Unpopular/Unsolicited Opinion Thursday

Skeemer

jessa8907 said:

Huahine said:

This is one of those things that is only worth discussing with people who actually have kids.  It falls into the "I would never . . . " litany of behaviors that most parents find themselves doing in real life at one point or another.  

^ This.

Also, yeah I have a child (almost 3 yrs old) as I've already said. And no, he does not get left in the car. There just isn't a good enough reason ever IMO.

I can get WHY it's tempting. Everything takes a zillion times longer with him in tow. But that still isn't a good enough reason to leave him in the car unsupervised. He's not a poodle.

marsalisails

jessa8907 said:

Huahine said:

Skeemer said:

birthjunkie13 said:

I'm not saying that I'll ever do it, but I completely understand why a parent would want to leave their kid in a locked car (as long as it's not overwhelmingly hot or cold) with a window cracked for the 2 minutes it takes to run in to the post office.  Maybe it's because I live in a teeny tiny town, but I get it now.

Yes I get why it's tempting but I absolutely don't care how much time it saves me to not unbuckle my son & go in a building. DH & I chose to have children & inconveniences come with that. If I'm not willing to unbuckle my child & take him in then I don't need stamps that badly.

This woman left her car running in her own driveway -

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/twin-boys-fight-kidnapper-carjacking-texas-article-1.1760852

This is one of those things that is only worth discussing with people who actually have kids.  It falls into the "I would never . . . " litany of behaviors that most parents find themselves doing in real life at one point or another.  




@Huahine‌ is kind of right. If DS would fall asleep as an infant in the car on our way home from a store, it was a beautiful spring day, and that was the only nap he was getting, I would park in my driveway (it wraps around the back of my house so you can't see if a car is there, and i am the last house in my neighborhood where no one goes) open up all the doors to get air, put the grocery bags in the house, go to the bathroom, and grab some water and go back and sit/sleep with him until he woke up. (If the weather wasn't I deal, I would get him in the house first)

Now, he is 4.5 and if he or I forget something that's quick to get in the house, I run in and get it and leave him in his seat for the 20 seconds it takes me. God bless him, but he moves slow and is distracted easily, and mommy needs to get to work.

I don't consider myself a bad mother. Neither would anyone else.

jensavicci

ashleysyn2 said:

All I want to drink right now is milk, all I want to eat is breakfast food, and I love my pearls.

I think cats are the worst.

Cats are some evil SOBs.

dobbyisfree

jensavicci said:

ashleysyn2 said:

All I want to drink right now is milk, all I want to eat is breakfast food, and I love my pearls.

I think cats are the worst.

Cats are some evil SOBs.

SOME cats. My cat loves me more than my husband does.

Skeemer

Matthew930 said:

@Huahine‌ is kind of right. If DS would fall asleep as an infant in the car on our way home from a store, it was a beautiful spring day, and that was the only nap he was getting, I would park in my driveway (it wraps around the back of my house so you can't see if a car is there, and i am the last house in my neighborhood where no one goes) open up all the doors to get air, put the grocery bags in the house, go to the bathroom, and grab some water and go back and sit/sleep with him until he woke up. (If the weather wasn't I deal, I would get him in the house first) Now, he is 4.5 and if he or I forget something that's quick to get in the house, I run in and get it and leave him in his seat for the 20 seconds it takes me. God bless him, but he moves slow and is distracted easily, and mommy needs to get to work. I don't consider myself a bad mother. Neither would anyone else.

Why wouldn't you just take his infant seat into the house first & let him nap in it?

And no, I'm sure you're not a bad mother. I would never imply that even if we don't agree.

darkangel42

I think picky eaters (adults, kids I can sort of understand) should be left out of the decision-making process for where/what to eat.

I'm allergic to all sorts but I'll eat pretty much anything so I'm still easier to work with than someone picky, like my OH (he says he doesn't like stuff he hasn't even tried - I hate that).

