Stupid Questions Thread

haziedaze

Thanks for the replies everyone! Don't worry--I'm not trying to figure out how to night wean a 6-week old. I'm thinking more along the lines of down the road when LO is 6-8 months or so. I fully expect to get up in the night early on, especially since breast milk digests so fast. I was just wondering if at that 6 to 8 month mark if it would mess up my supply to night wean.
 _____

IMO, night weaning at 6-8 months is kinda a receipe for disaster, they start nursing a bit less as they take more solids, so that can make your supply take a hit. Combine this with nightweaning and I think you've got a receipe for supply problems, esp. if you are working.

Honestly, I think a major reason I was able to pump enough to give exclusive BM for the first year was that we bedshared and he nursed a lot at night. This isn't for everyone and it's a very personal in the moment decision, but many of my friends who worked and then sleep trained around this age did struggle with pumping output during the week.

Honestly the night feeds weren't a huge deal at this point because he was very quick at nursing and with bedsharing I frequently fell back asleep while he was nursing. We then used Dr. Jay Gordon's night weaning technique at about 16-17 months with good success but went on nursing until I encouraged weaning at 21 months because we wanted to get pregnant and even 1 session/day was screwing up my cycles.

ksulli

@michaelad3 said:

Is it worth it to take a breast feeding class, or do you think just meeting with the LC after birth is sufficient. When should I start pumping if I'm planning to go back to work after 12 weeks? How do I pump on the way to work? Hands free pumping bra?

I started pumping around 4w to start building a freezer stash and get accustomed to the whole thing before returning to work. I pumped once a day ~1hr after LOs first 'daytime' nursing session. If you start before that you can end up with oversupply issues (which can be a very uncomfortable problem).

as for pumping while driving, I know a lot of ladies do it, but it always seemed a little dangerous to me. Hands-free bra is the way to go, but I never liked them, seemed like I needed to adjust, which defeats the purpose. Probably could have found a better fit to solve the problem. And then driving while pumping wouldn't have seemed like such an undertaking.

I never took a BFing class, and I nursed dd to 13mos. We were lucky she was a natural though.

sking72

michaelad3 said:

This thread just reawakened so many questions I didn't know I had. I feel so clueless now. Is it worth it to take a breast feeding class, or do you think just meeting with the LC after birth is sufficient. When should I start pumping if I'm planning to go back to work after 12 weeks? How do I pump on the way to work? Hands free pumping bra?

FTM, took a breastfeeding class (was included with our birth classes) and I don't think it was that helpful. I'm not going to remember most of the specifics that she talked about and half the class was basically explaining why mothers should breast feed. I'm sure not all classes are the same, but all the pamphlets my doctor gives me and everything the books I have covers what was covered in the class. I can guarantee that I will have to go over everything again with the lactation consultant anyway. IMO.

I have heard about those hand free pumping bras though, seems pretty cool.

haziedaze

Jessieann1020 said:

I took a breastfeeding class and I am glad I did. She gave us some great hand outs and info and we watched videos on latching. I could have watch videos on my own but she pointed things out and explained what we were seeing and that was nice. I have a 15-20 min drive home, when people talk about pumping on the way home from work I assume that is for moms who have longer commutes? Also, I see alot of ladies say that LO would nurse from one side and then they would pump the other side. Why wouldn't I pump the side he isn't nursing at the same time he nurses that way it saves time? I really want to make breastfeeding work for us but sometimes it seems more time consuming than what I can handle. My work is not very lenient on time so any time I take to pump I will have to make up at the end of my day. I am worried about getting stuck at work an extra hour each night just to make up pump time.

I pumped and fed at the same time a few times, mostly before he had enough eye-hand coordination to grab for the pump parts (like before 4 months adjusted). Honestly, this was awesome while it worked because the stimulation of him nursing made my pumping output really high.

As far as pumping while driving. I could prop my flanges in my nursing bras and they stayed once the suction started. I would drive out of the busy parking lot, double park a block or two down. Set up everything, get a let down started and then drive home. Honestly, I would have to stop the pump after about 15 mins or I would overflow the bottles. Even just pumping 5-10 mins would save time during your work day. It's definitely not for everyone, but something to consider if it's hard to pump at work.

