April TWW

kristimh80

@stella_700 You're in my area! I'm just north of Dallas. I completely understand what you mean, I feel guilty a lot knowing that DH is normal and I'm the reason we need all this treatment. DH has been great about it, but I find myself feeling bad having to hold off on things just not knowing "if this is the month" or we have another cycle ahead. 

i-wanna-b-the-girl-w-most-cake

A few gals in TX? Awesome!!! I'm in Austin  

kristimh80

Oh yay!! You're not that far away from us! @i-wanna-b-the-girl-w-most-cake

thucks

How many days after transfer are y'all eating your pineapple and Brazilian nuts? 

JuliaGoolia719

stella_700  the guilt is hard to process, there's not an easy way through that whole thing.  I'm such a verbal processor when it comes to anything big in my life.  Since it's national infertility awareness week I actually posted on my FB wall for the first time since we started TTC, 2.5 years ago.  All of my close friends already knew, (again, verbal processor) but it wasn't anything I was eager to post to my however many fb friends I have that I don't actually talk to or see anymore. Now that we're (hopefully) coming through this (depending on how tomorrows beta looks-- OMG how the F am I supposed to sleep tonight) I decided to open up in a way that I hadn't before.  For me talking about this whole process and treatments has been good for my soul.  I know it's not that way for everyone, and there isn't a right or wrong way to navigate this. 

stella_700

@JuliaGoolia719 @kristimh80 My close friends and my immediate family know what we've been trying to accomplish so I've been semi-open. My work knows as well, in some ways that has been good as my boss also went through treatments. I've been able to flex my schedule quite a bit so that I can save time for when the baby is actually here. (thinking positive!).

On the guilt side when even my husband has said something about it... I'll get there. I think part of the guilt is associated with my size, I'm bigger and had a lot of difficulty finding an RE that would treat me at all. After you've had multiple RE's pass you the card for their recommended bariatric surgeon it starts to give you a complex. I'm not brave enough to post on FB yet, as I've been watching all my college friends pop out late babies with no problems. Today's ultrasound will let us know if we probably have a viable pregnancy. As a believer I've taken to carrying around my grandmother's rosary in an effort to stop the worrying as I know the added stress can't be helpful.

Irisheyes81

thucks I tried the pineapple for IUI this month. I read that pineapple starting the day of transfer for five days.  Also warm foods and beverages and keeping your feet extra warm. I didn't know about Brazil nuts! 

@stella700 guilt is a wild animal in this process. It is so easy to be disgusted with your body but also feel like a failure.  My last failed cycle, I felt like I let everyone down.  It's an awful feeling.  I don't think any of us have this mastered but you are in the right place with an understanding community. 

thucks

@irisheyes81 Yeah I usually cut my pineapple up into 5 pieces and start the day of transfer. I was just curious if I should go buy another pineapple and keep eating lol. This is my first round with brazil nuts. I ready is a superfood for implantation 5 a day starting transfer day. The feet thing kills me if my feet are hot I'm dying and the meds already make me hot. I try to keep the fuzzy socks on but it doesn't last long. 
@stella_700 I'm right there with you on the guilt. I'm on round 5 for FET and its so hard to tell people it didn't work like it's suppose to. I feel like I have to explain my failure every month. The past year and a half only like 5 people know what we are going through cause it's just to hard for me to keep swimming with the disappointment that this can bring. 

AFM- I woke up this morning from a weird dream and thought that I had puked on myself the first thing I did was go brush my teeth and i felt nauseous till I ate breakfast. Kinda weird cause its still early and I've never had morning sickness before. 

stella_700

thucks Your strength inspires me that's for sure. Your perseverance also. My dreams have also been very whacked out and a bit on the salacious side.

@JuliaGoolia719 YES for doubling numbers!

Irisheyes81 I've definitely benefited from the collective wisdom of this group. I'm very glad to have found it. 

katherind

Ilky  I'm in New Hampshire.

@stella_700 I think that feeling of guilt is one of the hardest pieces to deal with in this process. I think these chat forums are actually where I turn to most since so many of us kind of know what the others are going through. Even my DH doesn't quite understand the emotional toll. He certainly tries to understand, but there are just some things he won't get since he's not a woman and isn't the one with the medical issues.

AFM - I might not make the true April TWW, but we're getting very close to triggering I think. My appointment this morning finally showed a 13mm follie on the right and a 17 or 21 on the left (my ovaries are so hard to find during u/s). When she measured the left internally it was 17, but when she scanned externally on my abdomen it was clearer and she measured 21. So we'll see what happens when I get the "official call" this afternoon.

kristimh80

@stella_700 I'm so sorry for everything you've had to endure, this process is stressfull enough without the rest. That's great that close people around you now what you are going thru. I decided also to even let my boss and work people know. Figure its best if needed time away or if hormones have me a mess one day Keep you head up...we are always here to chat if you need anything xoxo

JaeJayStark

I'm so thankful for this group. You guys just get it. Thank you for sharing your stories. It just makes me feel less alone, ya know?

@Stella_700 I am so sorry you had to shop around for an RE. That's so unfair. This process has made me so shameful about my body. I already wasn't happy with it before and this has just exasperated those thoughts. I'm trying really hard to be good to myself mentally. 

@JuliaGoolia719 I'm proud of you for being so brave! Well done! 

@thucks I totally feel ya on having to feel like telling people every month that you are a failure. It feels terrible.

