IF Testing & Treatment w/o 3.28

abjm0325 · March 2022

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have started infertility testing and/or treatments. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on infertility. TTC can be a long journey naturally, then add in the difficulties associated with infertility, and it becomes a whole new ballgame. The road to infertility can be lonely, frustrating, and complicated, so let's make this a place where we can vent, ask questions, and support one another. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this as an ongoing conversation.

Diagnosis (if you've been):

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA):

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?):

How are things going?:

Any questions?:

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback)

mambo5-2 · March 2022

Diagnosis (if you've been): RPL, MFI post vasectomy, Funny Blood

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): Waiting for my blood

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): WAITING FOR MY DANG BLOOD

How are things going?: I'm so stressed and anxious and I want to know what is going on with my blood. I don't even care about the chromosome testing right now.

Any questions?: No

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback) Miscarriages are natures way..... I just walked away.

anniemarie887 · March 2022

Diagnosis (if you've been): uncooperative uterus... RPL aka TBD

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): purgatory

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): well, b/c we've hit our deductible i figured why not get the ball rolling on some data - i went and did bloodwork and u/s saturday, and then this morning did 10 vials of blood for all the infectious disease testing and chromosomal karyotyping. my husband is supposed to do his bloodwork one day this week. i also had my HCG drawn this morning since we are tracking it down to 0

How are things going?: confused by my body still. will spoiler the TMI/CP bit

i started spotting weds, which made sense as monday night was the last progesterone suppository. continued spotting thurs, and then had what i thought was the start of full CP bleeding friday, and it has since lightened back up to nothing as of yesterday. my sept CP was... a lot... and for 6 days. so i'm going to be very curious to see what my HCG is down to

Any questions?: natm

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback) "maybe the universe is telling you to just pause and breathe"

eta: day 3 labs coming in…

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/lr/b15d57d61he6.jpeg

kiki047 · March 2022

@mambo5-2 aww hell no to the "miscarriages are nature's way" comment. My MIL also told me it "wasn't meant to be", and I was too shocked/trying not to cry to have any kind of good comeback.
@anniemarie887 ugh I'm so sorry, I think you hit the nail on the head with "purgatory". This part sucks, plain and simple.

Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS, RPL, RIF, some MFI

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WFAF - started my 5 day course of provera yesterday so hoping AF will make her appearance this weekend.

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): IVF # 4 once AF shows up

How are things going?: Well, I survived major event #1 on Saturday, now to get through this week and the bridal shower I'm hosting this weekend then we can maybe breathe a little as we dive head first into round 4 of IVF. I'm a mixed bag of emotions - excited to get back into things, as much as IVF gets a little harder on my body with each round, but also emotional because I've had to come to terms with the idea that perhaps these embryos we're attempting to bank aren't even going to be for me and will actually be reserved in case we decide to go the gestational surrogacy route and I can't even type that without getting choked up. Also, my clinic has a "buy two get one free" kind of deal for retrievals so technically if I pay for this next round OOP, I'd get my next one free (other than meds, which are almost 90% covered by insurance) so that's making me feel like I ought to keep going... but then of course that delays any possible start date for trying more transfers, which hurts my heart, so that'll be something we'll play by ear depending on how many embryos we get from this round.

Any questions?: NATM.

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback) Besides the usual "just get drunk and you'll get pregnant... that's how I got my 3 kids", I had a client who constantly asks me when I'm going to make my Dad a Grandpa and to hurry up, and I told her we can't get pregnant on our own so we've been doing IVF for 3+ years. She then asked if MH was "worth the trouble" [of IVF and all the heartbreak], to which she followed up with "maybe you should just adopt one of those native kids, doesn't seem like anybody wants them". I was so offended by that I was speechless, and to this day I go out of my way not to have to talk to her. Soon she'll no longer be a client anymore and I'm so relieved.

thankfullyamama · March 2022

@mambo5-2 waiting for results can soooo frustrating when you just want to get the ball rolling!

