UO Thursday — The Bump
March 2018 Moms

UO Thursday

Tell us your unpopular opinion.  

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Me:29  DH:33
Married: 3/1/14
TTC #1: 4/16
Dx PCOS (Non IR) 10/16
5mg Femara + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 11/16 = BFN
5mg Femara + 75 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 12/16 = BFN
5mg Femara + 150 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel +IUI +Progesterone: 1/17 = BFN
Preparing for IVF - Birth Control: 4/17 Stims: 5/17 
IVF retrieval 6/17: 21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature.  17 fertilized with ICSI.
7 blasts biopsied for PGS.  6 Healthy Embryos frozen for FET.
FET of 1 embryo 7/12
BFP on 7/17/17 Beta #1 10dpt = 524 Beta #2 12dpt = 1432 US at 5+5 shows healthy baby with heartbeat. Baby girl due 3/30/18 



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Re: UO Thursday

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  • @vflux33 I SOOOO wish H and I had just eloped as well. 
    Me:29  DH:33
    Married: 3/1/14
    TTC #1: 4/16
    Dx PCOS (Non IR) 10/16
    5mg Femara + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 11/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 75 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 12/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 150 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel +IUI +Progesterone: 1/17 = BFN
    Preparing for IVF - Birth Control: 4/17 Stims: 5/17 
    IVF retrieval 6/17: 21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature.  17 fertilized with ICSI.
    7 blasts biopsied for PGS.  6 Healthy Embryos frozen for FET.
    FET of 1 embryo 7/12
    BFP on 7/17/17 Beta #1 10dpt = 524 Beta #2 12dpt = 1432 US at 5+5 shows healthy baby with heartbeat. Baby girl due 3/30/18 



    vflux33gh515
  • @bb3vj3n To be clear I definitely wasn't saying the hurt/disappointed women themselves were being materialistic (though I suppose likely a certain amount of them are) I was talking about how the societal pressure itself is in part derived from materialism.  
    Me:29  DH:33
    Married: 3/1/14
    TTC #1: 4/16
    Dx PCOS (Non IR) 10/16
    5mg Femara + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 11/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 75 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 12/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 150 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel +IUI +Progesterone: 1/17 = BFN
    Preparing for IVF - Birth Control: 4/17 Stims: 5/17 
    IVF retrieval 6/17: 21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature.  17 fertilized with ICSI.
    7 blasts biopsied for PGS.  6 Healthy Embryos frozen for FET.
    FET of 1 embryo 7/12
    BFP on 7/17/17 Beta #1 10dpt = 524 Beta #2 12dpt = 1432 US at 5+5 shows healthy baby with heartbeat. Baby girl due 3/30/18 



    vflux33DDRRT1982kiki75cford08
  • vflux33vflux33 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2017
    @bb3vj3n I think although it can become an annoying materialistic instagram thing for a lot of ppl doesn’t mean it’s like that for everyone. I have plenty of good friends who loved their weddings, etc. and it wasn’t all just “for show”. For me personally I just resent the expectation that I’m supposed to want that even if it’s not my thing. To each her own though, for sure! 
    Me: 34 H: 37
    Dating: 2003 Married: 2010
    TTC #1: Started April 2016
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility  Dx: NIR PCOS
    Twin boys born by unplanned c section 2/22/18


    [Deleted User]kiki75
  • @ksmwalters I relate so much to all of that! 

    Honestly, I’m glad to see so many women here just wanting to support women being happy for their babies and wanting to celebrate/not celebrate that however they choose without the added pressure of having a huge elaborate party if they don’t actually *want* one. 

    However, I’m shocked to see that some of the same women with these wonderful, open minded viewpoints are also the same women who frequently shame those who choose to ask for a shower, or just host one themselves. Calling women who want a shower regardless of if they host it themselves “tacky” is incredibly destructive and actually ADDS to that stigma that we NEED someone to throw us a party and give us gifts and make a huge deal out of it. Someone could simply want to throw a shower without actually expecting any gifts, and just want to celebrate with people who are excited for them, and yet they get called tacky. By immediately calling that person tacky and gift grabby regardless of their motives, YOU'RE the one making it all about gifts. Not them. 

