That goes along with the nurses gift and push present. I didn't for the last two and I won't for this one. I'm paying a ridiculous amount of money for you (doctor/nurse/nursery/all the staff) to take care of me and my newborn and surgery on top of that, I'm not bringing you a gift. I'm giving you a paycheck.
We plan on taking bags of candy and single serve bags of snacks for our nurses, CNA's, etc. My sister was a floor nurse for a long time and I have an aunt that is a OB nurse and both have said any room that has food is the favorite room. Also, just being gracious, saying please, thank you and not being a jerk to those taking care of you goes a long way!
We plan on taking bags of candy and single serve bags of snacks for our nurses, CNA's, etc. My sister was a floor nurse for a long time and I have an aunt that is a OB nurse and both have said any room that has food is the favorite room. Also, just being gracious, saying please, thank you and not being a jerk to those taking care of you goes a long way!
We will do something simple - a couple dozen donuts and coffee, and maybe a $25 gift card or two for the midwife/nurse(s).
As someone who makes baked goods a lot, I will tell u that once the cookie/cupcake/brownie is in front of you, it's a lot harder to turn it down on the principle that it might be "dirty". People go ham for basically anything free, especially in an office setting... which is what he hospital is for people who work there. With all the gross things that go down at food processing plants, you're already exposed to whatever it is you're so afraid of. Of course I'm not saying I would plow through some brownies if the maker had like, a known skin disease or something contagious, but if you appear healthy and reasonably clean, I'm probably going to eat it.
We did bagels, donuts and coffee in the morning and then ordered pizzas for the night shift last time. My specific nurses got a small gift bag. And we got my 2 OBs a restaurant giftcard. I felt like the towards the end of my pregnancy, I had seen my OB 2x a week, if not more so I wanted to get them something extra. I also had worked as an RN at the hospital I delivered (different floor), but I knew several of the nurses, so we went a little above and beyond. Plus as a PP stated, the food room is usually the favorite room (as long as you are not a jerk). You certainly do not have to do this, but it is greatly appreciated when you do.
Yeah. I'm with those not bringing gifts. I'm always super friendly and respectful. I make sure I listen very closely to the nurses and doctors. If I have questions, I make sure I ask them in a polite and non-condescending way. I'm not of the mindset that a treat or especially nice present like a perfume (which many medical personnel can't wear often anyway) or something is necessary though. I'm paying an insane amount of money during and after the birth of my kids. Even with a good insurance policy, I'll be paying more than I make after 3-4 paychecks. I always give great reviews to supervisors and other potential patients. That's "treat" enough to me.
I never got the fear of homemade goods especially when they are given as a gift but DH is the exact opposite. When we stripped out our bowling alley he donated some kid bowling balls/shoes to a special needs child. The mom gifted us this adorable basket of homemade jams/butters/preserves and handmade pot holders. I found it all in the dumpster he was worried it was poisoned and didn't even tell me. I was soo disappointed, even the jars looked like something out of Pinterest
We ordered an edible arrangement (chocolate dipped pineapple and strawberries I believe) for the L&D/maternity department the morning after the c-section. I don't know if it helped but the nurses were pretty much the best part of the whole experience, ya know...besides the baby...
Wow I can't believe bringing gifts is so common. I can sort of see asking DH to grab something if I ended up being there for a really long time and started to feel like an inconvenience, but bringing baked goods/gifts on top of experiencing labor and going through what could be the most difficult experience of our lives sounds like a bit much to me. This sort of reminds me of the advice to tip all wedding vendors, which we happily ignored, because they already overcharge for everything. (Obviously it's a different pay structure for hospital staff, but it still seems OTT to bring gifts.)
I dont think anyone should burden themselves with formalities it's completely optional and I don't think it's a necessity of some sort, but if anyone DOES want to bring something out of the happiness of their heart(I know I do) I don't think there should be a problem (unless there is some policy against it).
Oh I won't be BAKING anything. That's too much work. But I also don't totally buy the "it's their job" or "they already make so much money off of the birth" because (1) clearly that's the hospital making most of the money and (2) doing your job vs being nice/generous/thoughtful are different things. If someone does a great job and goes above and beyond for you in a hard time, i think thanking them with a gift is appropriate (there's definitely no harm in doing something nice to thank them and I'm sure it will help get you extra special care and/or those heavenly mesh underwear people hype up). Will it be expected? Probably not. But to say they don't deserve any extra appreciation if they do awesome... not sure I agree w that.