In many workplaces time off to pump is protected by law or company policy, it's worth looking into. Just remember you save the company money because your baby will be healthier the more BM they get which means less insurance costs and days missed at work.

haziedaze

Oh and this stuff on kellymom.com covers a lot of what is covered in most BF classes, so it's worth a read to get the basics of what drives production, let down, and supply if you don't have time for a class: https://kellymom.com/pregnancy/bf-prep/milkproduction/

RedDawnsRevenge

Jessieann1020 said:

I took a breastfeeding class and I am glad I did. She gave us some great hand outs and info and we watched videos on latching. I could have watch videos on my own but she pointed things out and explained what we were seeing and that was nice.

I have a 15-20 min drive home, when people talk about pumping on the way home from work I assume that is for moms who have longer commutes?

Also, I see alot of ladies say that LO would nurse from one side and then they would pump the other side. Why wouldn't I pump the side he isn't nursing at the same time he nurses that way it saves time? I really want to make breastfeeding work for us but sometimes it seems more time consuming than what I can handle. My work is not very lenient on time so any time I take to pump I will have to make up at the end of my day. I am worried about getting stuck at work an extra hour each night just to make up pump time.

15-20 minute commute is perfect for pumping and driving! You hook yourself up the the hand free bra, start the pump and then drive on. I would pump 15 minutes then leaving the pump on I'd let it run unattached to air out and the tubes, they would be dry by the time I arrived in my driveway. I would then unattach myself and immediately go put my milk away, placing in freezer bags. I'd then take a shower and wake up my baby and DH, if they werent already up. I worked NOC shifts. My employers was not legally required to offer any breaks as we are emergency room/trauma nurses and it is considered a hardship on them. Co-workers would watch my pts so I could run off to pump in the zone 3 RR. I highly recommend a bra with built in hands free such as the Dairy Fairy Arden or the LLLI bra (I used the LLLI bra for a year). Not having to take on off clothes will really speed up your pumping routine, as will refrigerating your parts to avoid having to wash between sessions. I don't know what you do for a living but I hope this helps.

jennypenny1014

dani+california said:

ColleenSwerb said:

I still wouldn't do it. It seems unnecessary. After 2 years of constant use our tall chest of drawers and low dresser/changing table have no damage.

This...or if you're really worried about damaging the top of the dresser, a thick coat of shellac or even a polyurethane would do the trick.

^^^this advice is brought to you by someone who restores/refinishes furniture for fun and profit. She knows what she's talking about!

J&NL

So this isn't baby or pregnancy related but it's a dumb question so I'm going to ask anyways.

When a dog gets neutered, do they remove the balls completely or just "snip" them like a vasectomy? My dog got neutered yesterday but he still has balls. I'm just confused.

jennypenny1014

J&NL said:

So this isn't baby or pregnancy related but it's a dumb question so I'm going to ask anyways.

When a dog gets neutered, do they remove the balls completely or just "snip" them like a vasectomy? My dog got neutered yesterday but he still has balls. I'm just confused.

They actually remove the testicles when neutering. What your dog has right now is probably just a swollen scrotum. It'll shrink down as the skin recognizes that there aren't any balls in there to keep it stretched anymore. My dog's sack took a couple of weeks, and then it looked like a saggy vag for a long time.

You can request prosthetic nuts, called neuticles, but inserted in the scrotum to replace the missing balls... But I personally don't see the value in making it look like your dog is still intact unless you're a man with a complex.

J&NL

jennypenny1014 said:

J&NL said:

So this isn't baby or pregnancy related but it's a dumb question so I'm going to ask anyways.

When a dog gets neutered, do they remove the balls completely or just "snip" them like a vasectomy? My dog got neutered yesterday but he still has balls. I'm just confused.

They actually remove the testicles when neutering. What your dog has right now is probably just a swollen scrotum. It'll shrink down as the skin recognizes that there aren't any balls in there to keep it stretched anymore. My dog's sack took a couple of weeks, and then it looked like a saggy vag for a long time.

You can request prosthetic nuts, called neuticles, but inserted in the scrotum to replace the missing balls... But I personally don't see the value in making it look like your dog is still intact unless you're a man with a complex.