@anniemarie887 Its great you did the infectious bloodwork now because it can take a few weeks usually to come back i thought? sorry your in purgatory right now though that sucks

@kiki047 I hope you end up having a goo time at the bridal shower! it can be stressful hosting those kinds of events but sometimes it can end up being super fun too! and that's really great that you have that kind of coverage! I'm OOP about 5 000 in total for just one IUI I couldn't imagine the OOP for IVF and meds!

thankfullyamama · March 2022

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): I'm on CD 5, and have started taking the 50mg of clomid before bed since CD 3! I am taking a prenatal with folic acid, Iron, PCOS SENCE (like a natural metformin) and magnesium and nettle teas daily on top of the prescribed meds! I'm going to start with OPK's CD 12ish and DH and I are planning to just BD CD 13-19! Clinic has me drawing blood for progesterone on CD21 to confirm ovulation, or not! so that's the plan

How are things going?: Honestly I have been so busy trying to organize mine and Dh's schedules and with all the OT we are doing its been insane this past couple of weeks! I am a little nervous and excited to be on meds again. If this cycle doesnt make me O i think I want to try with trigger shot next one but itll be $$$

Any questions?: Does anyone else need or herd of needing birth control to cause a with drawl bleed? Provera didn't yield a bleed for me, likely because my estrogen was too low to build my lining up my OB said BUT im a little worried about treatment taking a long time between cycles because of taking 21days of bcp between fertility meds instead of the regular 5 days of provera ... I am wondering if like 14 days of bcp would cause a withdrawal bleed, like if i dont need the full 21 days! "I asked my fertility clinic like 2 weeks ago and they still havent got back to me so just seeing if anyone has experience/ knowledge here!)

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback) "Just don't think about it so much"

anniemarie887 · March 2022

@mambo5-2 i really, really, really hate the whole toxic positivity/must find a silver lining culture we have - statements like that are the worst.
@kiki047 oh man that's just so invasive in the questioning and commenting. big hug re heading into another retrieval. that's a lot to process.

eta b/c i sat on my post when you posted @tryingktogku labcorp said i should have the bulk of it back by weds, its the karyotype that takes about a month.

abjm0325 · March 2022

@mambo5-2 That is a terrible thing to say. I swear some people don't think at all before speaking.
@anniemarie887 Keep us posted on your HCG. I hope the bloodwork has some answers/ paths forward for you. Also F that universe crap.
@kiki047 Sending hugs for all the complicated feelings around this retrieval. That client sounds awful and thank goodness you will be rid of her soon.
@tryingktogku I hope you get confirmation of O this time! I don't have any advice on the withdrawal bleed, but one of these other awesome ladies probably will.

abjm0325 · March 2022

Diagnosis (if you've been): TBD (old, MCs, etc.)

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Letrozole, progesterone and all the usual stuff

How are things going?: Better today. Thanks to those of you that took the time to read my rant in the randoms thread last week. Time has made me a little less bitter and I was able to at least text my sister-in-law yesterday to extend congratulations and try to gently explain what made that hard for me. She was apologetic and supportive and I know none of this is her fault, so trying to just move on. Kind of dreading seeing her at Easter though.

Any questions?: Not today

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback) "Make sure you don't wait too long to have kids" What on earth is the point of even saying that? Yes, random stranger, you totally changed my perception of (and ability to act on) on this sensitive and complicated topic.

acleverusername · March 2022

Anyone hear from @gingermama29 recently?

@mambo5-2 argh! I can't believe they're still waiting on your karyotype! It DOES NOT take that long. I've had that test done twice, and it took 2 weeks at most. I'm sure that doesn't help. Hang in there!!! Btw, would love to hear what you learned about Protein C and S deficiency in that FB group.

@anniemarie887 those labs look fine. E2 is a bit on the high side for Day 3, but everyone's body is different, and there's of course some inter-cycle variability.

@kiki047 I hope Provera does its thing on schedule! Good luck with that bridal shower. I can feel the anxiety coming through my computer screen. Remember to honor yourself in the hustle bustle. Also WTF with that client of yours? Gah. Now THAT'S deserving of a slap that is heard around the world.

@tryingktogku I've definitely heard of using birth control for what you're describing. There's lots of way to make your body do what it's not doing naturally. But don't get ahead of yourself. You're still in the early staged of your first medicated cycle. Stay with this point in your journey.

@abjm0325 I'm here for all your rants. I'm glad you were able to be super honest with your SIL. I hope she can respect your need for boundaries at Easter.

Diagnosis (if you've been): slightly overactive immune system, Hashimoto's AMA, sperm that won't ask for directions

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO on the cusp of TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): this is still our hail Mary super-O cycle with timed intercourse. Also still waiting for the ERA results.