@Potterphile I was wondering how you were going to get baking in the mix of labor lol. I love to bake aswell Exactly, I doubt they expect anything, which makes it more of a reason for me personally to show my gratitude.
Oh I won't be BAKING anything. That's too much work. But I also don't totally buy the "it's their job" or "they already make so much money off of the birth" because (1) clearly that's the hospital making most of the money and (2) doing your job vs being nice/generous/thoughtful are different things. If someone does a great job and goes above and beyond for you in a hard time, i think thanking them with a gift is appropriate (there's definitely no harm in doing something nice to thank them and I'm sure it will help get you extra special care and/or those heavenly mesh underwear people hype up). Will it be expected? Probably not. But to say they don't deserve any extra appreciation if they do awesome... not sure I agree w that.
I really hope they meet your expectations!
I've had enough experiences with my grandparents in and out of the hospital that I do not have high hopes for them "deserving" anything...
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
Honestly, I probably wouldn't do something like perfume. To me, that is a very intimate/personal gift, and might come off strange to gift to your doctor. Plus, you have no clue of their tastes/preferences of scents.
I like the ideas of coffee/donuts/bagels/edible arrangements, but definitely not a requirement in my eyes. I will probably leave this decision up to DH or my mom since I will likely not give two shits about it after delivery lol
I always always always tell everyone taking care of me please and thank you. I just don't do gifts. I also don't want better care than the next lady because I brought gifts or vice versa.
I'm kind of confused now, don't you give gifts in the end anyway? When it's all over and your ready to go home? How will that change how I'm being treated. I don't plan to give anything until I'm getting discharged. My dad always gets something after surgery never before. Does everyone bring snacks and gifts earlier on?
edited to add: This is in a situation IF you decide to say thanks via gifts snacks etc. My thankyou will be right at the end (personal preference)
I always always always tell everyone taking care of me please and thank you. I just don't do gifts. I also don't want better care than the next lady because I brought gifts or vice versa.
I never thought of this. I think what I do will depend on how my birth goes. I will likely send the Birthing Center flowers after it is all said and done. I don't imagine us stopping for baked goods on our way to the hospital but if I end up being hospitalized for longer than expected I'll have DH run out and grab coffee and donuts or something like that.
@BusyZee Generally, no. That's not a custom that we follow. I know in different cultures that is expected, but in the states, it isn't.
ETA: Bringing treats to the hospital staff while you are inpatient is a personal preference. Having worked in healthcare and having a lot of family in healthcare, food is always appreciated when working long hours, nights, weekends and shows your gratitude that these people are there taking care of you and baby and that you appreciate them.
@mrsla3 EXACTLY. Gifts are a nice thing to do, in theory, but then when giving a gift is associated with better care, it becomes an expectation FOR that high-quality care, that's what I don't like. And then you get into all sorts of messy questions with gift quality - if you know you're being compared to other patients in terms of what you bring, does that matter, should you stretch your budget...? I just don't like the dynamic it sets up.
@BusyZee Generally, no. That's not a custom that we follow. I know in different cultures that is expected, but in the states, it isn't.
I think you thought I meant to say you Definitely give gifts. No I don't think that's necessary at all. Entirely optional. I mean to say if you were going to give something (snacks,gifts) won't that be in the end ?
@BusyZee Generally, no. That's not a custom that we follow. I know in different cultures that is expected, but in the states, it isn't.
I think you thought I meant to say you Definitely give gifts. No I don't think that's necessary at all. Entirely optional. I mean to say if you were going to give something (snacks,gifts) won't that be in the end ?
Again, personal preference. We have them packed in the hospital bag (bags of candy and small bags of chips/snacks). Other people will have DH or a family member bring bakery items and coffee before they leave. Others might send flowers or Edible Arrangements after they are discharged. It's entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable with. It is not expected but it is appreciated.
