@mksfav My previous employer required all women at the corporate office to wear heels. Our president/my boss was super fancy European and thought flip flops were the most disgusting things she's ever seen. After watching my feet swell day after day, I basically just walked into her office and said, "I'm sorry but I'll be wearing flip flops from here on out", as I pointed to my poor feet spilling out of my wedges. She said she understood but would cringe at the sight of my "shower shoes" every day.
@mksfav My previous employer required all women at the corporate office to wear heels. Our president/my boss was super fancy European and thought flip flops were the most disgusting things she's ever seen. After watching my feet swell day after day, I basically just walked into her office and said, "I'm sorry but I'll be wearing flip flops from here on out", as I pointed to my poor feet spilling out of my wedges. She said she understood but would cringe at the sight of my "shower shoes" every day.
Ladies, I had such a bad appointment with the lactation counselor today... I almost cried and it felt like we end up getting into a fight... by the end of the appointment I pretty much told her I didn't see the point in breastfeeding anymore.
What happened??. I don't remember an announcement, Did you already have your baby?
@jacmkelley - I'm so sorry! I've been there and it is no fun! With dd1 I went into labor on a Sunday morning and she wasn't born until Thursday night. She was head down but op (occiput posterior) so I had horrible back labor. Counter pressure was the only thing that helped. Maybe try some spinning babies to see if that can get the baby to move enough to get rid of back labor. I hope you go one way or the other soon!
@jacmkelley - I'm so sorry! I've been there and it is no fun! With dd1 I went into labor on a Sunday morning and she wasn't born until Thursday night. She was head down but op (occiput posterior) so I had horrible back labor. Counter pressure was the only thing that helped. Maybe try some spinning babies to see if that can get the baby to move enough to get rid of back labor. I hope you go one way or the other soon!
what is a spinning baby!? This is exactly what the nurse told me. My back hurt so bad and still does. All of my contractions were in my back. I had a few in the front but that was it. I'm so glad you said this, no one I know has said they have been through this- truly feels good to hear someone else say they get it.
I panic when I get on here and see 7 weeks left. August has snuck up on me! Even though we have just about everything for him, I still feel like I'm not going to have something vital or just be horrible at parenting. Idk, maybe this should be under symptoms but this was a random feeling for me today
@jacmkelley - spinningbabies.com is a website that has a lot of different exercises or movements to get baby to shift positions. I didn't think to check the website while I was in labor but I wish I would have thought about it. When my labor got bad the only position that was comfortable was me sitting and my husband pressing as hard as he could on my back. Hopefully you can get that baby to shift.
Up because heartburn. I don't want to regret having Papa John's pizza for dinner but damn. If I can beat the living sht out of heartburn, I would and make sure it never comes back.
Woke up this morning and thought, our babies are due next month!
And who am I kidding, I never really "woke up." More like rolled around all night and then decided to give up.
But yay! Babies due next month! That is enough to keep me going today!
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@Mfuller76 she asked me if I had any questions and I brought up the research I had done for getting ready to return to work and pumping... and she cut me off and said that wouldn't work and that I needed to pump 3 times at work... which was a huge shock to me as a FTM.... after talking with a gf of mine we came up with a plan for pumping 3 times ... once before work... once during work and once right before I leave work... but the way she attacked me was just all negative with no solutions... then she immediately said my supply would diminish and asked me if I would feed formula... and I'm like well I wouldn't have a choice... so then shes telling me to feed formula and then nurse at home... and then I almost cried... so I got kind of defeated... so then I said well whats the point... its just inconvenient at that pt... to which she got super offended and made it personal... saying "I nursed all three of my kids.. its not inconvenient" then I turned to her and said "did you work fulltime?" and she was like "well no"... then I was like "I was so excited to breastfeed before talking to you... now I don't even want to try" and she was like "well your perspective is all wrong"... so then I shut my mouth while she lectured me... and then asked if I had any more questions... I said no... hoping she would bring up some important info.... and she didn't... she actually said "well, if you decide to breastfeed I'm sure you will find someone to talk to for guidance( aka don't fucking call me)... so then I walked out of the appointment... I said it was nice to meet her and tried to shake her hand and she turned away from me.... My doula has another consultant I can see after the birth.... and our pediatrician has someone...but it seemed like this one was kind of opposed to working and didn't know anything about building a stash for work... she kept saying to do it day by day replacement.... um... no thanks...plus you have to introduce the bottle a couple times before daycare... which she knew nothing about... I cried the whole way home feeling like a terrible mother already...