Everyone wants sushi but one person who doesn't like it so we don't go?! NO. We still go and that person chooses a non-sushi dish like soup, salad, chicken teryaki, steak, dumplings etc or stays home.

jensavicci

amlonica said:

jensavicci said:

ashleysyn2 said:

All I want to drink right now is milk, all I want to eat is breakfast food, and I love my pearls.

I think cats are the worst.

Cats are some evil SOBs.

SOME cats. My cat loves me more than my husband does.

That's what they all say....and then the owner leaves you and the cat alone for a second and then the act is over. Then they're all like "You came to the wrong home lady. Touch me and see what happens. I dare you. I double dog dare you."

marsalisails

Skeemer said:

Matthew930 said:

jessa8907 said:

@Huahine‌ is kind of right. If DS would fall asleep as an infant in the car on our way home from a store, it was a beautiful spring day, and that was the only nap he was getting, I would park in my driveway (it wraps around the back of my house so you can't see if a car is there, and i am the last house in my neighborhood where no one goes) open up all the doors to get air, put the grocery bags in the house, go to the bathroom, and grab some water and go back and sit/sleep with him until he woke up. (If the weather wasn't I deal, I would get him in the house first)

Now, he is 4.5 and if he or I forget something that's quick to get in the house, I run in and get it and leave him in his seat for the 20 seconds it takes me. God bless him, but he moves slow and is distracted easily, and mommy needs to get to work.

I don't consider myself a bad mother. Neither would anyone else.

Why wouldn't you just take his infant seat into the house first & let him nap in it?

And no, I'm sure you're not a bad mother. I would never imply that even if we don't agree.

He would wake up most times. Any sort of movement would wake him up. You should have seen me creeping around the car opening up the doors! Like i said, I would only do it if the weather was great, but it was imperative that the child slept...He didn't sleep through the night until he was 9 months old...and even that was sporadic. Naps were my salvation. I would do everything I could to get home BEFORE he fell asleep, but alas, sometimes my timing was a few minutes off...

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darkangel42

jessa8907 said:

jensavicci said:

All I want to drink right now is milk, all I want to eat is breakfast food, and I love my pearls.

I think cats are the worst.

Cats are some evil SOBs.

SOME cats. My cat loves me more than my husband does.

That's what they all say....and then the owner leaves you and the cat alone for a second and then the act is over. Then they're all like "You came to the wrong home lady. Touch me and see what happens. I dare you. I double dog dare you."

My cat runs and hides when "strangers" come to the house. If they stay a few hours she will eventually venture out and investigate and sometimes will let a few friends of ours pick her up and pet her.

But generally she's like "screw this" and disappears.

We have one of each cat. 

The old one hates all humans universally and glares contemptuously at us all with the exception of my OH who she will purr at and sleep on.

The 3-legged one is friendly but skittish, she'll be affectionate but runs away at sudden movements.

The newest cat is a total attention whore, he loves everyone and will go right up to new people and just mew and rub their legs for attention. He cries if he stops getting cuddles before he's had enough. Even went up to the vet and snuggled her leg right after she gave him a shot.

Huahine

Re: kids in cars - 

Skeemer - I realize you have a child and the experience to decide whether this is something that you would ever do. I'm just reacting to when this came up on my last BMB board and there was such an uproar of FTMs who claimed they would never, ever leave their kid in a car - including someone who stated that she would even return a cart to the cart return and then carry her kid back to the car, in the rain, rather than strap them in, and then return the cart.  If the board wasn't defunct, I would just love to go back and do a poll to see how many have made the kind of facts and circumstances analysis and decided that yes, on occasion, it makes sense to leave your kid in the car. 

My kid was a craptastic sleeper for the first 14 months of his life.  DH was so sleep deprived that he could barely speak. We thought he had a brain tumor.  We named it Thomas. But I digress.

