We may keep DD home for the few first days, but she's headed straight back to daycare while both DH and I are on leave. I want to keep her in her routine and I want DS to experience those first weeks alone as DD did. We will make sure to give DD extra attention when she is home, of course.
DD1 will still be in preschool when this baby is born, and while she might miss one day depending on timing of delivery, she is definitely going right back. Same with her gymnastics classes. Unless the baby is born THAT day, there is no reason DH can't bring her to gymnastics. We are all about routine here!
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
So what I've learned here is daycare is my best survival strategy.
I'm nervous about this! For the first 2-3 weeks (if all goes as planned) DD will be at daycare and preschool like normal. After that is summer time though and she won't go to preschool any more and will only go to daycare 2 days a week. I'm sure daycare wouldn't mind her coming more, but we'd have to pay for it and I honestly don't want to give up my summer with DD. Fingers crossed it all goes well!
May Siggy Challenge: Labor Memes
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10 DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI) BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
so.. how about staying home with a 21 or 22 month old and newborn twins? and I am the one who was just complaining about DH not getting up at night so I also have nights to myself too... I'm tired of thinking about it and trying to plan, I'm ready for it to be time for them to be here!
@Jkp7749 I'm on the opposite side lol. But seriously you guys either need to do it together 100% or alternate shifts. Are you planning on pumping or nursing? DH would run and get bottles warmed up while I got set up to pump and we would each get a baby. We tried to take shifts but found it left each of us a little spiteful, it works for a lot of people though.
Agree w/ @chickyclg on this one, @Jkp7749. DH needs to step it up so you can both work your jobs. Sorry if that's harsh. I just get a little ruffled up when one parent doesn't take their fair share of work and the other parent doesn't force it. You don't want that to lead to resentment & issues between the two of you.
Agree w/ @chickyclg on this one, @Jkp7749. DH needs to step it up so you can both work your jobs. Sorry if that's harsh. I just get a little ruffled up when one parent doesn't take their fair share of work and the other parent doesn't force it. You don't want that to lead to resentment & issues between the two of you.
I'll take my nose back out of your business now.
I'd like to extra love this statement. I NEVER understand how the burden of child care shifts unequally towards the women when the child is equal parts the man's responsibility. My husband and I both work FT and the childcare burden has always been 100% equal between us for my DS. When he was just a newborn, DH got up with me at every night feeding (many times I pumped while he bottle fed, sometimes he just got up to keep me company so that I felt less isolated). As DS got older and I went back to work, we switched nightly duties on the monitor (when DS was only waking up once/night), and now (DS sleeping totally through the night) we switch who puts him to bed each night and who goes in to get him ready each morning and on the weekends, we each take a morning to sleep in while the other takes care of the tot (although sleeping in is now 8:00, lol).
My SIL stays home with her kids and she's constantly telling me that her husband rarely helps when he's home from work and she feels guilty asking him to because "he's worked all day". It drives me CRAZY for her. I think, in most cases, staying home with the kids is WAY more exhausting than going to work all day. You don't get a free pass for lackadaisical child care simply because you work all day. UGH.
And I realize my soap box has not much to do with @jkp7749 's original post, haha...just something that I'm very passionate about.
@Jkp7749 I agree, with twins especially it's going to have to be both of you doing your fair share. Yes your a SAHM but you still have three kids to take care of by yourself all day! That's tiring! My SIL had twins when her oldest was 15 months old. She refused to get up in the middle of the night with the twins "because she had to work" and my poor BIL had to take the whole brunt of night feedings and everything for all three kids AND he had a job the next day. My SIL has always pretty much been a biotch, but we all felt super bad for BIL because it wasn't fair to him that she did nothing and he was exhausted.
I'm a SAHM and I take all of the night feedings but DH has a weird schedule where he leaves super early and then comes home again for over an hour right around the time the kids wake up and he gets them up and going with breakfast so I get some un-interrupted sleep before he has to go back to work. Plus he does bedtime routine with the kids so I get some time to myself to relax.
