FFFC!

NotSharknado

Spill it.

NotSharknado

We haven't seen Dh since Sunday and while it's been tough, it's also been kinda nice. I miss him terribly but I don't.....

WasNotWas

MabelShesTheBomb said:

Overshare FFFC:

I masturbate 2 or 3 times a day minimum.

Ain't nobody got time for that

NotSharknado

How?!? I barely do it once a week and that even seems like a chore.

Another FFFC? I can't even get it up for myself.

NotSharknado

I need to get to know myself better.

[Deleted User]

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NotSharknado

IamInigoMontoya said:

I barely ever masturbate anymore because the only time I'm alone is when DS is sleeping and my cat totally cockblocks me then. She'll try to lay on me and purr and if I kick her out of my room and close the door , she just sits outside and meows. It's really hard to pretend like Harry Styles is doing naughty things to me with a fucking cat meowing outside my door.

So your kitty is getting in the way of your kitty?

robinsokj

Pussies ruin everything

WasNotWas

If we are going down the sexual admissions avenue...I haven't had any for 16 weeks (since baby). There have been sexy times but no in and out

RondackHiker

I sent DS to daycare with lunchables for lunch twice this week, since daycare offers them cheap, we had no food, and I couldn't handle the grocery store. Food sucks. I'm sure someone will flame my nutritional failing.

We were in a Halloween store and a massive (like four foot wide) motion activated spider jumped at DS and scared him. I laughed.

Don't worry, he sat and laughed with me as others passed the spider... But he wouldn't go near it himself. Poor kid. It was still funny as hell.

I WFH and have taken a nap every day this week.

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littlestjerry

I heard a story about how most of the CDC people that track foodbourne illness are furloughed, and all I could think was how little I would eat if I was employed as a foodbourne illness tracker at the CDC. I'm such a nut job.

BlueRidge8

Sometimes I get Nathan Fillion and Jason Bateman confused. 

*hands over nerd card*

klondikebar

Is it Monday yet? I am dreading the weekend. Everyone is irritating me.

RondackHiker

Little Jerry said:

I heard a story about how most of the CDC people that track foodbourne illness are furloughed, and all I could think was how little I would eat if I was employed as a foodbourne illness tracker at the CDC. I'm such a nut job.

They must be the skinniest department ever.

How would you ever go out to eat?

ReeseFox

Just now when I got to work I parked the car, gathered my things, then I opened my door and the radio didn't cut off. I was all "WTF?" and scratching my head. Yeah, the key was still in the ignition, car was still running.  Need more sleep. ">

littlestjerry

RondackHiker said:

I heard a story about how most of the CDC people that track foodbourne illness are furloughed, and all I could think was how little I would eat if I was employed as a foodbourne illness tracker at the CDC. I'm such a nut job.

They must be the skinniest department ever. How would you ever go out to eat?

I don't know, but I'm considering not eating at all until the shutdown is over.

robinsokj

OnederfulMother said:

I think the poster yesterday who was talking about following God's plan yesterday - all the way to death if she needs to have a csection was crazy as shit. However, I also understand her position better than most other Christians who say things like "God has a plan" or "it was his time to go" but yet they still believe in cancer treatments and life saving tactics.




If you believe God has this predetermined "plan" for you, why would you intervene? For the record, I don't believe in the plan, and I never did even when I was Christian. I always thought my path was my own.

Bc god created chemo, duh

shadypines

andrea99 said:

I don't think I've shared this before... I have a rubber duck tattoo. On my ass cheek.

@andrea99 I need more info... Why? When?

littlestjerry

Also, when someone is healed and people attribute it to prayer. So, God favors some people who pray but not others? Or the people who didn't make it didn't pray hard enough or the right way?

klondikebar

 

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."

The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."

To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."

To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"

To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

 

ILoveBoys

Sometimes if DD goes down late for her nap, I'll go pick the boys up from school without her. It's a half mile to the school (maybe) and I'm gone 3 minutes tops.

ReeseFox

Oh lawd, here it comes.

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robinsokj

ILoveBoys said:

Sometimes if DD goes down late for her nap, I'll go pick the boys up from school without her. It's a half mile to the school (maybe) and I'm gone 3 minutes tops.

