Pro-tips on How to Deal When Everyone Else is Pregnant

kdefenbaugh

I actually "unfollowed" a friend because we were due at the same time before my m/c. That way when I think I can handle the posts I can add her back or if I want to look at her stuff I still can.

kristismith95

@Lilybee8614 thanks!

plumeria05

@kdefenbaugh I'm really sorry about your loss. Hugs.

ijstarr28

Even before DH and I were actively TTC (we were 'benched' because DH keeps planning cruises and you can only be so pregnant on a boat) the thing that bothered me the most was that my exBF (we dated about 2 years in college) got a girl pregnant and they eloped before the baby was due. Not even 4 months after them having the baby she was pregnant again with another 'oops' baby. 

The best thing i could ever do for myself was to unfollow/unfriend those that i dont want to see all the time.  

I'm not in a space where i begrudge those with children or even my pregnant friends, but an ex... that makes me wonder.  I go to a pretty dark place pretty quickly with that one. 

amandagil

I'm so glad this thread exists! It seems like everyone I know is having a baby. My cousin had one in May, one friend just had a baby 2 days ago, another is due any time. Another cousin is about to pop and another friend just found out she's pregnant...

I can't get on Facebook without seeing a pregnant belly or a newborn

Meliann21

I know the feeling... So many friends to be happy for but I am ready for it to be my turn to be sharing updates and Baby news... Keep on trying and see what happens. Then again they always say those who don't try end up pregnant. Well I have to do both in my mind!

remington870

My husbands brother got married 2 months after us. We started trying immediately. They ended up pregnant on their honeymoon without even trying. They said they were NTNP. I was sad/jealous but still happy for them. It was hard enough dealing with the baby talk but what really got me was when his mom and aunts kept saying We thought it was going to be you guys to have one first. It broke my heart. When we got home I cried my eyes out and then moved on. My husband has been so great even though I know he is feeling the same as me.

mmathine

My husband and i are on our first cycle of trying to concieve. I have the sort of opposite effect of this situation, i work with two women who both recently had miscarriages. Although i want them to grieve and be there for them the best way possible, its still hard for me to be excited about this stage in my life when theyre worlds just crashed.

MrsAlT68

Just today I found out one of my close friends is pregnant, from the second cycle they were trying in, after abruptly deciding to try mid first cycle. I wish I could handle it better, my technique is to feel it all, be super sad, cry a lot, and try to wake up the next day and move on. I'm not sure it's the best thing, but then again I'm not sure if anything we do really makes it better

Lee35

Every one around my is pregnant has just given birth or has children, at 35 i feel like there is something wrong with me that i am not part of that circle and constantly being asked "when are you having a baby" makes life even more miserable, hearing about other women's "bad pregnancy experiences" makes me wish i could be blessed with the opportunity to have the experience be it good or bad...

shellmill85

Thank you for sharing, I just had a m/c Sept 1st our first time getting pregnant abd have had complications so we aren't supposed to try until Dec. And all of a sudden it seems like my friends, family are all pregnant so it is hard sometimes to not feel a little sad. It's kind of nice knowing I'm not alone

Scallia

Thanks for sharing... I had a m/c 8/08 & we haven't been pregnant since. I have have pcos and lost 80lbs finally getting normal periods... we have been ttc for almost 13 yrs. My sister has 4 kids, both brothers have 2 and my sister-in-law has 2 as well. I know God has a plan for us but my husband says it hard to see the pain in my face even time a pregnant lady passes or a friend/family says they are pregnant. I'm happy for them but so envious at the same time.. it's hard not to stress or get upset.

I was so excited to think we might be pregnant the signs were there... but got the news.this morning bfn. I am about to start clomid this month and I pray for baby dust to come to everyone...

gardeniagirlknits

An ex Co worker of mine and I started ttc at the same time. She left for a new job. Stayed in touch. We both had trouble and it took her a long time too... But she just posted it on fb. My fingers could not type congrats.... So I unfollowed... And now I feel like a jerk bc I am one of the few that knows this is a miracle baby.

