Need to vent - Page 2 — The Bump
September 2016 Moms

Need to vent

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Re: Need to vent

  • Glad to hear he's been sober. Too bad he hasn't done the AA, but hoping he can stay on the right path. 
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  • RG1RG1
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    edited July 2016
    Good news to hear he has been sober! 

    edit: grammar...too many words starting with 'h' all in a row
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    JWarfield726SuperFudge00
  • Shiva14Shiva14
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    edited July 2016
    Late to this thread, but I wanted to echo everyone else. Thank you for doing what is right for your children! This is in now way your fault. I'm so sorry to hear about your DS getting hurt, but happy that your H was sober and has been by. I hope it is the beginning of him straightening up, but if it isn't, stick with your current approach. You rock and you will get through this, as overwhelming as it is. 
  • Sending support! I don't have much else to say! Find some friends or family members to open up to.  If he's willing to go, find a marriage counselor who deals with alcohol abuse.  DH and I went through counseling, and it was hard but it got better.  I'm not sure if this outcome would be the same for you.... We were not dealing with substance abuse.  Don't go through this alone! Keep your kids safe. Reach out!!! Even when it's embarrassing!!! No one's life is as perfect as they make it look on fb.

    ::hug::


    SuperFudge00
  • Glad he's continuing to stay sober and spending time with the kids! Keep us updated and sending you continued prayers and (((hugs)))  <3 o:)

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    SuperFudge00
  • Still no AA. Says he doesn't want counseling. Says he won't visit DS "on my terms" and I won't let him take DS. I'm at a loss.

    I'm going to have to look into different job positions for after maternity leave so I don't have to work weekends. I was just offered a position as a home health nurse (I do not want to be a home health nurse) As it stands, this situation does not look promising. I  thankful that I'm in a career that does offer options.

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  • Aw no @SuperFudge00 sorry to hear that he isn't wanting to get help and that he won't do what's right for your kids. That's terrible. And that you may have to change up your work to get the hours you need. *hugs* hopefully he will come to his senses in time. You're doing the right thing. 
    SuperFudge00
  • SLou24SLou24
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I'm late to this, but I just want to add that I am really sad that you are going through this, but I commend you for staying so strong and for doing the right thing for your son, even though it is so, so difficult. Everyone else before me is right -- keep track of everything he says and document it all. It's so sad to hear about this type of thing happening, but just know that what you are doing is the very best in such a difficult situation. 

    I just want to share my experience, not because I think my experience is equal to yours, but just to give you some perspective from the side of the child. When I was about one year old, my mom had to escape from my alcoholic father with me and my older sister. She was in a foreign country at the time, and had to leave with us and whatever she could fit into a diaper bag so that he wouldn't be tipped off that we were gone and catch up to us. He was a danger to her, he was a danger to us, and she was able to stay strong and do what is best even though she was leaving with nothing. She came to the US, and even though she had absolutely nothing to start with, she did the best she could and I would say she did a darn good job of raising us two girls on her own!! A few years later when our father was granted visitation rights, he was still drinking heavily (and never did stop for his whole life). At one of our visits, he threatened to kidnap us and ended up driving us, drunk, about 2 hours back to my moms house when we wouldn't stop crying. I'm not saying they can't change, but I am saying it's a delicate balance between trust and safety. 

    It is a constant uphill battle but you can do this. Stay strong, reach out to those you need to, and just do your best!! Your son will love and appreciate all of this someday, and he'll know what a strong woman you are for doing this for him. 


    ivassaqUnwritteN12SuperFudge00Sbrown721
  • I'm so very sorry! I don't have any more advice other than what's already been offered but I just wanted to throw you some support and love! 
    SuperFudge00
  • Sending my support as well. So sorry you're having to go through this but proud of you for continuing to make the best decisions for your sons. 
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  • Late to the thread, but I just wanted to cheer you on. You are handling everything with dignity and grace and are doing an amazing job being an awesome mom.
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  • I'm going out on leave early. I have zero hope that H will do what's necessary. I'm just trying to decrease the stress so I don't end up harming LO.

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  • Early leave will certainly ease your stress, good for you.

    It's short advice, but if it were me I would be taking a step back and letting him do him and figure his shit out.  Vows are for better or worse, sickness and health, and if you believe he is an addict I would try my best to allow ample time for him to come around to recovery.  Does this mean you have to live together? No.  If you believe he is making selfish decisions on his own and choosing to live like this that's another issue.  Just keep yourself and babies safe.  I don't know if you are or not but seeking personal counseling in lieu of his refusal to seek counseling would definitely help you cope.  I hope he comes around.  Hang tight. 
    SuperFudge00
  • Thinking of you! 
    SuperFudge00
  • You're in my thoughts. Good for you for taking early leave to reduce some of your stress. Hugs mama. 
    SuperFudge00
  • RG1RG1
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. You are coming out with such a positive attitude for your boys! That's a sign of a great mother. You are doing the right thing. Hugs
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    SuperFudge00
  • @SuperFudge00 I know it's tough but I'm actually glad you're out on leave already! The stress of this is too much without work on top of it. You are being so strong, such a force in your sons life, and your strength now will benefit him for the rest of his life. Hang in there, mama, we're here for you!! 
    SuperFudge00
  • @SuperFudge00 so sorry you're going through this, but I am glad to hear you've started your leave. Sounds like it's just what you need. You need to rest and relax before the baby arrives, especially with all of the added stress of H. Glad you're seeking help and are able to talk with someone about all of this. Stay strong mama, you got this!
    SuperFudge00
  • @SuperFudge00 I so wish your husband could just get his s$!t together and want therapy, AA, and all of the good things that come with recovery, but sounds like he's still lost. Some day, he might realize how much he missed. 

