@BostonBaby1 where did I say everyone should start a 529?? I simply said we did. You could save your money under your mattress for all I care. I think you could use another class in reading comprehension.
FTR- My family is done paying for my education. I'm highly confident in my ability to grasp the English language. If you re-read what I wrote, I have even co-edited a dictionary for the Oxford University Press.
1. I can't stand people that judge others on government assistance, complain about paying so that others can have healthcare, etc. I hope one day you find yourself needing help and you can find out how hard it can be. But, don't worry, I will gladly pay more so that you don't have to be without, or judge your food choices.
2. I think parents should pay for their children's college education (assuming that is the choice they make). I can't imagine saddling a child of 21 or 22 with that kind of debt.
3. I will judge you for poor spelling and bad grammar.
Please see what you wrote under point number two.
529, Coverdell ESA, Savings Bonds, UGMA/UGTA accounts... It doesn't matter. It is not the fact that you choose to utilize a 529 as opposed to any other savings vehicle. It was your unpopular opinion that leads me to believe that you need to take another course in estate planning and trust law. I chose to use the 529 to make the point that if that funding is not used for educational expenses, it will be taxed and one will pay a 10% penalty, as you know.
You're quite quick to jump to insults as someone who says they "enjoy a good debate."
@BostonBaby1 ha! I'm quick to jump to insults? That was the first "insult" and I was just echoing yours.
I'm not going to leave because people don't agree with me that they should pay for their children's education. You don't have to agree with me. That's why it's called an opinion.
Next time I'll stick to something less controversial like circs or planned parenthood.
Me: 33 DH: 32 SA#1 low count (6mil)
SA#2- now in IUI range!(30mil)
Dx:MFI
11/1- IUI#1,12/1- IUI#2, 1/2- IUI#3 all BFFN
IVF#1. Long Lupron.ER 3/8 10R,4M,5F. ET 3/3-one 1AB, 2 frosties 5dp5dt-BFP!! Beta 3/25-794 Beta 3/27- 1794 First u/s 4/8 saw hb. 4/22 missed mc 8w3d. d&c 4/26 FET #1- bcp start 6/9. ET 7/12. 2 perfect blasts.5dpt-BFP!!
@BostonBaby1 ha! I'm quick to jump to insults? That was the first "insult" and I was just echoing yours.
I'm not going to leave because people don't agree with me that they should pay for their children's education. You don't have to agree with me. That's why it's called an opinion.
Next time I'll stick to something less controversial like circs or planned parenthood.
I never suggested that you leave. You've been around here long enough to know that a FFFC is often times not flame free. And, since you're so quick to judge people on their spelling and grammar, you forgot to capitalize your H at the beginning of your post.
@BostonBaby1 ha! I'm quick to jump to insults? That was the first "insult" and I was just echoing yours.
I'm not going to leave because people don't agree with me that they should pay for their children's education. You don't have to agree with me. That's why it's called an opinion.
Next time I'll stick to something less controversial like circs or planned parenthood.
Can I just point out, your child will always be your child to you. However a 21 or 22 year old adult is no longer a child.
I try to remember this with the younger people I work with but damn... Lol, sometimes it's really hard. I do try not to call them kids though, had a 50-something lady at work call me "kiddo" a couple times. Umm excuse me?? Should I call you ole lady??
Can I just point out, your child will always be your child to you. However a 21 or 22 year old adult is no longer a child.
I try to remember this with the younger people I work with but damn... Lol, sometimes it's really hard. I do try not to call them kids though, had a 50-something lady at work call me "kiddo" a couple times. Umm excuse me?? Should I call you ole lady??
Well yeah, that's what happens when parents are coddling 20- something year olds and paying for them to "live their life"
Can I just point out, your child will always be your child to you. However a 21 or 22 year old adult is no longer a child.
I try to remember this with the younger people I work with but damn... Lol, sometimes it's really hard.
I do try not to call them kids though, had a 50-something lady at work call me "kiddo" a couple times. Umm excuse me?? Should I call you ole lady??
Well yeah, that's what happens when parents are coddling 20- something year olds and paying for them to "live their life"
See what I did there?
I work with one of those coddled 20-somethings who have had their entire lives funded and never had to work hard for anything and it is not pretty. She's getting a really hard life lesson because there's no room in our business for people who don't carry their own weight and bring 110%. We are not setting our kids up for success when we coddle them, never say no to them, never let them fail, and handle everything for them. Unless you plan to protect your kids from all challenges and disappointments for their whole lives, let them learn those lessons when they're young. It's the best gift you'll ever give them.