How are things going?: Things are going! My ovaries are swollen AF right now, but that's because there's like 5 juicy follicles in there. I triggered last night. TEW thinks I'll be ovulating 3 mature eggs, but I think it's closer to 5 (I've got 5 follicles >16mm; the largest is 24.5mm!). Lol. Not too concerned about multiples since last year we did this cycle with 2 IUIs and nothing took. At the same time, I did just have an "endometrial scratch" and I'm also taking Prednisone to control my immune system so... who knows. Anyways, calculated risks and all that.

MH and I have been having a lot of sex lately, which is awesome, but also tiresome. Normally I O pretty quickly when I take Letrazole, but I guess all the infertility treatments have made my ovaries slow down since today is CD14 and O day is tomorrow. My lining was looking great at 8.2mm thick.

I found this really sweet old sonographer to do my scans so that I don't have to drive 1h45m to see TEW. He has a private practice and is honestly the sweetest old man (he must be like late 50's? So not really 'old'). But it's also kind of weird being in an exam room with just a man, who's not even a doctor? You know what I mean?

Any questions?: Okay, but seriously... should I be worried about multiples?

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback) So when I first read this question, I didn't think it was necessarily fertility focused, but I guess others did? @abjm0325 how did you mean it? I'll wait for you to answer before sharing.

gingermama29 · March 2022

@acleverusername I’m still here!! I ghosted last week because one of my closest friends was diagnosed with breast cancer and I was hyper focused on setting up a meal train for her since she’s out the rest of the school year. I’ll be posting my update soon. Nothing exciting to share though. AF is expected either tomorrow or Thursday.

anniemarie887 · March 2022

@abjm0325 i just went and looked for your post, sorry i was little all over the place last week, i'm really sorry and i'm glad you took the time to explain it to her. i don't blame you for your apprehension to seeing her.
@acleverusername i'll elaborate below, but thinking those labs will need to get redone. i'm so glad the sonographer that is closer is also so sweet. all the fingers and toes crossed for you!

tw for spoiler re CP (edited to spoiler, sorry!)

sooooooooo interesting development, probably should've waited on the day 3 labwork... but i didn't. i got my HCG back from yesterday and it is still at 57. i am not sure what this body of mine is doing as i have also stopped bleeding, but clearly have not gotten to 0. waiting on what my regular OBGYN says about my HCG still being elevated.

gingermama29 · March 2022

I’ll be back for tags later. Posting between classes.

Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Letrozole, metformin, myo-inositol, baby aspirin, PNV, trigger and TI

How are things going? Things are okay. I was testing my trigger shot around 7DPO and it was suuuuper faint so I figured anything darker meant good news. Yesterday (11DPO) was stark white (though I swear my eyes are super cruel and try to convince me I can see faint lines that don’t exist). I’m not planning to test any more unless AF is late. I’m having mixed feelings about this cycle. Obviously I’m incredibly disappointed to not be KU but the massive silver lining is that I should be able to go to Italy in October for my brother’s wedding since this cycle didn’t work. If next cycle does, the furthest I’d be along at the wedding would be later in the second trimester with means international travel is less risky. It’s a good consolation prize for another month with an empty uterus.

Any questions?: nada

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback)

The classic “relax,” “if it’s God’s will blah blah blah” (which extra bothers me because I’m not religious at all), “it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen,” etc. All the unhelpful clichés. 🙄

abjm0325 · March 2022

@acleverusername I didn't mean for it to have to be TTC specific, but I should have assumed that is the direction it might taken given our context. Feel free to veer off from that!

mambo5-2 · March 2022

@acleverusername concerned about multiples, maybe, I would really try not to think too much about it. So for Protein C and S it looks like lots of people end up on Lovenox, some just on baby aspirin. My guess since they were planning on me doing baby aspirin anyway because of my history and the fact that my Protein C deficiency is bad I may have to add Lovenox too. The extra question will be my fibrogen levels since they were low.

anniemarie887 · March 2022

@gingermama29 glad to see you back, and i'm sorry about the mixed emotions.

gingermama29 · March 2022

@mambo5-2 I hope your results come back soon! Waiting is the worst part!

@anniemarie887 I’m sorry your body is taking so long to reset after your loss. I feel like that just adds insult to injury and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.

@kiki047 glad you made it through major event #1. I hope this weekend’s shower goes well. Also that adoption “advice” is so offensive on so many levels.

@tryingktogku so frustrating that your fertility clinic hasn’t gotten back to you. I don’t have an answer for your question but hopefully you get one soon. Sounds like you have a good plan for this cycle. It’s crazy how much we have to plan, isn’t it?

