IF Testing & Treatment w/o 3.28

acleverusername

@tryingktogku AS @abjm0325 said, it's totally personal. It's really up to you to set boundaries and then ask/hope that others respect them. It's OK to say to your friends "hey I'm going through fertility treatments and I would like to make sure I do everything possible for them to succeed and therefore I don't want to drink during FW and in the TWW." If your friends aren't willing to respect that or give you a hard time for it, well, that's on them, not on you. For me, I've come and gone from drinking throughout this journey and I've been open with my friends about what I am/I'm not doing at any particular time. They all know what we're going through and they are respectful of my choices.

@optimistgardener I really appreciate your viewpoint on donor sperm / donor egg selection. As you said, every one's journey is different and ppl take different paths to arrive at the one that ultimately makes them parents (unless they decide otherwise). I think (but obv it's just a supposition) that math becomes quite different when sperm and/or egg is not part of the equation. For example, for you, sperm is not possible because you don't have a partner, so maybe you can think more broadly in terms of where that sperm can come from. I mean, if you were in a couple, and your partner's sperm wasn't viable, would you ask your dear "friend-with-sperm-benefits"? Maybe or maybe not... all depends on your partner's level of comfort. I also have to say I used the wrong word. It's not "incest" it's more "inbreeding" that I meant. Anyways, I have a dear lesbian couple as friends and they chose to use a sibling's sperm to have their children. It's all very personal. 

As for my other mother's bright ideas... yeah. It just shocks me that someone who is quite intelligent in some ways, can come up and so easily throw around, such harebrained ideas veiled under the guise of "helpful motherly advice."

anniemarie887

@optimistgardener **TW adoption** 

as someone who has two adopted siblings, international adoption, and i was in high school when my parents went through the process, i just am here to affirm your statements. my parents had to jump through hoops and loops for my one sister b/c her mother went MIA and they had to hire a PI and prove x amount of time and effort to track her down before she was deemed "legally abandoned". it delayed the process of bringing her home, was absolutely the right thing to do, but expensive and time consuming. adoption is not some quick fix for wanting a child and i really hate when people try and pose it that way. there is a mountain of things to unpack for all parties involved in adoption. i also think it's something not really widely talked about in re to the logistics, financial process and emotional toll it can be. 

@acleverusername @optimistgardener i think this is a really interesting conversation and IMO (that no one asked for) i think when it comes to donor sperm/egg it becomes one of those topics where the parties who are going down that route just don't need advice/input from other ppl. like if everyone just stopped supplying unsolicited advice it would save a lot of emotional distress. some ppl are going to want an egg from a sister b/c that genetic tie means the world to them, and some ppl are going to find that bizarre. i think it's for each person to decide on their own vs outside influences sharing their views on it. 

@tryingktogku sooooooo i think this is again, personal choice. i know ppl who won't drink during the TWW. i have never been that way, and even with all the heartache i've had in the last almost 15 mos ttgp i've never thought to change that behaviour (i also still take baths, still workout the same). but that is just me, and my little opinion. you need to do what is best for you, your body - your rules. 

mambo5-2

I swear I'm here reading but every time I try to respond to people I get busy. 

kiki047

I'm like out of my mind busy right now so have to come back again for tags because I only got halfway down the page but I needed to say this first:

@acleverusername oh oh oh that reminds me that my friend, who has done the whole IF thing, has had major losses, is now pursuing donor eggs, I guess because in her mind she has resigned herself to the fact that she needs DE so therefore it is completely normalized in other peoples' minds that it's ok that their children don't share their DNA, she suggested that if it was MH's sperm that is the issue, why don't I just ask his brother because "it's basically the same DNA". OH HELL NO. First of all, I can't stand my BIL, he's a pompous ass, but second of all, NO! 

@optimistgardener I have more thoughtful things to say that I can't articulate atm but I am so glad you and your RE are on the same page and it sounds like you have a really solid plan in place to move forward with batching and to make the changes needed to get results.

*Edited for clarity

mambo5-2

Fun fact, I tried to be an egg donor... but my BMI is too high. Also wanted to be a surrogate but can't do that because rules. 

acleverusername

if everyone just stopped supplying unsolicited advice it would save a lot of emotional distress

@anniemarie887 YES, 100% YES.

I also realized that I'm basically putting foot in my mouth @optimistgardener so I'm going to stop doing that. I think in the end, it's up to the couple to do what they feel is right, and – unless you know for sure that you can't have babies that are biologically yours – it's gonna take hella long time for most couple to get to the donor (and let's also throw surrogacy in there, because it's towards that end of the journey as well) option. 

