FTM questions for STM+ 9/19

skc040512

@Piccola1988 Target or Wal-Mart gift cards, diapers, wipes, and maybe a few outfits. My #1 request when people ask me what I want is diapers. 

failuretofly

@Piccola1988 a gift certificate for a cleaning service! Or food. Like one handed snacks for mom or freezer meals that they can either dump in the crock pot or toss in the oven in containers you don't expect back (ie disposable)

kyrwyn

@Piccola1988 My sister (4 kids) says: Gift cards to places where she can choose between baby things and essentials for the rest of her family were a huge help. Target, Amazon, etc -- she could get diapers, or back to school supplies for the older kids, or even a new movie to keep everyone busy while she tried to nap on the couch.  She pointed out that some of the best "baby" help with a 2nd, 3rd, etc, is not actually baby-shaped. Hope this helps!

Piccola1988

Thanks for the suggestions!  My first thought was gift cards (I know that's what I would want) but I feel like they're the type that would want something more personal - still, it would 100% be useful and I'm sure they'd realize that!  We live across the country so bringing food over unfortunately isn't an option (sadly we won't even meet our nephew until our LO is old enough to fly), but I'm sure we could figure out having something delivered.  I don't know why I didn't think of diapers - that's a great idea also!

tmk0325

@piccola1988 Food would be so helpful!  Diapers are always a welcome gift in our household!! Always! When in doubt grab a box of diapers.  You could do something fun and cute like a personalized blanket or milestone blanket from Etsy when the baby arrives.  I sent a milestone blanket to my friends in Florida when their little girl arrived and it was adorable. She was the 3rd baby, so they had everything else.  

I personally would just love our local family and friends to cook and clean for me, entertain my boys for a day, and bring me diapers. 

Marley629

I'm a STM but I have a question for other STM+ moms - I'm expecting LO to be a lot bigger than DS1 was at birth. He's projected to be at 10lbs+ if he continues his current growth pattern ....I'm assuming he may not fit into NB clothing but someone told me he won't fit into 0-3 months either - if you had a big baby, what size take home outfit fit?? I already ordered him a newborn take home outfit months ago so now im thinking I need another option. 

failuretofly

@Marley629 DS was 8lbs at birth so was basically in 0-3 right away. But he lasted in those until he was 2 or 3 months and like 13 or 14 lbs. I think 0-3 is probably fine!

AFM I also have a question for fellow STMs. 

What is your plan for your other kids when you're in labor/giving birth? 

Marley629

Thank you @failuretofly

Since we are having a RCS, my current plan forDS1 is have him go to daycare as planned On that day and then MIL/FIL will pick him up and keep him for a few days while I'm in hospital. Since my c-section is currently scheduled for 2:30 pm, I'm debating whether they bring him in to meet his baby brother that evening or the next day. I want him there right away but I think it might be best for him to come the next day when I'm able to get out of bed etc so he doesn't think something is wrong.

skc040512

@failuretofly my hospital has restricted visitors to any area with newborns, since it's flu season. So no one under 12 is allowed in those areas. I will be dropping DD off with my parents or having them pick her up from my apartment before I go to the hospital. They will alternate with my ILs watching her, and will bring her home a few hours after we get back.

cait5413

@failuretofly I am waiting to hear what time my RCS will be. We have the date scheduled, but not the time. My mom is going to come up and help with DD. Depending upon the time, I may ask her to come up the night before surgery, or take DD to daycare in the morning and have my mom come up later that day. DD's daycare is right next to the hospital, so we could easily drop her off on the way to check-in, depending upon how things go. If LO has other plans and anything happens early, I have a neighbor on-call who would watch DD in an emergency, and another as back-up who could probably take her (we have no family nearby). Last time, DH did not stay in the hospital with me and baby, so he could take care of the pets and get a better night's sleep. With my mom coming up to help, I am not sure what we will do this time. 

failuretofly

@cait5413 @Marley629
You guys are making me wish I had a scheduled CS because it would make planning so much easier! We have no family nearby so it's hard. DH's mom is coming out 4 days before my due date, so fingers crossed she's here for the birth, and then we won't have to worry about it. But DS came at 39 weeks so that is definitely a possibility for this one too (though not guaranteed, I know). I've asked a few friends as back up, and if it happens during the day, during the week, then we can always take him to his dayhome (they are super good with drop ins and are only 5 min away). I just wish we could have a plan set in stone!