Can I just point out, your child will always be your child to you. However a 21 or 22 year old adult is no longer a child.
I try to remember this with the younger people I work with but damn... Lol, sometimes it's really hard. I do try not to call them kids though, had a 50-something lady at work call me "kiddo" a couple times. Umm excuse me?? Should I call you ole lady??
Well yeah, that's what happens when parents are coddling 20- something year olds and paying for them to "live their life"
See what I did there?
I work with one of those coddled 20-somethings who have had their entire lives funded and never had to work hard for anything and it is not pretty. She's getting a really hard life lesson because there's no room in our business for people who don't carry their own weight and bring 110%. We are not setting our kids up for success when we coddle them, never say no to them, never let them fail, and handle everything for them. Unless you plan to protect your kids from all challenges and disappointments for their whole lives, let them learn those lessons when they're young. It's the best gift you'll ever give them.
While I agree with most of your post and definitely agree with the sentiment that life's lessons are the greatest gift, not all young adults whom have their entire lives funded are not carrying their own weight, so to speak. I know plenty of people who were extremely blessed financially but learned very difficult life lessons due to various other circumstances. Some of the most productive members of society that I know grew up with a substantial net worth. It's about teaching right from wrong and teaching those children to carry their weight at least if not more. Having money is a privilege AND a responsibility. If these children learn to give back at a very young age and are continued to be encouraged to do so, they can and often do turn out to be wonderful members of society.
@BostonBaby1 I agree completely. Shielding kids from hard work/failure is way more detrimental than anything else. As long as they're taught the value of hard work and how to deal emotionally with failure, they're learning important lessons. In the case of my co-worker her parents have funded her lifestyle so completely that she's never had to have a full time job and has floated from one thing to the next, never actually putting in any effort or proving herself. So they failed her in more than one way.
Wait, was there just a statement about your child paying for their own college education compared to a parents choice to circumcise their son and planned parenthood? Hi, I have nothing more to say, here's some random babble.
I feel sad I was in Columbus most of the day and missed most of this.
I paid every ounce of my education, I don't regret it. My parents couldn't afford to help, and I NEVER expected them to. I do not mind giving a portion of my taxes to those that need it. For the sake of those that abuse the system though, I feel like taxes would be better off teaching people to fish instead of throwing free fish at them. I get its not that simple though at the same time. (Look at me! Seeing two sides of a situation instead of assuming everyone 'just can'!)
Education is outrageous right now. Its something we should all be able to attain, and many can't. NOT because of their parents. Maybe THAT is the issue? Or you know, just not being a snobby about this whole thing would be a step up. You will get to the real issue once you lose the attitude IMHO.
@BostonBaby1 I agree completely. Shielding kids from hard work/failure is way more detrimental than anything else. As long as they're taught the value of hard work and how to deal emotionally with failure, they're learning important lessons. In the case of my co-worker her parents have funded her lifestyle so completely that she's never had to have a full time job and has floated from one thing to the next, never actually putting in any effort or proving herself. So they failed her in more than one way.
Hopefully she will be able to turn things around. That's not highly likely though. Ugh. How frustrating to have to work with someone who simply doesn't care about their job and isn't able to do it well.
@BostonBaby1 I agree completely. Shielding kids from hard work/failure is way more detrimental than anything else. As long as they're taught the value of hard work and how to deal emotionally with failure, they're learning important lessons. In the case of my co-worker her parents have funded her lifestyle so completely that she's never had to have a full time job and has floated from one thing to the next, never actually putting in any effort or proving herself. So they failed her in more than one way.
Hopefully she will be able to turn things around. That's not highly likely though. Ugh. How frustrating to have to work with someone who simply doesn't care about their job and isn't able to do it well.
She's getting pretty damned close to losing her job because of it. She's met our every attempt to help her meet the expectations of the position with apathy, which makes me ready to wash my hands of her. It is unfortunate because it's a great job and we're a supportive team of teachers that is eager to help each other. And with me taking maternity leave, it's a job that has A LOT of growth potential. Stupid to throw it away.
Sorry @PugsandKisses and @Lindsayleigh1989, comment was directed towards htn1763. I can't gif on my phone or I would have done the beating a dead horse one.
