My husband and I often talk about what the importance of higher education will be in our household. I fear that my child may feel self-imposed pressure to go to college because DH and I will have 6 degrees combined. Our careers warrant that kind of commitment to education but it doesn't mean that has to be everyone's path. Fortunately, I did not have to take out a shit load of student loans but lots of students do so to get an unnecessary degree is just not smart. As long as our child has some sort of skill and is able to support themselves, we're happy. With that being said, however, we have no intention on footing the bill while they "discover" what they want to do with their lives.
I agree that education is very important in one's life. I myself would not have the job I do for not having gone to college (I'm a teacher). However I do think it's important for each person to know what they want to do and to follow that dream. Even though I do like my job and it's something that I excel at, I am saddled with an extreme amount of student loan debt than will take my entire life to pay off. My DH took a different path in life and chose to spend his first few years of adulthood in the military. It was a great choice for him and he now has a job he loves and zero student loan debt to repay. The fact of the matter is the student loan debt issue is real and is very hard to over come even with planning and financial support. I think it's important for any person to take advantage of any opportunity they have and try to be the best he/she can be.
I saw phish 35w pregnant with my first. It was outdoors. Totally fine! Plan to hit summer tour again if I can. I'm so bummed for you. MSG NYE is my dream. @Natinat6
So this totally makes me sound like a brat but... It's drives me up a wall if I thank DH for doing something, like vacuuming, and he reaponds with anything for you dear. Well umm no. It wasn't "for me". It is not inherently my job for which you are helping. You are an adult living in this home, you should want to have a clean home as well.
Guilty confession- Our neighborhood mail people are probably some of the worst in the country and the mail is constantly mixed up. A woman just messaged me via neighborhood FB group and is coming to drop off our mail. When we get other people's mail we usually just throw it away... Ugh now I'll have to consider being a better neighbor
@bealskri if it was outside, I would have totally gone. But it was in a luxury box, so an almost enclosed space. And given the company, inwiuldnhave been paranoid the entire time.
It's my husbands second time at the MSG show. We are in Boston so it's a really quick drive. But now I need him to come home. I have a sinus infection and I'm ready to murder him.
@fleurdelakeview I completely understand what you are saying. I want my children to go to college to further their life. College to me is anything after HS. Even a certification, diploma or an associate degree can seriously open doors. I want them to choice a career first. Something they would love and can support themselves from. Then follow the education for that career.
Both DH and I started off with associate degrees. He is working on his BS and I am working on my MS. Any body can go back, if they desire.
@PugsandKisses Ah, that makes sense - and is basically the same thing I want for my children. Also, I don't want you to feel like my post was a call-out for you, just something I've been thinking about lately and seeing your post reminded me. As long as there is open communication, it's all good.
After looking at the Furbaby thread here is my unapologetic FFFC- fur babies are way cuter than human babies. I gush way more over pooches and kitties than I do their people counterpart. Sue me.
Hahaha I agree for the most part but my baby is pretty cute. Put him next to my pup and my heart melts with all the cuteness.
My FFFC I guess is that I think my kid is the cutest. I thought he would come out super ugly because I was an ugly baby but nope, kid is super cute.
My fffc and please flame if you feel the need but I'm not going to fight back because I have no energy emotionally or physically today.
I hate porn and masterbation it's been awful in two of my relationships and has been a constant struggle in my marriage. It is and addiction and hurts others and if people want to tell me it's "normal" or what ever good for you but I'm tired of hurt and pain and lies! Screw you porn industry I'll never live up to you!
Another FFFC - I can't bring myself to reference my husband as "DH" in a post. I will write "my husband" and maybe "hubby" but trying to say "DH" makes me feel really weird and uncomfortable.
Just to clarify, I have no issue with other people doing it, it just feels weird to me and I don't know why.
Another FFFC - I can't bring myself to reference my husband as "DH" in a post. I will write "my husband" and maybe "hubby" but trying to say "DH" makes me feel really weird and uncomfortable.
Just to clarify, I have no issue with other people doing it, it just feels weird to me and I don't know why.
It works well for when I'm mad at him it's no longer "dear husband" it stands for "dick head"
Another FFFC - I can't bring myself to reference my husband as "DH" in a post. I will write "my husband" and maybe "hubby" but trying to say "DH" makes me feel really weird and uncomfortable.
Just to clarify, I have no issue with other people doing it, it just feels weird to me and I don't know why.
It works well for when I'm mad at him it's no longer "dear husband" it stands for "dick head"
@Lindsayleigh1989 omg, that made me laugh so hard I shot water out my nose!
