IF Testing & Treatment w/o 05.03

acleverusername · May 2021

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have started infertility testing and/or treatments. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on infertility. TTC can be a long journey naturally, then add in the difficulties associated with infertility, and it becomes a whole new ball game. The road to infertility can be lonely, frustrating, and complicated, so let's make this a place where we can vent, ask questions, and support one another. Feel free to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this as an ongoing conversation.

Diagnosis (if you've been):

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA):

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?):

How are things going?:

Any questions?:

GTKY: riffing off the tangent that started last week, what advice would you give your 25 yr old self vis-a-vis career and/or relationships and/or having a family.

bumblebee0210 · May 2021

I'm not totally caught up on weekend stuff, but just wanted to say
@optimistgardener I'm so sorry! What a bummer. We get ourselves all psyched up, and even though you know in the big scheme of things a couple of months isn't so bad it's *so* annoying to have to wait.

Diagnosis (if you've been): RPL, DOR

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO (Stims start Wed)

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): ER #3

How are things going?: Ok. I talked with my doctor last Friday and she said we definitely have had a low fertilization rate (3/5 and 3/7 on cycles 1 and 2 respectively), and she is sort of at a loss why that is. The sperm looked great both times (she even double-checked with the lab), and she said usually they will say something if the eggs appear weird-- over-mature, etc., and everything looked fine. Everything else was good-- both times our blast rate was great-- 2/3, but obviously if we could get our fertilization rate up, that would be helpful! So they are trying a new zygot dish thing, that theoretically selects sperm better to see if that helped. Given my low AMH I blame egg quality, but it's nice to think it could be the sperm once in a while...

She did offer me the estrogen priming protocol if I wanted to try it. I asked if she thought it would make a difference for me, and she said honestly in her experience it mostly leads to more eggs, but not more embryos, and of course it takes longer and involves more drugs. So we are sticking with the standard antagonist protocol for now (doses bumped up a smidge). If our fertilization rate was closer to typical for ICSI (and blast rate was the same), we would be getting 4 or 5 blasts in a cycle, so hopefully we can fix that problem!

I'm thinking we can get 5 cycles in before our vacation in July, and if we don't have 5-6 normals by then, I'll try the EPP.

Any questions?: NATM.

GTKY: riffing off the tangent that started last week, what advice would you give your 25 yr old self vis-a-vis career and/or relationships and/or having a family. I would have said "freeze your eggs" but honestly I was in no financial position to do that. I would 100% pay for it for my own kids.

optimistgardener · May 2021

Hey all. I just had my 2nd moderna shot this morning and holy heck it is kicking my butt. Anyway, everyone knows what's up with me so no hurry on my update, hah. But just wanted to say thanks everyone for the thought-provoking conversation.

bows22 · May 2021

I’m doing a virtual conference this week and there was a motivational-type speaker yesterday. She made a comment (I was only half listening so I’m not sure if she was quoting someone else) that reminded me of the IF journey - “just because you carry it well, doesn’t mean it’s not heavy” ❤️ you ladies

@bumblebee0210 I hope this change is the thing that makes the difference with your fertilization rate. I think your plan with the EPP sounds good. Where is your vacation?

Diagnosis (if you've been): unexplained,AMA,endometrial polyps/thickening

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?) Endometrial biopsy today

How are things going?: good - biopsy went fine, she said that they used to say 7-10 days for results but it’s been more like 3-5 lately so hopefully that will be the case for me. Hopefully it’s all just normal tissue and not polyp so that I can move to IUI and not have to wait for a hysteroscopy. Trying to manage my expectations but not doing a very good job of it.

Any questions? Nope

GTKY: riffing off the tangent that started last week, what advice would you give your 25 yr old self vis-a-vis career and/or relationships and/or having a family - I’d like to tell myself you ARE going to meet “the one” and you ARE going to want kids. I was so independent and wasn’t sure about either. I don’t know that it would have changed anything but it would have been nice to know.

keikilove · May 2021

@bows22 Yay for the endometrial biopsy going well! FX you get the results quickly so you know how you will proceed.

acleverusername · May 2021

@bumblebee0210 you must mean the Zymöt dish. I think that’s a good idea. You should check out the videos they have on their website; they explain really well how it selects the best sperm. When do you start stims this cycle? Hopefully the higher dose + Zymot will have a positive effect and that you’ll end up with at least 2 PGT tested embryos! 🤞🏻🙏

@optimistgardener how is your headspace now?

@bows22 Oooh I really hope that biopsy results are in sooner rather than later, and that you get an ALL CLEAR! I see that you're in WTO, so hopefully if all clear, you can do an IUI as soon as next cycle!

Diagnosis (if you've been): sperm-related fertilization issues (likely genetic issue dues to DH's faulty SDHA gene which can impair spermatogenesis)

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): TWW (which is flying by thanks to doggo!)

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): waiting on this final natural cycle to end before starting the IVF journey next cycle!

