Gender scan

Maebb

@Latham12‌, I used to think homosexuality was a "lifestyle choice," but now I think people are born that way. I am a Christian, and I'm really conflicted on why God would "make people" that way. But at the same time, I have several friends who grew up in strong Christian homes, are Christians themselves, were not abused, did not have anything traumatic happen to them, still have both parents married and involved in their lives, and yet still are gay. They may not be actively involved in a relationship with someone of the same sex, but that is who they are attracted to, regardless of the fact that they have been taught their whole lives that this is a sin. Three of them tried for years to force themselves to like and date the opposite sex, but it felt like a lie. They now have admitted to their families that they are gay, and they've been ostracized and rejected for it. Why would they choose that, knowing that they'd be rejected for it? My one friend cried as she told me, saying, "I didn't ask to be this way. My parents are telling me that I'm confused, but I've felt this way my whole life. Who I am is wrong and a bad person according to The Bible and my parents, but I've tried to change it or ignore it, and I can't." So now to not be sinful, she has to live her life celibate? I can have my marriage, baby, a lifelong partner if that's what I choose, but she can't have any of that? It makes me really sad, and it's not fair. I have no explanation for why God would make her this way or why she would choose it if it means she can't be happy. She has been to counseling, and she has prayed for God to take it away, but it hasn't changed her.

I don't know what to say, and I don't have an explanation for it. I am a Christian, and I think the only reasonable, biblical response is to love my friends, so that's what I'm doing.

jennkg3

Maebb said:

@Latham12‌, I used to think homosexuality was a "lifestyle choice," but now I think people are born that way. I am a Christian, and I'm really conflicted on why God would "make people" that way. But at the same time, I have several friends who grew up in strong Christian homes, are Christians themselves, were not abused, did not have anything traumatic happen to them, still have both parents married and involved in their lives, and yet still are gay. They may not be actively involved in a relationship with someone of the same sex, but that is who they are attracted to, regardless of the fact that they have been taught their whole lives that this is a sin. Three of them tried for years to force themselves to like and date the opposite sex, but it felt like a lie. They now have admitted to their families that they are gay, and they've been ostracized and rejected for it. Why would they choose that, knowing that they'd be rejected for it? My one friend cried as she told me, saying, "I didn't ask to be this way. My parents are telling me that I'm confused, but I've felt this way my whole life. Who I am is wrong and a bad person according to The Bible and my parents, but I've tried to change it or ignore it, and I can't." So now to not be sinful, she has to live her life celibate? I can have my marriage, baby, a lifelong partner if that's what I choose, but she can't have any of that? It makes me really sad, and it's not fair. I have no explanation for why God would make her this way or why she would choose it if it means she can't be happy. She has been to counseling, and she has prayed for God to take it away, but it hasn't changed her. I don't know what to say, and I don't have an explanation for it. I am a Christian, and I think the only reasonable, biblical response is to love my friends, so that's what I'm doing.

this story breaks my heart nobody should ever feel that the way they are made is wrong. I was brought up catholic I consider myself agnostic. I certainly can't believe in a catholic god. Though the only god I can accept would be a loving accepting god. I hope seeing a therapist gave your friend some peace.

TXUltraRunner

Maebb your story is the first thing that has made me cry my entire pregnancy. How sad that someone's family and religion can make them feel that way. I'm proud to have married into a family who has accepted their daughter/sister/cousin/etc. and couldn't care less about who she loves (my sister in law is a lesbian). I forget that there are still families out there like your friend's family. 

ShuShubee

TXUltraRunner said:

Maebb your story is the first thing that has made me cry my entire pregnancy. How sad that someone's family and religion can make them feel that way. I'm proud to have married into a family who has accepted their daughter/sister/cousin/etc. and couldn't care less about who she loves (my sister in law is a lesbian). I forget that there are still families out there like your friend's family. 

DH and I have, unfortunately, known a few people that committed suicide after high school because they were gay/lesbian and weren't accepted by their family. It is the saddest thing. No one should ever have to feel that way.

