Husbands -are they going through this with you?

amandakaylynnc

anyone else feel like they're going through this alone? Every time I feel sick or tired my husband rolls his eyes and says "of course you don't feel good." It's starting to weigh down on me.

0ashley

Mine told me two days ago that he has it worse than I do. I am vomiting every morning, some nights and getting by on meds, feeling like shit all day every day. He has it worse because he gets laid less often, like once every two weeks. I about throat punched him. Mine said mine doesn't count because "we both wanted this baby". 

lindylogana

He goes through phases. Sometimes I get eye rolls or the "you wanted to have another baby response" which rubs me the wrong way since he is the one who wanted 3 kids originally. And then other days he's nice and supportive and telling me to go lay down while he takes care of the kids. It's annoying not knowing whether I'm going to get nice or annoyed husband.

kacdanz

This is our first so he has been pretty understanding and supportive for the most part. He really doesn't help around the house but doesn't complain that it's filth either! I think the excitement has kept him pretty cool but we want 3 kids and I don't see him being this patient when I go through this two more times!

robbiesmom1126

My husband isn't being an ass, he's just less attentive this time. This is our second baby and he's like, you did this before you're a pro, lol. I don't think I cooked my entire first trimester with my first pregnancy. Let's just say this time is different

slweaver0626

DH was amazing with my first pregnancy.  He's OK this time.  I have noticed that more and more has been falling on me.  I'm not complaining yet... but I did accidently turn his underwear pink in the wash and he didn't dare complain.

TeresaWE

Growing a human is phyically demanding on the body. Have your husbands been reading any books that might help them understand just how hard it is to grow a Human?
I haven't read them personally but here's two titles that appeal to me: "Dude, You're Going To Be A Dad!" and "The Guy's Guide To Surviving Pregnancy..."
This being our third go around, I'm lucky that my husband isn't completely clueless but there are times when I want to throat punch him.

cabinchick

Oh my gosh yes...mine is acting like my symptoms are all in my head, then projecting my ill feeling to himself, and we have TONS of drama with him being diagnosed as fine, but him repeatedly claiming he's dying (literally he thinks he's DYING, yet won't buy life insurance for me + baby!).

It's beyond frustrating because I constantly get berated for slacking on chores or not being fun and chipper enough when out with friends. Then when I ask for help with household chores like dishes or something "gross" he says he's sick too (but has no symptoms, and has not slowed down his work, social, or drinking activities!), so I need to step up since my symptoms are "in my head", and other pregnant women don't act this way.

I have half a mind to strait up vomit on him, instead of in the toilet...maybe a breakfast back up all over him will convince him it's real.

forevergraceful

I don't think they start to "get it" until you are showing. I think it is really hard for them to make that connection, when everything looks the same. Either way, I hope he comes around. 

JuneBug0611

DH is awesome. He was phenomenal with DD and is great this time too. I am insanely sick and he sees how much I am suffering and has really picked up my slack at home and hasn't made a single comment about my failing to do something. He knows how hard it is for me now and feels bad. I am so grateful. Because it I all I can do to get by.

apbogan

I had this whole rant about unsupportive H's typed out but decided I sounded like a total bitch. I'm sorry you guys aren't getting the support you need. It's not right. You're growing a person. Shame on them. 

squeakyfrog15

At first he thought I was making it up, until he saw me puke because I hadn't eaten. He has changed completely! Though am occasionally he asks if I'll do a bit more, but he no longer thinks I'm making it up!

jr0310

He's doing pretty well, but there are times he says I need to just suck it up and power through. Which is true I guess. I don't work, and I see so many of you strong women braving morning sickness and work at the same time. I guess I do have it pretty easy.

That said, I did say to him the other day, "its weird how with that one pregnancy test, my whole world changed, and everything is pretty much the same for you." He said, "not true. I have to put up with YOU!" (joking of course)

Its weird that I'm growing this life inside of me, and once he contributed his baby batter, his work was pretty much done.

EmMilAlly

DH is pretty great - we did Ivf so he's been going to Appts and giving me shots in the butt for months. BUT there are times he's clueless and it bugs me. I'll say I feel sick and he jumps all over me asking if it's the flu- no, pregnant. I told him I gained 3 pounds (it was actually 5 lol) and he says "oh you'll lose it after the holidays" - no, pregnant. The main thing is that I've been really emotional and he isn't understanding that. He's an engineer and a fixer and doesn't really want to hear about problems that we can't "fix" right then and there. Now that I type it out, these don't actually sound like real problems :-@

rachacre

FI has not been very supportive. My symptoms have more or less been a burden to him. And he eats. All. The. Food. He hasn't picked up any slack. He has his moments of being sweet but they are few and far between unfortunately.

jrcl14

DH is really trying to be supportive I think - sometimes it comes and goes. We live long distance due to our job circumstances and we're trying to figure out where baby and I are going to live (right now I'm at my parents to save money). He's trying to be helpful, but isn't ready to compromise his own comfort (sports car, apartment (he could easily move in with his own parents)) in order to make the situation better for baby and me. As for the day to day, sometimes it's all foot rubs and "what can I get you" and other times it's like he thinks I'm completely exaggerating how uncomfortable I am. Also he tried to place a bet with me yesterday that I won't be able to go through labor without drugs- keep in mind that I wanted home birth, but compromised (for his mom who wanted me in a hospital) and am going to a hospital backed birthing center with a midwife- so I'm pretty commited to going all natural. Betting against my ability to do so felt like a total slap in the face and real lack of support from the person I think should be my biggest cheerleader!