Okay that's what I thought but I wasn't sure. DH is convinced they left one ball lol

BiggerinRealLife

@Jennypenny1014

O.O

PROSTHETIC DOG BALLS????

Say WHAT?!?!?!?

BiggerinRealLife

Hahahaha if I ever start a band I'm gonna call it The Prosthetic Dog Balls.  )

SoulTermination

33 weeks along, and paranoid about where to wear my seatbelt.  I know not right across my big ol' belly, but I'm a little scared about wearing it under belly along my hips.  If LO finally turns head-down and we get into an accident, I'm paranoid the pressure of me slamming into the seat belt could crush her little skull. @_@  Should I wear it up higher, along my ribs?  :-SS

SoulTermination

Okies, that's where I've been wearing it and kind of trying to twist it so its edge is down by my crotch, instead of the entire band, then I also hook a thumb in there and hold it out half an inch or so.  I don't care if I break my thumb as long as it doesn't hurt LO.

nikki912

SoulTermination said:

33 weeks along, and paranoid about where to wear my seatbelt.  I know not right across my big ol' belly, but I'm a little scared about wearing it under belly along my hips.  If LO finally turns head-down and we get into an accident, I'm paranoid the pressure of me slamming into the seat belt could crush her little skull. @_@  Should I wear it up higher, along my ribs?  :-SS

Definitely not. That is much more dangerous. In the event of a car accident your baby is very well protected by the amniotic fluid. Besides that, in a car accident serious enough to do the damage you described and you had the lap band up around your ribs- it's unlikely you would survive. Just a guess.

Obviously I'm not a crash test expert but I've been told by multiple HC providers to wear it at the lap.


ETA: now I'm wondering if you are talking about the lap band or the strap? Either way the lap band should be worn at the lap and the strap should fall across your chest above your belly.

thomas930

SoulTermination said:

33 weeks along, and paranoid about where to wear my seatbelt.  I know not right across my big ol' belly, but I'm a little scared about wearing it under belly along my hips.  If LO finally turns head-down and we get into an accident, I'm paranoid the pressure of me slamming into the seat belt could crush her little skull. @_@  Should I wear it up higher, along my ribs?  :-SS

Even when not pregnant, you should always keep the lap belt low on the hips or across the thighs and the chest strap across the chest. If the lap belt is across the tummy you'll end up with soft tissue damage.

haziedaze

15-20 minute commute is perfect for pumping and driving! You hook yourself up the the hand free bra, start the pump and then drive on. I would pump 15 minutes then leaving the pump on I'd let it run unattached to air out and the tubes, they would be dry by the time I arrived in my driveway. I would then unattach myself and immediately go put my milk away, placing in freezer bags. I'd then take a shower and wake up my baby and DH, if they werent already up. I worked NOC shifts. My employers was not legally required to offer any breaks as we are emergency room/trauma nurses and it is considered a hardship on them. Co-workers would watch my pts so I could run off to pump in the zone 3 RR. I highly recommend a bra with built in hands free such as the Dairy Fairy Arden or the LLLI bra (I used the LLLI bra for a year). Not having to take on off clothes will really speed up your pumping routine, as will refrigerating your parts to avoid having to wash between sessions. I don't know what you do for a living but I hope this helps.

OMG!!! So excited about this pumping bra! I used simple wishes last time but you have to take it on/off each time. Esp if I end up with another NICU baby that Dairy Fairy one is going to be so great! Thank you!!!

RedDawnsRevenge

@haziedaze glad that helps. When I first went back to work I was using the medela hands free bra. But I had a zipper malfunction while pumping once...after that I only used the medela bra at home.

jennypenny1014

BiggerinRealLife said:

Hahahaha if I ever start a band I'm gonna call it The Prosthetic Dog Balls.  )

LMAO They are a real thing. I believe invented for men who can't stand the idea of having a dog that doesn't have a pair swinging off its backside, and thinks the dog will get a complex if it licks and discovers it's balls are missing.

nicole mackenzie

J&NL said:

So this isn't baby or pregnancy related but it's a dumb question so I'm going to ask anyways. When a dog gets neutered, do they remove the balls completely or just "snip" them like a vasectomy? My dog got neutered yesterday but he still has balls. I'm just confused.