Often the only way I could get DS1 to nap was to take him on a snooze cruise. Once asleep there was nothing I would do to risk waking that child up.  I spent lots of time sitting with him in the parking lots of big box stores waiting for him to finish sleeping.  But I also would leave him to nap in our car in the garage if he fell asleep on the way home or in the shady parking lot of the library of the small town we lived in while I ran in to grab a book off the reserve shelf. I understand that a lot of parents wouldn't be comfortable with even the modicum of risk involved. But I am.  

darkangel42

I don't see what's wrong with leaving the child in the (locked) car to take the cart to the cart return. They're always nearby enough so that you can always see the car and usually get to and back in about a minute. 

I'd rather not leave my child in the car but in this situation, particularly in bad weather, it makes more sense.

I'd also leave mine in the car if they were asleep while I took things in the house but I've always had a hidden driveway right by the house so it's not like it's far or exposed to passers-by. This wouldn't be the case if I lived somewhere busy.

My logic is that if I can't see the car, it's too far (baby comes with) and if baby's awake, baby comes with if I'd be gone over a minute.

rjacques

Skeemer said:

Bpargood said:

@cakebatter27‌ I'm a teacher and I totally agree. I hate the term "bundle of joy". It sounds dumb and I don't know why, it just does. What's worse is I have a friend who will still refer to her now 3 year old as her bundle of joy. Don't get me wrong, my son brings me soo much joy, it's just that phrase kills me!

@bpargood

It makes me laugh when people call a baby "Baby Daniel" instead of just Daniel or whatever the name is. I can see it's a baby. Does it really have to be prefaced? Would it be okay for me to call someone "Adult Jessica" or "Teenage Aaron"? Lol. Just my crazy sense of humor.

I agree @Skeemer! My DS is almost 2 and some people still refer to him as Baby Matthew. Drives me crazy! 

TugboatSheila

Anecdotal story about adults doing kid jobs:

My dad worked for a company doing something he got a degree in and was really good at. The company went under. When I lived at home, there was a time when I was the only person in my house that had a job (working part time as a server and going to college). My dad finally was able to find a job in the grocery section of a well known chain of retail stores because nobody would hire someone who was 60+. Within the first few months of working there my dad's state of mind and pride shot up. Even though he was doing something shitty that some kid could be doing. The point of this is that anytime I see an adult doing a "kid" job I think of my dad and want to give them some extra "YOU CAN DO IT".

drunkenhandstand

BP607 said:

I don't think it's necessary to drive crazily to get over in the left lane when someone has pulled off on the right shoulder.  Some people don't care who is in the left lane or about any other approaching cars when someone is on the shoulder (most of the time not even out of the car) and just come on over!  I'm all about moving over if someone is on the side of the road..but only if there is adequate space and I'm not going to cause an accident by doing it. 

They need to get over. Period. People in the other lanes need to be paying attention as well to all aspects of the road (not just their fast lane) and allow for the right lane to move over into their lanes if there is a stalled car. And visa versa - sometimes they are stalled on the left hand side. Once you have a sister killed by a car flying by too close to the stalled vehicle, your opinion will absolutely change. Promise.

mamaloaf

jojobean86 said:

I don't think it's necessary to drive crazily to get over in the left lane when someone has pulled off on the right shoulder.  Some people don't care who is in the left lane or about any other approaching cars when someone is on the shoulder (most of the time not even out of the car) and just come on over!  I'm all about moving over if someone is on the side of the road..but only if there is adequate space and I'm not going to cause an accident by doing it. 

They need to get over. Period. People in the other lanes need to be paying attention as well to all aspects of the road (not just their fast lane) and allow for the right lane to move over into their lanes if there is a stalled car. And visa versa - sometimes they are stalled on the left hand side. Once you have a sister killed by a car flying by too close to the stalled vehicle, your opinion will absolutely change. Promise.

Agreed. And people need to learn what they are supposed to do when a fire/ems/police vehicle is approaching. You don't just stop in your lane. You get over.