Married 03.09.09 Sweet Baby H 12.21.11 Sassy Baby P 03.26.14 Little Brother Due 05.22.17
Haven't read all these but lots of good advice from all. Our experience was DS at 2.5 when DS2 came home. We called him his baby and talked about him all throughout the pregnancy. We brought him to the couch to hold his baby when we got home as he didn't get to meet him in the hospital because of the NICU stay. Baby brought him a present. It was a build a bear that said I love you. That was a big hit. I made a point to play outside with him the first few hours while babywearing. We also went for a walk and let him ride his bike. I utilized DH time at home to spend extra time with DS1. I left baby home and took DS to target and Trader Joe's for errands and quality time. It was so so helpful. He adjusted really fast. I'd say it took about 2 weeks to get a routine and to get DS feeling 100% adjusted. I plan to do everything the same this time. I just expect it to be freaking hard with 3 instead of 2. But I also feel like DS1&2 now have each other to play with and whatnot so it'll be a different experience. Also, the few hours after bedtime were wonderful becuse DH and I used that time to unwind and have some wine and snuggle that newborn like crazy. That was special time for us 3. I look forward to that time of day so so much this time.
Even though ive always done nights alone, dh is really great in other aspects! I'm sure roles will adjust as i cant imagine doing all three littles alone! Some of you guys insights on how to help the first kid adjust seem like they'll be very helpful!!! I find myself very sad at the thought that our one on one time is almost over, but im sure she'll eventually be glad to have sisters, and building in time for us or the grandparents to focus on her will make me and her feel better im sure. Have any of you experienced av grandparent wanting to step in too much with the first child? My mil is 3 hrs away so dd is somewhat comfortable with her but has never been alone with her and she keeps talking about how she's going to take dd and do x,y, and z but it's stressing me out BC I'd rather her help with twins so i can have quality time with my daughter.
Eta: once again, sorry for all the typos. This new phone has a different text thing than I'm used to and it does all sorts of crazy stuff plus it takes forever so i don't feel like going back every time to fix it or add missing 's.
What do you ladies recommend buying new for baby #2? I'm going to set up an Amazon registry to keep myself organized and for the box, but I don't know what to add. I'm sure my mom and mil will buy off it too (they gift for everything) if that matters.
May Siggy Challenge: Labor Memes
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10 DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI) BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
Have any of you experienced av grandparent wanting to step in too much with the first child? My mil is 3 hrs away so dd is somewhat comfortable with her but has never been alone with her and she keeps talking about how she's going to take dd and do x,y, and z but it's stressing me out BC I'd rather her help with twins so i can have quality time with my daughter.
@Jkp7749: Seriously talk about this ahead of time with her. If you're stressed about how she thinks things will happen, then clear the air now and set some guidelines. You could say that you prefer if she asks you first what kind of help you need before making plans independently. Tell her you might answer for her to help with the twins or help with the older one, or even housework and chores. Tell her you'd like to take it day by day, and that you'd not like to work under some set schedule, at least at first. Stress that her offers of help will be appreciated. Lastly, be clear with your expectations about your older daughter, that you'd prefer to feel her out first on the activities she'd be comfortable with. And start small, if she wants to take her to the zoo, maybe they should do a Target run together first (1 hour vs 4 hours!) to ensure she's comfortable. This will help your peace of mind, knowing she's okay with longer and longer trips together. Good luck!
Thanks! Our relatioship started off rocky and has recently gotten better so i just dont want to hurt feelings but what you described is more what i imagined for her helping- grocery store, chores, etc. Plus dd has allergies that have left her hospitalized 3 times already and mil wasnt here so she didnt see how bhowit was. It seems like she thinks we're being over protective so i dont want her feeding her random stuff.
If they do an outing together, you can pack the bag with all her favorite snacks/lunch to ensure she eats okay. (You can't overpack this bag, stuff it full! She might eat it all!) You could ask (repeatedly) for her to text/call you for any/every other food she might want to give her. Tell her there are weird ingredients in food items she wouldn't even think of that can be troublesome (like gluten in salad dressing, etc.).
What do you ladies recommend buying new for baby #2? I'm going to set up an Amazon registry to keep myself organized and for the box, but I don't know what to add. I'm sure my mom and mil will buy off it too (they gift for everything) if that matters.
I am cooking #2 but I set up an Amazon list for myself too. Kid 1 is still in his crib (hallelujah!) so this one needs furniture, bedding, mattress, mattress covers, diaper genie, diaper caddy for her room, etc.
I also took a peek at stuff I mindlessly stashed away and tossed anything that looked gross or gave me the heebie jeebies, I'm looking at you here, used receiving blankets and burp cloths soaked in yuck.