AFM - 11dpiui and my test is still neg. I'm feeling very down. I cried twice last night at the littlest things. It's just too much to process. Last night's page in the TWW book was about living in the present. It's so hard right now. I just want these days to go away. Ugh, I am such a glass half full type of gal normally and right now, I'm just not. It's tough.   

thucks

@stella_700 Thank you for your kind words. I've been through this for so many years that it has all become just part of a routine. I just live my life in the moment and thank God for what he has given me. Don't get me wrong I breakdown pretty hard but it's usually on my own hidden somewhere. I feel like people are always judging me for my decisions and persute to expand my family, thats my biggest hurdle. I'll take salacious dream lol 

katherind

  @Jaejaystark - Sending you hugs. Hang in there. My fingers are crossed for you.

kristimh80

@JaeJayStark Thinking of you!!! Keep your head up, it's still early as far as testing goes. 

Ilky

@JaeJayStark Every month that failed I was incredibly sad but as soon as I got my period, I would start all over again with my positive attitude. But, on my first IUI cycle, it hit me so hard, I was crying out my lungs, shaking uncontrollably, mumbling how much a failure I was and that it wasn't fair that I go through so much, I was violent to my husband, it was insane. I thought I was losing my mind. Now, retrospectively looking back, I know it was due to Clomid. I never let myself go that far bottom, its not my personality to give up and feel so pathetic. My natural doctor who was a midwife all her life was against me going on Clomid and warned me I will become someone else and that its side effects are just too much. I knew all these before starting clomid but still didn't expect it to effect me that bad. I'm not sure if you took clomid, or any other hormone changing medication, I just wanted to say that how you are feeling right now will pass and you'll love yourself again. There is so much to life. We are strong and we will get through these times.  

thucks

@JaeJayStark I can remember my first bfn from am iui. I had the doc call my DH with the results. That was a bad idea for us. It hurt him so bad to tell me the bad news. It was a really rough time for me especially cause most of the issues is me. In retrospect I look back and realize I have to take it one thing at a time. We later learned that there was no way iui's would work and we had to do IVF. TW a year and 2 rounds later I got twin girls. Now 5 rounds later im hopeing for another bfp. This is all a crappy process that we can make it through. Stay strong you got this. 

stella_700

**tw**

hugely relieved and excited. Ultrasound showed two healthy sacks. Got to hear both heartbeats. Measuring for edd of dec17 

kristimh80

@stella_700 Hooray!!! That's so awesome!!! Congratulations! 

JuliaGoolia719

@stella_700 amazing!! I'm so excited for you!

J1006

@stella_700 congratulations!!  That's so exciting!!

wabash15

@stella700 that is amazing news!!!!! congratulations

stella_700

Thank you ladies. I'm hoping that your turns come up very soon.

thucks

@stella_700 That's so exciting twins yay!!!!! 

JaeJayStark

stella_700 I am beyond happy for you!!! That made my day! I am so happy for success stories! Twins too! 

katherind and kristimh80 thank you so much for your encouraging words and having some hope for me. It makes such a difference! I can't thank you enough. 

Ilky yes, I am on clomid and I am sure it makes it worse. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps so much to hear that others are in or have been in the same place. 

thucks stories like yours make me so hopeful. Thank you so much for sharing. How amazing, twins! Thank you for the pep talk too. It really means a lot to me and helps to get me going for sure. 

What an amazingly strong and courageous group we are!! Very grateful for you all!

clovelyone

@stella_700 Congratulations! We're in the same boat. My next appointment is Tues so I'm hoping we can see more than that first one after the beta. **TW  I have two sacs and yolks as well. We're twinning with twins LOL. End TW**. My 5 day embryo transfer (fresh with DE) was March 30th. When was your transfer or IUI? 

lindyc13

Congrats @stella_700!! That's awesome. 

stella_700

@clovelyone We did a frozen transfer (couldn't do a fresh, estrogen was through the roof) for two non-tested embryos on the 31st of March. This was just my first ultrasound though, we did get to hear both heartbeats though. Next appointment is May 11th.

JuliaGoolia719

2nd beta more than doubled yesterday!  I bought a onesie and sent a picture to DH to tell him (this is huge for me as I've so far refused to purchase ANYTHING baby for us because I don't want to get ahead of myself....)

JaeJayStark

YES! @JuliaGoolia719  SO thrilled for you!!!

i-wanna-b-the-girl-w-most-cake

These BFPs give me so much hope! I'm so happy for you guys!
AFM, I have been hot and sweaty (it's gross, sorry) this whole week. Could it be the progesterone? Anyone else in this unpleasant boat? 

stella_700

@JuliaGoolia719 YES! So exciting.

Ilky

@JuliaGoolia719stella_700 @clovelyone congratulations! So happy for you!

JaeJayStark

So I'm either having implantation bleeding or starting my period early.... So I'm either pregnant or I'm not

lindyc13

Congrats @JuliaGoolia719! Such great news. 

J1006

@JuliaGoolia719. So exciting!!! Congratulations!

Ilky

@JaeJayStark hope that's implantation bleeding! Is it a lot with clots? what dpiui are you?

JaeJayStark

I am 12dpiui. No clots, just barely noticeable lightpink/brown. I have a tiny bit on my undies but it's mostly when I wipe. I had implantation bleeding with my first pregnancy on 11dpiui.  

kristimh80

@JaeJayStark that sounds very promising!! FX for you! 

katherind

FX for you @Jaejaystark! Sounds promising.