Nighttime Sucks (But it gets better!) - A support thread

KaLikeAWind

I figured we had a breastfeeding support thread, but while most of us are talking about night time feedings or how tired we are, we don't have a support system in place for it. Or at a minimum, we can come here late at night and cry

And yes, I stole @aliciaspinnet thread title. Because 'nighttime sucks the big fat one' seemed awful negative and I don't want white knights crawling out of the woodworks telling me I'm not being supportive at 10 minutes before 1am in the morning.

rsalata2015

Most definitely I was up 40 hours breast feeding my lo every couple of hours. My poor nips. I invested in a pump so now I can rest :-)

HayesRN13

^^ @rsalata2015 how's baby NICU stay? Can you update us?

KaLikeAWind

Seriously, for me , nighttime is the worst part of this whole gag. Labor sucked, delivery was stressful (and painfully sucky for our natural mamas, I'm sure), breastfeeding is hard, adapting to a newborn is a total adjustment. But for me the wee hours of the night / morning are seriously bad sh!t. I'm just taking it on some kind of vague certainty that it gets better, but if anything is going to lead me down the path of PPD, its nighttime.

LO is in the stage where he won't sleep unless he is being cuddled, or on the boob. At least, i hope its a stage. Usually he needs a combination of both before sleeping. Its all well and good to spoil your newborn, and I'm behind that. Totally. But the problem arises at 1255am, when the kid won't accept lie down side feeding bfing position (tho he did at the hospital, he doesn't want to do it at home). So I sit up in bed. Which sucks, cause I've been sitting all day with him, and it inflames my Virginia area from birthing. LO gets on the boob. Feeds for a few minutes. Then falls deep asleep. Problem - I can't move him or he will wake up and crying ensues, and then we must restart the whole process from point one. Problem - I can't sleep sitting up. First off, not safe for LO. And second - my Virginia. Problem - DH feels bad as I silently cry about how much I hate nighttime right now, but we both know if he tried to stay up with me in commiseration, he will fall asleep. And then I would have to be a bitch to wake him up just so he could be miserable with me.

So here I am - Virginia - annoyed, DH - out, DS - out. And me - so very tired and tender AND I CANT EVEN LIE DOWN.

Just... Huge, weeping tears. I just want to lie down. Sleep too, sure. But lying down sounds effing great.

mishmardhiono

https://www.kidspot.com.au/13-thoughts-every-mum-has-while-feeding-the-baby-in-the-middle-of-the-night/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=editorial

This made me feel better.i have invited my mum over for dinner tonight with the intention of her staying the night with LO in her room and bottles of expressed milk. Can't wait!!!

To mellymar, we were having similar issues about getting her to sleep then having to move. I bought a sweet dreams little bed, now throughout the day I express up enough for night time, bring it in my room. I
She sleeps in her bassinet, if she wakes throughout I being her into our bed wht her "sweet dreams my little bed" stick a bottle in her mouth and cuddle her in her sweet dreams bed, once she's finished eating and asleep we put the whole bed into her bassinet so we can move her without waking her. We've gone from being awake for 1hr-1.5hrs per nighttime breastfeed to 15 minutes and she's down for another 4-5 hours.

heidiiwa

mellymar said:

Seriously, for me , nighttime is the worst part of this whole gag. Labor sucked, delivery was stressful (and painfully sucky for our natural mamas, I'm sure), breastfeeding is hard, adapting to a newborn is a total adjustment. But for me the wee hours of the night / morning are seriously bad sh!t. I'm just taking it on some kind of vague certainty that it gets better, but if anything is going to lead me down the path of PPD, its nighttime.