Im a vet tech,

During a canine neuter the testicles are pushed out of the scrotum and removed through an incision over the penis (don't worry, the penis isnt harmed).

Your dog no longer has his "balls,"  but he does still have an empty scrotum.  If your dog is too active then fluid can fill the scrotal sac.  There may be some swelling your seeing in general.

jennypenny1014

dani+california said:

Okay, here's a doozie for all you STMs:

How have you dealt with close family not respecting your wishes when it comes to how you raise your child? This can be anything from how you dress or feed them to rules you have in place that maybe your parents think are silly or trivial...but that you as a parent have established for your own personal reasons.

I ask because my mom and I don't see eye to eye on certain things and she's very critical at times. She'll often pooh-pooh ideas or habits I have, which can be irritating but I don't let it stop me from doing them anyway. I'm concerned because I know when this baby comes, she will most definitely play the 'oh come now, little Dani+California doesn't need to nap. Just bring her with us to the store' or things like that.

I don't want to be constantly undermined, but seeing as she's my mother, I'm not going to tell her to fuck off and die either. How do you maintain that balance in a stern but respectful way? Assuming you even have a relative like mine, anyway.

Also I enjoyed using the term pooh-pooh just now. K thanks.

Most of the time my response to crap like that is "well this is what works for us" or I'll come up with some reason why the baby would be a basketcase and our lives would melt down if we didn't do something a certain way. (Basically blame the kid.) Or I just say what I'm thinking. Example: we (SIL, MIL, and I) took DS and his cousin to the park while we were out visiting them in Vegas last November. DS kept going to do something that he could've potentially hurt himself pretty bad if not careful - and of course he's 2 so that increases the chances dramatically of him not being careful. MIL just says "well that's how he'll learn" and my response was "sure, but I'd rather not have his lesson end in a visit to the hospital in a state we don't even live in." she didn't say anything after that. *eyeroll* that woman makes me fucking nuts anyway.

MapleLeafMama

dani+california said:

Okay, here's a doozie for all you STMs: How have you dealt with close family not respecting your wishes when it comes to how you raise your child? This can be anything from how you dress or feed them to rules you have in place that maybe your parents think are silly or trivial...but that you as a parent have established for your own personal reasons. I ask because my mom and I don't see eye to eye on certain things and she's very critical at times. She'll often pooh-pooh ideas or habits I have, which can be irritating but I don't let it stop me from doing them anyway. I'm concerned because I know when this baby comes, she will most definitely play the 'oh come now, little Dani+California doesn't need to nap. Just bring her with us to the store' or things like that. I don't want to be constantly undermined, but seeing as she's my mother, I'm not going to tell her to fuck off and die either. How do you maintain that balance in a stern but respectful way? Assuming you even have a relative like mine, anyway. Also I enjoyed using the term pooh-pooh just now. K thanks.

The line DH and I use is "my kid, my rules."  And that ends the arguement STAT.

TallaB

MapleLeafMama said:

dani+california said:

Okay, here's a doozie for all you STMs: How have you dealt with close family not respecting your wishes when it comes to how you raise your child? This can be anything from how you dress or feed them to rules you have in place that maybe your parents think are silly or trivial...but that you as a parent have established for your own personal reasons. I ask because my mom and I don't see eye to eye on certain things and she's very critical at times. She'll often pooh-pooh ideas or habits I have, which can be irritating but I don't let it stop me from doing them anyway. I'm concerned because I know when this baby comes, she will most definitely play the 'oh come now, little Dani+California doesn't need to nap. Just bring her with us to the store' or things like that. I don't want to be constantly undermined, but seeing as she's my mother, I'm not going to tell her to fuck off and die either. How do you maintain that balance in a stern but respectful way? Assuming you even have a relative like mine, anyway. Also I enjoyed using the term pooh-pooh just now. K thanks.

The line DH and I use is "my kid, my rules."  And that ends the arguement STAT.

Do you ever have them just flat our ignore your rules though?  I mean, I tell DH's aunt the dog doesn't is not allowed people food, and she laughs all evening about how she's been feeding the dog scraps under the table.  DH and I are vegetarians, and his family totally does NOT understand that - I can picture them slipping chicken nuggets to our child and then laughing about it!

haziedaze

jellysparkles said:

So for how long can you actually be dilated without going into labor & delivering? I know women can "walk around for weeks" with a slightly dilated cervix, but how long is probably the max? Like, it couldn't be 8 weeks or something, could it?