TigerCakes

@failuretofly I will also be having a RCS so one of the grandmas will be watching my DS.  Unfortunately, my doctor will not schedule it until the end of October.  On top of that my DH is away Monday-Friday at the fire academy until Dec. 8th.  I don’t know which days he’s allowed to miss yet so hoping to have that info by the time I can schedule it.  That being said my DS came 2 weeks early so hoping I’ll make it to my scheduled date since that will be at about 39 weeks.

ashtynmo

For STMs: anyone have really awesome first laboring/birthing experiences? I feel like every time someone tells me about their experience it's all about how it lasted >48hours or with complications but I could use some "feel good - you can do this - it's not always unexpectedly hard/long" stories instead...

elev2017

@ashtynmo I'm a FTM, but my SIL just told me about how her labor only lasted 5 hours and then right after that another woman I met who is also due in December with her second child told me that the labor for her first was really short too and that it was just the most beautiful experience (she literally used the word "beautiful"). I know every birth experience is different, but it gave me some hope!

cait5413

@failuretofly the RCS definitely makes it easier to plan!

@ashtynmo well, I did end up with a c-section, but my birth experience was not bad. I labored with no meds for hours, but eventually the pitocin caused the contractions to stack and that was when I got my epidural. Before then, it was ok--as long as there was a break between contractions, I could handle it, and I kept getting out of bed to walk around (they let me unplug my monitor for 15 mins at a time and I just strolled with my IV pole). I never got to the pushing part because DD would not descend and I wouldn't dilate past 4 cm, but labor was doable. 

skc040512

@ashtynmo while I wouldn't call my experience with DD "great", it was by no means a horrible delivery. My water broke at home around 1:30 PM, so I got checked out by the doctor before going to the hospital. I wasn't in active labor (very light contractions about 7-9 mins apart). Checked into the hospital at 7:30 pm with contractions still very light but coming around every 4-5 mins. Was induced, but never progressed past 4 cm. Got an epidural around 8 am, went from 4 cm to 10 cm by 8:45, started pushing at 9 and DD arrived at 9:18. 

failuretofly

@ashtynmo I'm on mobile at work but I'll come back and give Coles notes and my "two years later looking back" perspective, but I shared my birth story here:
https://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2016/08/12/pushing-past-pubis-symphysis-for-a-natural-hospital-birth/
I highly recommend that blog for tonnes of empowering birth stories. 
I also wrote a blog here: 
https://kcfitnessyyc.com/2017/01/10/no-i-dont-want-to-hear-your-birth-horror-story/
That includes a lot of empowering stories and videos linked at the end

elcd458

@ashtynmo  I found out recently that when my mom had my brother, her labor progressed so easily and quickly that she didn't even have time for an epidural once they got to the hospital, and even without one still described the birth experience overall (contractions and such) as "like a really bad menstrual period."  She's got a reasonably high pain tolerance but is by no means a martyr-- so I hope I can follow in her footsteps, LOL.  The same thing happened to my SIL.  

The thing that I never knew/have been surprised by is how often someone has mentioned to me, just as an aside, that they threw up during labor/delivery.  I NEVER KNEW THIS WAS A THING AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIE. Good birth stories, bad birth stories, vaginal, natural, Caesarian... it hasn't seemed to matter! Everyone like "oh, yeah, I puked, NBD." Ummmm, it is a big deal to me. I do not want to!!

failuretofly

@elcd458 I did not throw up. I felt like I might just from the pressure of pushing, but never actually puked. 

darkfyre

@ashtynmo I had a relatively fast easy birth with my first. Water broke around 7AM @35 wks 5. No contractions so I drove to work and then called the midwife because I was wetter than discharge should warrant. Made an appt for 1 and worked the AM. Went home and are and called my pastor for emotional support. Got into midwife around 130 and she said we're doing this today. Contractions really started around 2. Had 20 min of monitoring at the hospital and got prophylactic antibiotics (GBS status unknown). Labor all over the place and pushed for no more than 30 min. DS born at 7:35. It was very intense and I remember getting tired but never unbearable.

anewadventure

@ashtynmo @elcd458 i won't relate my own birth story with DS because neither of you will like it. haha!

however, take heart. i seem to be SURROUNDED by, i don't know, birthing goddesses. family, friends, practically every woman i know. easy, textbook labor, "beautiful" birthing experiences, easy recoveries. 

cait5413

@elcd458 I threw up after, but it was because of the anesthesia and my nurse was slow getting me anti-nausea meds. I think if I had not been on the meds for the c-section, I would not have thrown up. 

failuretofly

@ashtynmo
So with DS I think having my water break before I went into labor made things completely different than if labor had started first. I stressed myself out trying to get labor going, because once your water breaks there's a clock on your head. HOWEVER. thinking back, if my water hadn't broken, I probably would not have considered myself in labor until ~6-7 hours before he was born, and I probably would have slept better and been better rested going into pushing in the morning. I wouldn't describe contractions as painful, just intense, though that may have something to do with DS being in the perfect position, therefore I did not have back labor. I do wish I had a doula though, because I believe she would have helped me with pushing in better positions early on to prevent the symphysis pubis pain I experienced later on. There was about 1 hour in there was hard, and painful, but the overall experience was actually quite pleasant and I am very much looking forward to labor with this one! 