    Again, I’m so happy to see that so many women here are supportive of each other and are aware of this weird societal pressure we have. But since it’s also been brought up how we can start backtracking on that pressure, maybe start with not shaming women who just throw their own party because they want one and no one offered. 
    ksmwalterscford08barrelocarol
  • edited November 2017
    @ShawnnaO Hmmmmm obviously you're talking about me here.  When I talk about my feeling that it's inappropriate to throw yourself a shower I often add that showers shouldn't be such a big deal that if you don't have one it's the absolute end of the world - so I don't agree with your statement or assessment of me at all.  I don't think showers necessarily = support at all, actually.  

    Example:  I threw my good friend a shower with all the bells and whistles and spent a crapton of money.  But the cupcake toppers and the table decorations didn't help her as a new mom.  In fact I doubt very much that she even remembers what any of that stuff looked like now (I barely do and I planned the darn thing!).  But you wanna know what I did that actually HELPED her as a new mom?  I went and spent time with her when her husband was at work, I brought her Starbucks, I changed dirty diapers, and cleaned dirty dishes/counters/floors.  That was support.  


    My whole point here is that showers (or weddings or birthday parties) don't mean you are loved.  They don't mean you are supported.  If you DON'T have one hosted for you it does not mean you are NOT loved or supported.  They are just fancy parties that can be fun, but are not mandatory for a happy, loved, supported life.  This is not, obviously, to shame parties like this on the whole.  It can be a ton of fun!  I just don't think people should feel that it is a mandatory requirement or something they are owed.  And again, this is not exclusive to baby showers.  I watch my students LOSE THEIR DAMN MINDS every year with "promposals" and spending an insane amount on the perfect outfit and the perfect dinner and the perfect party bus.  I am sure tons of them have fun.  But also tons of them feel like shit when they can't have those things (even if maybe deep down they don't even want them), or aren't invited to a party bus.  All this pressure to throw these parties is insane.  

    That was my whole point.


    ETA and to address your statement that not all showers are about presents I would suggest that actually that is the exact intended purpose of a shower.  It's called a shower because you shower the MTB with gifts.  If you genuinely don't want gifts then throw a dinner party and don't call it a shower.  Bam.  Done.  You've thrown yourself a party to celebrate the baby and haven't been inappropriate.  I just don't think it's that complex.
    Me:29  DH:33
    Married: 3/1/14
    TTC #1: 4/16
    Dx PCOS (Non IR) 10/16
    5mg Femara + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 11/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 75 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 12/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 150 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel +IUI +Progesterone: 1/17 = BFN
    Preparing for IVF - Birth Control: 4/17 Stims: 5/17 
    IVF retrieval 6/17: 21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature.  17 fertilized with ICSI.
    7 blasts biopsied for PGS.  6 Healthy Embryos frozen for FET.
    FET of 1 embryo 7/12
    BFP on 7/17/17 Beta #1 10dpt = 524 Beta #2 12dpt = 1432 US at 5+5 shows healthy baby with heartbeat. Baby girl due 3/30/18 



    mdfarmchickizza2
  • @ksmwalters I totally get that level of introvertedness. DH and I are both like that. Our jobs require us to be talking the whole time and very social all the time but we are super not like that. We come home and are exhausted from what feels like putting on a show. I have been watching DS who is 9 and has a lot of the same traits. He is social and nice to everyone at school but when he gets home he needs alone quiet time.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers

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    ksmwaltersleilaquinnvflux33
  • @antoto I get your point. Your UO isn’t what I’m confused about, in fact I’ve agreed with everything you’ve said in this thread today. 

    Also yes, I was talking about you, but you’re not the only person on this board who has used destructive language to talk about women who throw their own party. 

    What I’m confused about, is why you think someone throwing a party for themselves is gift grabby and tacky, while you also say you think there’s too much pressure on receiving gifts and having a party in the first place?

