guys I’m so glad I don’t have to have another baby shower since this my 2nd 😂 my first one was super cringey although it went pretty well. It was not coed and I really think I would have liked that. I just don’t like attention and opening presents in front of family strangers was weird for me 🤷♀️😅
I’m the same way! We asked for presents to come unwrapped to my baby shower. We put them on display around the room and people walked around and looked them (if they cared). I was not about to sit and open presents in front of a crowd at 8 months pregnant. Some people wrapped up baskets in clear cellophane and ribbon if they really couldn’t deal with not wrapping or put them in cute baskets. I don’t think my grandmother totally approved (nor my husband’s elderly aunts ) but 🤷🏼♀️.
@JRae2015 I was like 2 weeks away from my dude date or something like that and I absolutely hate looking at those pictures lol. My MIL insisted on throwing it even though my grandmother rented the AirBNB her, my sister, niece, mom, dad, and 3 cousins were staying in. So cringey.
Thanks for the insight ladies. Sorry for the late response this week has been busy.
The more I think about baby showers, the more I actually am not interested in having a baby shower. The most I was open to is a virtual one however at this point I’m pretty turned off of that as well. I had a family member ask for the date of my baby shower and it surprised me and made me wonder if I should have been planning it or if someone else should. I typically like to have things prepared in advanced and organized. After thinking about it, I am perfectly fine with not having one. We had a very nice wedding last year and the thought of planning another extravagant event drains my energy.
@m@melyrae I think your baby-q sounds cute and perfect for what you want.
Before pregnancy, I would occasionally struggle with gas, but I took Gas-X and maybe Omeprazole and then I was basically fine after less than an hour. I’d lay on my left and all that good stuff.
I do the same thing now (woke up from gas pain, took meds, laid on left) but it takes so much longer before I feel better.
I think it's possible that the waitlist fee is to counter exactly that. I'm sure tons of parents get on as many waitlist as they can, smartly. Then, when a spot becomes available, a daycare probably calls 10 parents who have already found other daycares but haven't removed themselves all the lists they were on. I think it's stupid because it means more affluent people yet again have better access to care, but I can see why from an administrative point of view, they might aim to reduce thoughtless waitlist joining
I felt do uncomfortable opening presents in front of everyone. It seemed to drag on forever and if I didn't make a big deal about every little thing I was rude or they would think I didn't like it. Most of it was probably in my head, but nonetheless the way I felt.
Someone here asked about what stm used for stretch marks. I used cocoa butter, but honestly was not great at putting it on regularly. Probably put it on whenever I felt tightness (couple times a week). I have no stretch marks. I think its a lot to fo with genetics/every body is different and not that there is a magical lotion.
@rebornlotus Hello and welcome to the board! Please make sure to stop by the introductions thread and introduce yourself.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
STM+: What the heck goes on during a cervical check in labor? I keep reading that they are very painful... and some women remember the pain of that over the labor entirely. If the labor is progressing, is there a real medical reason why they do it, other than to just know how dilated you are?
@runsonanxiety Like @lalarose22 said, I don't remember them being painful either. Maybe a smidge uncomfortable, but during labor, those don't even register, trust me. All it is is the nurse using their fingers to check how dilated and effaced you are. Seriously. Those will be the very least of your pain worries.
From what I've heard, no real medical reason and you can deny them. I didn't because my birth plan was very simple (I want a mirror, I'd like to try laboring in the tub [didn't happen due to really fast labor and I desperately wanted the epidural], and let's get the baby here safely, with the doctor keeping me informed and involved in every decision), but I think they only checked me a small handful of times (I was only at the hospital 5 hours before my girl arrived).
