I'm sorry some of your hubby's are being difficult. I really am. I've been there. But here's a few things to remember: -you are not sick. You are pregnant. -you might be puking, a lot, but you are not sick. You are pregnant! -husbands can't read minds, they need to be asked (nicely) to do specific things. -crying girls frighten men (and/or sometimes make them angry) so try to be calm while communicating with them. -they often feel left out. husbands need quality time with you to feel loved (No not sex, well sometimes) but I'm talking, foot rubs, back massages. I know what you're thinking ("she's f-ing joking right? I'm barfing and he needs a foot rub? Yeah right!") but I'm serious. they are way more willing to help you if you put in the effort to show you care about them (during a time when it's really all about you) -and lastly, don't complain too much. I had horrible morning sickness with my first and my third and trust me, men get tired of hearing that their wife puked all day. Don't text or call and complain how sick you are. Texting him and telling him you had your head in the porcelain throne all day and you were wondering if he could pick up dinner, Works so much better than "UGH!! So sick again. When will this end! This sucks!!!" Lol know what I mean? Hang in there ladies, it'll be July before we know it!
Yeah... just no. Sorry, but my husband is a big boy and if I'm crying he can just deal with it.
**clapping hands slowly** good for him.
Agreed. If I'm crying, my husband knows that he damn well better be trying to fix whatever is wrong--even if he isn't the reason for the crying.
I'm so glad I found this thread! My DH is far from sympathetic, and I too get the "YOU wanted this", whenever I mention not feeling great. We both decided to try for a baby, but now he acts as though he's angry at me for becoming pregnant. He never talks to me unless I start up a conversation, he never touches me unless I touch him first, no hugs, no kisses. He makes up plans for weekends without talking to me about it, and I just found out that he will be away the entire weekend with his friends, and I didn't even find it out through him. I've tried talking to him about it, but he says everything's fine and that I'm being paranoid. Now I'm just trying to be smiley and happy and not thinking about it, but I just want to cry and shout at him.
To make matters worse, I live abroad, because of him. I have no family here and no close friends. One part of me just wants to take this baby and move back home, but I'm thinking that it might not be fair on the baby to not let him/her have the father close by.
He already has a son from a previous relationship, and he's always talking about him, being a proud dad and what not, how can he not connect that he will feel the same way about this baby and at least fake it until the baby comes?
I wanted to respond to your post especially with all of the shitty advice floating about.
First and least importantly your H is not likely going to feel the same way about your baby in utero as he does for his son. That's not say he won't feel the same way but it's not a healthy comparison right now. I love the baby I'm carrying but it is not the way I feel about my two children. It will be come summer but it isn't currently and I know that's even more so for my DH.
However, the rest of your post is very sad. If my DH ever said "you wanted this" I would respond "No, WE wanted to get pregnant, I did not want to feel sick". But the way he is treating you is not acceptable. If he is unwilling to talk to you about it then you need to think about counseling for just yourself. Also, can you find a moms group or something to join where you are so that you aren't so alone? Or find a hobby that would allow you to make some friends for just you? You need to find people IRL to help you and support you. And continue to try to make your H understand that pregnancy or not his behavior towards you is not an acceptable to way to treat your spouse. Good luck.
Dh asks me "what can I do for you baby" so much it's almost sickening and that's how EVERY husband should be. If he acted like most of these husbands did I'd have his ass in a sling. And @crazyhappymommy I hope you're kidding.
I'm not kidding at all. Jeepers, let's all come here and bash our husbands? No thanks, Imagine if your husband was complaining to a bunch if people about what a whiney over dramatic little girl you're being? Wouldn't feel very nice would it?
I don't need to bash my husband because I wouldn't put up with some of this disrespectful bullshit. I work full time too and yes I'm tired and don't feel good, and I am so freaking glad I'm not sick all the time like these other ladies. No it's not cancer but it isn't all daisies either. Have you read some of these posts? These ladies are being mistreated and I find it hard to believe it's because they're whiny!! I'm not going to suck it up and put a smile on (or rub his feet) so he can go about his merry little way thinking everything is ok. Screw that.
Growing a human is phyically demanding on the body. Have your husbands been reading any books that might help them understand just how hard it is to grow a Human? I haven't read them personally but here's two titles that appeal to me: "Dude, You're Going To Be A Dad!" and "The Guy's Guide To Surviving Pregnancy..." This being our third go around, I'm lucky that my husband isn't completely clueless but there are times when I want to throat punch him.
My husband's mom bought him the book "Dude, You're Going To Be a Dad!" He hasn't started to read it, yet.
I can't complain about my husband. He hasn't complained at all. I did have to have a talk to him about drinking though. We are about to start Mardi Gras season and he is a Duke this year - meaning lots of parties and festivities. The first festivity we danced and had a good time, but towards the end of the night he started to get out of control. I just asked that he tone things down just a bit. While I don't mind dancing and having a good time sober, dealing with a very aggravating drunk could make thing 10x worse. So, we'll see how the next month goes!
My husband has been a trooper!!! I have been horribly sick through this pregnancy. My first pregnancy was really just extreme nausea. This one is extreme nausea (all day), body aches, crazy head aches, dry mouth, dizziness and crazy sensitivity to smell..... all day ... everyday!! He handles our 3 year old, does all the shopping, cooking and let's me sleep! Thank goodness!!! I continually thank him for being so good to me and being an amazing father! This experience has brought us closer. Because I feel so loved, our sex life is great! Even when I don't feel like it ..... I get into the mood for him! I am very open with him and tell him how amazing he is ... And really pay credit, where credit is due! I praise him in front of friends and family. I am very thankful!!!
Re: Husbands -are they going through this with you?
Agreed. If I'm crying, my husband knows that he damn well better be trying to fix whatever is wrong--even if he isn't the reason for the crying.
I can't complain about my husband. He hasn't complained at all. I did have to have a talk to him about drinking though. We are about to start Mardi Gras season and he is a Duke this year - meaning lots of parties and festivities. The first festivity we danced and had a good time, but towards the end of the night he started to get out of control. I just asked that he tone things down just a bit. While I don't mind dancing and having a good time sober, dealing with a very aggravating drunk could make thing 10x worse. So, we'll see how the next month goes!