     For example, with my first I didn’t plan to have a party because I lived very far away from everyone. My best friend ended up throwing me a surprise party which I was so appreciative of. That party, to me, wasn’t about gifts or even feeling supported. Me and my husband support each other, we don’t need it from anyone else. That party was about enjoying myself and seeing other people enjoy themselves and celebrate my baby all in one room together. And eating really good cupcakes.

    Had I lived in WI when I was pregnant, I probably would have opted to plan the party myself with the help of my mom and my best fiend. Not because I needed gifts or to feel “loved and supported.” But because I love a good party and I love hosting events and bringing people together to enjoy themselves. So to me, it’s hurtful to call someone tacky or gift grabby without actually knowing their reasoning for wanting to throw their own party.

    yes, people feel WAY TOO MUCH pressure when it comes to these events like prom, a wedding, a baby shower. In the grand scheme of things none of it really matters. We agree on that. I just don’t see the logic in wanting women to know that baby showers really aren’t that big of a deal but at the same time shaming women who want a shower and just want to throw it themselves. You even said it yourself that you don’t think it’s materialistic for a woman to want a shower, so why does it make them tacky to want a shower and to go ahead and just throw one? 
    ksmwaltersbarrelocarol
  • kalawa said:
    @ksmwalters @megpeg I am the exact same way. I am a social introvert. I hate large crowds, but I do love small groups. I need to see people, but I need my alone time. I also like to listen more than speak. 
    I think after reading all this, my UO is that I honestly couldn't care less what the next person does (within reason). As long as what I am doing is within my moral compass, I really couldn't care what you do. I can even support you, and validate you, as long as it is a decent human action. I may not AGREE, or do it myself, but that's why your you and I'm me.
    ^this. I may not agree with something someone does, but I’m typically not going to shame them for doing it, unless it’s just an awful thing to do. 
    ksmwaltersbarrelocarol
  • I think becoming an extroverted introvert is a lot more common these days! Maybe because of technology, but I find a lot of the people I interact with enjoy socializing in small, or sometimes even big, groups, but then they need time by themselves. Maybe because we spend a lot of time socializing online where we can back away anytime we want, and then in the “real” world we can’t just choose to not reply to someone if we’re done with the conversation/not sure of the right answer. 
    ksmwaltersmuggle621
  • @ShawnnaO just to clarify, but you are not speaking of me shaming anyone, right?  I haven’t participated in any of those shower threads and I definitely haven’t shamed anyone.  My question was legitimate and one that I really would like insight for.  IRL my only response is to pick up the pieces and throw a party or organize it.  
    kalawa
  • ShawnnaOShawnnaO member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2017
    @DDRRT1982 no I’m not talking about your comment at all; I didn’t find anything in it to be shaming women. For the most part this thread hasn’t been about that at all, which is why I said I love that we all seem to have very supportive opinions on the subject. And like you said, I’ve never seen you in any of the baby shower threads (which is where my own comment stems from.) I’m just terrible at remembering screen names on here which is why I opted not to specifically name people. I just generally think we all need to support women. Too much shaming in the world over silly things. 

    ETA also, agreed that if I were in a position in real life where someone I was close to came to me upset that they weren’t having a shower, I would probably just throw them one. Unless it’s someone who I’m really not close to, then I would probably reiterate to them that it’s just a party they’ll get all the support they need in other aspects of their/their baby’s life. Or tell them to throw their own party if they’re comfortable with that and are confident people would show up and it wouldn’t just make them feel worse. 
    DDRRT1982ksmwaltersbarrelocarol
  • @ShawnnaO Wow it seems that you've felt really personally attacked by my broad personal opinions on this topic (I am saying this sincerely and not in a dumb way btw).  

    I don't know you.  You don't need to defend yourself.  Apparently you've been upset about this opinion of mine for several weeks/months since whenever that last discussion was.  I'm not judging you specifically as a human being - again, I do not know you.