@abjm0325 I’m glad you were able to have a conversation with your SIL. I’m sorry for the crappy timing of their announcement.

@acleverusername FX for this cycle to be the one! As my US tech likes to tell me, sounds like “you’re nice and ripe 😂.” Also I think the risk of multiples is still relatively small (I think I read like 7%?), but I’m hardly an expert so take that with a massive grain of salt.

acleverusername · March 2022

@gingermama29 I’m sorry about your friends Dx. It’s so nice that you did that for her. I’m sure having one less stress in her life is much appreciated. You know… I’m rooting for your trip to Italy!!! And I’m loving the positive thinking!

@mambo5-2 I’m curious to find out what you learn when you finally have your follow-up. As for multiples, like I said, not really worried and I’ll cross that bridge if I need to.

@anniemarie887 oooph. The rollercoaster continues. But yeah, hCG would explain elevated E2. I hope your wonderful OBGYN gets back to you soon.

Okay take 2 at the GTKT: my advice - non-fertility related - has been the following: when I graduated from college, I got a job at IBM… you know, a pretty huge and long-standing computer company. But, the caveat was that I was considered a “long-term supplemental” employee and not a full time so I didn’t have benefits or pension or any of that stuff. And IBM had this policy where they would “keep you as a supplemental for as long as you’re willing to put up with it.” (Words that a VP had shared with me once.) Anyways, at one point, I was interested in getting a financial planner and a colleague HIGHLY recommended one to me. And I mean HIGHLY. So I set up and appointment and proceed to have a chat with him. Explain to him my situation, etc. You know what his helpful advice was? “Get a full time job that has benefits and pension.” I did not have a snappy come back.

kiki047 · March 2022

@tryingktogku I do think the shower itself will be ok, other than being majorly uncomfortable not only being around 40+ people but also having them *in* my home... we have barely even socialized with our closest friends and family throughout the pandemic, nevermind had a freaking party lol. But I'm trying to put my own fears aside for my cousin (the bride) because I know it means a lot to her and I also recognize that I'm hypervigilant about Covid only because of the impact it would have on IVF and less so about the actual health implications at this rate. I know the risk is lower, but am also going to take every precaution this weekend because I cannot afford to get sick literally days before we are due to start a new round. // It took over 9 weeks for my period to return after my 3rd retrieval so they put me on 10 days of provera which didn't work, then they started me on BCP and I proceeded to bleed through the BCP so they had me treat that as a period and come in for CD3 monitoring to lead right into a FET cycle. *TW* The cycle ended in a CP so it was a bust so in retrospect I should've waited for my hormones to stabilize, but then that's the beauty of PCOS, do they ever? Ha.

@anniemarie887 Whenever I see her name on the call display I brace myself for invasive questions and offensive remarks. // *TW* I'm sorry your HCG is still on the high side. I've had to take misoprostol (cytotec) to move things along when I only had a light bleed following my 2nd MC, and when that didn't do enough, followed up with a round of provera. Unfortunately that was during the height of the pandemic and our fucked up health care system considered D&Cs to be "elective" (as if I'd CHOOSE to have a goddamn miscarriage

) so that wasn't an option unless it was an emergency, aka I was bleeding out.

@abjm0325 oh my goodness, I also missed your post in the Randoms where you talked about your BIL/SIL. My god, I am so very sorry they were so blatantly selfish and ignorant about your own feelings in the way they went about their announcement. I'm raging for you, and don't blame you one bit for not wanting to have to see them at Easter. Your feelings are 100% valid and this is absolutely on them and not on you.

@acleverusername not going to say "I told you so" about your lining, but damn girl that all sounds like things are moving right along as they should. A normal person absolutely should worry about multiples with that many follicles but for someone with a history of IF, I think those are great odds.

@gingermama29 I'm so sorry about your friend, and for the mixed emotions about this cycle. I had the same thought about the possibility of being able to travel in the fall, but totally understand how deflating that feels as well.

.
AFM, I was not prepared for the psychotic emotional wreck I'd turn into on the provera. Progesterone doesn't make me into a crazy person (I don't think), but BCP does. My poor husband. On the bright side, I finally admitted to someone outside of my TTGP/IF circle that we're considering surrogacy, and it was my SIL of all people (anyone that's been around long enough to know what a contentious relationship I have with my BIL and SIL ought to know why this was so monumental). I cried, she was super sweet and supportive, and it was just a generally positive experience overall and a nice way for me to ease into this whole 'opening up' concept that I've been so bad at over the years.

mambo5-2 · March 2022

@kiki047
I am proud of you for opening up. I haven't been around long but its always lovely when we open up to someone and it is a positive experience.

kiki047 · March 2022

@mambo5-2 thank you. You're so right, and as @optimistgardener also showed us last week, sometimes people surprise us and say all the right things.