Oo and to explain I was worried about clocking out for 3 pump sessions during work bec daycare closes at 530 and I need to be there at 5... plus what if I hit traffic.... so I was concerned about timing so when we talked I had no solution for her issue... and she kept grilling me like what time will you drop off your baby... I have no clue I'm a FTM and Idk how long it will take to get ready/ get to work... and she never once slowed down to actually make a game plan... she just was like well... you won't have any milk and u need to supplement... I just thought it was super quick to just give up on me... plus she just focused on that.. she didn't talk about anything else! I walked away not knowing anything other than fear for my supply and guilt for not staying home to breastfeed my baby.
@Katm89 I have no personal experience but I know PLENTY of women who were able to pump at work and keep their supply up. Many of them breastfed for as long as they wanted to. You're a better person than me because I probably wouldn't have sat there as long as you did. I would've either bitched her out and left or just left.
@Lynnlove28... I kind of shut down... got red in the face and quiet... but then when she made it personal I asked her if she worked fulltime... when she said "no" I cut her off and said ok and did u have to plan your workouts about breastfeeding? and she was like no... and honestly I felt bad for how rude I got... I almost emailed her to apologize for my rudeness... but my husband and GF( who was at the appt with me) convinced me not to.. they said if I couldn't deal with her now that when I'm sleep deprived I will lose my shit on her... which is a very good pt... I feel like I got better info from a podcast I listened to... the lactation consultant( in the podcast) explained everything about building a stash... and preparing to go back to work... it seemed like this lady knew nothing about working moms... and its like... well isn't this your job...? to kind of help everyone... not just one type of person... plus why didn't she talk about anything else... did she not have any info to give a ftm? I learned nothing
@Katm89 This chick sounds like a total bitch. I also will echo what @Lynnlove28 said. I work with a handful of women who pump at work and they are doing just fine (some nurse before and after work, pump 2-3 times while at work and supplement with formula). It may be true that your supply could go down, but your LC made it seem like it was an all or nothing kind of thing.
In today's world where so many women work full time and breastfeed, you would think this LC would get with the program and offer helpful solutions or tips. Sorry it was such an awful experience for you. I would try and see if you could talk to another LC. Don't let one ignorant woman make you feel like it is impossible.
*TW Spoiler*
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@katm89 Oh hell no! I 100% believe that you can pump at work and breastfeed. Do not let the opinions of one nasty person get you down! I think that if you can meet with the person that your doula knows and maybe find a breastfeeding support group--you could really benefit from just talking with other working moms in your area and they may have a lot of great suggestions for you. I really hope it goes well for you though!!
@midwestbaby and @kristynmac I plan on setting up an appointment with the LC my doula suggested for a week after the birth... that way we can discuss a plan for a stash and she can assess the latch... we have our last childbirth class this weekend and its all about breastfeeding so hopefully I will learn enough in the beginning... I was glad my gf was there... bec I walked away being like .... how did I fuck that appointment up so bad?
@Mfuller76 she asked me if I had any questions and I brought up the research I had done for getting ready to return to work and pumping... and she cut me off and said that wouldn't work and that I needed to pump 3 times at work... which was a huge shock to me as a FTM.... after talking with a gf of mine we came up with a plan for pumping 3 times ... once before work... once during work and once right before I leave work... but the way she attacked me was just all negative with no solutions... then she immediately said my supply would diminish and asked me if I would feed formula... and I'm like well I wouldn't have a choice... so then shes telling me to feed formula and then nurse at home... and then I almost cried... so I got kind of defeated... so then I said well whats the point... its just inconvenient at that pt... to which she got super offended and made it personal... saying "I nursed all three of my kids.. its not inconvenient" then I turned to her and said "did you work fulltime?" and she was like "well no"... then I was like "I was so excited to breastfeed before talking to you... now I don't even want to try" and she was like "well your perspective is all wrong"... so then I shut my mouth while she lectured me... and then asked if I had any more questions... I said no... hoping she would bring up some important info.... and she didn't... she actually said "well, if you decide to breastfeed I'm sure you will find someone to talk to for guidance( aka don't fucking call me)... so then I walked out of the appointment... I said it was nice to meet her and tried to shake her hand and she turned away from me.... My doula has another consultant I can see after the birth.... and our pediatrician has someone...but it seemed like this one was kind of opposed to working and didn't know anything about building a stash for work... she kept saying to do it day by day replacement.... um... no thanks...plus you have to introduce the bottle a couple times before daycare... which she knew nothing about... I cried the whole way home feeling like a terrible mother already...