One or two cm could be that long. Usually when you're upwards of four I'd say it could be two-ish weeks at most (or, you know, two hours)? This is all based on hearsay/anecdotes of last time I was pregnant on the boards and family/friends stories, though.

I don't think anyone really knows. I was 1cm at 27 wks with DS and they told me I could still go to term. MY BFF was 4cm and 60% effaced at 35w5d, she's still pregnant at 37w5d right now... you just don't know.

Tferr02

We live far from family, but for my DH family we literally wrote a list of rules for them so they would know. I know they blame me and call me crazy, but it was actually my DH that came up with the idea and insists we do it before every visit. If they try to sneak our son food he can't have (no caffeine because of his heart, things like that) then we leave.

J&NL

dani+california said:

Okay, here's a doozie for all you STMs:

How have you dealt with close family not respecting your wishes when it comes to how you raise your child? This can be anything from how you dress or feed them to rules you have in place that maybe your parents think are silly or trivial...but that you as a parent have established for your own personal reasons.

I ask because my mom and I don't see eye to eye on certain things and she's very critical at times. She'll often pooh-pooh ideas or habits I have, which can be irritating but I don't let it stop me from doing them anyway. I'm concerned because I know when this baby comes, she will most definitely play the 'oh come now, little Dani+California doesn't need to nap. Just bring her with us to the store' or things like that.

I don't want to be constantly undermined, but seeing as she's my mother, I'm not going to tell her to fuck off and die either. How do you maintain that balance in a stern but respectful way? Assuming you even have a relative like mine, anyway.

Also I enjoyed using the term pooh-pooh just now. K thanks.

My mom still undermines me and is constantly telling me what I should and shouldn't do with DD. It drives me nuts but I just nod my head, then do what I want because regardless she is MY child. Not hers. In the end I make all decisions and if she doesn't like it then she can get over it.

ksulli

@dani+California regarding grandparents & rules- for safety related stuff, I tell them the rules, and if they say something to disagree I tell them things have changed (eg: no blankets, back to sleep), and will tell them why- I've never had to get to the point of pulling up current APA guidelines. That's also what we did when they were thinking she needed 'real food' before it is currently recommended.

For 'smaller' issues that are truly parenting style: if I'm there, I'm the mom, and it's my kid. Especially if we're at my house. Tonight we were at the ILs and MIL gave her a cookie before dinner. I told DD we don't eat cookies before dinner, but since we're at Nanna's house and Nanna gave it to you, that's okay. It's not like that's a daily (or even monthy) occurrence. I think kids get it when you break the rules on special occasions.

jennypenny1014

jellysparkles said:

haziedaze said:

jellysparkles said:

KendraColeslaw said:

So for how long can you actually be dilated without going into labor & delivering? I know women can "walk around for weeks" with a slightly dilated cervix, but how long is probably the max? Like, it couldn't be 8 weeks or something, could it?

One or two cm could be that long. Usually when you're upwards of four I'd say it could be two-ish weeks at most (or, you know, two hours)? This is all based on hearsay/anecdotes of last time I was pregnant on the boards and family/friends stories, though.

I don't think anyone really knows. I was 1cm at 27 wks with DS and they told me I could still go to term. MY BFF was 4cm and 60% effaced at 35w5d, she's still pregnant at 37w5d right now... you just don't know.

Very true. There's always the people who are crowning before anyone ever gets a chance to check for any dilation, too. I just want a four hour warning buzzer. Is that too much to ask?

This was me! With DS my water broke at home, but contractions dint even start til 30 mins later, and were immediately 2-3 mins apart. I was dilated to 3cm when I got there, then 2½ hours later when they went to put the internal monitor on his head cause they couldn't get the HB well enough from the outside, I was 10cm and his head was making its way into the birth canal. Had they not had to do the monitor, he would've slipped out before the OB could even be called.

AcaAwkward

dani+california said:

Okay, here's a doozie for all you STMs:

How have you dealt with close family not respecting your wishes when it comes to how you raise your child? This can be anything from how you dress or feed them to rules you have in place that maybe your parents think are silly or trivial...but that you as a parent have established for your own personal reasons.