LO is in the stage where he won't sleep unless he is being cuddled, or on the boob. At least, i hope its a stage. Usually he needs a combination of both before sleeping. Its all well and good to spoil your newborn, and I'm behind that. Totally. But the problem arises at 1255am, when the kid won't accept lie down side feeding bfing position (tho he did at the hospital, he doesn't want to do it at home). So I sit up in bed. Which sucks, cause I've been sitting all day with him, and it inflames my Virginia area from birthing. LO gets on the boob. Feeds for a few minutes. Then falls deep asleep. Problem - I can't move him or he will wake up and crying ensues, and then we must restart the whole process from point one. Problem - I can't sleep sitting up. First off, not safe for LO. And second - my Virginia. Problem - DH feels bad as I silently cry about how much I hate nighttime right now, but we both know if he tried to stay up with me in commiseration, he will fall asleep. And then I would have to be a bitch to wake him up just so he could be miserable with me.

So here I am - Virginia - annoyed, DH - out, DS - out. And me - so very tired and tender AND I CANT EVEN LIE DOWN.

Just... Huge, weeping tears. I just want to lie down. Sleep too, sure. But lying down sounds effing great.

@mellymar , you put the dilemma very well. I am in the same boat tonight. So exhausted, and every time I think LO is asleep and put him down, he wakes up and goes through the same hungry routine--hands to mouth, then crying--as if the poor thing had never been fed! Growth spurt maybe? I promised DH that I would start pumping tomorrow so he could let me sleep a little more tomorrow night.

heidiiwa

Also, I had wanted to cosleep, but now I can't, because I can't physically get into our tall bed, and so I'm sleeping on the couch, which is not safe to sleep on with LO. Nothing goes as planned...

virginiaunicorn11

@mellymar I usually sleep one shift in a "laid back" position when I'm reclined on pillows, so semi-upright, with LO either in the vertical position as described in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, or in a cradle position supported by the Boppy. He eats and we both fall asleep. I'm supported by enough pillows and am tuned in enough with him that I don't feel unsafe doing this. It's not perfect, but it's more restful than nothing. And the pressure is off the virginia and on the back of the bum.

Maybe that won't work for you. I'm confident you'll find something that does. LO turned 3 weeks yesterday and everything is getting sooo much better. When people told me that at the beginning, I cried because I felt it was a long time to wait. But it gets waaaayyy better, so hang in there.

mindaa

So sorry - Yes, the first few nights are terrible. I think o was running solely on adrenaline the first week. I know its different for everyone, but for me, things got better pretty quickly. By the 2nd week, LO went from only sleeping on me, then in our bed, and finally into PnP.
Do you have pain meds or ice packs that can help take the edge off?

aliciaspinnet

DH goes back to work tomorrow and is going to spend tonight in the spare room so he can get a proper nights sleep. So I'll be on my own with LO overnight for the first time since the hospital - well it can't possibly be worse than those two nights I guess. I bought a breast pump yesterday so maybe DH can return the favour at the weekend

katyertl

heidiiwa said:

Also, I had wanted to cosleep, but now I can't, because I can't physically get into our tall bed, and so I'm sleeping on the couch, which is not safe to sleep on with LO. Nothing goes as planned...

I'm on the couch now too. LO is such a loud sleeper when she's by herself and then wakes up crying so loud!! If I sleep with her she lasts a bit longer and I can start feeding her before she starts to have her huge freak out. I just want my own bed!! And I'm starting to resent my hubby who sleeps soundly every night and can sleep thru her loudest cries ugh

KaLikeAWind

"After the night, comes the dawn"

It's almost like Xmas morning! DH felt so bad for after the 230am feeding that even tho it woke up LO to move him off of me, he took him and did his magic dad hold (hold I do not get anywhere near the same calming results with). He was able to lull LO back to sleep with dad hold and they both slept like that 2 hours. Giving me 2 hours of real, laying down sleep. We're pondering why dad hold was so successful this time and he says 'maybe your milk is coming so he was more content to start'. And he's right! Pressing gently buy firmly on the sides gets milk! Huzzah!