I am going to point something out. I grew up in church and consider myself a christian. I also fully support LGBT rights and their right to marry as I believe it is discrimination that they can't. I do not agree with the church AT ALL on this matter. I believe that God is pure and good and accepting, but churches are run by humans. Churches are not God. Churches have thumped the bible to support slavery and to keep women from voting. But, people forget that because it was in the past and no one would think twice now to say that slavery is okay. The bible has been interpreted and reinterpreted many, many, many times to fit what someone THINKS it should fit.

Sorry, but I had to point that out because it infuriates me when people use the phrase - well, the church says it's wrong, so it's wrong.

YaMrWhite

ShuShubee said:

TXUltraRunner said:

Maebb your story is the first thing that has made me cry my entire pregnancy. How sad that someone's family and religion can make them feel that way. I'm proud to have married into a family who has accepted their daughter/sister/cousin/etc. and couldn't care less about who she loves (my sister in law is a lesbian). I forget that there are still families out there like your friend's family. 

DH and I have, unfortunately, known a few people that committed suicide after high school because they were gay/lesbian and weren't accepted by their family. It is the saddest thing. No one should ever have to feel that way.

I am going to point something out. I grew up in church and consider myself a christian. I also fully support LGBT rights and their right to marry as I believe it is discrimination that they can't. I do not agree with the church AT ALL on this matter. I believe that God is pure and good and accepting, but churches are run by humans. Churches are not God. Churches have thumped the bible to support slavery and to keep women from voting. But, people forget that because it was in the past and no one would think twice now to say that slavery is okay. The bible has been interpreted and reinterpreted many, many, many times to fit what someone THINKS it should fit.

Sorry, but I had to point that out because it infuriates me when people use the phrase - well, the church says it's wrong, so it's wrong.

+1

renhindo

Our doctor said we could have the chromosome blood test at 10 weeks to find out the gender. We did it this week at 13 weeks bc my wife (and me too but not as bad) wants to know SO badly. We're not the most patient ppl... So excited to find out in 10 days! Ps the test is apparently usually very expensive but is on special for $25 otherwise we wouldn't. Normally over $250 I think.

Rochelle2012

YaMrWhite said:

ShuShubee said:

TXUltraRunner said:

Maebb your story is the first thing that has made me cry my entire pregnancy. How sad that someone's family and religion can make them feel that way. I'm proud to have married into a family who has accepted their daughter/sister/cousin/etc. and couldn't care less about who she loves (my sister in law is a lesbian). I forget that there are still families out there like your friend's family. 

DH and I have, unfortunately, known a few people that committed suicide after high school because they were gay/lesbian and weren't accepted by their family. It is the saddest thing. No one should ever have to feel that way.

I am going to point something out. I grew up in church and consider myself a christian. I also fully support LGBT rights and their right to marry as I believe it is discrimination that they can't. I do not agree with the church AT ALL on this matter. I believe that God is pure and good and accepting, but churches are run by humans. Churches are not God. Churches have thumped the bible to support slavery and to keep women from voting. But, people forget that because it was in the past and no one would think twice now to say that slavery is okay. The bible has been interpreted and reinterpreted many, many, many times to fit what someone THINKS it should fit.

Sorry, but I had to point that out because it infuriates me when people use the phrase - well, the church says it's wrong, so it's wrong.

+1


My thoughts exactly.

MaPetiteFamille

As others have pointed out, the suggestion that being gay is a "lifestyle choice" is offensive to the people familiar with the hardships faced by those who are LGBTQ. Who would choose an uphill battle and risk being ostracized by their family, friends, and community?

In high school, I lost a friend to suicide shortly after he came out to his family and was met with hostility, violence, and the threat of homelessness. And I grew up in a progressive environment. We had a gay straight alliance at my school that was started in 1995; one of the first in the state. We had a big group of friends and we were all part of it. We had a good support system in the faculty. But it wasn't enough.

As current or future parents, everyone here should be aware that LGBTQ kids are at an enormously increased risk for suicide, depression, homelessness, and being victims of abuse (whether at the hands of their families or their peers). And with 10% of the population (probably more) being LGBTQ, this could easily be an issue you'll need to face one day. Your reactions to your child's disclosure of his or her identity will be something that they remember for the rest of their life. We all have a responsibility to learn about these issues and really think them through.

