@oceanchild 1) I've had a Dr Pepper and a two pack of frosted poptarts almost every day for the last week. 2) The weekend before I had LO DH and I went to Einstein Bagels for breakfast. I ate an entire sandwich, then found a pack of poptarts in the car and proceeded to eat both... DH was amazed.
No shame in our poptart game.
Although, I would trade the poptarts for some amazing huge Eggo strawberry waffles we got from Sams. Mmmm...
I'm also so impatient right now. It's kinda hard being here as I'm so over being pregnant and jealous of others babies being here. But on the other hand I have stuff to do (need to clean out the spare room so mothers can have some place to sleep once baby is here), so her waiting is a good thing. I'm just waiting for the day I can have a freaking beer.
DD: Beatrix Louise aka BeeBop. April 2 2016. H.I.E Warrior
I almost bought pop tarts today because of this thread. At the last minute I put them back. My husband and I (mainly me) went through 4 boxes in a matter of weeks.
I've been horribly emotional for days-done being pregnant, just want my baby, freaking out about baby actually being here. Anyways my due date is the 26th so I have time.
This is long, if you manage to read it all-congrats:
My mother lives in the US and I live in Canada, and I have told her I would like her to be here for the delivery, but if I went early it was fine, she'd hop a plane and be here afterwards. She had been talking about using her last week of vacation up the last week of March, then her vacation time starts anew April 1st (gov employee). Since she is retiring this year she had told me she planned on staying 2-3 weeks since having her MIL with her with me for the first few weeks really helped her.
Tonight she called and complained about the cost of airline tickets so close to Easter. And that she has to cancel her work trip to Germany that was supposed to be March 27th. She thought I'd be "done by now." She goes to Germany every few months-and last time said she doesn't need to go again, but she volunteered for this trip a few weeks ago. WTF?
I'm 30 years old and an only child (because my mother chose to put her career and her relationships before me or having more children-something she admits and has said my whole life). My visit at Xmas was rough (she spent more time with the man she started dating the week before than with me and DH). She knows I won't be having any more biological children, and that this pregnancy has been medically and emotionally draining on me.
I have my DH and my father (who is a wonderful, compassionate man, who my mother says is the best father in the world and they have been divorced since 1988), and tonight my father almost called my mother back for being so insensitive to me. He even said he doesn't know what is wrong with her priorities-and this man never says a bad word about her (that was probably the harshest criticism of her that I have ever heard from him).
So now I'm upset that my mother doesn't want to "put her life on hold" to spend time with me and her first grandchild. I've been worried enough about being a bad mother-and I never want to make my daughter feel like how my mother has made me feel my whole life (granted I know she loves me in her own way, but her priorities are screwed up, and if I wasn't pregnant and hormonal I would be handling her ways better-I've learned to love her for who she is, and accept what she generally can offer), but times like right now I really wish I had a mother who could, for just one time, put me first. I just want my mom to help me through this, and I can't even tell her that, or that she hurt me, or it will turn into a big thing which will just hurt our relationship again.
Sorry for the long rant-I'm just so upset and need to get this out. DH and Dad are being awesome and telling me to cry, and let it out, that it's a normal reaction to her, but I still feel guilty. Like I know worse mothers exists, it's just hard to have one that you know can only love you so much because of how messed up she is from her own childhood, and who only really wants to be in your life when she doesn't have a man to keep her attention. And I am so much like her personality wise I'm terrified I am going to be an insensitive mother to my daughter and I never, ever, want to do that.
DD: Beatrix Louise aka BeeBop. April 2 2016. H.I.E Warrior
@arcanejinx I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Firstly, I don't think you are going to be like your mom. Mainly because you don't want to be. You are in control of who you are and the relationship you have with your child. You don't want to be like her, so you won't be. And I can promise you that if a little of her sneaks in it will be sobering for you. Secondly, it's always hard when we need people to *be* someone for us, and they let us down. I'm so sorry you are going through that. My relationship with my father has really disintegrated over the last few years and I've learned that my best defense is to only expect from him what I believe he is capable of giving. I find myself less disappointed in him this way. It's not a perfect solution, but it has saved me some frustration. i don't know if any of that is helpful at all but I hope it was.