My confession- after watching space related movies today I have decided I want the baby to be an astronaut when it grows up. Of course I'll love it no matter what but maybe if I go all space nursery I can subconsciously plant the seed
My confession is that when I first had DD I assumed she would be, and pictured her as, a little extension of me, with similar interests, skills, and strengths. The older she gets, and as she develops into her own self, I'm seeing that she looks just like DH's brother, has my older sister's facial expressions and tendencies towards bossiness/stubbornness, and has DH's extrovert tendencies and love of people and performing. And then there are the traits that are strictly her own. I'm not sure I see a ton of myself in her, aside from her love of reading. I love all of the people I'm seeing in her, and think that these traits will serve her well in her life, but it was a reminder to myself not to put my own values, goals and dreams onto her.
It's kind of a scary realization, to be reminded that this little child who feels like she is a piece of you, is actually her own person whose life path you ultimately have zero control over. All we can do is love and support her, try to teach her good values and what's important, and hope for the best.
My fffc and please flame if you feel the need but I'm not going to fight back because I have no energy emotionally or physically today.
I hate porn and masterbation it's been awful in two of my relationships and has been a constant struggle in my marriage. It is and addiction and hurts others and if people want to tell me it's "normal" or what ever good for you but I'm tired of hurt and pain and lies! Screw you porn industry I'll never live up to you!
I love to masturbate. Husband isn't a fan of porn but I'll watch it occasionally. Nothing better to relax, ease tension, and such. Annoyed that I am on pelvic rest and can't even take care of myself during the no-sex rule.
This is just me though. I get that it can really effect lives and relationships. I'm glad that it doesn't ours.
@fleurdelakeview I'm not comfortable typing DH either. It doesn't bother me when other people do it, but I can't bring myself to type it out.
My husband and I have agreed that the only thing our kid could really do to disappoint us is to be unkind or cruel. We both come from families where we don't see eye to eye with our parents about much- politics, religion, personal preferences, but our families always make us feel loved. So no matter who this kid is and what they want from life, as long as they're a good person who works hard, I'll be happy. I do reserve the right to roll THE SHIT out of my eyes when they go through the early-20s-know-the-answer-to-all-the-world's-problems phase.
I was wondering when the circumcision argument would come up and I'm pretty impressed with the "agree to disagree/do you" vibe this board has on this topic, as I've seen it get super ugly on other boards
I find circumcision to be right in line with parenting decisions like formula vs breastfeeding, co-sleeping vs. crib, cry it out vs. no cry it out. There is evidence for and against circumcision, but in my opinion neither side comes out far enough ahead to make it a clear issue (like, for example, vaccinations), so we just have to make the decision we're comfortable with, and live and let live. Plus, the people who have strong opinions on one side or another are not going to change their minds so arguing is completely pointless. I do love the idea of a thread to discuss the pros and cons of each side for those posters who are currently undecided what route they'll take. Information is power!
No. Just no. The medical community overwhelming supports and defends vaccinations. the other decisions you mention affect the child only, but not vaccinations. The affect everyone around them so NO, DO NOT compare someone's decision to circumcise to be on the same level as deciding to vaccinate.
And it it looks like I need to start a spreadsheet on the crazies already...
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@jlgriff11 I'm glad it works for you two and I mean whatever floats your boat but for me when lies, deceit and tons of hurt are involved it stops being something fun or relaxing and honestly just heartbreaking..
@Lindsayleigh1989 I personally am not a consumer of porn, but I haven't had any negative experiences with it so I don't really have much to say about the roll that it can play in a responsible adult life. Masturbation is my friend.
HOWEVER, I have been overwhelmed with the role that constant and free access to porn is playing in shaping what teenagers think about sex. It's not great, and a lot of young kids are having their expectations set by a fantasy that often ignores basic issues like consent. Since our education system (at least here in NC) doesn't teach anything but abstinence, kids are going into sexual relationships knowing only what they saw on the internet. That is scary.
I was wondering when the circumcision argument would come up and I'm pretty impressed with the "agree to disagree/do you" vibe this board has on this topic, as I've seen it get super ugly on other boards
I find circumcision to be right in line with parenting decisions like formula vs breastfeeding, co-sleeping vs. crib, cry it out vs. no cry it out. There is evidence for and against circumcision, but in my opinion neither side comes out far enough ahead to make it a clear issue (like, for example, vaccinations), so we just have to make the decision we're comfortable with, and live and let live. Plus, the people who have strong opinions on one side or another are not going to change their minds so arguing is completely pointless. I do love the idea of a thread to discuss the pros and cons of each side for those posters who are currently undecided what route they'll take. Information is power!