One thing I am super grateful for on this journey is that my best friend has zero interest in ever having children, and now, by choice, is unable. I can't imagine having to go through this with a pregnant or mommy bestie...

krzyriver

@gardeniagirlknits I feel like a jerk too, cause every time I see those posts, I ignore them and close FB. Even if it's a close friend, even if I know they've been trying forever. I haven't unfollowed anyone, but I've seriously considered disabling my account temporarily. But I know everyone will harass my husband if I do that and that's not fair to him. 

@shellmill85 We just MCed three weeks ago. And of course, right after my D&C, 5 people announced their pregnancies on FB. It's definitely hard not to feel sad. 

djfras

Last night I had a bit of a tantrum when my husband, a high school teacher told me one of his students is pregnant. That is just a sad reality of life but I think keeping as posivitve as possible is the only way to do it. (However last night was not positive at all!) I also found telling a few close friends about the struggle seems to help. That's just me!

gardeniagirlknits

@krzyriver I THINK when you Unfollow, no one can tell... It's not like unfriending. I just don't have to see her pics now unless I click on her name and CHOOSE to wallow in misery.. Lol!
You may know this already... But I wanted to share just in case you didn't . I'm new to fb... I know that's insane but my hubby and I were anti fb forever... Until we had to move across the country for his work. He still doesn't have an account, just uses mine to lurk.

gardeniagirlknits

@djfras I woulda tantrumed too... It's alright. My hubby now has the full understanding that every time he speaks of some random pregancy, I take full liberty in buying myself a VERY nice bottle of wine as opposed to the cheap stuff I usually get this deters him, as he is budget cray...

lsimmons1030

Thank you for this post! I started a new job about 7 months ago and there were pregnant girls everywhere! They told me if I wanted a baby, stay and it would just happen! Must be in the water... So here I sit as a new round of pregnant girls pop up out of nowhere. So I bury myself in work and of course social media on my breaks to try to drown out the baby shower talk, and what do I see? Pregnancy pictures and announcements everywhere! Even my neighbor is pregnant. It surrounds me like a sick joke. But.. The truth is, no matter how envious I am, I must shove it down. Everyone deserves their happiness. Ours will come eventually...

kaitlynbest92212

I feel absolutely horrible and depressed. Everywhere I turn there is another woman I know who is pregnant and it sucks. Girls I went to school with are already having their 3rd or 4th child. Then there are those girls who are so happy that they do it once and are already pregnant. I don't know why but sometimes I feel like never talking to them again.

Lilybee8614

@Isimmons1030 That whole "it's in the water" scenario happened to me too. But alas, it did not happen to me there. I guess we have to do it the old fashion way and get our DH involved!

@kaitlynbest92212 Big virtual hugs heading your way!!! Do what you gotta do to get it out there, cry it out, punch your pillow or whatever, just get it out. It's healthier that way. Reading and venting really helps me deal with all of this too. The TWW and WTO posts are great since they have a bit of humor and friendliness and sarcasm all in one. That's where most of the support is given. Give it a try and hopefully, you won't feel so horrible or depressed, or at least you'll have all of us feeling that way along with you, so you won't be alone! 

LadyMoo

I'm struggling a little too.

My DH's best friend and his wife are due #1 mid Jan, the day after they shared their news with us, my SIL told us she was expecting #2 in early Jan! A few weeks later a girl I work with announced she is expecting #1 in March and now a very close friend of mine is expecting #1 in May.

I'm thrilled for them all, I really am but I'm feeling pretty pants (sorry for myself) it's not me yet. Even more so that a certain unwanted 'aunt' has just stopped by. Ugh.

Glad there are others feeling the same as me. I just need not to dwell on it all too much and be patient (or at least try) Will have a big glass of something at the weekend. Our time will come too.

Tarainhope

My close friend is pregnant which didn't really bother me as shes been trying for a year and been married for 8 but my sis in law is pregnant after a month of trying and isn't married. Everytime its mentioned i struggle!