Oo and to explain I was worried about clocking out for 3 pump sessions during work bec daycare closes at 530 and I need to be there at 5... plus what if I hit traffic.... so I was concerned about timing so when we talked I had no solution for her issue... and she kept grilling me like what time will you drop off your baby... I have no clue I'm a FTM and Idk how long it will take to get ready/ get to work... and she never once slowed down to actually make a game plan... she just was like well... you won't have any milk and u need to supplement... I just thought it was super quick to just give up on me... plus she just focused on that.. she didn't talk about anything else! I walked away not knowing anything other than fear for my supply and guilt for not staying home to breastfeed my baby.
She sounds like a miserable person. I will sending positive vibes your way and hope you speak to someone who can be more helpful. I did not BF with DD but plan to this time. And this time around I have a full time job I'll have to pump at too. I plan on focusing on BF the first few weeks and figuring it out as I go. I have a book I'm reading and a consultant I'll see after baby is born. You aren't unprepared or doing anything wrong. She sounds very close minded and unhappy, that's reflects nothing on you as a mother or a person. I would have cried too and probably said something to her before I left that wasn't very friendly and would have probably regretted later. Props to you for not ripping her a new one before you left lol
Omg my weigh in is in like 10 mins. I'm kind of curious how this 36 wk appt is going to go. Ahhh!!
Also @Katm89 she sounds like a disgruntled tired old lady who is so set in her ways. You don't need to take that sht from her. Hope the other LC works out better for you!
@katm89, I'm also a FTM so I don't have experience on this yet, but it is absolutely absurd to assume that you won't have enough supply. Everybody says in most cases it's a game of supply to fill the demand, your body will adjust to produce. Sure it won't go perfectly for each of us - but why start out assuming it's not going to work? I had originally thought that I would freeze everything I was able to pump and it would be used as needed, but then I read that the milk loses some nutritional value with freezing and read a really great blog where what the mom pumped in one day is what her infant was fed the following day and it was only frozen over the weekends. I've also heard some women mention pumping in the car while driving (this I need to look into this more!!). If it's something you want to do and are committed to - you will figure out what works for you. You can have a game plan going in - but I'm almost certain it will need adjustments and tweeting for factors nobody will be able to predict right now. For right now - just find somebody else who is willing to help you and be supportive!!!
@Katm89 in a perfect world, we would all be able to pump at work as many times as the baby would nurse if you were at home. We do not live in a perfect world. You do you girl! If you can get in 2-3 pumps a day, good for you. The only thing that I want to add is: if you feel yourself getting too full to the point it is uncomfortable, you NEED to pump or at least express some milk. I had a very demanding job when I was pregnant with ds, and couldn't get away enough to pump when I should have. I ended up with mastitis and that is no fun at all!
@Katm89 she sounds like a terrible lactation consultant. I went back to work at 9 weeks and had a stash and pumped once at work (usually only 15 minutes) since it was hard to get away. I did perfectly fine. At about 6 months we might have had to start supplementing with formula or adding a pump at night, but at that point we made the decision to switch to formula. Everyone is different, but I think your original plan sounds like it would work. I had a stash, too, so I didn't always pump fresh for the day. I don't see any problem with that. I hope a new lactation consultant will help you out more, be more supportive and know more about preparing to go back to work.
@jamiesc58I definitely want to avoid mastitis... I guess I have to see how it goes... I will be looking into pumping while driving bec my commute is like 40 mins from daycare
@ginger819 Thanks! I was surprised she was just coming out and saying you need to be comfortable supplementing... I just felt like it was premature... I need to take it as it comes... and adjust at 6 months.. i can't plan for the whole year without having any experience
@katm89 Do not listen to her. I work full time and my daughter only had breast milk her entire first year (although she did start solids through baby led weaning at about 5 months). We continued to nurse until she was 26 months. It can absolutely be done! I'm sorry she was so discouraging. It sounds like you have a solid plan in place.
Do you work an 8-5 schedule? I was usually 8:30 to 5 with DD. We would send DD to school with about 12 ounces of milk. She would take 3 bottles of 4 ounces each. I would pump twice at work to replace about 9 or so of those ounces every day. Then the other three would be replaced by what I pumped after I fed her in the morning. Most moms find that their supply is greatest in the mornings. For example, DD would usually only take about 4 to 5 ounces give or take, but in the morning, I produced anywhere from 8 to 9 first thing in the morning. Instead of leaving my chest feeling full, I would pump that milk to use towards our freezer stash.
Wake up: 6:30ish (nurse) (If you have a big supply in the morning, use a manual pump to pump a couple extra ounces to save) Get to work: 8:30 Pump: 10am Pump: 2pm Leave work: 5pm, pick up DD and nurse at 5:30.
Once we got home, I would nurse on demand. Because of this, my supply wasn't affected at all by only pumping twice during the work day.