Skeemer

Huahine said:

Re: kids in cars - 

Skeemer - I realize you have a child and the experience to decide whether this is something that you would ever do. I'm just reacting to when this came up on my last BMB board and there was such an uproar of FTMs who claimed they would never, ever leave their kid in a car - including someone who stated that she would even return a cart to the cart return and then carry her kid back to the car, in the rain, rather than strap them in, and then return the cart.  If the board wasn't defunct, I would just love to go back and do a poll to see how many have made the kind of facts and circumstances analysis and decided that yes, on occasion, it makes sense to leave your kid in the car. 

My kid was a craptastic sleeper for the first 14 months of his life.  DH was so sleep deprived that he could barely speak. We thought he had a brain tumor.  We named it Thomas. But I digress.

Often the only way I could get DS1 to nap was to take him on a snooze cruise. Once asleep there was nothing I would do to risk waking that child up.  I spent lots of time sitting with him in the parking lots of big box stores waiting for him to finish sleeping.  But I also would leave him to nap in our car in the garage if he fell asleep on the way home or in the shady parking lot of the library of the small town we lived in while I ran in to grab a book off the reserve shelf. I understand that a lot of parents wouldn't be comfortable with even the modicum of risk involved. But I am.  

I totally understand the FTM claims & I have also done a few "I'll nevers". For my personal life, I cannot forsee any reason that my child would be left in the car unattended. Also, most of the reasons/questions given by others were for things like wanting sweet tea or running into the post office which IMO are trivial things in comparrison to my child.

dobbyisfree

jensavicci said:

amlonica said:

jensavicci said:

ashleysyn2 said:

All I want to drink right now is milk, all I want to eat is breakfast food, and I love my pearls.

I think cats are the worst.

Cats are some evil SOBs.

SOME cats. My cat loves me more than my husband does.

That's what they all say....and then the owner leaves you and the cat alone for a second and then the act is over. Then they're all like "You came to the wrong home lady. Touch me and see what happens. I dare you. I double dog dare you."

I so wish you could meet him for real. He is not normal. Not in the slightest. My dog hates people coming over and cowers in the corner and wont come neat people. I have friends terribly allergic to cats and I WANT Doodle to leave them alone and he rubs up against them and purrs and fights to be in their lap. Hes more dog than she is. Right now shes passed out on the other end of the couch, but hes the one who has to be physically in my lap or hes unhappy.

dobbyisfree

jojobean86 said:

BP607 said:

I don't think it's necessary to drive crazily to get over in the left lane when someone has pulled off on the right shoulder.  Some people don't care who is in the left lane or about any other approaching cars when someone is on the shoulder (most of the time not even out of the car) and just come on over!  I'm all about moving over if someone is on the side of the road..but only if there is adequate space and I'm not going to cause an accident by doing it. 

They need to get over. Period. People in the other lanes need to be paying attention as well to all aspects of the road (not just their fast lane) and allow for the right lane to move over into their lanes if there is a stalled car. And visa versa - sometimes they are stalled on the left hand side. Once you have a sister killed by a car flying by too close to the stalled vehicle, your opinion will absolutely change. Promise.

This is a law here now. A policeman got hit and killed by a car that didnt get over. The law is if its safe to do so, you must switch to the other lane.

coybig

Just did the math out of curiosity.

a $15/hour minimum wage calculates out to $2200 more in a year (40 hr work week) than my first and second year as a high school History teacher.  It is currently $200 more than a new teacher in the district we currently reside in.

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drunkenhandstand

LiteraChick said:

@jojobean86 your sister? :-(

Yes @LiteraChick. Sorry, that whole topic just strikes a nerve. 

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danner24

Agreed! Want better wages get a better job..

mamakiss

Also, I have no problem with getting elective ultrasounds. I would rather people pay a third party than lie or make something up to get one done at the doctor, and have insurance cover it.

mamakiss

danner24 said:

Agreed! Want better wages get a better job..

To say something like this, in this economy, is incredibly ignorant.