How are things going?: Great! I continue to be amazed by all the support the Dr. Aimee keeps on providing. Yesterday, I followed up with her regarding whether or not she'd heard back from the genetic testing company, and also mentioning that our intake appointment with the RE she'd recommended is next week. She replied (right away, of course) asking that I remind her a couple of day before our appointment so that she can send him a message to tell him how special we are to her! 😍(But she hasn't back from the genetic testing company; is certain she will.) Oh, an my insurance authorization went through (only took 1 day) so we are ALL set for our 5/10 appointment!

Any questions?: NATM

GTKY: riffing off the tangent that started last week, what advice would you give your 25 yr old self vis-a-vis career and/or relationships and/or having a family. Well, I'm going to combine what I said last week about egg freezing, with the advice from @bumblebee0210 about paying for my daughter's egg freezing. And also a bit of @bows22 advice about "yes, these things will happen in due time" but also explaining that separating those eventual things from any current/future desire to have children is key. I also hope that by the time I (hopefully) have 25yr old children, egg freezing AND sperm freezing will be standard part of care for young women / men and not something that "can't be afforded."

bows22 · May 2021

@acleverusername yes! The plan is for next cycle assuming no polyp. I’m only on CD8 so plenty of time even if the results take a little longer. I already have my instructions for the IUI cycle so just need the all clear! Glad things are falling into place for you for next cycle as well! Yay Dr. Aimee!

kiki047 · May 2021

@optimistgardener oof, sorry your shot is kicking your ass. Hope it's short-lived and you're back on your feet ASAP. And I was so very sorry to hear about the monster cyst last week.

I was going to say that's such a bummer, but that doesn't even begin to cover it. Sounds like you have some major life choices to think about coming up so I hope this temporary setback gives you the time and space you need to consider all your options!
@bumblebee0210 I think it was @acleverusername who first mentioned the ZyMot device too. It sounds interesting, and hopefully helps with your fertilization issue.
@bows22

thank you for that quote, it instantly brought tears to my eyes when I read it.

you right back!! Will be keeping everything crossed for optimal biopsy results so you can move forward with your IUI.

Diagnosis (if you've been): PCOS, RPL, MFI

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): 2nd IVF ER cycle w/a long agonist protocol (lupron, gonal-f, menopur, and an HCG trigger)

How are things going?: I'm trying not to stress but of course it is in my nature to do so. Funny we talked about superstitions last week, as my RE is really superstitious and doesn't want to tell me how many "good" follicles I have. He said he'll tell me after he gets them all, lol. But peeking at the screen my AFC was 20, with 12 on the right (good) side and 8 on the left (mostly inaccessible) side. I have 3 monster follies over 20mm and then another handful in the 8-12mm range so he's trying to get the smaller ones to catch up. Still targeting Saturday ER, and at this point my lining is at 6.3mm so he's still pushing to try for a fresh transfer as long as things continue to go ok. That part is helping keep me in line with the keto stuff. We agreed we'd keep up our tradition of my favourite greasy spoon diner breakfast at 7am after my ER this weekend (which really just consists of their home fries and maybe some bacon and eggs), then I'll be good until the transfer. Since my retrievals are so early in the morning, McDonalds doesn't serve fries that early lol so I get home fries instead of McDs instead. Doctor's orders, I swear! He sent me home today with instructions to drink more gatorade and add a little bit of extra himalayan sea salt to my food. *Separate keto rant in spoiler

It's annoying that I feel so good on the diet because mentally I'm struggling. It's a good motivator to keep me going since I feel good physically - I'm not hungry, energy was good up until today, and as an added bonus my weight has been steadily dropping so I'm down almost 6lbs in about 4 weeks and MH is down about 12lbs. But I'm definitely an emotional eater so when I'm stressed or bored I reach for snacks. I made some keto-friendly snacks but let's be honest, they're no salt & vinegar kettle chip.

Any questions?: Who here is on a probiotic for fertility reasons? I've been taking a specific strain for the last 6 months as prescribed by my NP to help heal any possibility of leaky gut, but we need to transition off of it to a more broad spectrum probiotic. I've been very casually (i.e. not scientific journals, lol) reading about the role of the gut flora/biome on fertility and I don't know if at this point I really want to go down that rabbit hole. Curious if anyone else has looked into it.

GTKY: riffing off the tangent that started last week, what advice would you give your 25 yr old self vis-a-vis career and/or relationships and/or having a family.
To be patient, and that the right person does exist and he is worth waiting for. I had major self confidence issues in my teens and early 20s so I really didn't date much/at all until I finished university. And even then, I was drawn to the wrong types for the wrong reasons. I would have also told myself to pay more attention to my periods and not resent them so much.