I forgot a rather important detail in my update this week - my biopsy results came back and my endometritis is still there, so he's starting me on two new antibiotics this week which he said won't affect stims. Last time I was on metronidazole (flagyl) and cefalexin (Keflex), this time it'll be amoxycillin and ciprofloxacin. Hopefully these ones don't make me sick to my stomach and they do the trick to clear out the infection.

thankfullyamama · March 2022

@acleverusername ouuuu I hope this hail mary cycle is it for you! I feel like you are having lots of good vibes right now1? and lmaooo isnt it funny how having lots of sex is awesome but exhausting all at once!

@gingermama29 so sorry to hear about your friend! that is so kind of you to set up some supports for her! And ok so ur beta is still around 50 a few days after trigger?

@kiki047 well hopefully you can "try" to forget about covid and just enjoy the shower! and i also found provera/BCP turns me into a hot flashing hormonal wreck so you're not alone there! and its really amazing you confided in someone in your life about the next steps you may be leaning towards and its even more amazing you were met with an appropriate response!

anniemarie887 · March 2022

@kiki047 ugh that anticipatory stress is no fun, i know that feeling. don't even get me started on the "ways" to miscarry and the emotional and financial they all carry in different ways. ugh. i'll get super ranty. i'm glad you told your SIL and that it was received well, opening up is hard and i hope that your family can support you and your husband as you guys sort out what's next. fyi if you don't know this : cipro can make you sun sensitive, so just make sure as spring is coming you don't get burned! it has never upset my stomach, i was very closely acquainted with it for uti's years ago.

abjm0325 · March 2022

@acleverusername Damn girl! That’s a lot of follicles! I hope this is the kick in the pants your body needs to grab one of those and hold on.

@gingermama29 I’m sorry for the disappointment of this cycle. I hope your brother’s wedding is amazing and that you get to have fun planning that trip!

@kik047 Thank you for your kind words of support. My H is a stoic guy, so basically if I have any emotional reaction to a situation I feel like I’m overreacting. It is sometimes hard to gauge what is normal, so I appreciate this space as a sounding board. I’m so glad you had a positive experience sharing with your SIL! I’m also coming to terms with the fact that suffering in silence only seems to make the situation worse and trying to find small opportunities to share.

kiki047 · March 2022

@anniemarie887 oh yes, and it's made even more complicated for those of you in States that have outlawed abortion because of the way it also restricts access to potentially life-saving drugs like mifepristone for women who legitimately need it in situations like ectopics or like, you know, needing to help move things along if a MC isn't naturally progressing on its own. So beyond messed up. // thanks for the heads up re: side effects. Sadly (for me) the weather here for the next 2 weeks is still garbage and I still have that rosacea/skin condition on my face that looks awful so I'll be sure to be careful in the sun for a while. I'm so relieved it may not be as harsh on my stomach.
@abjm0325 MH is also pretty stoic and I'm reactive so everything I do feels like an overreaction as well. You have every right to be taken aback by that announcement, and the fact that you've been able to text her back and be so gracious about it speaks volumes about your character, I probably would've hid behind MH and made him deal with it.

acleverusername · March 2022

@kiki047 wow - that's really courageous of you to share with you SIL about gestational carrier option. And I'm ecstatic that your SIL did all the right things. As for your endometritis, that's the result of the ALICE test I presume? Any idea if the infection is recurring or persistent? (Is there even any way to tell?) Also, you can totally tell me "I told you so!" Because you did!

Forgot to mention in my update that I hope I have found the perfect hematologist for me! I'm hoping that my referral goes through soon so that I can grab an Apr 14 time slot she has available. But, this woman sounds perfect since her areas of focus are pregnancy-related hematologic conditions. After Apr 14, her next available appointment was May 12, and that would be _after_ my would-be transfer so I really hope that I get in with her in April.