I'm not saying minimum wage needs to raised to $15, but it definitely does need to be raised.

helloblueeyes

UO; 

You should always take into consideration the person you are giving a gift to when you give one. I get that it's a gift but seriously, if you know the person doesn't drink, do not buy them wine. If you know they hate dark chocolate, do not give them dark chocolate. Especially if there is a fairly clear theme or etiquette applied to the situation that the gift is for. 

This brought to you by the fact that my mom tried to talk my aunt out of some kitschy origami owl necklace as a present for me for my shower. I am not a cutesy type shit person, or even a girly person, i don't even wear necklaces. I hardly change my earrings because i purposely put in ones that go with everything except rare special occasions. I do not even have an engagement ring because they are too fragile. I am really tough on my things and i tend to break or wear stuff out a lot. My aunt knows all of this. 

I get that this makes me look ungrateful, and i feel bad for thinking it, but i also feel bad that she is going to spend her money on something that i will pretend to like and then put away to collect dust. I would totally rather her save her money and just show up to have a good time. 

cakebatter27

mamakiss said:

Also, I have no problem with getting elective ultrasounds. I would rather people pay a third party than lie or make something up to get one done at the doctor, and have insurance cover it.

We have 100% coverage and no Co pay so we've paid $0 this entire pregnancy. This morning dh and I shelled out $170 for half an hour, sex confirmation (since we didn't have the tech show us at 18 wks and I'm paranoid), and this...Our little one who I would gladly pay it again to see since I probably won't get another ultrasound this pregnancy. Was it necessary? No. But I just wanted to see and therefore we paid for what we got :-)

darkangel42

@helloblueeyes - I agree with you. It makes no sense to me to get someone a gift that they won't get any enjoyment from. 

People say it's the thought that counts but getting a teetotal-er wine kinda shows lack of thought to me.

ichamommy

mamakiss said:

danner24 said:

Agreed! Want better wages get a better job..

To say something like this, in this economy, is incredibly ignorant.

I'm not saying minimum wage needs to raised to $15, but it definitely does need to be raised.

Because a 14 year old kid working their first job at McDonalds needs to be paid enough to raise a family? No.

Minimum wage pay is for minimum effort and skill level jobs. If you want a better paying job, educate and develop yourself to deserve it. Then quit your fast food job and go find it.

darkangel42

ichabody said:

Agreed! Want better wages get a better job..

To say something like this, in this economy, is incredibly ignorant. I'm not saying minimum wage needs to raised to $15, but it definitely does need to be raised.

Because a 14 year old kid working their first job at McDonalds needs to be paid enough to raise a family? No. Minimum wage pay is for minimum effort and skill level jobs. If you want a better paying job, educate and develop yourself to deserve it. Then quit your fast food job and go find it.

It's not that easy.

I was making coffee for minimum wage in the UK even though I've got various qualifications and can speak 4 languages. Being able to do the job doesn't mean the job is available - making coffee or stacking shelves was all I could get. 

Believe me, if there was an interpreter job going then it would have been mine.

Are there different minimum wages for different age groups here?

In the UK, minimum wage at 16 is lower than at 22 because a 16 year old isn't likely to be running a home but a 22 year old is.

BP607

amlonica said:

jojobean86 said:

BP607 said:

I don't think it's necessary to drive crazily to get over in the left lane when someone has pulled off on the right shoulder.  Some people don't care who is in the left lane or about any other approaching cars when someone is on the shoulder (most of the time not even out of the car) and just come on over!  I'm all about moving over if someone is on the side of the road..but only if there is adequate space and I'm not going to cause an accident by doing it. 

They need to get over. Period. People in the other lanes need to be paying attention as well to all aspects of the road (not just their fast lane) and allow for the right lane to move over into their lanes if there is a stalled car. And visa versa - sometimes they are stalled on the left hand side. Once you have a sister killed by a car flying by too close to the stalled vehicle, your opinion will absolutely change. Promise.

This is a law here now. A policeman got hit and killed by a car that didnt get over. The law is if its safe to do so, you must switch to the other lane.

I totally agree that you should get over when it's safe and I always get over when I'm able to... I'm referring to people who just fly over into the left lane when there are other cars there and risk causing an accident.