No. Just no. The medical community overwhelming supports and defends vaccinations. the other decisions you mention affect the child only, but not vaccinations. The affect everyone around them so NO, DO NOT compare someone's decision to circumcise to be on the same level as deciding to vaccinate.
And it it looks like I need to start a spreadsheet on the crazies already...
Possible QBF. Um, I'm pretty sure what @DobbysSockwas saying is that there is clear medical evidence and support for vaccinations but for the other issues, things aren't as clear. Take a deep breath and calm yourself before you start calling people crazies.
My confession is DH and I don't know how to grocery shop like adults. We've been married 3.5 years and are 32 & 31 years old respectively but when we go shopping for groceries we end up getting chicken and a variety of snacks and water lol. My version of grown up cereal is Frosted Flakes. Haha. Must do better.
@melodramatic26 I got the impression that @dobbysocks33 was saying that, unlike vaccinations, circumcision was an issue where there was enough evidence on either side to be a valid decision either way. I don't think she was saying she's an anti-vaxxer. Unless I'm wrong (sorry if I am!)
I'm pretty "you do you" when it comes to life, pregnancy, and parenting, except for when it comes to vaccines. Because that shit impacts my life and the lives of everyone else in your community.
I was wondering when the circumcision argument would come up and I'm pretty impressed with the "agree to disagree/do you" vibe this board has on this topic, as I've seen it get super ugly on other boards
I find circumcision to be right in line with parenting decisions like formula vs breastfeeding, co-sleeping vs. crib, cry it out vs. no cry it out. There is evidence for and against circumcision, but in my opinion neither side comes out far enough ahead to make it a clear issue (like, for example, vaccinations), so we just have to make the decision we're comfortable with, and live and let live. Plus, the people who have strong opinions on one side or another are not going to change their minds so arguing is completely pointless. I do love the idea of a thread to discuss the pros and cons of each side for those posters who are currently undecided what route they'll take. Information is power!
No. Just no. The medical community overwhelming supports and defends vaccinations. the other decisions you mention affect the child only, but not vaccinations. The affect everyone around them so NO, DO NOT compare someone's decision to circumcise to be on the same level as deciding to vaccinate.
And it it looks like I need to start a spreadsheet on the crazies already...
Possible QBF. Um, I'm pretty sure what @DobbysSockwas saying is that there is clear medical evidence and support for vaccinations but for the other issues, things aren't as clear. Take a deep breath and calm yourself before you start calling people crazies.
Ohhhhh... Yeah. I see that now. Sorry Dobbysock!
Ill save the spreadsheet though because as the vaccination discussion comes up, and it will,my he crazies will show themselves.
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@Lindsayleigh1989 I personally am not a consumer of porn, but I haven't had any negative experiences with it so I don't really have much to say about the roll that it can play in a responsible adult life. Masturbation is my friend.
HOWEVER, I have been overwhelmed with the role that constant and free access to porn is playing in shaping what teenagers think about sex. It's not great, and a lot of young kids are having their expectations set by a fantasy that often ignores basic issues like consent. Since our education system (at least here in NC) doesn't teach anything but abstinence, kids are going into sexual relationships knowing only what they saw on the internet. That is scary.
You do you boo and I'm cool with people doing it in a healthy respectful manner but I've had two relationships with people with full blown addictions that were hidden from me for a really long time and it destroyed one and is really hurting the other. Like i said I'm not trying to create drama and I'm not gonna fight back and so no that's gross and wrong because I don't feel that way. I just hate what I feel and the hurt it has brought and continues to bring to my life that's all
My FFFC - I don't care whether or not our children go to college. As a college counselor (mental health NOT academic counselor) I see plenty of kids that were pressured to go to college either before they were ready, or without knowing what they want to do, or knowing that they don't want to get the degree they are working towards. They hate it and spend a lot of time in my office lamenting their misery and the fact that they cannot talk to their parents about it "because this is all my parents want me to do" (read: this is extremely isolating for them). This is made worse for the ones that are incurring debt (student loans) to go to school because though their parents want them to have a degree, they are not paying for college (I fully understand not everyone has the money or ability to pay for their kids college but if your kid doesn't want to go and you want them to, maybe you should help out).
Also, my husband got a "useless" degree that he didn't need because of familial pressure. Without that degree, he would be in the same position he is now and making just as much money. In fact, it's debatable as to whether he might be further in his career if he hadn't had to schedule days off to go to school. He is proud of his degree now but mostly because he said he doesn't want to "look stupid" next to me with my two Masters degrees. IMO, not a good enough reason to get a degree.