@arcanejinx I am sorry about what you are going through. I think I shared this before... When I told my mom I am having a kid around 7 months back, she told me she already had a trip to South America in March (I live in California and my parents are in Hong Kong). She then said that they have plans to remodel a new place in April and moving in around May so basically she told me I did not make it on her list. Fast forward to February, she asked me when I wanted her to come since I will need help but again she reiterated her plans so I said whenever since it's around her schedule, not mine. She got so offended by my comment (yes I was upset and said it on purpose) that she hung up on me. DH wanted me to call her and I said hell no! Last time with DD, she complained that she had to cook and was so bored. She also moved her flight up and left a week early.
I swear to myself that I will make my kids my priority because I never want them to feel otherwise. I dont have a solution for you. We are fortunate to have supportive husbands. I am trying to focus on the blessings and not be so bitter against my mom. It's hard but we cant choose our moms. I never want my kids to hate me either so I am trying...
@arcanejinx I'm dealing with some similar stuff with my mom. Thanks for sharing your struggles. DD is a week old now, and taking care of her, my 2.5 son, and myself is really tough. I just want my mom to want to value my little family, visit us, and help me out. She's talked about visiting us one Saturday for a few hours. But my problem with that is she'd drive 6 hrs round trip and only be spending 3-4 hrs with us (when my kids woiuld be napping). Still, my younger brother is graduating from police academy (also out of town) next weekend, and she'll be there for all of that.
It hurts being so low on her priorities, and trying to forgive her is a hard process. Still, I just want this experience and these feelings to help me remember to always love and treat my children well. It makes me feel slightly better for DH and MIL to understand my mom is kinda nuts and then to be extra supportive. Lowering my expectations for my mom has been painful (and still I'm sometimes too optimistic), but that's really been my best defense.
Thank you ladies. Like I mentioned in my post-I logically know what she can and can't give and in general our relationship is good because I don't hold her to what I wish she was. Just hormones have made that really really hard.
What is super frustrating is she is the nicest, most generous, forgiving woman to everyone else in her life, but feels like she can be selfish with me because of whatever warped reasons she has. She has admitted her behaviour when I was young wasn't what I needed, and has apologized, but sometimes she falls back into it with me. DH really doesn't understand how she can do so much for others (even him-once I was helping her move so I was away for a month, realized DH might want to see me, paid for an emergency passport and last minute flights and flew him down for 2 weeks of vacation with us during the move where she paid for everything), but she will tell me to her face her priority is always her relationship, work, then me. In that order.
I have vowed to never make my daughter or any child feel the way my mother makes me feel-but part of me still worries. We are so much alike in a lot of ways, I don't want to accidentally turn into her in this way as well.
DD: Beatrix Louise aka BeeBop. April 2 2016. H.I.E Warrior
Reintroducing myself My name is Synnøve and I'm 29 and Norwegian and my DH is 32 and Swedish, but we live in Norway. We have a soon 4 y old DS and now a little DD too.
I've been lurking here since the board started, but was slow to participate due to a combination of being due at the end of March (31st.) and wanting to be more sure that this pregnancy would go well after previous losses.
Re: *** The Official Random Thread of All Random Threads for March 2016 ***
I absolutely love the newborn potato stage. They are so teeny and the sleep smiles are just the best (playing with angels, my 'godmother' calls it).
@smushi i've always believed that about the angels
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
No shame in our poptart game.
Although, I would trade the poptarts for some amazing huge Eggo strawberry waffles we got from Sams. Mmmm...
*BFP #1- 11/12/12, m/c 11/16/12 @ 6 weeks
*BFP #2- 1/23/13 EDD 10/4/13
*Emma Rose: 10/8/13
*BFP #3- EDD 03/9/16
March '16 December Siggy Challenge- Favorite Christmas Movie/Quote
This is long, if you manage to read it all-congrats:
My mother lives in the US and I live in Canada, and I have told her I would like her to be here for the delivery, but if I went early it was fine, she'd hop a plane and be here afterwards. She had been talking about using her last week of vacation up the last week of March, then her vacation time starts anew April 1st (gov employee). Since she is retiring this year she had told me she planned on staying 2-3 weeks since having her MIL with her with me for the first few weeks really helped her.