Knottie52312670

I've found it to the hardest when all my siblings are at our parents with their kids and there I am... With no kids.... And everyone telling me "your time is coming" or "your next" or "my kids are being bad but you'll see how hard it is when you have one of your own.." . and I'm just sitting there like ... Can we please not talk about this!!! I just try to tune out the conversation and enjoy my time with my niece and nephews! Sometimes it helps.....

Neikoda

My SIL just announced her third (unplanned) pregnancy at Thanksgiving. The excitement and buzz made me crazy while my FIL kept looking at me and asking when we were expecting. I could hardly hold back the tears. I hope it happens soon for us, because I cant handle another 6 months of talking about her. Selfish, I know, but it kills me.

LadyMoo

Since I posted in this discussion, what two weeks ago maybe? Another two pregnancies have been announced, my cousin #3 and another work colleague #2. Both due May.

I have to confess, when my cousin sent us a scan photo, I cried. I'm happy for her but it definitely sent me to a low place. Doesn't help when at work now, all I get is "you'll be next!". Yeah, thanks! That helps a bunch.

remington870

So my husband and I have been trying for 6 months. (Perfectly normal I know) I never expected to get pregnant right away. But I also didn't expect my brother in law and his wife to get pregnant on their honeymoon. Which was 2 months after ours. I feel like I have been doing well staying positive. But his family have been awful! The number one comment being made has been "we thought you were gonna be the first to have kids!" Over and over. I love them. But I am ready for the holidays to be over so the fact that I'm not pregnant will stop being thrown in my face. I'm constantly biting my tongue. I just want to scream "I'm normal! Pregnancy doesn't just happen over night!" Haha

mkc2810

I know this is an old thread, but I just need to get it out I guess.  The holidays have sucked so far.  I've put off TTC and put a lot of effort in my work and education.  My younger sister has an 11 month old and is currently 5 months pregnant.  At every holiday gathering, my sister is getting belly rubs and everyone gushing over her precious baby.  The only thing anyone knows to say to me is "How's work?" I had one aunt ask me if my clock is ticking yet, and one uncle ask when it was my turn.  They have no idea that we've been TTC - nothing has stuck yet.  I didn't think it would be difficult to get pregnant and now I'm regretting putting so many years into work and schooling.  I love my nephew, the new baby, and my sister dearly.  It's just a little achy.  I know things take time - trying to remember that.

Melly252

It has been hard for me because two people that I know are pregnant now just got married in sept the same day I did and they taking pictures if there little baby bumps and what they are feeling and its not me and I've tried to say to myself god won't give me anything I can't handle and it not working I want a baby so bad! Help me cope!

LiterallyAmy

I swear, I have heard/seen five pregnancy announcements over the last 2 weeks. Three are couples who got married the same exact month as me two years ago. It makes me feel like they're all on the "right" schedule and I'm lagging behind. I'm just waiting for my husband's cousin to be the next one, which will definitely throw me right over the edge, especially since she's four years younger than me. It sucks!

kldillon14

I'm glad I'm not the only one. My cousin just had a baby and we live a block away from each other. Seeing my hubby with the baby pulls at so many strings. It's also so hard because my FIL keeps asking how it is going. This would be his first grandchild and we just found out his cancer is back. The doctors are hopefully but I can see it wearing down on him. I just want to be able to give him hope for the future something to look forward too

krystalheinze

I am in exactly the same boat as you all the way down to our ages. The hardest part that I've experienced recently was being a week late with my period and taking a pregnancy test for it to come out negative and then seeing the disappointment on my husband's face when he saw 'not pregnant'
I can handle my emotions and feelings of disappointment but it truly KILLS me to see that look on his face and water in his eyes

krystalheinze

I'm so sorry for your loss at 9 weeks. My heart goes out to you. I have never experienced that and pray I never have to. I cannot imagine how you feel. You've reminded me that I don't have it bad at all that I haven't been able to conceive because I've never had to experience that. My heart and prayers go out to you, and thank you for sharing that.

gardeniagirlknits

Just found out that an extended family member is expecting. She is 18, doesn't know who the father is and is considering an abortion. This will be her second baby... First one when she was 16. I am speechless. And very anrgy with God right now. I know I shouldn't be. That was the Worst late night fb message ever.