All that being said, I fully want my children to find something they are passionate about and make a life/career out of it. If it's a skilled trade that requires trade school, apprenticeship, etc. that's fine. If it's college and grad school, that's fine too. I'm also okay if they decide they want to travel and work odd jobs for a while until they find out what they want to do - this is all okay as long as they are working hard and making a living and they are happy.
ETA: Words are hard - fixed some typos.
A thousand times this!!! I think we all want our children to be successful, I just think success means different things to different people. I would rather my child take the path for him or her and be happy and find their own measure of success than to try and fit into society's definition for the sake of meeting society's expectations.
I went to university right out of high school and hated it. I spent a stupid amount of money to flunk out. Then I tried college and hated it but finished a 2 year diploma that got me no jobs, then spent more money on a graduate certificate that I loved but couldn't find a job...long story short, I'm now 26 years old, working a menial job I'm indifferent about, while spending an absurd amount of money to finish an online business diploma in hopes of having a "career" by the time I'm 30.
It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the time and money and frustration I could have saved by taking the time to figure out my aptitudes and what I really wanted to do with my life.
I was wondering when the circumcision argument would come up and I'm pretty impressed with the "agree to disagree/do you" vibe this board has on this topic, as I've seen it get super ugly on other boards
I find circumcision to be right in line with parenting decisions like formula vs breastfeeding, co-sleeping vs. crib, cry it out vs. no cry it out. There is evidence for and against circumcision, but in my opinion neither side comes out far enough ahead to make it a clear issue (like, for example, vaccinations), so we just have to make the decision we're comfortable with, and live and let live. Plus, the people who have strong opinions on one side or another are not going to change their minds so arguing is completely pointless. I do love the idea of a thread to discuss the pros and cons of each side for those posters who are currently undecided what route they'll take. Information is power!
No. Just no. The medical community overwhelming supports and defends vaccinations. the other decisions you mention affect the child only, but not vaccinations. The affect everyone around them so NO, DO NOT compare someone's decision to circumcise to be on the same level as deciding to vaccinate.
And it it looks like I need to start a spreadsheet on the crazies already...
---------- qbf --------
I read it to read that vaccs were the example of where the facts are proven one way over the other, meaning it's not the same as circumcision. Maybe I read it wrong...
@fleurdelakeview agreed. Have you read @DobbysSock's posts? Far far from crazy take the tone down way far before you cross a line.
I apologized to Dobbysock for misreading, but nope. Not when it comes to vaccines, not calming down. Sorry. More parents need to enraged about non-vaccinators and miscommunication of "facts" on the subject. I've been around for a very long time. Lol that there is line to cross.
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I was wondering when the circumcision argument would come up and I'm pretty impressed with the "agree to disagree/do you" vibe this board has on this topic, as I've seen it get super ugly on other boards
I find circumcision to be right in line with parenting decisions like formula vs breastfeeding, co-sleeping vs. crib, cry it out vs. no cry it out. There is evidence for and against circumcision, but in my opinion neither side comes out far enough ahead to make it a clear issue (like, for example, vaccinations), so we just have to make the decision we're comfortable with, and live and let live. Plus, the people who have strong opinions on one side or another are not going to change their minds so arguing is completely pointless. I do love the idea of a thread to discuss the pros and cons of each side for those posters who are currently undecided what route they'll take. Information is power!
No. Just no. The medical community overwhelming supports and defends vaccinations. the other decisions you mention affect the child only, but not vaccinations. The affect everyone around them so NO, DO NOT compare someone's decision to circumcise to be on the same level as deciding to vaccinate.
And it it looks like I need to start a spreadsheet on the crazies already...
@melodramatic26 Whoops - totally not what I meant!! Bad wording on my part I guess. What I meant was, in my opinion circumcision does not have a clear right or wrong stance, there is evidence on both sides that show pros and cons. I don't judge a parent for either decision. Same with breastfeeding vs. formula, co-sleeping vs. crib, etc. Do you, I don't judge either action or stance as any are safe if done properly.
Vaccines, on the other hand, have very strong, clear, scientific evidence proving they are safe and effective. As well as strong, clear, scientific evidence showing it is harmful to individuals and society as a whole when people choose not to vaccinate their children. I judge parents who do not vaccinate. I'll go back and edit my post to make my stance more clear.