YaMrWhite

mrandmrsk91011 said:

@YaMrWhite  Be careful when you blame "The church" as if all churches say being gay is wrong.

  

While there are many denominations that do condemn the LBGTQ community using a reading of scripture that is taken out of historical context, there are many other denominations within the Christian church that are fully welcoming and affirming of the gay community.  

~The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America ordains gay clergy in same sex relationships, just ordained the first transgender clergy person in the tradition, and many churches welcome gay couples to get married there 

~the United Church of Christ is a big player in the marriage equality fight 

~the Presbyterian Church (USA) just voted to allow pastors to bless same sex unions 

~the Episcopal church in the US was the first American Christian denomination to elect an openly gay bishop 

~ etc, etc, etc.  

So, don't blame the whole church. It's not the whole church. 

I recommended it to Latham12, but maybe you should watch "for the bible tells me so," as well.

Sorry when I +1'd the post, it is because I was thinking of the churches I have been to. I should have clarified. There are always exceptions and I know that. Just another example of not THOROUGHLY saying what it is I wanted to convey. Happens a lot on internet forums.

ShuShubee

mrandmrsk91011 said:

@YaMrWhite  Be careful when you blame "The church" as if all churches say being gay is wrong.

  

While there are many denominations that do condemn the LBGTQ community using a reading of scripture that is taken out of historical context, there are many other denominations within the Christian church that are fully welcoming and affirming of the gay community.  

~The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America ordains gay clergy in same sex relationships, just ordained the first transgender clergy person in the tradition, and many churches welcome gay couples to get married there 

~the United Church of Christ is a big player in the marriage equality fight 

~the Presbyterian Church (USA) just voted to allow pastors to bless same sex unions 

~the Episcopal church in the US was the first American Christian denomination to elect an openly gay bishop 

~ etc, etc, etc.  

So, don't blame the whole church. It's not the whole church. 

I recommended it to Latham12, but maybe you should watch "for the bible tells me so," as well.

You are absolutely correct. My point was that churches are not infallible - I should have clarified that. It does make me happy to see some denominations accept and treat LGBT as equals and not as "sinners."

MichaelSC28

jconno said:

Waiting until 19w or whenever midwife sends me for another ultrasound. Although I'm 80% sure I'm having a girl! We will see if I'm right! My insurance fully covers all of my ultrasounds though and I'm sure if some of you wanna know you could just lie and say you're having bleeding! Every time I have had the tiniest issue my midwife sent me for an ultrasound. Which is why I'm only 10w and have had 3!

What. The. Actual. Fuck. Lying about bleeding isn't fun and games. It's disrespectful to anyone that has gone through a loss (like myself) and takes time away from people who need real appointments for real issues. WTF is wrong with you?

Agree...I am dumbfounded...what an inappropriate comment. Is that even funny...I mean..you know what nevermind.

ON THE NOTE OF THE ACTUAL DISCUSSION: This is my first and I may possibly...maybe pay for it. 

erinmarie86

we just found out at one of our normal visits...it's still early (14w)...so i'm excited to say It's a Boy! (For now)....i plan on having the doctor check the next few visits just to confirm...but no need to pay for a special ultra sound.

rainbows

I wish I could get a low cost ultra sound for that, but my doctors office only offers 2 per pregnancy, because most insurances around here only cover 2, even if you are super high risk, you have to pay for any additional ones.  To get one at another location is about $150 and honestly, ive been tempted, but they wont do it until 18 weeks, which is when the doctor will do it, so no point!

Unknown

This content has been removed.

nmrd

I think that saying you love and accept gay people because we're all sinners is self-defeating. I haven't been in the position of being in a loving same sex relationship and having someone tell me that they love me and won't judge me because they also lie, cheat, steal, etc. but I can imagine that would be really hurtful. I would find it difficult to open up to someone who tells me that loving and caring for one of the most important people in my life is sinful and akin to lying, stealing, murder, etc. I guess if you truly believe that homosexuality is a sin then I don't know what better you can really say or do, other than just know that those sorts of comments aren't particularly helpful. Perhaps it would be better to just not speak about it at all and refrain from making any judgments about what constitutes sin in other people's lives at all.