You just done fucked up

shadypines

ReeseFox said:

Oh lawd, here it comes.

lolol

ncgirlgoingtori

My best friend and her wife have been trying to get pregnant for about a year.  She sent me a text this week with a picture of an ultrasound.  I was at work and couldn't call so I texted that I was so excited that she is pregnant and can't wait to hear the details.  It turns out she may have endometriosis.  I felt like such an asshole and realized I should have just called to figure out what the picture was instead of assuming she is pregnant.  

shadypines

klondikebar

ILoveBoys said:

Sometimes if DD goes down late for her nap, I'll go pick the boys up from school without her. It's a half mile to the school (maybe) and I'm gone 3 minutes tops.

So you're covering a mile roundtrip with two children faster than an Olympic runner? It's longer than 3 minutes or the school is way closer than a half mile. Either way it's a bad idea. 

 

edit: Nevermind. Reading fail. Driving, not walking. 

shadypines

I sometime leave DS1 to go pick up DS2 & DD.....

robinsokj

Mabel, I titted yours bc I know the feeling

NotSharknado

A lot can happen in 3 mins.

NotSharknado

ncgirlgoingtori said:

My best friend and her wife have been trying to get pregnant for about a year.  She sent me a text this week with a picture of an ultrasound.  I was at work and couldn't call so I texted that I was so excited that she is pregnant and can't wait to hear the details.  It turns out she may have endometriosis.  I felt like such an asshole and realized I should have just called to figure out what the picture was instead of assuming she is pregnant.  

In your defense, who sends u/s pics of stuff other than a fetus?

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ILoveBoys

KlondikeBar said:

ILoveBoys said:

Sometimes if DD goes down late for her nap, I'll go pick the boys up from school without her. It's a half mile to the school (maybe) and I'm gone 3 minutes tops.

So you're covering a mile roundtrip with two children faster than an Olympic runner? It's longer than 3 minutes or the school is way closer than a half mile. Either way it's a bad idea. 

I wish I could run that fast. I drive.

klondikebar

shanado said:

My best friend and her wife have been trying to get pregnant for about a year.  She sent me a text this week with a picture of an ultrasound.  I was at work and couldn't call so I texted that I was so excited that she is pregnant and can't wait to hear the details.  It turns out she may have endometriosis.  I felt like such an asshole and realized I should have just called to figure out what the picture was instead of assuming she is pregnant.  

In your defense, who sends u/s pics of stuff other than a fetus?

Unless I knew someone was going in for testing, I'd assume receiving an ultrasound photo without a caption was a pregnancy announcement at first too.

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NotSharknado

ILoveBoys said:

KlondikeBar said:

ILoveBoys said:

Sometimes if DD goes down late for her nap, I'll go pick the boys up from school without her. It's a half mile to the school (maybe) and I'm gone 3 minutes tops.

So you're covering a mile roundtrip with two children faster than an Olympic runner? It's longer than 3 minutes or the school is way closer than a half mile. Either way it's a bad idea. 

I wish I could run that fast. I drive.




I don't think this is legal.

klondikebar

ILoveBoys said:

ILoveBoys said:

Sometimes if DD goes down late for her nap, I'll go pick the boys up from school without her. It's a half mile to the school (maybe) and I'm gone 3 minutes tops.

So you're covering a mile roundtrip with two children faster than an Olympic runner? It's longer than 3 minutes or the school is way closer than a half mile. Either way it's a bad idea. 

I wish I could run that fast. I drive.

Oops. I swear I read that you were walking. It's still a bad idea. What if you get into a car accident and can't get home right away?

ReeseFox

IamInigoMontoya said:

I am afraid my kid thinks that all I do is drink coffee and wine. Every morning, he asks "You drinking coffee again, mommy?" And every night, he asks, "You drinking wine again, mommy?"

Also, he pretends to make his own coffee every morning and the other day when I asked him to stop whining because mommy doesn't like whining, he responded, "Mommy likes wine. Mommy drinks wine." Well played, DS. Well played.

His teachers are going to have a field day with me.

DD2 has dubbed DH's beer "Daddy's juice."

shadypines

Other day I was polishing my toes, DS2 kept bugging me he wanted his toes purple too. Guess who else is walking around with purple toes?!?!

ETA: I only did 4.....He would not sit still long enough......