Oh, and I had an appointment with my endocrinologist this morning. He's going to raise my Synthroid dose to 88mcg. Doesn't seem like my (current dose is 75mcg) but he didn't feel like going higher was warranted at this point.

abjm0325 · March 2022

@kiki047 Literally every other family member responded to the group text, so I felt a personal obligation to explain why I hadn't. My H would have done it if I asked, but I wasn't sure he would accurately convey my feelings (not on purpose, of course). I'm just glad to have that initial conversation out of the way. Thankfully I don't see them super often in person, but holidays may be tough for awhile.

acleverusername · March 2022

Okay, but I also have to share my unsolicited fertility advice from someone I call my "other mother". She is a really smart woman but is completely dense when it comes to anything fertility-related. But is also unwilling to learn. Anyways, this advice came at the time when US announced withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan and Taliban took control there again. ***TW for mention of CP*** I _feel_ like my reply was snappy but I was more stunned than anything else.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/16/dzqfipfvczb7.png

anniemarie887 · March 2022

@acleverusername pardon me… but Jesus effing Christ. In need to go pick my jaw off the floor. I am impressed with your response, although I now I am familiar with that stunned feeling of what the hell just got said to me?!?

@abjm0325 can we add this up to another reason why giant group texts are awful and should be banned.

@kiki047 thankfully I live in a state that has enacted laws to actually protect abortion rights. It’s actually a perfect example of what elected officials are meant to do IMO: our governor is personally pro life for religious reasons, but understands and values the rights of the residents of our state has never tried to restrict abortion rights. Hope your skin starts feeling better, I wonder if the antibiotics will somehow magically help with that as well?

optimistgardener · March 2022

omg you guys this week's thread is epic and it's only tuesday.

@mambo5-2 i'm so sorry you're playing the waiting game re: the bloodwork results. this seems like something i'd be doubly eager to get news about in your shoes, since presumably a clotting issue is not just about fertility but also about your health more generally. hopefully they will be able to address it!

@anniemarie887 i'm so freaking sorry about the purgatory.

@kiki047 just a general hug. i'm sorry the endometritis is still with you. hopefully the antibiotics do the trick this time.

@tryingktogku i always read your screen name and think it's a knitting instruction (the shorthand for "knit 2 together, knit" is almost the same as the second part of your name). fx for you for this cycle.

@abjm0325 i'm so sorry about the SIL deal. it's so weird being in a place where it's just, like, hard to be happy for other people about pregnancy news. i feel you on this.

@acleverusername i very much hope you are not the kind of unicorn who winds up with triplets. but like you said, the math is on your side. hopefully it all works out and you wind up with a perfect singleton! also glad to hear the lining worked out without intervention.

@gingermama29 can i just send some generally healing vibes in the direction of your friend. also sorry to hear you're not feeling very positive about this cycle.

ok! now for my update:

Diagnosis (if you've been): geriatric, etc.

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): technically WTO, but benched till may

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): finally had my WTF appt with the RE today

How are things going?: Good, for now? I guess? The doc didn't have a lot of answers for me re: what went wrong with my last transfer, but i wasn't really expecting a lot of answers because i know those things just happen and there was the added twist of transferring a mosaic. but he was very interested in checking in with me about where i stand with regards to my TTC journey and what i want to do next. once it became clear that i am interested in trying again, it turned out that he and i were very much on the same page.

before i had a chance to say so, he recommended that i be lined up to do multiple rounds of retrievals to try to collect a good large batch before sending them off to biopsy.

he also was very openminded when i asked about trying another protocol this time (since the antagonist has shown itself to be not terribly successful). we both agree that the studies show no difference between the protocols in terms of their response amongst patients generally, but the thinking is that as an individual i might respond better to a different protocol and there's no harm in trying. so we're tentatively agreed to try a microdose flare for my next cycle.

finally, he is on board with putting me on omnitrope, although he warns that it is expensive and insurance often won't cover it. he said that his clinic usually has patients do a microdose regimen of the stuff, but i realized after our conversation was over that i didn't ask him whether they do this as a preparatory regime (before stims) or during stims. i'll have to ask the nurse when she and i sort out prescriptions and calendar stuff in a few days.

Any questions?:

1) folks who have taken omnitrope, how much and for how long did you take it? (@acleverusername i feel like you've taken it as a preparatory thing leading up to stims cycles?)

2) i'm also interested if folks have opinions about the microdose flare protocol.

3) the RE says if i do repeat retrievals he wants to freeze my fertilized eggs basically immediately after fertilization, and then once i've collected a bunch, thaw them all at once to grow them to blast stage and send them away for testing. has anyone heard of this/done this?