Sorry @PugsandKisses and @Lindsayleigh1989, comment was directed towards htn1763. I can't gif on my phone or I would have done the beating a dead horse one.
@Lindsayleigh1989 I completely feel your pain, but in a different way. (I know I'm super late to the party). Hubs has never really been into porn (I probably watch it more than him or we watch together) but I have years and years of experience of him having an "addiction" of talking to other women. He has never physically cheated, but he always becomes "friends" with different women and lies to me about talking to them/hanging out with them etc. So yes, different situation, but we have struggled alot with our relationship because of his lies and deceit and untruthfulness and I know how damaging it is to a relationship when you can't trust or believe your SO. We've been struggling for years and I hate to say it, but unless the behaviour changes you're relationship will continue to suffer. I hate it but truthfully I have gotten to the point where I don't believe a single thing my husband tells me...please don't let your relationship get to that point. Maybe try writing him a letter about how the things he does makes you feel and what you think can change to help the situation (I always write clearer and calmer than if we're talking) and maybe try marriage counseling. We're all in sensitive states and coming from someone who found out their husband had "rate my body apps" with her first pregnancy...these things hurt alot more the bigger and more self conscious we get. I know I just puked up a bunch of personal info, but I know that pain and hate living with it and I know you guys are recently married and really hope you can get this worked out sooner rather than later
@afrazer521 thank you so much for sharing your heart with me! We are looking into marriage counseling and have had a super long heart to heart where I just laid it all out there and my pain for him and he was really responsive and initiated some plans to help as well.
Thank you for your kind words and advice it is so helpful to hear and good reminder to not be content and take control of our relationship now!
@afrazer521 thank you so much for sharing your heart with me! We are looking into marriage counseling and have had a super long heart to heart where I just laid it all out there and my pain for him and he was really responsive and initiated some plans to help as well.
Thank you for your kind words and advice it is so helpful to hear and good reminder to not be content and take control of our relationship now!
Absolutely if you ever need to talk things out with a stranger let me know We've been married almost 5 years and we've been dealing with this for longer than that
Edited to add we did marriage counseling a couple years ago and it was helping until we had a huge blow out and he stormed out of a session. We're trying to go back but hubs has a very hard time communicating. It warms my heart to hear that yours was so responsive and accepting
I really wish I had read the rest of the thread before I posted to Lindsayleigh1989 because my post just comes out of left field lol! Man we really rile each other up don't we. My FFFC is that I never learned how to gif on my phone and I'm jealous of you ladies that always post the perfect gifs...you know who you are
Please don't kill me for beating a dead horse but I haven't been on all day.
I am curious to know how @htn1763's "cycle" theory works when one parent had their education paid for and the other paid their own. My parents made good money and were able to pay most of my education (university tuition, books) and left me with the responsibility of rent (renting downtown Toronto is more expensive than paying tuition). My husband's parents worked minimum wage jobs and weren't able to help my DH out with any of his schooling costs.
We have been saving DD's tax-free child benefit since she was born, and plan to use this to assist with whatever my children choose to do post secondary. This just shows your theory is flawed as DH came from nothing and has busted his ass off to be in a position where we can give our child more than what he had growing up.
@born2run911 before you beat a dead horse you should go back and read what I said. "More likely" and "Obviously there are exceptions" might be helpful for you.
I'm sick of people taking my statement and jumping to all sorts of conclusions I didn't say. You didn't change my mind, I didn't change yours. I'm ok with that.
Me: 33 DH: 32 SA#1 low count (6mil)
SA#2- now in IUI range!(30mil)
Dx:MFI
11/1- IUI#1,12/1- IUI#2, 1/2- IUI#3 all BFFN
IVF#1. Long Lupron.ER 3/8 10R,4M,5F. ET 3/3-one 1AB, 2 frosties 5dp5dt-BFP!! Beta 3/25-794 Beta 3/27- 1794 First u/s 4/8 saw hb. 4/22 missed mc 8w3d. d&c 4/26 FET #1- bcp start 6/9. ET 7/12. 2 perfect blasts.5dpt-BFP!!
@born2run911 before you beat a dead horse you should go back and read what I said. "More likely" and "Obviously there are exceptions" might be helpful for you.
I'm sick of people taking my statement and jumping to all sorts of conclusions I didn't say. You didn't change my mind, I didn't change yours. I'm ok with that.