Tonight she called and complained about the cost of airline tickets so close to Easter. And that she has to cancel her work trip to Germany that was supposed to be March 27th. She thought I'd be "done by now." She goes to Germany every few months-and last time said she doesn't need to go again, but she volunteered for this trip a few weeks ago. WTF?
I'm 30 years old and an only child (because my mother chose to put her career and her relationships before me or having more children-something she admits and has said my whole life). My visit at Xmas was rough (she spent more time with the man she started dating the week before than with me and DH). She knows I won't be having any more biological children, and that this pregnancy has been medically and emotionally draining on me.
I have my DH and my father (who is a wonderful, compassionate man, who my mother says is the best father in the world and they have been divorced since 1988), and tonight my father almost called my mother back for being so insensitive to me. He even said he doesn't know what is wrong with her priorities-and this man never says a bad word about her (that was probably the harshest criticism of her that I have ever heard from him).
So now I'm upset that my mother doesn't want to "put her life on hold" to spend time with me and her first grandchild. I've been worried enough about being a bad mother-and I never want to make my daughter feel like how my mother has made me feel my whole life (granted I know she loves me in her own way, but her priorities are screwed up, and if I wasn't pregnant and hormonal I would be handling her ways better-I've learned to love her for who she is, and accept what she generally can offer), but times like right now I really wish I had a mother who could, for just one time, put me first. I just want my mom to help me through this, and I can't even tell her that, or that she hurt me, or it will turn into a big thing which will just hurt our relationship again.
Sorry for the long rant-I'm just so upset and need to get this out. DH and Dad are being awesome and telling me to cry, and let it out, that it's a normal reaction to her, but I still feel guilty. Like I know worse mothers exists, it's just hard to have one that you know can only love you so much because of how messed up she is from her own childhood, and who only really wants to be in your life when she doesn't have a man to keep her attention. And I am so much like her personality wise I'm terrified I am going to be an insensitive mother to my daughter and I never, ever, want to do that.
Secondly, it's always hard when we need people to *be* someone for us, and they let us down. I'm so sorry you are going through that. My relationship with my father has really disintegrated over the last few years and I've learned that my best defense is to only expect from him what I believe he is capable of giving. I find myself less disappointed in him this way. It's not a perfect solution, but it has saved me some frustration.
i don't know if any of that is helpful at all but I hope it was.
I swear to myself that I will make my kids my priority because I never want them to feel otherwise. I dont have a solution for you. We are fortunate to have supportive husbands. I am trying to focus on the blessings and not be so bitter against my mom. It's hard but we cant choose our moms. I never want my kids to hate me either so I am trying...
It hurts being so low on her priorities, and trying to forgive her is a hard process. Still, I just want this experience and these feelings to help me remember to always love and treat my children well. It makes me feel slightly better for DH and MIL to understand my mom is kinda nuts and then to be extra supportive. Lowering my expectations for my mom has been painful (and still I'm sometimes too optimistic), but that's really been my best defense.
What is super frustrating is she is the nicest, most generous, forgiving woman to everyone else in her life, but feels like she can be selfish with me because of whatever warped reasons she has. She has admitted her behaviour when I was young wasn't what I needed, and has apologized, but sometimes she falls back into it with me. DH really doesn't understand how she can do so much for others (even him-once I was helping her move so I was away for a month, realized DH might want to see me, paid for an emergency passport and last minute flights and flew him down for 2 weeks of vacation with us during the move where she paid for everything), but she will tell me to her face her priority is always her relationship, work, then me. In that order.
I have vowed to never make my daughter or any child feel the way my mother makes me feel-but part of me still worries. We are so much alike in a lot of ways, I don't want to accidentally turn into her in this way as well.
My name is Synnøve and I'm 29 and Norwegian and my DH is 32 and Swedish, but we live in Norway. We have a soon 4 y old DS and now a little DD too.
I've been lurking here since the board started, but was slow to participate due to a combination of being due at the end of March (31st.) and wanting to be more sure that this pregnancy would go well after previous losses.