    Mohave you looked into an au pair? Or do you have the room to have a college student live with you in exchange for a few days of baby sitting? We had a girl live with us for the first year-ish of DS, and it was wonderful. Granted, it takes a special person, but if it works...it's like having a sister in the house. 

    Just st wanted to let you know I'm still thinking a ot you lots, and am still happy to chat if you need the perspective of an AA regular. 
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    SuperFudge00
  • @pilotswifey I do have an extra room. It's an option that I'm open to but don't know how to figure out compensation. I'm open to anything. Thanks for the suggestions!

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  • @SuperFudge00 Care.com would be a great place to start your search!
    estephenson13
  • Excellent news @SuperFudge00. It's absolutely true in my experience that admitting you have a problem is the first step. Let's hope this is the first step towards the rest of the steps! 
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  • There's no AA. He was drunk again on Wednesday night and demanding to get DS on Thursday. There's no hope. I've tried reasoning, pleading, threatening, and nothing works. I'm so scared of doing this on my own. I eat but I'm still losing weight. I now weigh only one pound more than I did prepregnancy. I'm enjoying all this one on one time with DS but I'm also so exhausted. I've been sending him to daycare once or twice a week so he can play with his friends. Looks like SS is going to be living with his mother soon. 

    He keeps threatening to get shared custody saying that I'm alienating him from his child. I keep going back and forth of common sense that a judge won't let him have unsupervised visits and the fear that I'll be forced to hand over my children to someone who puts them in danger. I've seriously thought of selling everything (my sole property) and just taking off. I still haven't found any lawyers that I feel confident about. 

    I just can't believe I'm in this situation.

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  • @SuperFudge00 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. Know that you're doing what's best for your children and keep searching for a good lawyer. I urge you to document all your interactions with him and gather evidence for court just in case. 

    You're doing a great job as a mom and you can do this!!

     
    Me: 30 | DH: 32
    Together since 2008 | Married 2012
    TTC #1 October 2014
    BFP #1 October 2014 | CP #1 October 2014
    BFP #2 November 2014 | CP #2 December 2014
    BFP #3 June 2015 | MMC at 16 weeks September 2015
    BFP #4 January 2016 | EDD September 12, 2016 | Baby Ducks born September 5, 2016


    SuperFudge00Prof=Momrock1cherrycassloumy
  • @SuperFudge00 I just want to say that I am sorry that you are going through all of this and that you don't have a more positive update. I wish I has better words of support but wanted to say that I am thinking of you. I think you are one strong mama and am sending you creepy internet hugs. Please remember to take time to care of you as you deal with this.
    SuperFudge00
  • RG1RG1
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I'm so sorry this is happening. It's clear you care so much about your son and your baby to be. I wish things would turn around for the better for you. It sounds like you're being very honest with yourself in what you need to do, which is admirable. Try and keep your head up!
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  • @SuperFudge00 I was just wondering about you today :( I'm really sorry about this.
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  • UnwritteN12UnwritteN12
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    edited August 2016
    I'm really sorry to hear all this. I've been thinking of you and hoping things would get better. You're obviously very strong though and will make it through this even though it will be hard. Thinking of you.
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    SuperFudge00
  • So sorry to hear that he hasn't been to AA and that he's still drinking. Like PPs have mentioned, make sure you take note of everything just in case, but I can't see the courts ruling to allow him any visitation if he will be a danger to the kids. Either way, please take care of yourself and know that we are here for you. 
    SuperFudge00
  • I am thinking of you and praying for your strength and your family! You are doing the right thing and your children are going to be grateful to you for it. I hope you find all the in-person support that you need!
    SuperFudge00
  •  I'm really sorry you're going through this. You are definitely doing the right thing for yourself and your kids. Stay strong, mama. Things WILL get better. One day, all of this will be just a bad memory.
    SuperFudge00
  • I'm so, so happy you are opening up to those around you and they are being so supportive! You are being so strong for your boys; you deserve to have someone you can lean on who can be strong for you! I'll keep thinking of you and hoping things get easier and easier. It's a long road but you're on the right track!
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    SuperFudge00
  • So glad to hear you've gotten the support you need from your sister. (As well as the others you've mentioned) having someone who you trust to listen and to help will be so valuable. That's great news. 
    SuperFudge00
  • I'm glad you have some local support. Loves & hugs your way.
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    SuperFudge00
  • That's so great to hear! It's such a hard situation but having family and friends there supporting you is the best thing you can ask for. I am glad you're feeling some weight come off your shoulders. I can tell you that not everyone would do what your sister is doing, she sounds like a great woman!
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