Everyone is so different but you will find a natural routine that works for you and baby. If you have to supplement with formula, that is 100% fine! Do what you need to do to keep that baby happy and healthy. Try not to let some ridiculous LC who has NO idea what it is like to work and breastfeed make you feel bad. I hope this is helpful and not TMI.
@Katm89 - I'm echoing what others said. Find a new LC and don't give second thought to what that chick said.
Ftr to keep my freezer stash up and stay ahead of feedings with pumping I started doing an extra pump session at night when DS was about 2 months old (he'd nurse around 8 then go to sleep for a long stretch, I'd pump around 10:30 before going to bed myself). So even if you don't end up pumping as much during the day as you'll need there are definitely ways to still make it work!
@Katm89 I pumped at work for a year. My supply was fine. Your job does have to give you reasonable accommodations so slipping in another pump might be an option. I used a hands-free pumping bra and honestly worked through pumping. My job was really helpful and supportive, so that was helpful.
My schedule looked like this (all times are estimates based on my day):
6:30ish- nurse DD
Sometime between 9:30 and 10:30- pump whichever side she didn't nurse last.
12/1- pump other side.
3:30/4- pump other side
5:30/6- Nurse DD
Pumping took around 30 minutes or so each time, but I was able to work through the actual pumping part. I never supplemented. In fact, she never had a drop of formula or cows milk until after she turned 18 months. I still nurse her at night.
Don't get me wrong, pumping for a year after going back was legitimately the hardest thing I have ever done. It took a lot of will power, motivation, dedication, and frustration. I am amazed by moms who exclusively pump. I couldn't do that. You can do this, and she was wrong to tell you otherwise. Maybe she was trying to be "realistic", but discouraging you before you even get a shot is just wrong.
@Katm89 She's a bitch and was out of line. You are not and do not need to apologize. End of story. Really though, I think you've gotten some excellent advice here. Don't give up yet - you will be able to make it work! I do t know if you can find something like this on your area, but a maternity store near me offers a "Return to work" class where they help moms that work full time figure out a plan.
@jacmkelley That limbo sounds awful... Hope you're hanging in there! Any updates?
@Katm89. I agree with others. Don't let this nasty, mean, and insensitive women change your mind about breast feeding. I worked and pumped with DD1 and plan to do the same with this DD. Everyone's body is different you have no idea how much you are going to need to pump at work until you get to that point. I personally would pump when I woke up in the morning and would pump anywhere from 8-10 oz on both sides. Then I pumped twice at work and did about the same but in two different sessions. Please don't let one woman who hasn't been in your situation dictate your decision. You can do this!! Don't let anyone tell you different or make you feel like a bad mom because you work.
@katm89 Have you called/written to complain about this woman? That is, if she works for a hospital or midwifery center? You'd think her employer would want to know how she's treating clients.
@texasmomma2014 That is pretty much the schedule I had assumed would work. Thank you for posting so much detail.
Do you think it would still work if some days I replaced the noon pumping with the baby stopping by to nurse? Is pumping vs nursing significantly different regarding supply? (ftm, so I am picking your brain!)
@Allisun85 Rule of thumb for me was to pump whenever I would nurse her normally (like on a day off or weekend). She took bottles around the time I was pumping. Consistency is key!
eta: pumping or nursing is fine. Nursing is much better because it doesn't suck. Also, the baby is more efficient.
@Allisun85 I know you didn't ask me, but having the baby stop by to nurse would be great! Baby is more efficient at emptying the breast than the pump. The more you empty your breast the more you will produce. Good luck to all the mommas at feeding your babies with what works for you and your family. A LC (or any consultant for that matter) that isn't supportive of your lifestyle is not one you want on your corner. Keep searching till you find the one that meshes well with your plans and that you get the most info from.
@cal031686 Thank you for the input! I didn't know if that would somehow screw up pumping... My husband just started working nights, so right now the thought is he'll bring the baby to daycare at around 1:30, and he'll stop by my office (not exactly on the way, but not too far) at 12:30, and we'll have an hour as a family for everyone to have lunch. Kinda takes some of the sting out of working opposite shifts... and it seems like that would be best for baby! I hoped I would be able to pump once around 10:30 and once around 3, but I can work through those by taking a laptop in with me. (Also, glad I am not the only one who doesn't mind doing that. I honestly will be more relaxed if I am not getting behind, and 90% of what I do is digital.)
Re: Randoms 6/27-7/3
Baby #2: Emmeline Grey - August 2016
Baby #3: BFP 9/7/18 | EDD 05/24/19
Baby #2: Emmeline Grey - August 2016
Baby #3: BFP 9/7/18 | EDD 05/24/19
And who am I kidding, I never really "woke up." More like rolled around all night and then decided to give up.