MJDsquared

Soooo how come I haven't felt baby hiccups? Is that weird? My mom asks me all the time if I've felt them and the first time I answered I said I didn't know and she was like, "Oh, you'll know." Does everyone feel baby hiccups except me? Lol.

mdcd44127

@MJDsquared Nope, definitely haven't noticed any hiccups. I've also started to wonder if there's something wrong at this point...

MJDsquared

@djd0404 I'm sure nothing's wrong if you still feel baby move! I was mostly confused and a tiny bit worried, but just knowing I'm not the only one who hasn't felt them makes me feel better. And I've also heard how annoying they can be, especially when you're trying to sleep, but I can't help but want to feel them at least once! Lol.

skc040512

@MJDsquared DD had the hiccups all the time. This time, I don't think I've noticed it at all. It literally feela like your uterus is jumping lol. Some women told me that it just feels more like patterned movement, not just random kicks and rolls.

babybison

@MJDsquared I don't get a lot of kicks, probably because of my anterior placenta, but I do get the hiccoughs. To me they feel like a strong but slow heartbeat in my belly. 

elev2017

@MJDsquared For me the hiccups feel just like kicks, they're just in a rhythmic pattern. They usually don't last more than 30 seconds to a minute and I've only felt them a handful of times.

whiska

@MJDsquared I was worried too but then they hit out of nowhere at 30 weeks.  Now baby has them every day.  However I can only feel them when I'm very very still and quiet; even just shifting around in my chair or sometimes laying on a different side mutes them.  I don't get the uterus jumping sensation.  Just little rhythmic taps right around my hip that last for 5-10 minutes.  So depending on position and intensity baby might already have had some but you couldn't quite feel it?

One night in bed they seemed to be closer to the surface and H could feel them, so that was pretty cute. 

failuretofly

Omg SO. MANY. HICCUPS. Like 5 or 6 times a day? At least once while I'm trying to sleep every night ... I'm SO OVER IT. DS was the same and they continued after birth.

balletnerd

I think I felt hiccups for the first time at 3:30am last night (I’m 30 weeks).Mostly annoying haha. Mostly because I was then up till 5am

babybison

@failuretofly wait wait, DS continued to have them after birth or you continued to feel them? Because now I'm confused. 

clovelyone

@MJDsquared I'm almost 31 weeks and I haven't felt hiccups yet either. 

failuretofly

@babybison hahaha DS continued to have hiccups, no phantom uterus hiccups haha

elcd458

@MJDsquared  I genuinely don't know if what I have felt has been hiccups or just my pulse. I have an anterior placenta and feel plenty of kicks and whatnot, but at times there is definitely a rhythmic thumping and I don't know if I'm feeling my heartbeat because she's squished up against my placenta, or what.

babybison

@elcd458 I had the same thoughts but when I put my fingers to my throat the timing and rhythm was definitely off. 

Question: are nurses' presents/gift baskets really a thing? Our hospital delivers over 5,000 babies a year. That seems like a lot of presents.

elcd458

@babybison I don't know that I ever heard any nursing staff talk about that when I was working in a women's hospital, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.  Probably happens more often in a NICU where you develop a more significant relationship due to length of time-- I did see baked goods/food gifts every once in a while which people tend to get excited about.  DH used to be a floor nurse (not L&D but a different unit), and I really felt like anything a family did to express appreciation went a long way for morale-- just a nice note or card, even. You'd probably be surprised how rarely medical staff are actually thanked (even just verbally) for a job well done; they won't expect much at all.

ETA: You may want to check and see if your birth facility has a gift policy for its employees.  Most places won't, but I know VA/military hospitals have a STRICT no-gift policy.  So in those instances you run the risk of your gift getting refused, trashed, or the person you were trying to thank winds up in trouble for accepting it on the DL.

MJDsquared

@babybison I've heard of people giving small things, like candy bars with a little card (like a printable, not necessarily even a real card). I'm considering doing that.

abcola

@babybison I was wanting to put together something nice for the staff that were with us during our stay at the hospital. Either putting together a basket to share, or doing a small trinket or packaged item. I have heard that most nurses wont eat anything that you make and bring in due to not knowing the health standards of your kitchen, which I totally get. If I do something edible I'll order from outside to be delivered. There is an amazing cookie delivery place where I am that will deliver warm cookies... I know I'd be excited to get some, and also wouldn't worry about where they came from.