I ask because my mom and I don't see eye to eye on certain things and she's very critical at times. She'll often pooh-pooh ideas or habits I have, which can be irritating but I don't let it stop me from doing them anyway. I'm concerned because I know when this baby comes, she will most definitely play the 'oh come now, little Dani+California doesn't need to nap. Just bring her with us to the store' or things like that.

I don't want to be constantly undermined, but seeing as she's my mother, I'm not going to tell her to fuck off and die either. How do you maintain that balance in a stern but respectful way? Assuming you even have a relative like mine, anyway.

Also I enjoyed using the term pooh-pooh just now. K thanks.

My MIL is a huge underminer. She thinks tons of our rules are completely stupid and she just doesn't understand why we do things differently than she did or would. We deal with this in different ways... Forgive me while I make a bulleted list, F14 Style:

1. Some things we just let go if we're not present (like if DD spends the night). Sometimes I hate having to pick my battles, but her ridiculousness forces us to. Example: MIL loooooves frilly ruffly crap. If she wants to spend her money on clothes that we hate and keep them at her house for DD to wear once before she grows out of them, whatever (humorously enough, DD hates most of these things so she doesn't end up wearing most of it anyway -- try and put a tutu on my kid and she will scream her head off!). And if she gets 3 cookies when she spends the night when we would only give her one or none, so be it -- chalk it up to "special grandparent treats" and call it a day. (Now, when she was under a year, we were WAY strict about what they could give her to eat -- no, you may not "spoil" my 7 mo old with a cupcake, psycho.)

2. Some things we take a hard line on and we use "BECAUSE SCIENCE" to back us up. Examples: screen time and BFing. My MIL cannot understand why we have strict screen time rules and hated that I EBFed ("but I want to feed the baaaaaybeeeee"). We deflect some of her flack on things like that with the whole "experts say this is the best" excuse. Bonus Points if we could find Dr Oz on record taking our side (eye.fucking.roll).

3. Some things we take a hard line on and we just have to stand our ground because it's best for our family. These are our roughest battles, and, unfortunately, they are the ones that come up over and over again. It's tiring, but if it's on issues that are really important to you (a big one for us is not going totally overboard on presents at Christmas), you just have to stick to your guns. We've already decided that next year we won't let DD come in their home to celebrate Christmas until they've whittled their present pile down to 4 or 5 gifts. That may seem extreme, but we've tried every other way to tell her to please tone it down, and she just won't listen. She'll pout and probably blame it all on me, but at least my child won't grow up thinking Christmas = STUFF STUFF STUFF!

Yay! I wrote you a novel!

bacorrea

@tallab I would be super pissed if I was a vegetarian and family members snuck food to my kid and laughed about it. I would consider murder....ok not really but that just makes me filled with rage!

Anywho...
Ok! Car seat protectors? Are they safe? Are the necessary? I'm talking about like the cover that goes on the seat of your car and then the car seat goes on top? I know as infants kids aren't throwing Cheerios or whatever, I'm just curious.

thomas930

bacorrea said:

. Ok! Car seat protectors? Are they safe? Are the necessary? I'm talking about like the cover that goes on the seat of your car and then the car seat goes on top? I know as infants kids aren't throwing Cheerios or whatever, I'm just curious.

The thing with seat protectors is that they can mask a bad install so generally they are considered not safe. I don't see that they are necessary at all anyways. If you feel you need a crumb catcher, most CPSTs (car seat techs) recommend laying down a thin receiving blanket. You should not be relying on a seat protector to get a tight install.

JNova78

thomas930 said:

bacorrea said:

.
Ok! Car seat protectors? Are they safe? Are the necessary? I'm talking about like the cover that goes on the seat of your car and then the car seat goes on top? I know as infants kids aren't throwing Cheerios or whatever, I'm just curious.

The thing with seat protectors is that they can mask a bad install so generally they are considered not safe. I don't see that they are necessary at all anyways. If you feel you need a crumb catcher, most CPSTs (car seat techs) recommend laying down a thin receiving blanket. You should not be relying on a seat protector to get a tight install.

