*TW Loss*

Boobopgirl

Hey all, I've been off the board for a bit because...life, but 2 weeks ago we went for a visit and couldn't find baby on the Doppler.  We were sent for an ultrasound and found that baby had passed away at right around 13 weeks.  And had our D&E last week.

We decided to name the baby Phoenix as we liked the imagery of resurrection/ soaring high.  I'm still making a blanket as it's the first thing I've done after naming each of our children and it just seems right. We also chose a necklace of a Phoenix for myself and my girls to remember that our baby is risen and safe in the arms of Jesus and will probably choose some type of token for my 4 yo son to wear or carry as well.  There have been heartbreaking and beautiful moments with each of our children throughout.

In and of myself, I am not coping well. I have recurrent major depressive episodes and was already in a trough when all this happened. Now I feel guilty for not being able to fully enjoy my baby during what I didn't know would be my last weeks with them.😭

Blondesweety444

So sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you and your family are able to find peace through the grieving process. Sending you love.

monstera13

I’m so sorry 💔

amys614

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength and peace ❤

SmashJam

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your remembrance in the phoenix and enjoying moments with your kids as you navigate sound beautiful. Thinking of you and your family right now. 

covegirl100

So sorry for your loss. 😔 Sending youlove and strength during this difficult time. ❤

natashajn

I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️

hoosiermamajayden

Sending you hugs, @Boobopgirl. I think it’s brave to reach out when you’re having trouble coping. Although I think it’s perfectly normal after experiencing such a huge and jarring loss! It took me a long time to feel “ok” after each of my miscarriages. They were each traumatic in their own way and I struggled to make sense of my life and body. I felt torn between giving myself space to heal and meeting the demands of everyday life/my older kids. That being said I think it’s a good opportunity to model to them about life, death, and grief. And I’ll clarify that even after those initial “ok/normal” feelings all the grief and anger and confusion will still rush back sometimes. I think the biggest difference is learning how to handle those rushes.

Resource suggestions:

Yet We Thrive Podcast

Joyful Mourning Podcast
Grace Like Scarlet book (the author also has a website with an online support platform)

shlecks

Oh I am so so sorry.  

bluecampanula

I’m so sorry for your loss! I’ll be praying 

rbflei

So sorry. Thinking of you.

Boobopgirl

@hoosiermamajayden
Thank you for the resources.  I really appreciate it.

@bluecampanula
Thank you for the prayers. We need them. 

aloha_mama

@Boobopgirl My heart just aches for you. I’m so sorry you’re feeling such guilt on top of your grief. I hope you find comfort and peace.

Ivorytower2

So sorry sweetheart. There are no words, but Phoenix sounds like an absolutely perfect name for an angel baby. Sending you peace in this difficult time. 

queenklau

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have honored and remember Phoenix beautifully. Sending strength your way. 

fameonmain2

@Boobopgirl I am so sorry. Sending you and your family strength and love. It sounds like you are honoring Phoenix beautifully

missa_lyssa

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll be praying for you and your family. 

minnie_yoga_mama

I am so sorry to hear this. Choosing Phoenix as your baby’s name is an astoundingly beautiful symbol for your family. ❤️ Sending you love and peace.

dinomeetsjedi

Sorry for your loss. I hope you find peace in your healing.

constantinabee

So so sorry for your loss. Sending love and strength ❤