Sorry that was SO long - guess I needed to get it out!

ELauren88

DH is about the same as last time. He's not really sure what to do to help me, so he tries a little big of everything. Haha!
When I'm super sick, he'll bring me my zofran and water/sprite. If I'm tired, he takes DD for a bit. He's taken over kitchen and diaper duty for now. Until I can stand to spray poppy diapers or look at dirty dishes without puking everywhere.
I'm sorry some of you aren't feeling that support. I second the notion of having them read up on pregnancy.

LadyAnnibal

Mine flips back and forth between being understanding and making me feel like shit for being sick.

I really feel like he doesn't understand how shitty I feel on a daily basis. I'm not faking that I can't get out of bed. I go to the bathroom to vomit out of courtesy, but it kills me to move. I've been suffering from constant migranes and insane nausea since week 8. He comes home and complains that I'm messy and don't do anything, he's tired and stressed because he's working all the time, etc. etc. I understand it's hard for him, in no way am I belittling the fact that he has to take over work for two people, but sometimes I just want to cry because I feel like I'm dying. Sometimes, if I'm feeling okay I just clean up and cook so that I don't have to listen to him make me feel bad for laying in bed all day.

Other days it's, "babe, put your feet up. Relax, you're sick you don't need to be doing x,y,z."

bookworm7495

Oh no! These responses from some hubbies make me sad. I'm sorry that they aren't stepping up. Mine was struggling until the first ultrasound. I think it made it more real. He's been amazing ever since.

muffyvonmuff

Before going forward with trying to have #2 we had a big talk.  I layed it all out on the table about how much harder it was going to be and if he wasn't ready then we would wait to try for another.  He was so excited to have another baby he would've done anything I think.  So far he's been really great honestly.  He helps clean whenever I ask and seems genuinely concerned that I feel like such crap.  I think being really verbal about what you need and how you feel is key.  At least for me it is, since sometimes I do expect him to read my mind and just do things.  

KatD2011

It's tough going it alone! He's getting better but it took a breakdown on my part to get there. I'll be hugging the toilet in the middle of the night crying because I'm so tired ad he says "well I'm tired too". Or "you wanted this baby". Ah!! But as I said, we seem to be making small improvements.

charliepepper

I'm so sorry for those who aren't getting support at home! Totally agree with PP abt buying them books or being very verbal/straightforward w your needs.

Mine is usually clueless and kind of useless at home, but I have to say that he's been kind of amazing since I've been sick. I get toast delivered to me in bed, and he's taken over all the chores. He's even started asking me to make him a list of to-do's every wkend so I won't stress abt the tasks I usually have to nag him abt. We both work long hrs, and he's constantly telling me that it's ok to take time off or quit if it's too physically demanding--I'm no going to, but the sentiment is appreciated.

I hope these other hubbies get it thru their thick skulls that you are working hard growing a human!

sutavim2

I can honestly say I'm so grateful for my husband. Even though I have to explain a lot to him, he really does try.

I think I'm going to buy him a daddy to be book or something so he can read in his spare time. We'll see how it all works out though as his new semester is starting end of the month until mid May and he's going to be extremely busy with work and school.

benmichele

I'm feeling lucky reading this. I've been so sick I have barely gotten up with my toddler or put him to bed in the last month. I can't even imagine doing it without him.

ahsile10

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intensivepurposes

Mine was being quite the asshat for most of the first trimester.  It got better when I had a meltdown middle-of-the-night vomiting session where I ended up sobbing on the bathroom floor between waves of dry heaving into the toilet.  I'm not really a crier so this was a bit of a wakeup call to him.

brittneyloosli

I cannot lie, I have rarely been sick during my pregnancy and I have a high pain tolerence so he has been completely supportive. I did have to thank him for doing all the housework because I was deathly tired haha but I want him to know how much I appreciate it and thank him for bearing with me until I have my energy back. Its our first and yes it hasn't quite sunk in to him yet, but the way I see it, is that pregnancy is amazing and I hope men can appreciate what we go through. I know that some women have horrible sickness and I commend you for all that you do!

amc1087

My husband was not being very understanding at first. I think he assumed I was exaggerating or being a hypochondriac. Either way, I was PISSED. Then, about 2-3 weeks ago, he had a mild food-related allergic reaction and was tired, headachy, and sick to his stomach. While I was taking care of him I just said, "By the way. This is what I feel like always."

I think that really got to him. He's been awesome since then.

cabinchick

ahsile10 said:

Errsbear11 said:

I have half a mind to strait up vomit on him, instead of in the toilet...maybe a breakfast back up all over him will convince him it's real.

I would SO do that.