@kiki047 it's even worse coming from someone who's experienced infertility/IVF. Earlier on (circa Sep 2020), one of my really good friends said something really hurtful to me, and I was flabbergasted because she and her H struggled for 5 years to get pregnant until falling naturally pregnant. Like she said something to the effect of "the diet changes [I had started Whole30] are great whether or not there's a baby in your future." I actually had to talk this out with my therapist; I couldn't believe that she... someone who's experienced infertility... would say that. My therapist – bless her soul – explained it very well to me. She said that for my friend and her H, they went down the path of exploring what a life without a baby would look like, so it was natural for them to reach there and give that advice. But it was the wrong thing to do. 

One of the best advices I got from my therapist was: "stay with your journey." (i.e. if you're doing medicated cycles, don't think about how hard egg retrievals might be; focus on the medicated cycles because that's your reality.)

mambo5-2

@acleverusername you have a very smart therapist. I love a good therapist. Says a therapist. 

acleverusername

@mambo5-2 the best compliment one can get is from someone in your own field. Btw, would love to hear more details about your attempts at both egg donation and surrogacy. 

mambo5-2

It looks like my chromosomes are back! Can I see the information in my chart? NO! It looks like they are there though. 

acleverusername

@mambo5-2 wahoo! The wait is almost over. 

mambo5-2

@acleverusername
  you've got PM regarding your question about egg donation and surrogacy for me.  TW in the message though. 

optimistgardener

@gingermama29 sorry to answer this q so late but my trigger shot maaybe extended my LP by a day or so. but my LP is already stupidly long so i just seem to be inclined that way.

@acleverusername yeah, it really does seem to me to be an individual thing. i can completely understand why partnered folx TTC would potentially feel more sensitive about the source of donation under such circumstances. re: unsolicited stuff, i once had a male friend/ex-boyfriend make an unsolicited offer of his sperm for my TTC purposes. i responded with a violent NO. despite our history with one another, he and i are still friends, but he can be an egotistical pr**k at times, and this was a perfect example of it. I was like, we're NOT DATING FOR A REASON, DUDE. no, i do not want to mix up my genes with you.

@anniemarie887 i completely agree re: adoption. i also had a convo with my RE about it the other day, which was interesting:

the short version of what he had to say was that adoption is becoming an even more challenging avenue of late. rightly so, in that fewer unwanted pregnancies, more conservative/pro-keeping the kid with family policies in the social services worlds, and more careful approaches to overseas adoption have cut down on "supply," to use a coarse term for it. but it also means that adoption, as you say, is not just some "easy" fallback when other options don't work, but is its own long journey.

@kiki047 *waves hello* sorry things are so busy right now! i feel ya. hope they calm down soon.

AFM i just had a convo with a friend in the UK who is considering the IVF route and had questions. i may have nothing tangible to show for all my journey thus far, but it turns out i'm a trove of information when it comes to stats and recommendations.

anniemarie887

@optimistgardener he hit the nail on the head. we've got local friends who went the foster to adopt route and it was ripe with heartache over many years. i will **TW** a podcast done by a baltimore sun reporter about her journey thru IF/foster/and eventual adoption - it's a good, but emotional listen if anyone is interested - and really eye opening about the foster to adopt process. 
The Wait | Podcast on Spotify

acleverusername

This is such a great discussion. Thank you so much everyone!
@optimistgardener girl, I'm basically the Oracle to my friends about IF stuff. Doesn't it feel gratifying to share that info with friends because you can make a difference? 

mambo5-2

Me waiting for my doctor to call. 

mambo5-2

My doctor called! 

I've got myself a pretty little referral to hematology for a Protein C and S deficiency. My Protein C deficiency is borderline severe. So now I wait for a  hematology appointment. 

anniemarie887

@mambo5-2 was he able to shed any light on what that means in terms of medication? moving forward? or is it totally out of his wheelhouse? 

mambo5-2

@anniemarie887 so it sounds like I would likely be on lovenox or something similar to that. I have to see the hematologist before we can move forward which sucks but my Protein C is pretty bad so she doesn't feel that she can move forward before I see the hematologist. 

gingermama29

@optimistgardener good to know. Mine is so far 2 days longer than normal (15 DPO) but my beta HCG was 1 this evening sooooo not sure what the hold up is 🤷‍♀️. I’m just anxious to get going on the next cycle.