But yay! Babies due next month! That is enough to keep me going today!
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Oo and to explain I was worried about clocking out for 3 pump sessions during work bec daycare closes at 530 and I need to be there at 5... plus what if I hit traffic.... so I was concerned about timing so when we talked I had no solution for her issue... and she kept grilling me like what time will you drop off your baby... I have no clue I'm a FTM and Idk how long it will take to get ready/ get to work... and she never once slowed down to actually make a game plan... she just was like well... you won't have any milk and u need to supplement... I just thought it was super quick to just give up on me... plus she just focused on that.. she didn't talk about anything else! I walked away not knowing anything other than fear for my supply and guilt for not staying home to breastfeed my baby.
@AliKay20 @midwestbaby
edited: to add more
In today's world where so many women work full time and breastfeed, you would think this LC would get with the program and offer helpful solutions or tips. Sorry it was such an awful experience for you. I would try and see if you could talk to another LC. Don't let one ignorant woman make you feel like it is impossible.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero placenta surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
I would have cried too and probably said something to her before I left that wasn't very friendly and would have probably regretted later. Props to you for not ripping her a new one before you left lol
Also @Katm89 she sounds like a disgruntled tired old lady who is so set in her ways. You don't need to take that sht from her. Hope the other LC works out better for you!
ETA: Here is the blog: https://www.ashleysgreenlife.com/2011/09/how-i-go-green-with-my-pumping-baby.html
Do you work an 8-5 schedule? I was usually 8:30 to 5 with DD. We would send DD to school with about 12 ounces of milk. She would take 3 bottles of 4 ounces each. I would pump twice at work to replace about 9 or so of those ounces every day. Then the other three would be replaced by what I pumped after I fed her in the morning. Most moms find that their supply is greatest in the mornings. For example, DD would usually only take about 4 to 5 ounces give or take, but in the morning, I produced anywhere from 8 to 9 first thing in the morning. Instead of leaving my chest feeling full, I would pump that milk to use towards our freezer stash.
Wake up: 6:30ish (nurse) (If you have a big supply in the morning, use a manual pump to pump a couple extra ounces to save)
Get to work: 8:30
Pump: 10am
Pump: 2pm
Leave work: 5pm, pick up DD and nurse at 5:30.
Once we got home, I would nurse on demand. Because of this, my supply wasn't affected at all by only pumping twice during the work day.
Everyone is so different but you will find a natural routine that works for you and baby. If you have to supplement with formula, that is 100% fine! Do what you need to do to keep that baby happy and healthy. Try not to let some ridiculous LC who has NO idea what it is like to work and breastfeed make you feel bad. I hope this is helpful and not TMI.
Ftr to keep my freezer stash up and stay ahead of feedings with pumping I started doing an extra pump session at night when DS was about 2 months old (he'd nurse around 8 then go to sleep for a long stretch, I'd pump around 10:30 before going to bed myself). So even if you don't end up pumping as much during the day as you'll need there are definitely ways to still make it work!
My schedule looked like this (all times are estimates based on my day):
6:30ish- nurse DD
Sometime between 9:30 and 10:30- pump whichever side she didn't nurse last.
12/1- pump other side.
3:30/4- pump other side
5:30/6- Nurse DD
Pumping took around 30 minutes or so each time, but I was able to work through the actual pumping part. I never supplemented. In fact, she never had a drop of formula or cows milk until after she turned 18 months. I still nurse her at night.
Don't get me wrong, pumping for a year after going back was legitimately the hardest thing I have ever done. It took a lot of will power, motivation, dedication, and frustration. I am amazed by moms who exclusively pump. I couldn't do that. You can do this, and she was wrong to tell you otherwise. Maybe she was trying to be "realistic", but discouraging you before you even get a shot is just wrong.
@jacmkelley That limbo sounds awful... Hope you're hanging in there! Any updates?
You can do this!! Don't let anyone tell you different or make you feel like a bad mom because you work.
@texasmomma2014 That is pretty much the schedule I had assumed would work. Thank you for posting so much detail.
Do you think it would still work if some days I replaced the noon pumping with the baby stopping by to nurse? Is pumping vs nursing significantly different regarding supply? (ftm, so I am picking your brain!)
eta: pumping or nursing is fine. Nursing is much better because it doesn't suck. Also, the baby is more efficient.
Good luck to all the mommas at feeding your babies with what works for you and your family. A LC (or any consultant for that matter) that isn't supportive of your lifestyle is not one you want on your corner. Keep searching till you find the one that meshes well with your plans and that you get the most info from.