@runsonanxiety When I was my cousin's support person, I had only a scheduled csection to base my birth ideas on so no cervical checks were done. My cousin looked like someone was abusing her every time they checked her. When she denied a check by the man hand doctor he yelled at her and told her he would not let her have an epidural unless she allowed him to check her and not the nurse. It was traumatic to watch I can't imagine being her. From that experience only I really dreaded getting checked with my second. My nurses and doctors were super cool though and when I said I was having a contraction and didn't want to be checked at that moment, they stopped and waited for me to say it was okay. It didn't hurt as much as I expected, it was more just uncomfortable. Once I had my epidural (maybe 2 checks before I got it) I didn't feel it at all.
@runsonanxiety like @trapperkeeper87, it was the least of my worries in terms of pain-wise. A little uncomfortable yes, but even with the epidural later on I still felt pain that was way worse than those checks. I got checked when I first got admitted (my water broke at home and I have GBS so they had to hook me up to antibiotics pretty quickly) and the next few times that they checked it was two nurses that were so sweet and supportive and they asked each time if I wanted to get checked before I make the decision on the epidural. I found them very respectful.
@jhysmath so sorry to hear your cousin had such an awful experience. That’s terrible and I would be terrified of them too if I saw that happen.
It was terrible to watch. I sent her mother (my cousin was 19 when she had her baby) a message saying I didn't want to upset my cousin, but someone needed to report the doctor. The doctor her mom actually works with and he delivered her youngest daughter. It was terrible and I feel so bad that my cousin had to deal with everything she went through for her first birth. I didn't attend her second birth, but I had her switch practices and find a better birth team. From what she's told me, her second one was much less traumatic.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@runsonanxiety the only time I remember feeling a cervical check was when I was at my 38 week appointment and I requested one but was only 1-2 cm dilated. Anytime I’ve had it done further along, I don’t even feel it.
@kboydbowman he was awful... He pulls out the scalpel and tells her I'm going to do an episiotomy. I looked at him and said she doesn't want one. And he looks past me to get and says are you going against what you're doctor wants?!?! I looked right back at him and told him she said she doesn't want one. Then he mumbled under his breath while stitching her up about how it was difficult because she didn't get an episiotomy.
I have a lovely story involving a male OB-GYN physically assaulting me after my last C-section. Potentially traumatic elaboration under the spoilers.
My C-section wound had started to dehisce, and his response to that was to have his nurse hold me down, rip the rest of incision open and start cutting dead tissue out of me....without any form of anasthesia. Then told me to shut up and stop crying while he's actively assaulting me.
This is the same physician who discharged me from the hospital 26 HOURS after my complicated Caesarean (Kaiser policy is for 72-96 hours for an UNCOMPLICATED Caesarean) - he tried to discharge me after 20 hours, but I managed to squeak a few extra hours out. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him something was wrong and that I had uncontrolled pain. I already an infection when he discharged me, and the wound dehiscing was the result of the uncontrolled infection. After his assault, I *still* had to have emergency revision surgery because of the extend of the infection to clear out all the septic tissue (and the system blood sepsis I *also* had) and ended up on home health and short term disability with a wound vac for nearly 5 months).
(Yes, we tried to sue. No one would take the case because suing a Kaiser physician is nearly impossible.)
So yeah...male OB-GYNs can go to hell.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
Yeah...I don't mind male OBGYNs for yearly exams, but the moment I found out I was pregnant I definitely wanted to talk to a woman. That said, almost everyone I have dealt with over the last few weeks are women, and I have gotten just as much bad, biased, idiotic advice from them as from men...so, avoiding male OBGYNs may be worth it, but it doesn't guarantee good care.
First time mom-to-be, due 9/25/22
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
@kboydbowman I’m so so sorry about your experience 😢 That’s unreal and so traumatizing. No wonder you hate men OB-GYNs, totally valid.