Then I evaluated what I may need to buy different because of the season. Kid 1 was born in November so I will swap his old fleece swaddle and sleep sacks for cotton or muslin. Same thing for accessories like his old car seat cover, it was kinky lined and this summer kid will probably use something lighter.
I already bought a new monitor with a second camera and will start sorting clothes in another couple months, I hear after things sit stains can appear that weren't there when you packed it away so there may be a big clean out to do there.
@mamatowildones , it sounds like you managed a really smooth transition into 2--I hope mine is that smooth! I think I'm going to have to jump head first into baby wearing (where I didn't do it much with my son), because it will allow me to spend time with him not totally focused on the baby while also not ignoring her...great tip, thanks!! Also, I am very much looking forward to newborn/DH time post toddler bed time...specifically the wine (man, I miss wine lately), but also the quality time without my opinionated little side kick.
@Kipperoo yes babywearing is definitely something to do as much as possible.
My problem is that my kids want to be worn. My 3 yr old constantly asks to be picked up and both kids fight over my lap. They want physicality from me, not just attention. Also, what my son wants to do with me the most is play legos, and he is very particular about how to do it and what the scenarios are. It's already getting hard to sit/stand/kneel in just the right way for the playing to work without getting uncomfortable myself. I imagine this will be next to impossible while literally wearing a baby.
@kat81 , yes, I worry about that. My son is VERY specific in what he wants us to do and how. I'm clinging onto the hope that his 1+ year strong preference towards DH will continue and he will be less bothered that I am occupied. But I also don't trust that anything he's currently doing will continue a few months from now because he seems to always be changing...sigh...I guess I'll just hope for the best!
Same here! DD has to be touching me all.the.time. The other day she forced herself on to my lap, and I said "what are you going to do when Bash is here?" She said Bash can have my other leg. Ha! I am nervous about that part. I don't know how to hold a 3yr old and a newborn.
@WombThereItIs You might already know this, but if it's the type of thing that goes between the baby and the car seat or the strap and the car seat, car seat liners are not recommended.
What do you ladies recommend buying new for baby #2? I'm going to set up an Amazon registry to keep myself organized and for the box, but I don't know what to add. I'm sure my mom and mil will buy off it too (they gift for everything) if that matters.
I don't remember how old your #1 is, but maybe check to see if there are any recalls on anything you plan to use again. I read somewhere that you need to replace the crib mattress with every kid, or maybe it was after a certain amount of use. Anyway, we'll be getting a new crib mattress because mine is not as firm anymore. I had to replace the infant car seat because it fell of its high shelf during storage and, per Graco, that's enough impact to replace. We also need to replace our monitor because the crappy Motorola stopped working for the 6th time and they will no longer replace it under its warranty. Seasonal clothes was a great suggestion. I'm re-evaluating my previous baby wearing things and added a Mai Tei and K'Tan to my collection of an Ergo and Moby. I bought a used double stroller. I'm borrowing a friend's Halo bassinet because I'm no longer comfortable using the Rock N Play as a safe sleep surface.
@WombThereItIs , we have a similar list of needs for #2. It's incredible how much stuff we need to re-purchase either because DS is still using it (still in his crib, still wearing diapers) or because it was not looking so fresh when we unpacked it. I remember when he was born, we tried to buy so many things gender neutral so that they could be used again, but they are just SO gross (stained, miscolored, ratty from multiple washes) that we have to re-buy anyway. And similarly, DS was born in August and most of his swaddles/car seat cover, etc that we used for the 0-6 month stage will be too heavy for this little girl.
Here's something I didn't expect (but looking back, should have)...as we've been putting together the new room for baby girl, DS seems a little sad that none of the new decor is for him. So yesterday I decided to do a mini room update for him--a couple pieces of new wall art, a new crib sheet, and I let him pick out a little felt banner from this adorable Etsy shop for his sister (he picked the bunny) and for him (he picked the rainbow). https://www.etsy.com/shop/NoodledollNelly
@Kipperoo It was pretty smooth. DS1 definitely had a few tantrums here and there in those first few weeks. But I SAH and I think he was really confused that I was giving someone else attention at different times since he was used to having 100% of mama. Oh and baby wearing with DS1 rarely happened, but it saved my sanity with DS2. It kept him close to me while keeping my hands free to have normal daily activities with DS1. I'm remembering a funny bonding trick for the boys too.... when the newbie pooped and made the funniest faces ever, DS1 was always hysterical and loved it. So we always took pictures or made a point to point out when his baby bro was doing something funny looking. To this day he still asks to see pictures of when his brother made funny faces and talks about how DS3 is going to do the same. He's excited for that.