[edit: phone grammar whoops]

SpaceGirlSpiff

Lol @ the people still answering the original question in the thread after how much this has derailed.  Always gives me a chuckle.

Saying "I accept that you're living a gay 'lifestyle' because hey so many other people lie, are adulterous, cheat, steal, murder etc too but they still go to church!" .... that just feels so icky to me... I just cannot compare being apart of the LGBT community as anywhere CLOSE to on the same level as more heinous sins like that it just rubs me the wrong way.  Being gay or Transgender is not a choice...who would make that choice? Committing those other sins, those are choices.  As others have said, I didn't choose to be straight.

I also don't subscribe to an organized religion so there's that (much to my very traditional Christian Mom's dismay.... our conversations get interesting).... but I was brought up Christian as a kid

ghostof5letters

aditigirl said:

Hey!  @aditigirl made an appearance!

Come out of hiding, @ghostof5letters!   

I'm here, a-lurkin' as always, and love titting appropriately.

Sorry, had a baby on Thursday so it took me a few days to get back online. 

BookitBoo

ghostof5letters said:

aditigirl said:

Lanatir said:

Hey!  @aditigirl made an appearance!

Come out of hiding, @ghostof5letters!   

I'm here, a-lurkin' as always, and love titting appropriately.

Sorry, had a baby on Thursday so it took me a few days to get back online. 

Congratulations! That's awesome!

SpaceGirlSpiff

Congrats @ghostof5letters !

longcat07

congrats @ghostof5letters!  i hear from a few ladies on this board that july 3 is an awesome birthday.

Lanatir

Congratulations, @ghostof5letters!  I hope all is going well with your recovery!

britb618

Congrats @ghostof5letters‌ !!! My daughter just turned one on the fourth! Great week for a birthday

nmrd

pharmgirl1024 said:

I'm gone for 2 days for work training and I come back to this? Holy cannoli.

Congrats @ghostof5letters!!

omg, i wish i had a cannoli.

ghostof5letters

Thank you, ladies!

Teeny tiny little lady named Jillian.

July 3rd was a busy day for July 2014 BMB. It's good to be settled home and getting into our groove.

cabbeeby

What a thread!! Pages 1-4 had me sighing heavily, pages 5-9 I was laughing, page 9 made me cry, and now there is a newborn baby.

Thank you to all who contributed to forming this piece of awesome and congrats to @ghostof5letters‌.

kolaczka

Yikes. I don't know what else to say.

lawwarrior

Doing it at the anatomy scan too, only do a private one if they can't find the gender then!

haleyandsteven

I took the bloodwork and it takes two weeks to get back and I'm only 13 weeks ! My doctor said it's new and she has never had it been wrong. In less then a week I'll find out what I'm having

breem1213

We are waiting until the 20 week ultrasound, but there is a test called intelli gender at Walgreens that has been right with my older children. It said boy, so just waiting for the doc to confirm it.

Latham12

breem1213 said:

We are waiting until the 20 week ultrasound, but there is a test called intelli gender at Walgreens that has been right with my older children. It said boy, so just waiting for the doc to confirm it.

What kind of test is it that walgreens sells it?

longcat07

Latham12 said:

We are waiting until the 20 week ultrasound, but there is a test called intelli gender at Walgreens that has been right with my older children. It said boy, so just waiting for the doc to confirm it.

What kind of test is it that walgreens sells it?

a pee test.  i've heard of a lot of women for whom it was wrong.

MusicFanatic

longcat07 said:

Latham12 said:

We are waiting until the 20 week ultrasound, but there is a test called intelli gender at Walgreens that has been right with my older children. It said boy, so just waiting for the doc to confirm it.

What kind of test is it that walgreens sells it?

a pee test.  i've heard of a lot of women for whom it was wrong.

Like several of my friends.

50/50. Might be a girl. Might be a boy. The usual.

Maebb

If you're really anxious to pee on something and have it "predict" the sex with 50% accuracy, try the red cabbage test. It's cheaper than intelligender, and you can eat the part that you don't use for the test.

aerotigergirl

If you're interested, I also offer a mail-in sex prediction service. For the low, low price of $19.99, I will send you an envelope of pink or blue confetti to let you know what you're having!