GTKY: What is an unsolicited piece of advice someone has felt the need to share with you? (bonus points if you had a great comeback)

ooh boy. well to stick with the fertility theme, when i was a graduate student i had multiple senior male academics in my field tell me that i should under no circumstances get pregnant if i wanted to be successful in academia. also my dad's wife also called me up once when i was in my late 20s and just after i'd started grad school to tell me i should hurry up and get pregnant because time's a-wasting and i would regret it later. in retrospect, she may have been right (plus she was trying to get pregnant at a very late date in her own calendar at the time, so i can see now why she would have felt strongly about this), but nevertheless, i stick to my guns that these decisions are no one else's but our own, and that she was way out of bounds in calling me up to share this advice with me, especially since she and i have never been close.

finally, and unrelated to fertility but definitely related to the f**ked up world that is academia, i had a senior female academic once tell me that if i ever got shortlisted for a campus interview and if she were on my dissertation committee, she was going to decide for me what i should wear to the interview because, and i'm quoting here, "let's face it these hiring committees are usually conservative old men and you want to use all the tools you've got." i nodded politely but in my head i was screaming "lady, you'll never be on my committee!"

(Edited for spacing, adding a couple of things, and improving my grammar)

anniemarie887 · March 2022

@optimistgardener I’m so glad that you and your dr are on the same page, I know the wait for the appointment was unfair, but I’m so relieved to hear it sounds like you have a good path forward!

acleverusername · March 2022

@optimistgardener oh yay that your doc and you are on the same page! That must feel SO great. And I love it how you didn't even discuss anything beforehand and both arrived there on your own. I think your doc – despite being an 'only' option – is a big keeper. Re: Omnitrope... I actually took it only with my cycle but remember also that I did luteal phase start so maybe that's different. However, I've got a friend going through a stim cycle right now, and I know she started Omnitrope in the luteal phase of the previous cycle. I'm going to try and get details from her and share with you.

I also need you to do me a solid and try to get your Omnitrope for free. You can apply for a coupon from the manufacturer for some subsidy if the stated reason is growth hormone deficiency. Do that. However, know that most fertility pharmacies won't honor it. BUUUUUUTTTT... I've been told that IntegrityRx will. (In spoiler, the convo with the person who told me about it (someone from the NorCal IVF Support FB group).

@anniemarie887 I am "glad"(?) that others were as shocked as I was by her train of thought. Let me tell you, I really admire this lady (she's ~70); like I said, she's my "other mother". For e.g. we had a close-family-only wedding, and she/her hubby were there (total of 18 ppl incl MH and I).

While I got your attention, let me tell you about the stunt she pulled on her own daughter (whom I call my "sister-from-different-ma'am-and-mister"). Her daughter is/was also experiencing infertility (was because they've actually decided not to do anything about it... ). Anyways, moving to spoiler since I don't want to clog up the board talking about awful fertility advice others have received.

General ***TW for how insensitive ppl can be; even those that are your flesh and blood***

Yeah, so her daughter/son-in-law ... let's call her Samantha & Paul... started doing their fertility workup with their OBGYN – while waiting for RE referral (they're in Canada and there's only 1 fertility clinic in their province) – and I don't really know the particulars, but for some reason, Paul's SA came back not great in this round of testing (fast-forward, when they did testing with RE, it was fine.) So, Samantha tells this to her mother, and you know what her advice is? "Can't you just ask one of Paul's cousin's for a sperm donation?"

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Let me tell you more about this woman... she was breaking all kinds of glass ceilings in oil companies in late 80's / early 90's by being the first female CFO of a MAJOR oil company. She is NOT DUMB. But for some reason, this is NOT an area of strength and what kills me is that she's on her computer/phone all the time, and doesn't do anything to learn about what her daughter (and me, her 'third daughter' as she calls me) might be going through.

I visited them in FL when I was there at the end of Feb; they have a condo there for snowbirding; and made them watch the Fighting for Fertility documentary that TEW is in. Anyways, what they learned their was mind-opening. Like, they learned about TESE procedure in case YOU DON'T HAVE SPERM. And they learned about what IVF is, and yada yada yada.

Then her husband (my "other dad"; love him dearly) point blank asks me how I would feel if someone told me that we should ask MHs brother or cousins for a 'sperm donation'? I'm like... HARD PASS. I would be terribly offended. I even said that it's borderline "incest;" That I would prefer to have a child that genetically not mine, before I would ask a family member for a donation. Even with my explanation, they didn't seem to truly understand why that would be the case.