I'm sure tonight is going to suck ass again. But, maybe not quite as bad. Hopefully. Fingers crossed ladies! Thanks for the nighttime ideas, for me and behalf of all the other mama's who will soon be dealing with the wee hours and a newborn

katyertl

Hubby is now on hour 10 of sleep. I hate him

ElRuby

Last night was rough... No crying but she was up for hours after her 3:30 AM feeding... Usually she goes right back to sleep... I was like pleeeeeease sleep!

ElRuby

katyertl said:

Hubby is now on hour 10 of sleep. I hate him

I was cursing mine under my breath all night... Throwing out all sorts of "threats" about me sleeping in and him getting up with the kids.... Well sure enough me and my boobs were up for the morning feeding and to help DS get his show on while in our bed to provide a few more minutes of rest. Grrrrrrrr

rolson8947

@katyertl hahaha, reading your comments made me laugh because that's exactly how I feel. Last night me and the baby we're just hanging out on the couch while my SO other got in bed at 10 or so and slept until 7 this morning (must be nice)...now he is sitting beside me watching tv trying to be sweet and I'm totally giving him the cold shoulder, but he doesn't pick up on it lol. I just want sleep, like one full night and I'd be good....I think X_X

KarasTwin

The first couple of nights at home were pretty rough until we realized lo was cold. We invested in one of the halo swaddle sacks (sleeveless) and put that over footie pajamas. We also got out the white noise machine and have been putting him in his pack n play as soon as he starts looking sleepy. The past 2 nights he's slept pretty much until we wake him up to nurse. We're having to supplement so DH gets up with me, changes him while I get my nipple guards on, hands him to me and burps him between boobs. Then he gives him his supplement bottle while I pump and we take turns getting him settled back down and cleaning up the bottle and pump parts. I know it's only been 2 nights, but it gives me hope. It will get better, though! Hang in there, mamas!

queequeg09256

Yesterday I did extra pumping so I could have my one night of rest dh took lo I went to bed at 10:45 and got up at 5:30 right now my body is so confused on what just happened, it's in this weird sleep like coma walking phase were my eyes are half closed. Dd is getting better dh said but an it is going to take some more time to get her on a sleep through the night phase we can usually get 3 hours of time in between but I can't wait to sleep train her at 2 months.

ksimo6

ElRuby said:

katyertl said:

Hubby is now on hour 10 of sleep. I hate him

I was cursing mine under my breath all night... Throwing out all sorts of "threats" about me sleeping in and him getting up with the kids.... Well sure enough me and my boobs were up for the morning feeding and to help DS get his show on while in our bed to provide a few more minutes of rest. Grrrrrrrr

Why aren't you ladies waking their asses up? Feed that baby and hand him/her off to dad. Then go to bed.

And if you have other children, why isn't dad on duty for them? I handed off all night and morning duties for our toddler to DH months ago.

mishmardhiono

mellymar said:

"After the night, comes the dawn"

It's almost like Xmas morning! DH felt so bad for after the 230am feeding that even tho it woke up LO to move him off of me, he took him and did his magic dad hold (hold I do not get anywhere near the same calming results with). He was able to lull LO back to sleep with dad hold and they both slept like that 2 hours. Giving me 2 hours of real, laying down sleep. We're pondering why dad hold was so successful this time and he says 'maybe your milk is coming so he was more content to start'. And he's right! Pressing gently buy firmly on the sides gets milk! Huzzah!

I'm sure tonight is going to suck ass again. But, maybe not quite as bad. Hopefully. Fingers crossed ladies! Thanks for the nighttime ideas, for me and behalf of all the other mama's who will soon be dealing with the wee hours and a newborn

Just on this thing about dad working magic. We had the same problem but dad can't be awake all night due to working early. MW said hold baby with back to your stomach/boobs, pull legs upto babies belly and bounce. Totally works. Apparently they can't smell the milk and same position/feel as womb

dancegurl1118

Must've been the night for DH's to not have a clue.

I didn't get him up because I was so mad I would've said something I regretted.