Oh no! I didn't realize this. I got one to protect my leather seats...

thomas930

@JNova78 Your leather seats should be just fine without the protectors,  cleaning up messes as they happen will help and any indentations in the vehical seat will also come out within a day or two. Car seats dont typically hurt vehicle seats.

BiggerinRealLife

KendraColeslaw said:

So for how long can you actually be dilated without going into labor & delivering? I know women can "walk around for weeks" with a slightly dilated cervix, but how long is probably the max? Like, it couldn't be 8 weeks or something, could it?

@kendracoleslaw A girl in my birthing class has been dialated 1 cm since month one.

BiggerinRealLife

@dani+California I can't give you any better advice than what's already been given. But I wanted to say I feel you. As much as I stick to my guns and am very passionate about the way if I things and the reasons behind them, I also have a big people pleasing streak. Left over from growing up in a chaotic house, I guess. Plus, my mom isn't great at confrontation. SHe tends to take anything she doesn't want to hear super personally, get emotional to the point of irrationality, and shutting down but still lashing out. So I tend to do whatever I can to avoid confrontation with her. But sometimes it's unavoidable, and she's gotten a bit better over that years, as have I.

I go back to Boundaries, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud. (Highly, highly recommend you get this book and read it if having hard conversations about your parenting preferences makes you anxious. Actually, I recommend it to everyone. It's absolute gold.) You can only control your actions and choices, not the actions and choirs of others. But you can let others feel the consequences of their actions and choirs by setting a boundary and what will happen if they cross that boundary. Ex: you don't want them feeding your child cookies before dinner. If they do, your child won't be able to have unsupervised visits with them anymore.

Also a great book: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding. I think it's by the same people, or at least one of them.

Airynn Chica

I don't have experience with family members and rules as our families live a 7hr flight or a 17hr flight away from us and my parents are not the interfering type even when they disagree. However, culturally here everyone older than you has a right to tell you how to parent and its ANNOYING! It never stops! One day it was the guard and nanny (No I'm not rich, its a cultural thing and much much cheaper than sending her to preschool) and finally I just told them "God gave her to my DH and I to raise and we will do what we think is best!" Yes, maybe a little harsh but at least I didn't have to listen to them the rest of that week!

hordol

AcaAwkward said:

Okay, here's a doozie for all you STMs: How have you dealt with close family not respecting your wishes when it comes to how you raise your child? This can be anything from how you dress or feed them to rules you have in place that maybe your parents think are silly or trivial...but that you as a parent have established for your own personal reasons. I ask because my mom and I don't see eye to eye on certain things and she's very critical at times. She'll often pooh-pooh ideas or habits I have, which can be irritating but I don't let it stop me from doing them anyway. I'm concerned because I know when this baby comes, she will most definitely play the 'oh come now, little Dani+California doesn't need to nap. Just bring her with us to the store' or things like that. I don't want to be constantly undermined, but seeing as she's my mother, I'm not going to tell her to fuck off and die either. How do you maintain that balance in a stern but respectful way? Assuming you even have a relative like mine, anyway. Also I enjoyed using the term pooh-pooh just now. K thanks.

My MIL is a huge underminer. She thinks tons of our rules are completely stupid and she just doesn't understand why we do things differently than she did or would. We deal with this in different ways... Forgive me while I make a bulleted list, F14 Style: 1. Some things we just let go if we're not present (like if DD spends the night). Sometimes I hate having to pick my battles, but her ridiculousness forces us to. Example: MIL loooooves frilly ruffly crap. If she wants to spend her money on clothes that we hate and keep them at her house for DD to wear once before she grows out of them, whatever (humorously enough, DD hates most of these things so she doesn't end up wearing most of it anyway -- try and put a tutu on my kid and she will scream her head off!). And if she gets 3 cookies when she spends the night when we would only give her one or none, so be it -- chalk it up to "special grandparent treats" and call it a day. (Now, when she was under a year, we were WAY strict about what they could give her to eat -- no, you may not "spoil" my 7 mo old with a cupcake, psycho.) 2. Some things we take a hard line on and we use "BECAUSE SCIENCE" to back us up. Examples: screen time and BFing. My MIL cannot understand why we have strict screen time rules and hated that I EBFed ("but I want to feed the baaaaaybeeeee"). We deflect some of her flack on things like that with the whole "experts say this is the best" excuse. Bonus Points if we could find Dr Oz on record taking our side (eye.fucking.roll). 3. Some things we take a hard line on and we just have to stand our ground because it's best for our family. These are our roughest battles, and, unfortunately, they are the ones that come up over and over again. It's tiring, but if it's on issues that are really important to you (a big one for us is not going totally overboard on presents at Christmas), you just have to stick to your guns. We've already decided that next year we won't let DD come in their home to celebrate Christmas until they've whittled their present pile down to 4 or 5 gifts. That may seem extreme, but we've tried every other way to tell her to please tone it down, and she just won't listen. She'll pout and probably blame it all on me, but at least my child won't grow up thinking Christmas = STUFF STUFF STUFF! Yay! I wrote you a novel!