@WombThereItIs You might already know this, but if it's the type of thing that goes between the baby and the car seat or the strap and the car seat, car seat liners are not recommended.
No it's like the cover thing that velcros over the handle so you cover the opening. Like a tent.
I do use a seat protector though made by my car seat manufacturer that goes between the car seat and my car which I'm sure CSFTL hates but oh well.
@WombThereItIs That makes sense. I sort of forgot about those. Which reminds me that I need to order the "free" one. My friend sent me all the codes for the cheap "free" stuff and I need to go through and order that stuff.
CSFTL would be shocked at the amount of projectiles in my car on a regular basis.
I'm about to buy a new to me very pretty German upgrade. It's getting the damn seat protectors.
Oh my god the mirrors as projectiles argument, I totally forgot about that @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot ! The mirror is a piece of cardboard coated in a reflective film. It's not gauging any eyes out, slow your roll CSFTL!
My two are 19 months apart so my DS wasn't to aware that he was going to be a big brother. We did have him help pick out toys and clothes though. With this one my first two are 7 and 5 so it's a lot easier to explain what's going to happen. My DD is super excited and DS is more resigned to the thought but he still likes looking at baby stuff and picking out clothes.
Is there any advantage to getting a toddler bed vs. a regular twin sized bed with a rail?
DS1 will only be 18 months when DS2 arrives, so he'll be in his crib for the first bit. We're thinking/hoping that his transition out of the crib will coincide with DS2's moving to his own room (probably around 5/6 months old) and that we'll be able to avoid purchasing a second crib. Obviously we aren't going to push it if DS1 isn't ready to transition, but he's pretty tall and into climbing, so I'm guessing it's not a stretch to think he'll be ready by then.
Fur daughter: 02/2011 Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017 *formerly kayemjay*
@kayemjay2 the only thing I can think of is my kids, mainly DD, fall out of their toddler beds on a regular basis. I would just make sure the bed isn't too high. Besides that I don't see a benefit.
@kayemjay2 the only reason we got a toddler bed rather than a twin or bigger is because we couldn't fit both the crib and a larger bed in DS's room and we wanted both in there for a while and we wanted to have the toddler bed in the room to allow him to get used to it before we made the switch. I do think having them both in there made the transition easier, but I wouldn't say there are any other advantages. I often wish we had a bigger bed so we could snuggle and read in it together before bed, and it is kind of a bummer that we'll have to do another transition into a bigger bed in a year or so.
@WombThereItIs As long as the seat cover is made by your carseat manufacturer it is okay, evne per CSFTL's. They do say the mirrors are parental discretion too. I'm definitely getting one. Also, no bottles/ sippy cups due to projectile risks? Psh...mmk.
@kayemjay2 we transitioned DD from a crib to a full-size bed with a rail just before her 2nd birthday. We didn't want to have to purchase another bed later on, so just went straight for the big one. She loves it, and like pps have said we love to snuggle and read before bed.
@kayemjay2: It really depends on the kid. There's no set age or timeframe to dictate when to transition from crib to toddler bed to bigger bed. With our son, once he was climbing and super mobile, we put the toddler rail on the crib (can't remember exactly how old he was), so that acted as the toddler bed, essentially, for awhile. He was about 3 years old when he got his big-boy twin bed. I have a cousin who, one day, climbed out of her crib and down the hall to a guest room futon and started taking naps there, so that became her room shortly thereafter.
@chickyclg@RainyDays86@achays11 - Thanks for the input! It sounds like we'll just go to a regular sized bed (full or twin). That's a good point about having room to snuggle and read, I look forward to that Currently, he sits on my lap on the rocker when we read, but he & I are both growing bigger, so it's getting awkward already...haha.
Fur daughter: 02/2011 Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017 *formerly kayemjay*
Re: Wisdom from 2+ moms... how to handle a newborn & toddler
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
I'll take my nose back out of your business now.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
My SIL stays home with her kids and she's constantly telling me that her husband rarely helps when he's home from work and she feels guilty asking him to because "he's worked all day". It drives me CRAZY for her. I think, in most cases, staying home with the kids is WAY more exhausting than going to work all day. You don't get a free pass for lackadaisical child care simply because you work all day. UGH.
And I realize my soap box has not much to do with @jkp7749 's original post, haha...just something that I'm very passionate about.