@Lindsayleigh1989 I hear you. I'm sorry that it's been so destructive for you, and I hope that you and your husband can find a way to work through this. The beginning of a marriage, in a lot of ways, sucks. You're trying to figure yourselves out and each other out, and it's stressful and emotional. I can't even imagine doing it pregnant, because it was a struggle for me to get through not pregnant. I will say, at least for me, it was worth it to work through all those little differences. It takes some time and energy and some tears, but the other side is amazing. And if your insurance covers it, get a good couple's therapist. It makes those really horrible hard conversations a lot easier when you have a ref.
Re: FFFC
It's my husbands second time at the MSG show. We are in Boston so it's a really quick drive. But now I need him to come home. I have a sinus infection and I'm ready to murder him.
I completely understand what you are saying. I want my children to go to college to further their life. College to me is anything after HS. Even a certification, diploma or an associate degree can seriously open doors. I want them to choice a career first. Something they would love and can support themselves from. Then follow the education for that career.
Both DH and I started off with associate degrees. He is working on his BS and I am working on my MS. Any body can go back, if they desire.
ETA: Had to fix post bc tb ate part of it. weird.
July'16 BMB May Siggy Challenge - Star Wars:
My FFFC I guess is that I think my kid is the cutest. I thought he would come out super ugly because I was an ugly baby but nope, kid is super cute.
I hate porn and masterbation it's been awful in two of my relationships and has been a constant struggle in my marriage. It is and addiction and hurts others and if people want to tell me it's "normal" or what ever good for you but I'm tired of hurt and pain and lies! Screw you porn industry I'll never live up to you!
Just to clarify, I have no issue with other people doing it, it just feels weird to me and I don't know why.
July'16 BMB May Siggy Challenge - Star Wars:
Eff yesssss!!! (Though I know I won't be able to eat very much...)
July'16 BMB May Siggy Challenge - Star Wars:
2. I think it's dumb for news agencies to report on the "first baby of 2016!" Really? That's news?
It's kind of a scary realization, to be reminded that this little child who feels like she is a piece of you, is actually her own person whose life path you ultimately have zero control over. All we can do is love and support her, try to teach her good values and what's important, and hope for the best.
This is just me though. I get that it can really effect lives and relationships. I'm glad that it doesn't ours.
My husband and I have agreed that the only thing our kid could really do to disappoint us is to be unkind or cruel. We both come from families where we don't see eye to eye with our parents about much- politics, religion, personal preferences, but our families always make us feel loved. So no matter who this kid is and what they want from life, as long as they're a good person who works hard, I'll be happy. I do reserve the right to roll THE SHIT out of my eyes when they go through the early-20s-know-the-answer-to-all-the-world's-problems phase.
And it it looks like I need to start a spreadsheet on the crazies already...
HOWEVER, I have been overwhelmed with the role that constant and free access to porn is playing in shaping what teenagers think about sex. It's not great, and a lot of young kids are having their expectations set by a fantasy that often ignores basic issues like consent. Since our education system (at least here in NC) doesn't teach anything but abstinence, kids are going into sexual relationships knowing only what they saw on the internet. That is scary.
July'16 BMB May Siggy Challenge - Star Wars:
I'm pretty "you do you" when it comes to life, pregnancy, and parenting, except for when it comes to vaccines. Because that shit impacts my life and the lives of everyone else in your community.
Ill save the spreadsheet though because as the vaccination discussion comes up, and it will,my he crazies will show themselves.
I went to university right out of high school and hated it. I spent a stupid amount of money to flunk out. Then I tried college and hated it but finished a 2 year diploma that got me no jobs, then spent more money on a graduate certificate that I loved but couldn't find a job...long story short, I'm now 26 years old, working a menial job I'm indifferent about, while spending an absurd amount of money to finish an online business diploma in hopes of having a "career" by the time I'm 30.
It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the time and money and frustration I could have saved by taking the time to figure out my aptitudes and what I really wanted to do with my life.
And it it looks like I need to start a spreadsheet on the crazies already...
---------- qbf --------
I read it to read that vaccs were the example of where the facts are proven one way over the other, meaning it's not the same as circumcision. Maybe I read it wrong...
@melodramatic26 Whoops - totally not what I meant!! Bad wording on my part I guess. What I meant was, in my opinion circumcision does not have a clear right or wrong stance, there is evidence on both sides that show pros and cons. I don't judge a parent for either decision. Same with breastfeeding vs. formula, co-sleeping vs. crib, etc. Do you, I don't judge either action or stance as any are safe if done properly.
Vaccines, on the other hand, have very strong, clear, scientific evidence proving they are safe and effective. As well as strong, clear, scientific evidence showing it is harmful to individuals and society as a whole when people choose not to vaccinate their children. I judge parents who do not vaccinate. I'll go back and edit my post to make my stance more clear.