I wasn't even aware of this until I read a hospital packing list the other day, but I think I might bring some sort of snack for the staff at my birthing center. There is a good chance they will all be there solely for me (they only have three birthing rooms to begin with) especially if my labor is at night at all. I know it's there job, but it would probably be a nice gesture. Just something packaged from the grocery store I can buy ahead of time. We aren't stopping on the way lol.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Working in healthcare, I can say there is absolutely zero expectation of gifts. When I have received them from patients it's nearly always after the episode of care, meaning that they're already out and home and then sent something so it's in no way associated with quality of care. Nearly always it's food or candy, is not homemade, is shared by everyone working that day/shift, and while never expected is a much appreciated surprise treat. Perfume would be a very unusual present and I'd personally be uncomfortable with it. A rule of thumb is anything over $25 would be refused, but I work at an academic center with very strict regulations about conflicts of interest and accepting gifts from patients or industry.
Also FWIW in many centers, especially teaching hospitals, doctors are often and nurses are always salaried, so they're not "paid" by any individual patient anyway - they make what they make regardless of who they take care of, and they take the best care they can of them because that's what they chose to do in life! I feel like @dancegurl1118 will have great insight on this too...
In regards to homemade treats, we just moved and our neighbors brought us a plate of brownies and I wouldn't let my family eat them. Not only because I'm GF but you don't know who they are and people are crazy.
*possible TW* I would do a gift only if my baby is a nicu baby and you see the same team of professionals for a week or more who are working to help your baby. In that case I would definitely do something.
But you're at the hospital for 2 days and you see the dr like 4 times. She's making a pretty penny off your birth so I think that's payment enough. Plus when I was having DS I was 1 of 9 that day. That's a lot of gifts and a lot of money for the dr. I honestly have a great relationship with my obgyn. She delivered me and my brother and now both of my children. She's been invited to our family parties since she's known my mom for 30 years and I still wouldn't give anything more than a huge hug and thank you. It's a nice gesture and all but I wouldn't do anything beyond a store bought treat and again I may not even do that again.
@chamomile-2 I agree with all of that, plus I don't think doctors or nurses woild provide better or worse care based on some donuts or pineapple. For me it was a thank you and not a bribe, I also went to a small hospital and when I had DS we were the only ones there besides another infant in the nursery - they spoiled us. With my first it was a different story/hospital and while my care was great (except for the nurse in recovery) I was so happy I wanted to offer that thank you.
Its the reason that even though I won't be able to get my tubal I am so happy to be going back to that hospital. Plus the OR is in the L&D department. I was able to be in recovery just across from the nursery and they let DH and my mom (one at a time) come in and visit/share pictures of DS while I was there. Completely different from the 1st time.
But you're at the hospital for 2 days and you see the dr like 4 times. She's making a pretty penny off your birth so I think that's payment enough.
This is the misconception I'm referring to. A salaried physician or nurse makes the same amount that day whether you show up or not. You showing up gives her more work to do for the same amount of money. OB-Gyns (I am not one) and nurses work their asses off round the clock and should not be treated like money-grubbers. And the $10 of donuts a patient sends after they're discharged is not a financial incentive, just a little nice thing someone chose to do.
Thanks @chamomile-2 for explaining it much better than I was I wouldn't expect better care from bringing gifts/food and wouldn't be bringing anything extravagant anyways. I know too many doctors/nurses who are too busy to figure out food inbetween delivering those 9 babies a day and if I can make their lives easier, I will. It's human nature to be nice to those who are nice to you and I'm sure it's not going to affect the care you get but again care is different from someone going over the top to make you comfortable etc. Their job is to provide medical care and get that baby out- anything else is extra (especially considering how stressful/strenuous their jobs are) and I will be adding food/small gifts to my thanks and courtesy as warranted.
FWIW My OB will be the delivering doctor (unless out on vacation or something, then another dr from the practice fills in) The hospital I deliver at is a "baby factory" and a huge hospital. I saw so many nurses and doctors while there, there's no way I would have been able to give them a personal gift and if everyone who delivered had brought something in they would have been swamped. Personally I don't think I would give anything unless a nurse just went above and beyond or like @nktrodden826 said my baby ends up in the NICU and we see the same nurses for an extended period of time. I can see how this would be different at a smaller hospital though where you saw a lot of the same doctors/nurses!
