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May 2017 Moms
mrsrep123
member
Wisdom from 2+ moms... how to handle a newborn & toddler
mrsrep123
member
As I lay awake in bed at 4a.m., I'm wondering how the hell having a newborn and a-then-22 month old (son) is going to be. I'm eager (and hoping) to read many experiences from the 2+ moms that have undergone such a challenge and welcome any advice. Btw, totally having a mini panic attack about it = why I can't fall back asleep. 
Re: Wisdom from 2+ moms... how to handle a newborn & toddler
When DS2 was born we bought DS1 a gift and made a big deal about him being a big brother so that he did not feel like he was being replaced. We also put off potty training DS1 at 2.5 years because I had no idea how I was going to deal with that and round the clock nursing. I also tried incorporating DS1 into everything we did. He helped get diapers and toys for DS2. Another small thing was to make sure DS1's meal was ready to go before I started nursing the other. It did seem overwhelming at first but everything really did seem to fall into place. The best part was timing naps at the same time so that I could get even 1 hour of rest time
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
@mcvgal , we just discussed putting off the potty training, too. We were never in much of a rush, but now I'm thinking even if we DID attempt to train him before baby comes, it might be more trouble than it's worth because it causes a disruption to his little life and routine. I'm glad to hear that things fell into place for you!!
Does anyone have any recommendations for good books for DS? He LOVES story time, so I was thinking about throwing a few big brother/new baby books into the rotation...
Other than those idea, I will be watching this thread for anymore wisdom.
@Kipperoo We have Daniel Tiger books since that (and Curious George) is one of two shows we let DS watch on occasion. It's great because he becomes a big brother... there are episodes and books dedicated to the introduction of becoming a big brother and big helper. Check 'em out!
@achays11 Yes, I also read to have someone other than Mommy and Daddy holding the baby before DS arrives!
@mcvgal Thank you for your encouraging post.
I think I'm worried about how to nap with baby when I'm tired but DS isn't, car rides with both and how to position them in the car, to breastfeed or pump... so much more and so overwhelming...
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
DD1 was 26 months when DD2 was born.
Daniel Tigers Big Brother book or the episode is perfect. We also got DD1 a personalized book "What Big Sister Halle Can Do" all about the important things big sisters do. https://www.potterybarnkids.com/m/products/sister-does-best-personalized-book/
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
Any recommendations for how to introduce the baby to the puppy, and how to figure that all out?
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
- made an "Our Family" book on Shutterfly. This will be DD's (3 years old) gift to baby. It just has pictures of our family and says "This is Mommy. This is Daddy," and so on. I'm hoping that she'll feel good about able to "read" a book to her new baby brother.
- starting setting up her new bedroom and let her pick out paint colors. I want to have her moved in by March, so it doesn't feel like baby is taking over her room (even though he'll be in ours).
- plan on having baby be in the hospital bassinet when DD comes to visit for the first time. I like the idea of throwing her a fun "big sister" party too.
- bought an outfit because she picked it out at Target for him.
@h&p- That's a great idea to remind grandparents to greet the older sibling first. I'll definitely make sure to ask my parents and in-laws to do that!Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
I'm following this thread too for ideas on handling 2 LOs. I had a melting point yesterday over What the hell am I getting myself into... but this too shall pass... everything is temporary, right? Pregnancy is one state of being, and living with a newborn another, and having 2 kids another... in the end, I think we'll all be okay
@emilyalso our dog is our baby! He sleeps with us every night, and he cuddles with me each night, with a few exceptions. It will quite interesting trying to fit four people, two adults, a dog and a baby (not talking cosleeping, but later in life when shes bigger) into our bed!
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
Following this thread closely. My son will be a little more than 2.5 when baby sister arrives, and he is definitely the jealous type!
I'm honestly so nervous about the whole change and still trying to work logistics of who will be with DD when I'm in the hospital (I trust almost no one with my child) and then I get a bit emotional thinking about how I'm literally due the day after her second birthday and trying to figure out how to make everything work for the best. She's still so little and doesn't know what's going on...I get serious second pregnancy guilt all of the time...
BUT I will say that seeing how much DD1 loved DD2 almost instantly was worth it. I love their bond, I love how protective DD1 is, how much she "teaches" her, and I can truly sit back and just watch them play together and giggle. It's not always easy to have two and there are plenty of fights and not sharing going on in our house but it's so worth it!
Sweet Baby H 12.21.11
Sassy Baby P 03.26.14
Little Brother Due 05.22.17
I have no idea if this is going to be any help in the long run at all, since we're also going from 1 to 2. We bought a baby doll that hold when we're in the playroom that we've started calling Elliott, and talking to DS about her. He's not quite 18 months old yet, so I know he doesn't really understand the idea of a baby sister just yet. But we've managed to teach him "soft" touches and he gives the doll kisses, which makes me cry every time it happens. Also, when we walk into the playroom, he points to her bed (which is just a Target crate) and asks "Ey-yot?". It's pretty damn cute, and I'm just hoping that it helps him understand he can't be a bull-dozer around the baby when she actually gets here.