I'm sick. And tired. And LO is all outta sorts. Plus her acne/eczema is outta control and I feel bad for her. Her face is all jacked up.

ElRuby

ksimo6 said:

ElRuby said:

katyertl said:

Hubby is now on hour 10 of sleep. I hate him

I was cursing mine under my breath all night... Throwing out all sorts of "threats" about me sleeping in and him getting up with the kids.... Well sure enough me and my boobs were up for the morning feeding and to help DS get his show on while in our bed to provide a few more minutes of rest. Grrrrrrrr

Why aren't you ladies waking their asses up? Feed that baby and hand him/her off to dad. Then go to bed.

And if you have other children, why isn't dad on duty for them? I handed off all night and morning duties for our toddler to DH months ago.

My husband "sleeps" through everything... It's not even worth it which I realize enables him... I will give him credit for entertaining DS during the day .... I do get enraged when he pulls out the "well I have to work" line... It's like he wants me to claw his eyes out....

beckyk9109

It really must have been a night for all DHs to be oblivious...

After our midnight feeding, my twins were WIDE AWAKE until 2am. Nothing was making them sleep. Then, when I finally rocked them to sleep I got in bed around 2:30, just to have them wake at 3:30 to eat again and start the same thing over. Definitely had a morning cry meltdown. I guess DH heard my sobs as I was getting bottles ready (both babies screaming) and had the nerve to ask me what was wrong and if I needed help... Isn't it just implied I need help when both babies are screaming? I feel like he was asking for a punch in the face from this super sleep deprived momma

katyertl said:

Hubby is now on hour 10 of sleep. I hate him

You said it best!

katyertl

He finally woke up at 7 I handed him the baby and said "it's been real. have fun"
and walked to our bedroom and shut the door
He woke me up an hour later saying she's hungry and he didn't know how to make a bottle. Seriously. I had just fed her too. No dude she's gotta poop and she has gas. Ugh

katyertl

@beckyk9109 idk how you do it with twins!! You're my hero

SammeMotley

Ya'll are making me feel bad. My DH gets up with us every time and changes LO and watches me nurse and pump. Then he feeds her the pumped bottle. At 6 am he goes to work so I have DS and LO until he gets home. I feel so blessed to have him. He's amazing.

Erika Kleinschmidt

All these posts make me feel much more justified in my exhaustion and frustration. My DH does not get up and help at all during the night. He passes out on the couch at 8 moves to the bed with me after her 9ish feeding and sleeps till 6am. When I get up more like give up on any more sleep... He takes her for maybe ten minutes and then puts her in the swing??? Really, I've been holding and feeding her all night! Put in some dad time!!! He is now napping on the couch because he is tired.... If looks could kill my DH would be a pile of ash!

As for night problems I gave up on my bassinet and now co-sleep. I swore I would never do it but I need some sleep and she will not sleep without being connected to me or my DH (and we all know how that goes). I'm giving her till 4-6 weeks before moving her to the bassinet again. But for now I get about 2 hours of sleep between feedings and its blissful. Plus who doesn't love cute baby cuddles.

courtyowl427

We made it through the first night home. We. Made It. That is all.

beckyk9109

katyertl said:

@beckyk9109 idk how you do it with twins!! You're my hero

A lot of bloodshed and tears... Just kidding. Partially anyways.

It was actually easy in the beginning. They were born 35weeks so they would just eat, sleep, and poop. Now that they're becoming more alert, things are a lot more hectic. I must say I'm getting quite the biceps from cuddling/soothing both at the same time!

katyertl

beckyk9109 said:

katyertl said:

@beckyk9109 idk how you do it with twins!! You're my hero

A lot of bloodshed and tears... Just kidding. Partially anyways.

It was actually easy in the beginning. They were born 35weeks so they would just eat, sleep, and poop. Now that they're becoming more alert, things are a lot more hectic. I must say I'm getting quite the biceps from cuddling/soothing both at the same time!