In my city, 2 of the best OBs that deliver at the hospital I want to deliver at are both men. I tried to get them with my first baby but their assistants said you basically have to call the minute you get a positive pregnancy test to get them. So I was assigned a female OB and she was great. I’m going to her again with this baby since we’ve developed a good bond. When I was about 20 weeks pregnant the first time, I was in the waiting room waiting for my appt and saw the patient of one of those male OBs run out crying uncontrollably. I overheard she had another loss. He came out a minute later, sat down with her in the waiting room, spoke to her in a very gentle and caring manner until she calmed down and was ok to leave. It was very nice to see that kind of care. With my first delivery, the OB on call was a female from the same practice and she was quite harsh but I think overall a good doctor, but it’s a teaching hospital so one of the resident OBs that were by my side every minute while she was doing c-sections was also a male. I was lucky that he was very respectful and attentive. Explained everything that was happening, checked in with me regularly. It doesn’t negate that some doctors are just assholes, but maybe I was just lucky.
Cervical checks are generally most uncomfortable when you're not really dilated and not fully effaced because the person is putting their finger in a very tight spot. Once the cervix has thinned out and started to dilate, it should be okay, as long as the person checking just takes their time!
@runsonanxiety i found the cervical checks extremely painful with each one. The first 2 I wasn't dilated at all and my cervix was still tipped back. I'm convinced that they caused stronger and closer contractions that weren't "doing anything". After 24hrs of consistent contractions I was at 3cm so they let me stay at the hospital and then 8 hrs later when they checked me again (my husband had to hold me down for this one. It was absolutely awful) I was still at 3 cm so they sent me by ambulance plane to a bigger hospital. Once I had an epidural I didn't care, the midwife could do whatever she wanted. I will refuse all cervical checks this time unless it's determined that it's life or death for me or the baby. Cervical checks are not the tell all when it comes to how close a baby is at being born. My cousin was having her 4th baby and went to the hospital because she knew she was getting close. She was only 1cm so they told her to go home. She refused and finally they agreed to check her again and she was at a 2 so they let her stay. They got her settled in a room, the nurse left and her husband caught the baby with the next contraction. Had she went home, who knows where her baby would be born. I'd rather the midwives pay attention to my other body signals, how I'm laboring, breathing, etc. Apparently some women will get a purple line up their buttcrack and the length of that line corresponds with how dilated they are🤷♀️
@kboydbowman my friend had an ob for her second c-section that was a traveling ob that said he couldn't give her any pain meds after her c-section except Tylenol and advil because it was against his religion. I believe he was Jewish because they went with him because he would preform the circ on their son before leaving the hospital. With their middle son they had to come back at like 2 weeks old because the only person who would perform one was on vacation. I was flabbergasted that the doctor wouldn't give her pain meds after a surgery. The nurse she had was excellent though and reamed him out and somehow managed to get her real pain meds. I mean I know they've never had a c-section, but you would think if you perform them, you have some idea of the pain they cause.
This thread makes me so angry! I’m sorry that all these women had painful or traumatic experiences ! My midwife was very experienced and any cervical check by her was painless. One time I agreed to let her student do one and it was a totally different story. If they are very painful, someone is doing something wrong. And I agree, you can completely refuse them bc they aren’t really an indication of how close your baby is to arriving. I imagine if you have an epidural they are more useful because you might not feel the pressure of baby moving down and crowning depending on how strong the drugs are or how your body reacts to them, but I’m not sure.
Unsolicited tip for moms with epidurals - ask to use a peanut ball ! I saw first hand how that advanced the labors of my sister in law for several of her births.
@jhysmath darn! I thought maybe they were made of magic 😬🤣 it was also with her second and third kids so probably had something to do with it not being her first labor, too.
@foreveronyourside You could take Tylenol and use a little bit of heat. What tends to help me, half of the time, is extremely gentle stretching to ease some of the discomfort.
My biggest objection to male OBs is that they lack the parts so they have absolutely no idea what things feel like. In addition to the fact that men tend to disregard women's pain and symptoms.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@foreveronyourside just last night my mom was telling me that she'd get bad RLP if she'd forget to take her calsuim/magnesium supplements 🤷♀️ worth a try if you're getting RLP a lot.