Married:09/14/13
Baby 2 - Due: 5/4/17
@achays11, I also plan to do that with DS. Found the idea on Pinterest and loved it. I never thought about making sure I wasn't the one holding LO when DS arrives at the hospital, so thanks for mentioning it!
@Jen_Shoes, I have 4 dogs and also work at a veterinary office. Definitely let your dog get used to all the new baby items (including car seat and stroller). That way he is already used to those being around when baby arrives. I would even push the stroller around the house & turn on things that make noise (like swing, bouncy seat, etc) to get him used to those new sounds. You can give him treats and encouraging words so the association is positive. Like PP's said, after baby is born, have DH bring home something from the hospital that has baby's smell on it to introduce baby's scent to your dog. I think I sent home DH a swaddling blanket that DS was using in the hospital. On the day we got home, I had DH carry DS inside in his car seat. We let the dogs each come up and sniff him. I was nervous because none of them had really ever been around a baby before. Luckily for us it went great. I was encouraging and petting them while they said their hellos. Then they just went and laid down. They were mostly scared of him for a while, but I also didn't leave them alone with him for a long time too just in case.
BFP #1 10/8/13, EDD 6/4/14, DS #1 6/9/14
BFP #2 5/1/16, EDD 12/16/16, MMC 5/27/16
BFP #3 8/29/16, EDD 5/5/17, DS #2 5/11/17
BFP #4 2/28/21, EDD 11/9/21
DS will be ***22 months*** with baby arrives. We've been talking about the baby and make a point to point out babies when we see them. I also plan to do a big sibling class at the hospital geared toward 3 year olds.
***Edit it to say DS will be 2 months shy of 3 when baby arrives. Pregnancy brain got me good.***
DS will be the first person to meet baby sibling with just me and Daddy in the room. (This is very important to me bc I want family of 4 time before the whole damn entourage piles into my recovery room.) I plan to have the baby in the bassinet so he can warm up to him or her at first. I also plan to let DS pick out a present for the baby and the baby will have a present for DS when they meet.
I really like the idea of encouraging guests to engage with DS rather than going straight to the baby. I'll probably have a few secret big brother gifts on hand for when people stop by with a baby gift.
When people offer to help, I'll try to alternate between helping with big brother and baby so I get quality time with both. I plan on keeping DS in daycare while I'm on maternity leave so I'll have lots of baby snuggles during the day.
I'm dreading returning to work and having to get all three of us dressed, fed, out of the door, and at daycare/work on time.
Totally stealing having big brother gifts stashed as well!
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
(And apparently after typing this I realize I have a lot of opinions! Ha- take what will work for you, roll your eyes at me if you think I've typed way too much!
1. Getting older one a baby doll, and let her take care of the doll while you take care of baby. We gave her the doll about 5months or so before baby came. We practiced being gentle with a baby, what she could do to help baby, etc. When I had to spend a lot of time taking care of baby in the early days, she would take care of her baby doll.
2. Books! Our girl is a huge book girl. If you can find a book to read to her about it, she is in! I love Mr. Rogers new baby book, Caroline Jayne Church's I Am a Big Sister/Brother, Big sister Little sister/ Big brother little brother, Anna Grossnickle Hines' Big Like Me (sweet because it actually shows baby growing, which many don't.) A lot of golden books about babies are good too! We go to used book stores a lot, and you can find a lot of really good books about babies or about being a sibling!
3. Like others have said, talk about baby as a part of regular conversation before baby is here. When you're getting things together for baby, talking about what you're doing. Daughter thinks it's super fun to also talk about when she was a baby. So, when we're sorting baby clothes, for example, I'll say something like "we have to go through these clothes and see what your brother will wear when he is born!" And she'll ask what she wore, and we will look at pictures of her in the baby clothes. It can be time consuming, but it helps her to feel more connected and like she's helping get things ready for baby.
4. When baby does get here, continue talking to the older sibling to remind them of being gentle with baby. Daughter also thought it was so cool when I told her she used to do things like nurse. When she (even now when sister is over a year) gets frustrated with how sister is acting, or the attention that she gets, I'll tell her how she used to be. "I know baby takes a long time eating, when you were a baby you used to drink milk a lot too!"
5. Have a basket of special toys that older sibling can play with while you're nursing. We did soft toys, books, and crayons. A couple of things she could be independent with if she wanted to, and a couple of things she could use while snuggling into my side on the couch without disturbing sister nursing.
6. When people come over and want to "help!" (Aka hold the new baby and ignore everything else) Before they can take baby, say "Oh I'm so glad that you want to help! Big sister would love it if you would (insert super fun one on one activity) with her!!" If the visitor won't give older sibling special time (or even if you'd just prefer to do it yourself!) take the time when you have visitors in those early days to give older sibling some extra one on one attention.
7. Use sibling to help you!! They will feel soooo important, and they really can help! Put clean diapers where they can reach them, and ask them to bring you one. If baby spits up and you don't have a burp cloth, ask sibling to grab one for you! If they're really into helping, you can frame a lot of other requests as "helping" too. (Keeping small toys up out of reach, picking out an outfit for baby, playing with their own toys while you are busy.) If I preface almost any request with "I need to you be my big helper! Can you...?" She is a million times more likely to be happy to immediately comply.