I did not bring gifts for the hospital staff last time, but I wish I had. I was admitted around 10 pm and DS was born around 8am. I had the same nurse there with me the whole time and she was fantastic. It's a really unique, personal, vulnerable experience delivering a baby, and she was really reassuring during some scary moments. I had her on my left side and DH on my right side the whole time. But her shift was over right before DS was born and she disappeared right after the birth and I felt like I never got to thank her properly. I know she was just doing her job and shouldn't "need" a thank you from me (and that's probably why she left quietly) but she made an impact on my life and I wish I had been able to let her know how much I appreciated it. I was pretty out of it for the next 2 days and then completely overwhelmed and sending something to the L&D floor after the fact was just more than I could manage. But I wish I had been better prepared so I could have done that.
I never felt the need to give a gift to the OB, because I thank him at every visit, I pay him a lot of money (it's a solo practice) and he wasn't there by my side all night long the way that nurse was. But I did send a birth announcement to the doctor's office so the nurses and CNPs that I see at every visit can see pictures of the baby, and I wrote a quick thank you message on the back of it.
Just wanted a general shout out to all who chimed in regarding gifts, this was super informative and insightful! It never really crossed my mind last time to bring anything, but let's face it, around 10:30-11:00am it's always pleasing to see a baked good, amiright?
Working in healthcare, I can say there is absolutely zero expectation of gifts. When I have received them from patients it's nearly always after the episode of care, meaning that they're already out and home and then sent something so it's in no way associated with quality of care. Nearly always it's food or candy, is not homemade, is shared by everyone working that day/shift, and while never expected is a much appreciated surprise treat. Perfume would be a very unusual present and I'd personally be uncomfortable with it. A rule of thumb is anything over $25 would be refused, but I work at an academic center with very strict regulations about conflicts of interest and accepting gifts from patients or industry.
I agree with the above! I actually get emails every holiday season about what an "acceptable" gift is or isn't, mostly because of the ethics behind it and not wanting to appear like we're accepting payment for special treatment or services. I don't think anyone would turn down a muffin basket sent to L&D or Mother-Baby as a thank you, and everyone loves a goodie (especially during a long day/shift), but you definitely shouldn't need to bring something just to get good care or be "the favorite."
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
I'm a tad late to the party but wanted to chime in as one of our BMB RN's. I work in a hospital (although not the L&D department... but similar type of unit). I never expect a gift or goody. I make the same amount of money regardless of how many patients are on the unit at any given time. I would never treat a patient poorly because they didn't bring a yummy treat. My job is to take care of you and I'm going to do my damn best to make sure you are comfortable and well taken care of. That said- when a patient does bring treat for the unit, it is a great surprise! We work long hours/ weekends/holidays/nights/etc. and it is common to not get a break... so when a plate of goodies show up they are devoured quickly! It's a personal preference, and you guys shouldn't fret over the decision. Nurses (most of them anyway) are in the profession to care for their patients... Not for treats or money or goodies!
I agree with it being more of a thank you gift - my mom had a massive heart attack a couple years ago and while she was in CVICU she coded and it was super scary. The nurses were absolutely amazing during her entire stay - plus, you know, they saved her life. I took them cookies from a local bakery as a way to say thank you.
In my profession (social work) we always appreciate the extra goodies. It's such a nice way to feel appreciated in such an under appreciated position.
I probably wouldn't bring treats in at admission to the hospital, but the morning after the birth. I'd do it before I left (have DH or someone pick them up) bc I wouldn't expect to have time to go back to the hospital to deliver something. And I'm too cheap to have it delivered.
@lph4248 - thanks! It was a long month or so but she's doing better now. She doesn't take care of herself like she should (she's diabetic) and that's still stressful. I try not to worry about it and just let her do what she wants but it's so frustrating!
But anyway, the nurses were absolutely amazing and deserve all the kudos in the world!
1) My hubby is getting super impatient about feeling baby move. I'm just about 27 weeks along and I have been feeling baby since about 21 weeks. Most recently I've felt hiccups! Have any of your DHs been able to feel baby yet?
2) I haven't had an ultrasound since February, when I went in for extra scans in response to a positive screening for DS (everything turned out to be OK). When do we start having more ultrasounds??
1) My hubby is getting super impatient about feeling baby move. I'm just about 27 weeks along and I have been feeling baby since about 21 weeks. Most recently I've felt hiccups! Have any of your DHs been able to feel baby yet?
2) I haven't had an ultrasound since February, when I went in for extra scans in response to a positive screening for DS (everything turned out to be OK). When do we start having more ultrasounds??
