Hey all, I've been off the board for a bit because...life, but 2 weeks ago we went for a visit and couldn't find baby on the Doppler. We were sent for an ultrasound and found that baby had passed away at right around 13 weeks. And had our D&E last week.
We decided to name the baby Phoenix as we liked the imagery of resurrection/ soaring high. I'm still making a blanket as it's the first thing I've done after naming each of our children and it just seems right. We also chose a necklace of a Phoenix for myself and my girls to remember that our baby is risen and safe in the arms of Jesus and will probably choose some type of token for my 4 yo son to wear or carry as well. There have been heartbreaking and beautiful moments with each of our children throughout.
In and of myself, I am not coping well. I have recurrent major depressive episodes and was already in a trough when all this happened. Now I feel guilty for not being able to fully enjoy my baby during what I didn't know would be my last weeks with them.😭
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your remembrance in the phoenix and enjoying moments with your kids as you navigate sound beautiful. Thinking of you and your family right now.
Sending you hugs, @Boobopgirl. I think it’s brave to reach out when you’re having trouble coping. Although I think it’s perfectly normal after experiencing such a huge and jarring loss! It took me a long time to feel “ok” after each of my miscarriages. They were each traumatic in their own way and I struggled to make sense of my life and body. I felt torn between giving myself space to heal and meeting the demands of everyday life/my older kids. That being said I think it’s a good opportunity to model to them about life, death, and grief. And I’ll clarify that even after those initial “ok/normal” feelings all the grief and anger and confusion will still rush back sometimes. I think the biggest difference is learning how to handle those rushes.
Resource suggestions:
Yet We Thrive Podcast
Joyful Mourning Podcast Grace Like Scarlet book (the author also has a website with an online support platform)
So sorry sweetheart. There are no words, but Phoenix sounds like an absolutely perfect name for an angel baby. Sending you peace in this difficult time.
Re: *TW Loss*
Resource suggestions:
Yet We Thrive Podcast
Grace Like Scarlet book (the author also has a website with an online support platform)
Thank you for the resources. I really appreciate it.
@bluecampanula
Thank you for the prayers. We need them.
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
Married May 2019
Baby #1 due April 19, 2022