8. Most important for my sanity was- keep older sibling as much on their regular schedule as you possibly can! A toddler who is used to routine does really well having that continued constant in their life while something huge is changing. It is so much easier to fit a newborn into a toddler's schedule than the other way around!
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
@mrsrep123 Thank you for starting this thread! I am in the same boat. DS will be almost 21 months when baby is born. At this point he does not speak, so there doesn't seem to be any understanding that a baby will be coming. Also every time we run to the store or go anywhere I try to game plan how it will be different and what I will need to do when there are two. I have not figured anything out and just basically panic and then try to not think about it. It's not the best plan.
DS2 5/17
#3 Due 9/20
1. Got him a baby a couple of months before DD came and let him take care of it.
2. He got a "gift" from the baby at the hospital.
3. I had read that pushing the "big brother/sister" hat on them when they are not ready will usually backfire so I didn't for a long time. Many times I referred to both of them as my babies.
4. At the hospital, I would hand DD off when DS came to visit and he would sit on the bed with me. Everyday I would order a dessert that I would save and share with him when he came to visit. While we showed him DD so that he would know her, the focus was really on him while he was there.
5. I would make time every day while DD was sleeping to play with him. DH would also take him regularly somewhere so that they would have 1:1 time.
6. I always referred to DD as his baby.
7. This one is bad but the first few weeks we also watched way too much tv. Bad but it got us through the first few weeks when nursing would take forever.
Married 8/27/2011
BFP #1 9/28/2011 DS born 5/22/2012
BFP #2 4/24/2013 m/c 4/25/2013 at 4w
BFP #3 1/31/2014 DD born 10/14/2014
BFP #4 1/20/2016 m/c 2/12/2014 at 7w2d
BFP #5 8/19/2016 DS2 born 4/29/2017
BFP #6 3/7/2018 EDD 11/18/2018
DS1 7/24/15
DS2 5/7/17
https://pickanytwo.net/helping-your-child-adjust-to-a-new-baby/#_a5y_p=4086486
Me:31 DH:32 Married 11/06/10
DD: Born 8/23/13 (clomid+ovidrel+IUI)
BFP 9/9/16 EDD 5/19/17
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
As for getting out of the house, I would always do math backwards from when I wanted to be somewhere. So, we have a Dr's appointment at 9, 15 minute drive, it takes baby 30min to nurse, it takes sister 10 min (realistically) to go potty and put on shoes, I may need a couple of minutes, we have to start getting kids ready at 8ish, or baby has to nurse at the dr's office. It doesn't always work, but it helped me to not be rushing around crazy so much! Oh, and always leave the diaper bag packed. Check at end of the day for what you'll need in diaper bag, not when you're trying to head out the door in the morning.
As for managing DS and the newborn, lets just say I was so glad DS was in daycare! I don't know how you can be a SAHM for a toddler and a newborn, honestly, if your DH is at work! We might sort of have to do this a little bit in June between school and summer camp for both kids, especially DD, who gets out of her school weeks before any of the summer options start. But DH is going to take FMLA over this time period and more, so it should be fine. Hopefully we can also call upon family to help, in case DH gets a new job that has to start around this time (his current job is up in August so he's actively looking and will start earlier for any good job.)
What I'm wondering is how we'll go from man-to-man to zone defense. I mean, obviously both of us have been on our own with two kids before many times. But it might be harder on a regular basis. I think that it will have to pretty much be me+newborn, then DH+both older kids in the beginning when there is constant breastfeeding.
If you are considering sending your older kid to preschool anyway and haven't started that, now might be a good time to do it. Even if it's just part of the day, that can give you a break for you to take naps, etc. Also, do encourage your DHs to take all of the paid leave that is offered (he needs to ask for it, possibly negotiate for more) and as much unpaid time as you can afford. It makes a HUGE difference. Men don't do this enough so he might think it is strange or looked down upon, but how can we move forward on these gender role issues if there aren't brave men out there doing their part and taking their leave?
Also -- do not attempt to potty train anywhere near the delivery date. The only reason to ever push potty training is if there is a preschool potty training deadline. If you have one for, say, Sept, then try starting to potty train in July or so after baby comes (or now). If you have one for the summer, then you need to be potty training now. And honestly, even if you have a deadline for Sept and you're not making good progress on training already, then come up with a backup preschool option. Your child will regress after the baby comes. If you just think "my kid is 2.5 so it's time," don't. Wait until the kid asks to do it, or at least until they're 3. There is no rush, and there is nothing bad about having two kids in diapers. It's much more stressful to have a kid in diapers and another one in an arduous transition out of diapers. We didn't try potty training until DD was 3 months old, DS had just turned 3, and he said, "I want to be done with diapers." Then it took him a couple of days and voila, done.
I don't have anything to add.
1/7/2015 Twins born @ 34 weeks
May '17 labor memes