Most low risk pregnancies only have 2-3 US unless it's elective.
Re: Big Dumb Questions Thread
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
As someone who makes baked goods a lot, I will tell u that once the cookie/cupcake/brownie is in front of you, it's a lot harder to turn it down on the principle that it might be "dirty". People go ham for basically anything free, especially in an office setting... which is what he hospital is for people who work there. With all the gross things that go down at food processing plants, you're already exposed to whatever it is you're so afraid of. Of course I'm not saying I would plow through some brownies if the maker had like, a known skin disease or something contagious, but if you appear healthy and reasonably clean, I'm probably going to eat it.
We ordered an edible arrangement (chocolate dipped pineapple and strawberries I believe) for the L&D/maternity department the morning after the c-section. I don't know if it helped but the nurses were pretty much the best part of the whole experience, ya know...besides the baby...
I've had enough experiences with my grandparents in and out of the hospital that I do not have high hopes for them "deserving" anything...
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
I like the ideas of coffee/donuts/bagels/edible arrangements, but definitely not a requirement in my eyes. I will probably leave this decision up to DH or my mom since I will likely not give two shits about it after delivery lol
edited to add: This is in a situation IF you decide to say thanks via gifts snacks etc. My thankyou will be right at the end (personal preference)
Me: 26 Him: 27
Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014
Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016
BFP #1: 12/01/2016
EDD: 07/24/2017
ETA: Bringing treats to the hospital staff while you are inpatient is a personal preference. Having worked in healthcare and having a lot of family in healthcare, food is always appreciated when working long hours, nights, weekends and shows your gratitude that these people are there taking care of you and baby and that you appreciate them.
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Also FWIW in many centers, especially teaching hospitals, doctors are often and nurses are always salaried, so they're not "paid" by any individual patient anyway - they make what they make regardless of who they take care of, and they take the best care they can of them because that's what they chose to do in life! I feel like @dancegurl1118 will have great insight on this too...
*possible TW* I would do a gift only if my baby is a nicu baby and you see the same team of professionals for a week or more who are working to help your baby. In that case I would definitely do something.
But you're at the hospital for 2 days and you see the dr like 4 times. She's making a pretty penny off your birth so I think that's payment enough. Plus when I was having DS I was 1 of 9 that day. That's a lot of gifts and a lot of money for the dr. I honestly have a great relationship with my obgyn. She delivered me and my brother and now both of my children. She's been invited to our family parties since she's known my mom for 30 years and I still wouldn't give anything more than a huge hug and thank you. It's a nice gesture and all but I wouldn't do anything beyond a store bought treat and again I may not even do that again.
Its the reason that even though I won't be able to get my tubal I am so happy to be going back to that hospital. Plus the OR is in the L&D department. I was able to be in recovery just across from the nursery and they let DH and my mom (one at a time) come in and visit/share pictures of DS while I was there. Completely different from the 1st time.
The hospital I deliver at is a "baby factory" and a huge hospital. I saw so many nurses and doctors while there, there's no way I would have been able to give them a personal gift and if everyone who delivered had brought something in they would have been swamped. Personally I don't think I would give anything unless a nurse just went above and beyond or like @nktrodden826 said my baby ends up in the NICU and we see the same nurses for an extended period of time.
I can see how this would be different at a smaller hospital though where you saw a lot of the same doctors/nurses!
I never felt the need to give a gift to the OB, because I thank him at every visit, I pay him a lot of money (it's a solo practice) and he wasn't there by my side all night long the way that nurse was. But I did send a birth announcement to the doctor's office so the nurses and CNPs that I see at every visit can see pictures of the baby, and I wrote a quick thank you message on the back of it.
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
In my profession (social work) we always appreciate the extra goodies. It's such a nice way to feel appreciated in such an under appreciated position.
I probably wouldn't bring treats in at admission to the hospital, but the morning after the birth. I'd do it before I left (have DH or someone pick them up) bc I wouldn't expect to have time to go back to the hospital to deliver something. And I'm too cheap to have it delivered.
But anyway, the nurses were absolutely amazing and deserve all the kudos in the world!
2) I haven't had an ultrasound since February, when I went in for extra scans in response to a positive screening for DS (everything turned out to be OK). When do we start having more ultrasounds??