The bolded is something I'm really struggling with in regards to my inlaws as well. They go insane at Christmas. The worst part is, it's not like they get 30 good presents or anything practical--it's 30 presents of absolute junk that I try to find a way to discreetly throw away or donate later on that won't offend DH. I've already talked to him about the Christmas issue and how I don't want our kids to grow up thinking Christmas means getting all the stuff, but I'm worried about the "competition" factor even more. When our kids wake up on Christmas morning, I want them to be most excited about what "Santa" brought and what we do in our own home for Christmas traditions. I just worry that if we let the inlaws continue with their 30 present per person style that the kids will just be excited about Grandpa and Grandma's and not our own family Christmas. My husband thinks it's selfish of me to feel that way and that it would be really tacky of us not to ask them to go overboard...and maybe it would be but seriously, I have legitimate concerns. Was your husband on board with your views right away or did he not think it was a big deal at first either?

katiedidthat

hordol said:

The bolded is something I'm really struggling with in regards to my inlaws as well. They go insane at Christmas. The worst part is, it's not like they get 30 good presents or anything practical--it's 30 presents of absolute junk that I try to find a way to discreetly throw away or donate later on that won't offend DH. I've already talked to him about the Christmas issue and how I don't want our kids to grow up thinking Christmas means getting all the stuff, but I'm worried about the "competition" factor even more. When our kids wake up on Christmas morning, I want them to be most excited about what "Santa" brought and what we do in our own home for Christmas traditions. I just worry that if we let the inlaws continue with their 30 present per person style that the kids will just be excited about Grandpa and Grandma's and not our own family Christmas. My husband thinks it's selfish of me to feel that way and that it would be really tacky of us not to ask them to go overboard...and maybe it would be but seriously, I have legitimate concerns. Was your husband on board with your views right away or did he not think it was a big deal at first either?

We dealt with this this year and our approach was to give them a very specific list of three things DS would like/need.  I told them they could buy him those three things and 2 others.  Anything more than 5 presents and they woudn't even get opened, they go straight to Salvation Army.  It halfway worked, as they stuck to 5 things, but none of them were what we asked for and were all pretty awful, but at least it wasn't a mountain of presents like it was there his first Christmas.  Now if I could just get my own mom to stop thinking those 2 extra presents need to be the most expensive things she can think of.....

ASasquatch

Has anyone else reached a point where if you aren't standing perfectly straight up the underwire in your bra is resting on the top of your belly and irritating the crap out of it? I'm having an impossible time finding something budget-friendly without underwire but I'm about to drop the cash now that the burning/bruising feeling is still there without a bra on. There are times I can't even stand a tshirt touching the skin.
At first I thought it was poorly fitted bras but turns out that wasn't the case. I'm just carrying high and the slightest lean forward makes boob/belly connection.

MrsZ0811

ebie79 said:

MrsStanton87 said:

Vitamin k drops when baby is born? Pros/cons? I'm asking because it's on my hospital form as part of the birth plan options.

From what I've read, the Vitamin K shot is given to prevent hemorrhagic disesase in newborns. Vitamin K doesn't move easily across the placenta and not much is found in breast milk so that's why they are given a shot. The Vitamin K drops are said to be less effective. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that all newborns receive the shot. Here in Ohio, it is required by law, but I'm sure this varies state-to-state. Here's a link to the National Institute of Health and more details on what the disease is.

https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007320.htm

It is also required by law in Michigan. They told us that at one of our prenatal classes.