Hoping I can get some opinions or insight. Sorry in advance for the length here…
I’m currently struggling with an extremely antibiotic resistant UTI. We attempted one antibiotic previously (fosfomycin) which brought the numbers down but did not get rid of the bacteria.
This time I was prescribed with Bactrim. I was also given the option of doing fosfomycin again with a second dose after 3 days but there is a lack of confidence in that being as effective. Bactrim is classed as category C, sometimes D and is not really supposed to be given in pregnancy but is as needed, sometimes even in the first trimester. There is apparently a risk of defects but it is said that the risk is lower in 2nd trimester which I’m now in.
I was hoping to see if anyone here has maybe taken this particular antibiotic before in pregnancy, knows of someone personally who has, or your thoughts on whether or not you would. I’ve gotten information from my doctor and we have talked it over and do have some time before I need to officially start anything but just wanted to hear thoughts of others as it’s a decision weighing heavily. Thanks!!
I was on Bactrim before the IV antibiotics. I refused to take it until I was in 2nd trimester because of the category C issue. The risk is very low. I have had one clean ultrasound (one of my cervical checks) after I took it.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
Re: The Great Big Queston Thread!
I do the same thing now (woke up from gas pain, took meds, laid on left) but it takes so much longer before I feel better.
Is this anyone else’s experience? Why is this?
Someone here asked about what stm used for stretch marks. I used cocoa butter, but honestly was not great at putting it on regularly. Probably put it on whenever I felt tightness (couple times a week). I have no stretch marks. I think its a lot to fo with genetics/every body is different and not that there is a magical lotion.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
From what I've heard, no real medical reason and you can deny them. I didn't because my birth plan was very simple (I want a mirror, I'd like to try laboring in the tub [didn't happen due to really fast labor and I desperately wanted the epidural], and let's get the baby here safely, with the doctor keeping me informed and involved in every decision), but I think they only checked me a small handful of times (I was only at the hospital 5 hours before my girl arrived).
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
This is the same physician who discharged me from the hospital 26 HOURS after my complicated Caesarean (Kaiser policy is for 72-96 hours for an UNCOMPLICATED Caesarean) - he tried to discharge me after 20 hours, but I managed to squeak a few extra hours out. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him something was wrong and that I had uncontrolled pain. I already an infection when he discharged me, and the wound dehiscing was the result of the uncontrolled infection. After his assault, I *still* had to have emergency revision surgery because of the extend of the infection to clear out all the septic tissue (and the system blood sepsis I *also* had) and ended up on home health and short term disability with a wound vac for nearly 5 months).
(Yes, we tried to sue. No one would take the case because suing a Kaiser physician is nearly impossible.)
So yeah...male OB-GYNs can go to hell.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
Unsolicited tip for moms with epidurals - ask to use a peanut ball ! I saw first hand how that advanced the labors of my sister in law for several of her births.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Hoping I can get some opinions or insight. Sorry in advance for the length here…
I’m currently struggling with an extremely antibiotic resistant UTI. We attempted one antibiotic previously (fosfomycin) which brought the numbers down but did not get rid of the bacteria.
This time I was prescribed with Bactrim. I was also given the option of doing fosfomycin again with a second dose after 3 days but there is a lack of confidence in that being as effective. Bactrim is classed as category C, sometimes D and is not really supposed to be given in pregnancy but is as needed, sometimes even in the first trimester. There is apparently a risk of defects but it is said that the risk is lower in 2nd trimester which I’m now in.
I was hoping to see if anyone here has maybe taken this particular antibiotic before in pregnancy, knows of someone personally who has, or your thoughts on whether or not you would. I’ve gotten information from my doctor and we have talked it over and do have some time before I need to officially start anything but just wanted to hear thoughts of others as it’s a decision weighing heavily. Thanks!!
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
I am having some lower gut discomfort @ the above situations.