I chickened out...mostly for fear that I would be the one forced to clean it up. I did specifically NOT bother to clean up the bathroom this morning though, since I'm working and he has friends coming over in a bit. Hoping that will get my point across since he yelled at me for being so loud this morning I'm sorry...I'll get right on learning to vomit more quietly.

cschissell

He's actually been really great this time around. I know he's tired from working a lot, but he's also picking up a lot around the house with minimal annoyance.

RissaSorensen

I am grateful for my husband after reading all of this. You ladies should come live with us until you're feeling better! He has been super helpful, forgiving of my spells of insane bitchiness, he has done some cooking, a bit of cleaning ( albeit 'man' cleaning ...where things get put in piles or shoved in closets), and even put his coffee maker in the basement (the smell makes me nauseous). All this after a hell year for him (he was literally in a train wreck)
I sincerely hope that your men get their shit together and step up to help you.

ashiscute

I agree that sometimes you just need to be direct about what you're feeling. My DH has annoyed me by saying "I wonder why you feel so bad" a couple times but has really been awesome. He does the dishes most nights and cooks at least half the time. We've also been potty training DS and he has taken on a lot of that when he's home.

I think what helps is telling him what I'm feeling in relatable symptoms. He's not very sympathetic to being tired but nauseous, headaches, indigestion he gets do he's more sympathetic.

mrssnyder83

My husband has his moments. One thing he doesn't understand is the things he says. I've been having migraines like crazy he just makes comments that I'm always sick. That I never feel good. Or when I come home from work & say how exhausted I am he says how are you tired you don't even do anything. Ah hello I'm growing another person! Lol last night I got food poisoning he's been all over me today making sure I'm feeling better or if I need anything. Looks like this new years is going to suck!

steen9713

I know how you feel I finally had a talk with my DH about it. He ALWAYS ask w me"how are you? What's wrong?" Ect. He finally said he just wants to make sure I'm ok. Which is grate o told him he just needs to not be a jerk when I don't feel good or I have pains. Men truly don't understand!

mernuuh

I work 830-530 mon-fri at a preschool only making $7.50/hour so when I come home all I want is for him to just help me out because he doesn't work. He's always out doing things and just leaving me here because I don't feel good. Sometimes when I'm throwing up he will rub my back and there are times when he's super nice to me, but I just don't understand how men can be so clueless.

SepiaMoon

Mine barely gets it. He says I complain too much and thinks I'm exaggerating everything. I had a fit at him the other day and was screaming and crying that he doesn't help me, hasn't changed anything, doesn't ask me if I'm doing ok. He told me I need to communicate with him if I need things. Why do I have to spell everything out for him!!!!!?!?!? I thought after going to the first sono something would click with him, but it didn't and he says he doesn't need to go to every appointment. Ugg. We've had huge fights already about division of housework and his selfishness and laziness. It's like I have to make him a fucking chore chart for a child and give him candy to do things.

He doesn't get that some days I feel Ok and other days I just feel like shit.

aND I did buy him a book and he's read 3 chapters already, but that didn't do anything.

WhiteSun

my dh is a complete a* hole so I can't believe how much I've lucked out with him picking up the slack the minute my very late in the game morning sickness kicked in.

So sorry that you ladies are having trouble!

I can understand how hard it is because I look around and can't believe how messy my house is or lack of groceries, then I remember it would look worse if my DH hadn't pulled out the vacuum and gone to safeway last week. Even minimal support is definitely awesome.

yelah250

I hate that some of you are being treated so badly. Getting yelled at to vomit quieter?? That's so terrible.

My husband has been a blessing. Feeling sick all the time has been a huge challenge for me. I'm normally a lean in kind of mom and I just can't right now. He's picked up the slack of cooking and some cleaning and lots with our kids so I can rest. I feel so bad for him and can't wait til I feel better. He's doing housework til 9-10 at night because I do nothing but lay on my side after 5 pm. Counting down the days til I'm a functional adult again.

charlie+7

My hubbie is sporadically sympathetic and helpful. Most of the time he thinks I'm making up symptoms and calls me out on my baby brain until I have a crying melt down. Then the house gets cleaned and meals cooked. Then he says he's tired from working and nothing gets done. But I'm also working full time and was working 6 days a week until last week. It's a constant battle and frustrating as I'm usually more than happy to do most stuff around the house but I'm so tired and ill most days. On my "good" days I am having to try and play catch up with house stuff etc. Which means I get no quality down time.

mine555

Mine is trying to understand what I'm going thought this is are first baby after our miscarriage in September but he is helpful most the time and make me dinner sometimes sorry some of u are having mean husband thought this

wineandcake

I had such an easy pregnancy with DS that he doesn't understand how bad I feel this time. With DS I could rest when I wanted and he worked out of town every other week so I got time alone. This time I have a toddler and DH works in town so he's home every night and I have no break. He gets frustrated and moody all the time which frustrates me on top of feeling like death.

I think he is a bit more understanding now because he sees that I am taking nausea meds so often and a good friend is pregnant as well and he hears our talks. Knowing that I'm not the only one feeling bad is helping him I believe.