My SIL had twins when her oldest was 15 months old. She refused to get up in the middle of the night with the twins "because she had to work" and my poor BIL had to take the whole brunt of night feedings and everything for all three kids AND he had a job the next day. My SIL has always pretty much been a biotch, but we all felt super bad for BIL because it wasn't fair to him that she did nothing and he was exhausted.
I'm a SAHM and I take all of the night feedings but DH has a weird schedule where he leaves super early and then comes home again for over an hour right around the time the kids wake up and he gets them up and going with breakfast so I get some un-interrupted sleep before he has to go back to work. Plus he does bedtime routine with the kids so I get some time to myself to relax.
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
I plan to do everything the same this time. I just expect it to be freaking hard with 3 instead of 2. But I also feel like DS1&2 now have each other to play with and whatnot so it'll be a different experience. Also, the few hours after bedtime were wonderful becuse DH and I used that time to unwind and have some wine and snuggle that newborn like crazy. That was special time for us 3. I look forward to that time of day so so much this time.
Eta: once again, sorry for all the typos. This new phone has a different text thing than I'm used to and it does all sorts of crazy stuff plus it takes forever so i don't feel like going back every time to fix it or add missing 's.
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
I also took a peek at stuff I mindlessly stashed away and tossed anything that looked gross or gave me the heebie jeebies, I'm looking at you here, used receiving blankets and burp cloths soaked in yuck.
Then I evaluated what I may need to buy different because of the season. Kid 1 was born in November so I will swap his old fleece swaddle and sleep sacks for cotton or muslin. Same thing for accessories like his old car seat cover, it was kinky lined and this summer kid will probably use something lighter.
I already bought a new monitor with a second camera and will start sorting clothes in another couple months, I hear after things sit stains can appear that weren't there when you packed it away so there may be a big clean out to do there.
May '17 labor memes
My problem is that my kids want to be worn. My 3 yr old constantly asks to be picked up and both kids fight over my lap. They want physicality from me, not just attention. Also, what my son wants to do with me the most is play legos, and he is very particular about how to do it and what the scenarios are. It's already getting hard to sit/stand/kneel in just the right way for the playing to work without getting uncomfortable myself. I imagine this will be next to impossible while literally wearing a baby.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
Here's something I didn't expect (but looking back, should have)...as we've been putting together the new room for baby girl, DS seems a little sad that none of the new decor is for him. So yesterday I decided to do a mini room update for him--a couple pieces of new wall art, a new crib sheet, and I let him pick out a little felt banner from this adorable Etsy shop for his sister (he picked the bunny) and for him (he picked the rainbow). https://www.etsy.com/shop/NoodledollNelly
It was pretty smooth. DS1 definitely had a few tantrums here and there in those first few weeks. But I SAH and I think he was really confused that I was giving someone else attention at different times since he was used to having 100% of mama. Oh and baby wearing with DS1 rarely happened, but it saved my sanity with DS2. It kept him close to me while keeping my hands free to have normal daily activities with DS1.
I'm remembering a funny bonding trick for the boys too.... when the newbie pooped and made the funniest faces ever, DS1 was always hysterical and loved it. So we always took pictures or made a point to point out when his baby bro was doing something funny looking. To this day he still asks to see pictures of when his brother made funny faces and talks about how DS3 is going to do the same. He's excited for that.
I do use a seat protector though made by my car seat manufacturer that goes between the car seat and my car which I'm sure CSFTL hates but oh well.
May '17 labor memes
CSFTL would be shocked at the amount of projectiles in my car on a regular basis.
May17 Siggy Challenge
Labor
Oh my god the mirrors as projectiles argument, I totally forgot about that @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot ! The mirror is a piece of cardboard coated in a reflective film. It's not gauging any eyes out, slow your roll CSFTL!
May '17 labor memes
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
DS1 will only be 18 months when DS2 arrives, so he'll be in his crib for the first bit. We're thinking/hoping that his transition out of the crib will coincide with DS2's moving to his own room (probably around 5/6 months old) and that we'll be able to avoid purchasing a second crib. Obviously we aren't going to push it if DS1 isn't ready to transition, but he's pretty tall and into climbing, so I'm guessing it's not a stretch to think he'll be ready by then.
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
I have a cousin who, one day, climbed out of her crib and down the hall to a guest room futon and started taking naps there, so that became her room shortly thereafter.
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*