Our LO was born at 36 weeks and was pretty easy too and I was so happy. Then she started to become more alert and everything as well. She's still pretty good actually but the beginning she was easier lol
I bet you are getting muscles! I can't even imagine trying to console 2 babies at once.

amabarne

We had the best night ever last night. Two 4-5 hour stretches between feedings. So naturally I'm sure today and tonight will be the total opposite. LO and I have been camping out in the living room. I hold him with the boppy there and we haven't had any problems. He won't sleep in his Halo bassinet yet and I hope he will start in the next week or so that way I can sleep laying down too!! I think I've only slept about 5 hours total in the last month by myself in my own bed.

Sammy K

Our hardest time is 2-5 am. She doesn't cry, just makes a ton of noise and won't sleep unless she's on me. DH doesn't get up with us but that's because he has full responsibility for DS, who has been waking in the middle of the night too. I know, it gets better. It just makes for long nights.

emaddock

I cannot stay awake during nighttime feedings. I find myself waking up with a baby still attached to my boob. Any advice for staying awake would be so helpful!

virginiaunicorn11

emaddock said:

I cannot stay awake during nighttime feedings. I find myself waking up with a baby still attached to my boob. Any advice for staying awake would be so helpful!

When I'm that tired, I do side lying and go ahead and fall asleep while LO nurses. Would that position work for you?

katyertl

emaddock said:

I cannot stay awake during nighttime feedings. I find myself waking up with a baby still attached to my boob. Any advice for staying awake would be so helpful!

I play on my phone and have a dim light on. I've fallen asleep burping LO in my glider lol I've never tried the side laying position but I've heard good things!

KaLikeAWind

emaddock said:

I cannot stay awake during nighttime feedings. I find myself waking up with a baby still attached to my boob. Any advice for staying awake would be so helpful!

I sit up straight and have my head against the headboard, which is hard and uncomfortable and not very condusive to dosing off. The side lying position for feeding is awesome, if you can get it to work. For some reason I cannot get it to work since we came home from the hospital

aliciaspinnet

katyertl said:

emaddock said:

I cannot stay awake during nighttime feedings. I find myself waking up with a baby still attached to my boob. Any advice for staying awake would be so helpful!

I play on my phone and have a dim light on. I've fallen asleep burping LO in my glider lol I've never tried the side laying position but I've heard good things!

I surf the Internet on my phone to keep me awake too, and I put the light on in our ensuite so I can see enough to breastfeed. I also make a point to get out of bed and into a chair so I'm properly awake before feeding. If I'm struggling to stay awake I'll sometimes do leg exercises where I hold my legs up in the air for a count of 30 - if nothing else I figure it'll help tone things up! I personally don't feel comfortable bed sharing, but falling asleep and dropping or smothering the baby is a big fear of mine so I've made a point to take steps against it.

krystleshel

emaddock said:

I cannot stay awake during nighttime feedings. I find myself waking up with a baby still attached to my boob. Any advice for staying awake would be so helpful!

I had this problem last week. I started watching Friends on Netflix on my phone & it's made a HUGE difference in my night feedings. (Someone here suggested that! Thanks!)

seesea

@mellymar I'm not sure if you're having this same problem but I noticed that with side lying sometimes my boob is smushed up against LO's face and he can't breathe. So I would gently push LO's back towards me as he latches. That way his chin goes up and his nose isn't blocked. I sometimes place a pillow behind him to kind of prop him up. This usually works for me.

This breastfeeding position is hands down the best one for night time feedings. It's the only way I can get some sleep!

KaLikeAWind

@CillyMama I'll look at that tonight when I try it again. I do roll up a thin shirt or small swaddle blanket and stuff it under my boob so that the nipple is elevated and *should* be in line with his mouth. But yeah, maybe he ends up facing downward and that could be our problem. Thanks for the tip

dancegurl1118

I get out of bed. I found I was sacrificing a good latch just to stay in bed and my nipples were paying the price.