    I am actually surprised that you don't understand my reasoning here.  My reasoning is that because I believe showers are 99% superficial fun and should not be mandatory people should not be so frenzied into feeling like they absolutely need to have one to the point of breaking etiquette.  I care about etiquette.  I care about manners and not being rude.  This is just a big part of my personality.  So in that line, I don't personally believe in throwing yourself a gift giving party.  I know people keep saying they don't care about the presents and I'm not saying I don't believe you.  But the main objective of a shower is presents.  As I mentioned above, it is called a shower because you shower the MTB with presents.  Again, as mentioned above, if you were not offered a shower but still felt like you wanted to celebrate with friends it would 10000% be acceptable to host a celebratory dinner and invite your friends to come eat food and have a good time.  Of course you wouldn't call it a shower, and you wouldn't advertise a registry (although I think advertising registries on a formal shower invite is a little rude as well), but you would still be celebrating the baby with friends, family, eating whatever food you want (heck, get those cupcakes), but you wouldn't be being rude.

    I said I don't think wanting a shower necessarily makes a woman materialistic because it's MORE likely that she's just feeling societal pressure to have one (also obviously for the funsies).  That doesn't make you materialistic.  It makes you aware of societal trends.  
    Me:29  DH:33
    Married: 3/1/14
    TTC #1: 4/16
    Dx PCOS (Non IR) 10/16
    5mg Femara + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 11/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 75 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 12/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 150 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel +IUI +Progesterone: 1/17 = BFN
    Preparing for IVF - Birth Control: 4/17 Stims: 5/17 
    IVF retrieval 6/17: 21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature.  17 fertilized with ICSI.
    7 blasts biopsied for PGS.  6 Healthy Embryos frozen for FET.
    FET of 1 embryo 7/12
    BFP on 7/17/17 Beta #1 10dpt = 524 Beta #2 12dpt = 1432 US at 5+5 shows healthy baby with heartbeat. Baby girl due 3/30/18 



    ShawnnaOizza2
  • @antoto i just admit you've also offended me in the past with your comments about showers. 

    even if someone is hoping for gifts to help out with baby as a result of their shower, I font think there is anything wrong with that. 

    as you mentioned, none of us actually know each other and I hold no ill will against you personally as I feel you Have been overall a very active and supportive member of these boards.  But as @ShawnnaO had mentioned, anytime the baby shower comes up on a thread - you mention how tacky it is to do one of your own or to mention gifts. I think her point is, you each her own, and every time someone makes a comment ( not just you) about how inappropriate it is, it does shame that person. 

    that said, I do agree with what you have said today about a shower vs support and love - and I totally agree... but i think everyone needs to lay off the judgement of others in regard to this particular subject as every time  it comes up... it appears that tensions are also developing. 
    ShawnnaO[Deleted User]ksmwaltersbarrelocarol
  • @antoto I was definitely hurt by some of your comments, not necessarily because I felt personally attacked by them but more so because it was just such a new concept to me that people would have thought things about me that aren’t true had I chosen to throw my own party. 

    Im still glad I brought this up and commented my thoughts because it does help me to understand your viewpoints a bit better. You put a lot more emphasis on the etiquette of things than I do and from that viewpoint, while I still don’t agree with some of the words you use because I feel they’re destructive, I do see why you think this way and I can understand it. And understanding it makes it less hurtful to me. 

    I dont think you’re a cruel person, nor do I think that about any of the women who share your opinion, and I’m glad I understand at least YOUR viewpoint a little better. 
    [Deleted User]ksmwaltersmdfarmchickbarrelocarol
  • @bb3vj3n I am definitely not about attacking anyone on a personal level.  If someone AWed pictures of a shower they hosted for themselves or passively mentioned that they were doing that I would keep my mouth shut.  I only offer my opinion if the specific subject of it being appropriate has already been brought up or if someone specifically asks about it.  And when I say it's inappropriate I'm saying that because established etiquette says so, not because I just randomly want to be an asshole to a a woman to ruin her day.  To me it's genuinely like sharing any other insight or fact.
    Me:29  DH:33
    Married: 3/1/14
    TTC #1: 4/16
    Dx PCOS (Non IR) 10/16
    5mg Femara + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 11/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 75 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 12/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 150 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel +IUI +Progesterone: 1/17 = BFN
    Preparing for IVF - Birth Control: 4/17 Stims: 5/17 
    IVF retrieval 6/17: 21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature.  17 fertilized with ICSI.
    7 blasts biopsied for PGS.  6 Healthy Embryos frozen for FET.
    FET of 1 embryo 7/12
    BFP on 7/17/17 Beta #1 10dpt = 524 Beta #2 12dpt = 1432 US at 5+5 shows healthy baby with heartbeat. Baby girl due 3/30/18 