How dare you @born2run911 not spend your whole day on this thread going over every snoothead comment she's made. How dare you madam have a life. The bump is now your life.
Can I beat a dead horse too? Sorry I've been working all weekend so I missed the debate.
Let me preface by saying that I think the original opinion re: parents paying for post-secondary school was pretty awful and judgmental and and I don't agree with it at all. I think you can be an incredibly supportive, loving parent and help your kids succeed without paying their way once high school is complete, whether that's by choice or because of necessity.
But... and I really don't want to come across as "poor me my parents paid my way" but... if we're asking people not to judge parents who couldn't/wouldn't pay for post-secondary school, can we also not judge those people whose parents did or those who plan to for their kids? My parents were able to pay for my 3 siblings and I to get through post-secondary, including living expenses (although we all chose to work part-time to contribute to these costs, which was never asked of us from our parents). I totally get that a lot of young adults whose parents pay for their education/living expenses are not appreciative and may not learn the value of money, but that's not because their parents paid for their schooling. It's because their parents didn't teach them the important life lessons around financial planning, budgeting, saving, etc. and didn't teach them to be grateful for everything they had instead of expecting it. It kind of sucks to make sweeping generalizations and criticisms of what happens to young adults whose parents pay their way through post-secondary school. It's that kind of attitude that made me feel embarrassed to admit to college friends that I didn't have a loan, because people make assumptions about how your parents must be/what types of experiences you've had when they find out your parents pay your way through school.
All that said, I do not plan to foot the bill the way my parents did. I would love to be able to do that, but neither DH nor I are in careers where that is a realistic goal. We have savings accounts that we will put towards helping our young adult children accomplish their goals, but that is the extent that we will be able to offer and I'm okay with that. DH paid his entire way through college, and I know it is manageable, but I do not feel that he was any better (or worse!) prepared for adulthood than I was.
Re: FFFC
FTR- My family is done paying for my education. I'm highly confident in my ability to grasp the English language. If you re-read what I wrote, I have even co-edited a dictionary for the Oxford University Press. Please see what you wrote under point number two.
529, Coverdell ESA, Savings Bonds, UGMA/UGTA accounts... It doesn't matter. It is not the fact that you choose to utilize a 529 as opposed to any other savings vehicle. It was your unpopular opinion that leads me to believe that you need to take another course in estate planning and trust law. I chose to use the 529 to make the point that if that funding is not used for educational expenses, it will be taxed and one will pay a 10% penalty, as you know.
You're quite quick to jump to insults as someone who says they "enjoy a good debate."
I'm not going to leave because people don't agree with me that they should pay for their children's education. You don't have to agree with me. That's why it's called an opinion.
Next time I'll stick to something less controversial like circs or planned parenthood.
11/1- IUI#1,12/1- IUI#2, 1/2- IUI#3 all BFFN
IVF#1. Long Lupron.ER 3/8 10R,4M,5F. ET 3/3-one 1AB, 2 frosties 5dp5dt-BFP!! Beta 3/25-794 Beta 3/27- 1794
First u/s 4/8 saw hb. 4/22 missed mc 8w3d. d&c 4/26
FET #1- bcp start 6/9. ET 7/12. 2 perfect blasts.5dpt-BFP!!
*eta- it is childrens' or child's.
July BMB May Signature Challenge
I do try not to call them kids though, had a 50-something lady at work call me "kiddo" a couple times. Umm excuse me?? Should I call you ole lady??
See what I did there?
While I agree with most of your post and definitely agree with the sentiment that life's lessons are the greatest gift, not all young adults whom have their entire lives funded are not carrying their own weight, so to speak. I know plenty of people who were extremely blessed financially but learned very difficult life lessons due to various other circumstances. Some of the most productive members of society that I know grew up with a substantial net worth. It's about teaching right from wrong and teaching those children to carry their weight at least if not more. Having money is a privilege AND a responsibility. If these children learn to give back at a very young age and are continued to be encouraged to do so, they can and often do turn out to be wonderful members of society.
Married: May 16th 2015
11/1- IUI#1,12/1- IUI#2, 1/2- IUI#3 all BFFN
IVF#1. Long Lupron.ER 3/8 10R,4M,5F. ET 3/3-one 1AB, 2 frosties 5dp5dt-BFP!! Beta 3/25-794 Beta 3/27- 1794
First u/s 4/8 saw hb. 4/22 missed mc 8w3d. d&c 4/26
FET #1- bcp start 6/9. ET 7/12. 2 perfect blasts.5dpt-BFP!!