Anyways, I was really sad to learn that one of the reasons that Sam and Paul decided not to pursue IVF was because they felt that they wouldn't get support for this hard process. There were other reasons... Paul is 44 and has concerns about being an "older dad" and they are both reticent about bringing a child into our effed up world, but that first part really saddened me.

anniemarie887 · March 2022

@acleverusername she is what I call a “crooked line”. That’s so confusing to me with her personal history of pressing boundaries in the workforce. I feel bad for her daughter.

acleverusername · March 2022

@anniemarie887 for sure; I also feel bad for her daughter.

thankfullyamama · March 2022

@optimistgardener oh wow it’s so amazing when you and your doctor are on the same page! Refreshing actually because I feel like lots of people have to really advocate for themselves! And I know lol but I thought “tryingtogetknockedup” would have just been too long hahahaha

@acleverusername 🤯 with the whole smart people can be really insensitive/ unwilling to be educated of fertility stuff.

gingermama29 · March 2022

@tryingktogku nope, I haven’t had any betas done yet. No reason to since my tests have been stark white and AF is due tomorrow.

@acleverusername it blows my mind what people think is appropriate to day to women dealing with IF. Your response was perfect.

@optimistgardener thank you friend. I’m glad your appointment went well and you and your doctor are on the same page. I hope you can get the meds without having to pay much.

abjm0325 · March 2022

@optimistgardener So refreshing that your doc was invested in what you want for the next cycle and on board with a few changes. Sounds like a really great patient-doctor relationship. Also, as a fellow woman in academia, oomph to those comments. There is no small degree of irony to the fact that a field that is literally devoted to learning and exploring new ideas can’t seem to get past sexism in situations like this.

optimistgardener · March 2022

@abjm0325 @gingermama29 @tryingktogku @acleverusername i do really like my doc. he's a talker, to the extent that i imagine his entire staff/support team at the clinic probably spend a lot of their time trying (and failing) to corral him into staying on schedule as he launches into deep convo with every single patient he meets. but i appreciate that he sees it as his role to take the whole patient and their particular story into account.

@acleverusername your "other mother's" advice, especially re: international adoptions, made me roll my eyes painfully. TW re: adoption stuff:

i should start by saying that there are intl adoptions that are done well, take family and cultural situations into account, etc. But adoptions that take place in the context of war or extreme disorder (as with the US withdrawal from Afgh.) are often not. There are just too many children in those circumstances who are temporarily separated from their parents, and too many opportunities for unscrupulous people to make some money by basically selling vulnerable kids, for adoptions to be taking place in an ethically grounded way. So the whole "oh no, there are sad situations with foreign kids unfolding on TV, it's a shame we can't just adopt them all" thing is problematic.

as for her thing about borrowing a cousin/brother's sperm or what-have-you, i suppose this is one of those things where every individual feels differently. at this point i wouldn't blink that hard at the idea of transferring an embryo produced with my brother's sperm and a donor egg, although i can see why others would. i don't see that as any different than transferring an embryo made from a hypothetical sister's egg and donor/partner sperm, which is something that i think is fairly common for women to do in the realm of ART. maybe it's because for me this whole IVF process is so very, very remote from anything to do with actual sex, it doesn't trigger the incest/revulsion response in me although i can see how it would for others.
the key here is that it is every individual and every couple's particular journey and set of choices, and not just something that a random friend/family member gets to weigh in on, as this lady is doing, with their "bright ideas."

thankfullyamama · March 2022

Question: I know it’s personal but how do you all deal with life outside of fertility treatment in this regard?

So two of my friends invited me for dinner next Friday and asked if we wanted to carpool to have some drinks and I told them I won’t be drinking because it’ll be around ovulation time if my medicated cycle works and my one friend said yeah but if you weren’t taking meds and monitoring wouldn’t you just go out and have a good time anyway because it’s not like you’re pregnant yet (and this was meant with kind intentions!

which got me wondering if any of you just live life like you’re not going through IF (ie have some casual drinks at social events until you POS/ have a beta drawn?)

abjm0325 · March 2022

@tryingktogku I think it is totally a personal comfort thing. I do still have an occasional drink during the TWW if I want one, but limit it to no more than one at a time (personal choice, not scientifically backed). I also still take baths, but dial back the temperature a little. So I guess I think of it as cautious normal life in that time period.

gingermama29 · March 2022

Question for those of you who have done a trigger shot: does that affect the length of your LP at all? Just curious as AF is due today.

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