    bb3vj3n
  • @bb3vj3n @ShawnnaO I'm glad you ladies brought this up.  I'm sorry that you've been carrying these hurt feelings with you about this topic.  I hope after today it doesn't feel quite so harsh or personal.
    Me:29  DH:33
    Married: 3/1/14
    TTC #1: 4/16
    Dx PCOS (Non IR) 10/16
    5mg Femara + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 11/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 75 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone: 12/16 = BFN
    5mg Femara + 150 IU Gonal-F + Ovidrel +IUI +Progesterone: 1/17 = BFN
    Preparing for IVF - Birth Control: 4/17 Stims: 5/17 
    IVF retrieval 6/17: 21 eggs retrieved, 20 mature.  17 fertilized with ICSI.
    7 blasts biopsied for PGS.  6 Healthy Embryos frozen for FET.
    FET of 1 embryo 7/12
    BFP on 7/17/17 Beta #1 10dpt = 524 Beta #2 12dpt = 1432 US at 5+5 shows healthy baby with heartbeat. Baby girl due 3/30/18 



    vflux33bb3vj3nmdfarmchick
  • I agree with the whole idea of "material things don't show your affection" but unfortunately not everyone in my family feels that way - my in-laws.  My in-laws are not very physically affectionate people (in fact I think the only time I've ever hugged my FIL was during our dance at my wedding!) but they try to show their affection by buying a lot of gifts.  It was actually embarrassing at my baby shower for DD how many gifts were from my MIL.  My grandparents and parents gave us their gifts after the shower was over because to them it wasn't important for everyone to look at what they bought.

    Now I love a party and have a lot of fun throwing birthday parties for my kids but I am SO glad I kept my wedding small!  DH and I invited 50 people total, our wedding party consisted of a best man and maid of honor and it was wonderful.  It wasn't super stressful, I was able to really enjoy myself on the day of the wedding, it was intimate so we actually got to spend time with everyone there and I didn't have to worry about offending my second cousin twice removed by not inviting them because I was able to say it was for immediate family only.

    I agree with @antoto that there is too much of an emphasis on gifts=support/love.  It was never that way growing up and DH and I are raising our kids that way.  I think this frustrates my in-laws because that's how they show affection but they're slowly learning (DD is almost 6 so it's taken a while) that the kids don't care about the number of gifts they bring, they just want to spend time with them.


    Now while I did say that I love throwing parties for my kids (and they are of course themed parties haha) I don't do it for the social media aspect of it like so many people do.  I may post a few pictures on social media so that family that couldn't make it can see it, I really do it for my kids and don't give a sh*t what anyone else thinks as long as they have a good time.

    Weirdly enough, as I was typing this DH called me at work and we started talking about how his parents give gifts to show affection and how that's not the way it should be and he's the one who brought it up!  His mom called him to ask him what he wanted for his birthday which is in a few weeks and he told her to save her money (she just got laid off) and just come visit us to share cake.  Weird coincidence!

    [Deleted User]vflux33stlbuckeye132cford08
  • antoto said:
    @bb3vj3n @ShawnnaO I'm glad you ladies brought this up.  I'm sorry that you've been carrying these hurt feelings with you about this topic.  I hope after today it doesn't feel quite so harsh or personal.
    I get it.... and although I'm not throwing my own shower, I just hate women knock other women down.  not to imply this is what you are trying to do at  all though... it's just how it comes off. also - as far as I'm concerned "etiquette" is not fact based.... it's tradition based and heavily dictated by personal opinion so it's difficult for me to see it quoted as a truth.  

    anyways ... I'm also glad this all came up.  no hard feelings on my end. 
    [Deleted User]ShawnnaO
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