv sticks can become much harder in an emergency.  I HATE them in my wrist!  I've had them in my forearm and antecube and barely noticed them. *shrug*  I'm definitely not a judgey, jerk nurse but I'm guessing my opinion just has to do with my experiences and training. 
    We are so excited to grow our family!
    DD #1 Born 10/3/2014

    Pregnancy Ticker


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I guess my expectation of my medical staff is that their experience and training should enable them to know how to insert one when necessary. Not just when it’s convenient for them. *shrug* 
  • If my veins are still as prominent as they are now (seriously, I look weird AF - I’ve always had prominent veins but the extra blood flow makes me look freaky) I’ll probably not worry about anyone being able to put an IV in and do what feels most comfortable in the moment.  If as pregnancy progresses I get swollen or anything that reduces the ease of IV insertion, I’ll def get a hep lock while ish is calm. 

    My real expectation for the team with me during birth is honesty. I’m hoping that I can be surrounded by people that if they say “this is an actual emergency” I can believe them and abandon any plans I have. For that to be the case they’ve gotta be straight up with me about everything. 

    TW, when I had a MC and DH made me go to the ER, they put a heplock in as standard procedure. I couldn’t move my arm at all without extreme pain, and I was there for four hours. My arm was extremely bruised for more than a week after. So I can’t even imagine during labor without an epidural honestly. But again, if it’s necessary either because I become difficult to stick or high risk etc, I’ll do it - safety first. 

    But seriously I’ve had randoms comment on Instagram photos with ish like, “nice veins can you put up some close ups of your neck?” Lol lol (obv blocked those creepy humans)  :D:#:|
  • @doxiemoxie212 - After watching The Business of Being Born, and hearing some stories of women giving birth, one of my biggest fears is that the physician will push for XYZ intervention and say that it's for the safety of the baby, when it's actually for their own convenience to get through the birth quicker or easier. I know all of the physicians in my OB practice, and I generally trust them all, but I know one does push for c-sections, and the other is just kind of an ass. There's really only 1/3 physicians who is very "go with the flow", who I would prefer to be there for delivery if I could choose.
    And whoever put your IV in at the ER was obviously not very good at doing IVs and needs more practice. IVs should be a slight pinch, and then no pain afterward (unless it's in your elbow and you bend it, and wrist ones in general are painful), and definitely no bruising unless you're on blood thinners.

    Also, wtf to those people on Instagram? :worried: That's just creepy!

    Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
    PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023

  • @izza2 it was in my elbow crook, and I do bruise very easily so it’s possible it was that combo. The ER in nyc is obv extremely hectic and I wouldn’t recommend anyone go there sans gunshot, tbh lol. 
  • STM, but I thought of a question about post BF boobs (because I'm still nursing). Before BF, I had flat/inverted nipples. I had to use a nipple shield for weeks to get baby to latch. But now, they are totally different - like super pointy (if I'm wearing a bralette and t shirt around the house they are clearly visable). I'm wondering if they will go back to the way they were or stay like this after weaning? Anybody have any idea?
  • My IV/heplock with my first drove me crazy! I was in labor at the hospital for like 10 hours and that thing annoyed the crap out of me. But I got it again with my second birth and will again this time. My mom was a NICU nurse, so I’ve heard almost every worst case scenario story. I’m all for doing things naturally but will always be at the hospital just in case. 
    DD:3 | DS:1
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • With my 1st it took them quite awhile to get an IV in me and it was NOT an emergency.  It took 2 very experienced people to finally get it in.  Not something I would ever say no to since there’s legit no reason to say no other than “inconvenience” and it’s not even really that inconvenient.
  • As someone with a debilitating fear of needles, having a hep lock in when it isn’t being used is a huge issue for me. Personally. They hurt like a mother (ive had them in many ways) and they do nothing but drive up my anxiety. So I opt not to have them unless they are needed. To each their own ladies 
  • STM, but I thought of a question about post BF boobs (because I'm still nursing). Before BF, I had flat/inverted nipples. I had to use a nipple shield for weeks to get baby to latch. But now, they are totally different - like super pointy (if I'm wearing a bralette and t shirt around the house they are clearly visable). I'm wondering if they will go back to the way they were or stay like this after weaning? Anybody have any idea?
    I had one slightly inverted nipple that DD would have a hard time latching to, and it was also very painful for me when she did latch. She didn’t nurse from that side often, but it seems to have straightened out and has stayed that way since we weaned 6 months ago.
  • @BurlapandLace during DS, it took them close to 45 minutes to place my epidural and over 20 to get the IV itself in.  They had to try numerous locations.  I was in transition and forced to sit still through all of that. If this was an emergency situation , it would have been bad news. IVs can take more then a few minutes at times. 
  • @katelynrae86 My right nipple seems to have permanently changed shape. It was not inverted to start with, but it’s longer and sort of crooked since BFing (been done for about 5 months). My LC told me it’s not uncommon for women’s nipples to undergo permanent changes, so yours may very well stay pointy!
    Me: 34 
    Husband: 35
    Married: June 2007
    Son Max born 1/10/17
    BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
  • @Miz_Liz Saame. *TW* when I had to have an emergency d&c after my first mc, it took 4 different nurses to finally get my IV in. *TW*
    I’ve always had very thin, jumpy veins and no nurse has ever been able to get it in first try. When I was in labor with DD, they asked me if they could put one in just in case, and I said yes because I didn’t want to have to worry about that later on knowing how difficult of a time they always have. In the case of an emergency, I didn’t want them to have to focus on that instead of on baby. But yes, to each their own. I laboured in hospital for 30 hours, and yes my arm was very sore afterwards.. so I get why some would prefer not to have that. 
  • If you have an IV/hep lock/saline can you still go in the shower or tub to labor? 
    *TW LC*
    Me & MH: 32
    DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
    TTC #2: 12/2019
    Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
    Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
    Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18