I feel sad I was in Columbus most of the day and missed most of this.
I paid every ounce of my education, I don't regret it. My parents couldn't afford to help, and I NEVER expected them to. I do not mind giving a portion of my taxes to those that need it. For the sake of those that abuse the system though, I feel like taxes would be better off teaching people to fish instead of throwing free fish at them. I get its not that simple though at the same time. (Look at me! Seeing two sides of a situation instead of assuming everyone 'just can'!)
Education is outrageous right now. Its something we should all be able to attain, and many can't. NOT because of their parents. Maybe THAT is the issue? Or you know, just not being a snobby about this whole thing would be a step up. You will get to the real issue once you lose the attitude IMHO.
Married: May 16th 2015
Married: May 16th 2015
July BMB May Signature Challenge
Thank you for your kind words and advice it is so helpful to hear and good reminder to not be content and take control of our relationship now!
Edited to add we did marriage counseling a couple years ago and it was helping until we had a huge blow out and he stormed out of a session. We're trying to go back but hubs has a very hard time communicating. It warms my heart to hear that yours was so responsive and accepting
My FFFC is that I never learned how to gif on my phone and I'm jealous of you ladies that always post the perfect gifs...you know who you are
I am curious to know how @htn1763's "cycle" theory works when one parent had their education paid for and the other paid their own. My parents made good money and were able to pay most of my education (university tuition, books) and left me with the responsibility of rent (renting downtown Toronto is more expensive than paying tuition). My husband's parents worked minimum wage jobs and weren't able to help my DH out with any of his schooling costs.
We have been saving DD's tax-free child benefit since she was born, and plan to use this to assist with whatever my children choose to do post secondary. This just shows your theory is flawed as DH came from nothing and has busted his ass off to be in a position where we can give our child more than what he had growing up.
I'm sick of people taking my statement and jumping to all sorts of conclusions I didn't say. You didn't change my mind, I didn't change yours. I'm ok with that.
11/1- IUI#1,12/1- IUI#2, 1/2- IUI#3 all BFFN
IVF#1. Long Lupron.ER 3/8 10R,4M,5F. ET 3/3-one 1AB, 2 frosties 5dp5dt-BFP!! Beta 3/25-794 Beta 3/27- 1794
First u/s 4/8 saw hb. 4/22 missed mc 8w3d. d&c 4/26
FET #1- bcp start 6/9. ET 7/12. 2 perfect blasts.5dpt-BFP!!
Married: May 16th 2015
Married: May 16th 2015
Let me preface by saying that I think the original opinion re: parents paying for post-secondary school was pretty awful and judgmental and and I don't agree with it at all. I think you can be an incredibly supportive, loving parent and help your kids succeed without paying their way once high school is complete, whether that's by choice or because of necessity.
But... and I really don't want to come across as "poor me my parents paid my way" but... if we're asking people not to judge parents who couldn't/wouldn't pay for post-secondary school, can we also not judge those people whose parents did or those who plan to for their kids? My parents were able to pay for my 3 siblings and I to get through post-secondary, including living expenses (although we all chose to work part-time to contribute to these costs, which was never asked of us from our parents). I totally get that a lot of young adults whose parents pay for their education/living expenses are not appreciative and may not learn the value of money, but that's not because their parents paid for their schooling. It's because their parents didn't teach them the important life lessons around financial planning, budgeting, saving, etc. and didn't teach them to be grateful for everything they had instead of expecting it. It kind of sucks to make sweeping generalizations and criticisms of what happens to young adults whose parents pay their way through post-secondary school. It's that kind of attitude that made me feel embarrassed to admit to college friends that I didn't have a loan, because people make assumptions about how your parents must be/what types of experiences you've had when they find out your parents pay your way through school.
All that said, I do not plan to foot the bill the way my parents did. I would love to be able to do that, but neither DH nor I are in careers where that is a realistic goal. We have savings accounts that we will put towards helping our young adult children accomplish their goals, but that is the extent that we will be able to offer and I'm okay with that. DH paid his entire way through college, and I know it is manageable, but I do not feel that he was any better (or worse!) prepared for adulthood than I was.
Eta wrong punctuation