Lilybee8614

@gardeniagirlknits I know theres not much that I can say to make it better. But sending you a big hug your way!
And know that you are not alone.

Trumom2016

Just now I found out one my close friends is pregnant, she was avoiding me since some time, nt talking or usually rude to me n all. Suddenly I get a msg today morning, she invites me for tea today, I told her we r busy n then she breaks the news. This is her 2nd baby. I keep getting these news every month without fail. I don knw y I feel sad from the core of my heart. My husband says God is preparing a spl baby for us, it'll take time, we have to wait for it. Bt then y did I start trying early just yo experience pain.
It's such a pain wen I get my periods and I hear these news. Oh God please take my pain away n gimme a baby.
I can't stop crying since morning, I'm behaving like an insane person.

simplysmith09

This is our first time trying to conceive and its weird how everyone gets pregnant while yourr trying. We just found out my sister in law is pregnant. It was kind of a downer, though this is the first month

jb129

Yes, thank you for posting this. On social media, like on Facebook for example, I avoid people who are pregnant or have recently gotten married - because eventually, they will get pregnant (maybe before me, who knows) to alleviate the frustration. I'm not really even checking Facebook anymore. Another thing is to avoid people who aren't empathetic and won't understand how women like us are feeling. I recently met up with someone I knew from college which I ended up regretting. Basically, she asked "why I'm not pregnant yet", and to make matters worse, followed it up by saying, "you shouldn't really be waiting too long". I don't know what made her assume I was actually waiting too long and how am I even supposed to answer "why"? Like how would anyone really?

Then when I responded with, "Well, it just hasn't happened yet". She went on to say, "For me, I didn't really have to time it or anything. It just happens." There you go, an inconsiderate little POS.

Sorry for ranting, but keep away from those types. I honestly think their intention is to rub salt to your wounds. And people like these don't really question because they want to help or to contribute anything of value. They question ONLY to satisfy their nosiness.

Lilybee8614

I hear ya @jb129 !
although some people really don't know that they are being inconsiderate and that's the truth. Unfortunately....

The worst is when it comes from your own family. My older sister, has 3 kids and merely had to think about having another baby and she would get pregnant, had the balls to tell me that "I'm stressing too much about it and that's why it's not happening!"
My other sister got pregnant at 18, which wasn't planned, had the decency to tell me once "just go with the flow, don't think about it! That's what i did!"
i did tell her that her saying that was really insulting. She just shrugged it off. 
Bless my other sister, for whom it took 6 years to get pregnant knows the struggle that I've been dealing with. 

But it's frustrating when I'm trying to talk to them about it and they won't even acknowledge my troubles and my hardships. My husband and I have been having unprotected sex since we got married in August 2014 and it still hasn't happen. When I suggested to my sisters that I had signed up for a local fertility support group, which is for ladies in every stages, they rolled their eyes at me stating that I was "concentrating too much on it"
well I'm not getting the support from my own sisters. I might as well go chat with other ladies in the city that will understand and support me better. 

Has anyone else encountered this? Feeling like no one in their close circle really supports them in their journey of trying to become parents?

jb129

Lilybee8614 Thanks for sharing Lilybee. I can totally relate. I would think that it's common sense to not say those types of things because they could be offensive - but like they say, common sense isn't really that common so I'd like to attribute it to that. I think for the most part, it's not so much what someone actually says, but how they say it. To me, the tone alone kind of implies like, "I'm better than you" kind of thing.

TaylorB101715

I'm dealing with some major baby fever + jealousy right now.. although I have not been TTC for long, the first time I got pregnant, 4 other women in my church got pregnant at the same time... They all still have their little babies and I lost mine. I took it very hard; I've been trying 4 months since, but with no luck. I've seen gender reveal after gender reveal and baby shower plans for the next several months... and I feel so secluded... my family will bring it up, how they want to be aunts, uncles, granparents. They have no idea...
But I'm taking this time for me and my love to enjoy ourselves as the 2 of us. And maybe we might get lucky soon.