  • @krashke I was still able to!
  • @krashke - Yes, absolutely! At the most, they'll want to cover the IV so that it doesn't get wet and possible make the dressing come off.

    Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
    PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023

  • Miz_Liz said:
    If anyone decides to take a BF’ing class and they tell you, “If you’re doing it right, it won’t hurt,” they LIE!!!  BF’ing is very painful for about 2 weeks, then it stops hurting.
    This! So much this. I've nursed four babies and the first two weeks at are always agony as your nipples get used to it. 
  • @katelynrae86 My nipples are still pointy post-weaning. But they don't show, even through a thin bra, because they are so soft and squishy now they just fold/smoosh flat.  (Not sure if that makes sense.) 
  • doxiemoxie212doxiemoxie212 member
    edited December 2017
    @ash9614 I get that, but just as a counter point, many OBs are entirely fine with women laboring at home for a while. Mine encourages it. Obviously you don’t have an IV at home. But as soon as you get to the hospital you have to get one. I’m just saying clearly there’s a point at which it’s more necessary than at another, and I’d like my team to be actually honest with me about what that point is. I’m sure I’ll get the IV because I doubt I’ll make it without the epidural on the reg L&D floor (but my hospital’s in-hospital birth center — which I’m on the waitlist for — does NOT do IVs/heplocks unless you have to be transferred to the L&D floor or the OR, and the birth center is overseen by many many OBs so it can’t be THAT necessary to have one in all situations...). 
  • I would just like to say, for anyone considering a doula, GET ONE. You will not be sorry.
    The first thing she said to me after greeting me was "Please let me know if you don't want someone in the room. I have no problem telling people to get the eff out."
    Your nurses, no matter how great they are, will most likely be VERY busy. A doula can put things in simple terms that you will understand and answer any questions you may have. They can advise about possible interventions and/or possibly help to prevent the need for them. My doula quickly learned where the popsicles and the ice machine were, so I never had to wait for them. She helped relieve my husband and convinced him it was okay to go home and rest for a bit. She advocated for me when I could not. 
    I ended up having to have an emergency c-section, but OMG; I dunno what I would have without her there. I had a VBAC with DS, and went into labor unexpectedly and did not have a doula there (which I strongly regretted one 8.5 lb baby and second-degree tearing later.)
  • krashke DH & I are completely on team boob job after kids/nursing.  I always wanted a reduction and once I explained that comes with a lift DH was like I will save us for it after the second baby (just so we can make sure we are done).

    And I am dead set on NOT making the same mistakes as my mom with my breast & fibroids. She waits until things got too big and too dangerous/ risky with both and now there is nothing she can do about it without facing big risk. She should have gotten her fibroids removed 15 years ago (one is now the size of a grape fruit and is very visible). She also should have got a breast reduction 15+ years ago but not she's diabetic, borderline high blood pressure and overweight so no one will do the surgery so she suffers through the back pain. I also need a foot surgery within the next 6 years. So I'm on the clock with all 3.

    Me:27 DH: 31 Married Since: 08/2016
    TTC: 08/2017 EDD: 6/11/2018 FTM
  • Seconding @kfren . Doulas are amazing. I too had an emergency csection, and the hospital let her be in the room while they were prepping (when DH couldn't be in the room) and she held my hand and reassured me the whole time. It was great.
  • Thoughts on making this a monthly thread? I've seen this in other BMBs. We could start a new Dec. one since this one is mondo.
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