TugboatSheila

ichabody said:

Agreed! Want better wages get a better job..

To say something like this, in this economy, is incredibly ignorant. I'm not saying minimum wage needs to raised to $15, but it definitely does need to be raised.

Because a 14 year old kid working their first job at McDonalds needs to be paid enough to raise a family? No. Minimum wage pay is for minimum effort and skill level jobs. If you want a better paying job, educate and develop yourself to deserve it. Then quit your fast food job and go find it.

I see your point here and I'm sure you aren't trying to make blanket statements but as per what I just previously posted that's not always what's going on. My dad is the sole breadwinner as my mom is not medically able to work. He IS educated. He DID try and find better jobs. He DID develop himself to deserve more. The only place that would even touch him was a minimum wage place. 

A job is a job. Work is work. I think there is something noble in taking a potentially shitty job so that you can try and make ends meet instead of just collecting unemployment. 

darkangel42

Minimum wage shouldn't be the same as a higher level of job, no, but it SHOULD be enough to survive on and, realistically, it isn't.

TugboatSheila

jessa8907 said:

JP27 said:

ichabody said:

Agreed! Want better wages get a better job..

To say something like this, in this economy, is incredibly ignorant. I'm not saying minimum wage needs to raised to $15, but it definitely does need to be raised.

Because a 14 year old kid working their first job at McDonalds needs to be paid enough to raise a family? No. Minimum wage pay is for minimum effort and skill level jobs. If you want a better paying job, educate and develop yourself to deserve it. Then quit your fast food job and go find it.

I see your point here and I'm sure you aren't trying to make blanket statements but as per what I just previously posted that's not always what's going on. My dad is the sole breadwinner as my mom is not medically able to work. He IS educated. He DID try and find better jobs. He DID develop himself to deserve more. The only place that would even touch him was a minimum wage place. 

A job is a job. Work is work. I think there is something noble in taking a potentially shitty job so that you can try and make ends meet instead of just collecting unemployment. 

I agree with the bolded. But just because some adults need to take a minimum wage job to make ends meet doesn't mean those jobs have to pay what they were making/could make in another field they are qualified for.

No I get that. But the point was "want a better paying job? go get one"  I don't care about the minimum wage position but was responding to bolded and italicized portion.

jnnfrrose6

helloblueeyes said:

This brought to you by the fact that my mom tried to talk my aunt out of some kitschy origami owl necklace as a present for me for my shower. I am not a cutesy type shit person, or even a girly person, i don't even wear necklaces. I hardly change my earrings because i purposely put in ones that go with everything except rare special occasions. I do not even have an engagement ring because they are too fragile. I am really tough on my things and i tend to break or wear stuff out a lot. My aunt knows all of this. 

I'm going to snip this because I agree with the overall UO, but I keep going back to the bolded.  How exactly are engagement rings "fragile," or any more "fragile" than any other ring you might wear on your hands?  

ichamommy

darkangel42 said:

Minimum wage shouldn't be the same as a higher level of job, no, but it SHOULD be enough to survive on and, realistically, it isn't.

I survived great on $5.15 an hour in 1998 when I was living at home with my parents and 14 years old. And let me tell you, my first paycheck of $141 was like a goddamn GOLD MINE. And I was also very qualified and good at the job too.

-"First place drive-thru employee in the region" April 1998

TugboatSheila

I've got another UO

I can't stand the stigma against Vocational Schools/Career Technical schooling and I effing love Mike Rowe's support of learning trades.

jensavicci

I am so friggin tired of seeing mother's in philadelphia scream, cuss, violently hit and pull on their kids. I've literally seen a woman carrying her baby upside down at an airport once.That is one of the most disturbing sights. Every time I see it I stop what I'm doing and say something to them. And it usually gets me into verbal fights but idgaf, I wouldn't be myself I just sat there and watched a child be smacked across the face and told to shut the fuck up.

SaraRL07

I refuse to shop in Walmart.