*Slightly off-topic but I feel like anti-menstruation culture is rampant in today's society and I spent so much of my life not wanting a period at all, to the point where I messed around with my BCP and just didn't have a healthy relationship with my body. I *loathe* the inclination of (mostly) men that say "what's up with you, are you getting your period or something?" to imply that women are hormonal and emotional and that it's a bad thing.

bumblebee0210 · May 2021

@acleverusername. I knew you would know what it was! TBH, I hadn't really focused much on any sperm things because every time MH had had it looked at they are always like "three cheers for your sperm!", and we are doing ICSI anyway because the genetics people require it (I think they don't like random other sperm clinging to the embryo and adding DNA to the mix), so I just didn't think it would be an issue? I think it still could be egg quality-- I even called the embryologist to double check and they said there was nothing visibly wrong with either egg or sperm. Anyway, hopefully the zymot will help!

@kiki047. Exciting that you're getting so close! It's funny that your RE is superstitious, but honestly sometimes I think it's better not to know til the final numbers are in.

kiki047 · May 2021

@acleverusername we must have been posting at the same time, I missed your check-in. Love that you have Dr Aimee in your corner through all of this. Yay for the next part of your journey coming up so soon!
@bumblebee0210 yes, I think you're right. I was always so jelaous of people who got daily reports of follicle development, etc, but honestly they got so fixated on a specific number that they were always inevitably disappointed. IVF math is the shits, there are just so many variables. I do wish they'd tell me a little more but I don't feel like he's purposely withholding anything from me so I trust that as long as he says it looks good, then I will keep at it.

bows22 · May 2021

@kiki047 yay so happy things are still going well and looking like you are able to do a fresh transfer! I almost messaged you today to see what was going on....I don’t want to be annoying but I want all of the details! I’m also excited for you to have your retrieval cheat meal!

acleverusername · May 2021

@kiki047 yep! I think we did cross-post. I'm excited for your update! There is so much to unpack there. At first I was like "wow... Saturday ER with 3 follies over 20mm?!" but then I remembered that you're on super low-dose of medication. So, hopefully the low dose will keep the large ones from over maturing while the littles catch up. 🤞🏻And hopefully the lining will continue to thicken so that you can push forward with the transfer! 🤞🏻🤞🏻In terms of probiotic for fertility... so I think I'm about to dive into this rabbit hole myself as I need to found out how to get my TPO antibodies under control, and a lot of it has to do with leaky gut. I've picked up a book on "Getting Hashimoto's under control" (or something like that) and am also tempted to see a functional medicine doctor. Anyway, this is not helpful to you know, but I'll gladly share anything I learn. Oh... and super congrats on those phenomenal results with keto! Just wow!

kiki047 · May 2021

@bows22 you know you’re always welcome to harass me lol. You know where to find me!

@acleverusername I’m still only at 150iu gonal-F, but follies today were still growing so I guess it’s doing what it is supposed to. My RE is very conservative to begin with, he’s more about quality over quantity so his target is only ever 3-5 eggs, which seems sooo low to me considering everything I’m already putting my body through, like damn, double that is more like it. But we’ll see. We had very good fert and development rates last time even with only 5 eggs so the hope is we’ll have similar, if not better, results this time. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I look forward to seeing what you learn about leaky gut.

optimistgardener · May 2021

@bows22 fingers crossed for good results on the biopsy!

@bumblebee0210 it's frustrating that you're having a low fertilization rate but sounds like your clinic is working hard to improve it and the zymot dish seems like a good possibility? I can totally understand the inclination to blame the eggs (I always blame my eggs

), but who the heck knows, really.

@acleverusername great news about insurance going through, and that's wonderful that you've been getting so much support from Dr. Aimee in this process.

@kiki047 Things seem like they're going really well for you this cycle so far! Here's to them staying that way! I'm so interested to see how your protocol plays out. Also, I totally agree re: menstruation and social attitudes about it. I wish I'd had more of a sense of what "normal" is and how "normal" changes over time--maybe I would have had a better sense if heard other women talking about their experiences of bleeding at different ages. I just assumed it was part of getting older when I started rather suddenly around the age of 34 bleeding through a "super plus" tampon in a couple of hours or less (quite a change from my earlier years when a "regular" would hold me for the full 8 hours). Maybe if I'd paid more attention to that, I would have found out about my huge fibroids a couple of years earlier and perhaps saved myself a lot of fertility heartache.

Re: moi. I can't say my headspace is great, but it's better than it was. I just kinda grind my teeth at all the waiting I've done through this process. I wound up waiting for nearly a year after I learned about the above-mentioned fibroids before I could get my insurance set up, then one failed surgery before a successful one, and then several months of healing. I really resent all of those missed ovulations! But I am gonna be super good about my supps and maybe they will make a difference for me when I finally do get around to the retrieval cycle! And in the meantime I will try to set up some camping trips with my mom, and hopefully make some headway on that possible job opportunity, and in general try to stay calm and get lots of jogging in because I know jogging is good for my mindset and my waistband.

@acleverusername and @kiki047 I am curious about fertility and probiotics. My mom has been doing lots of research on probiotics and fermented foods as they relate to cancer and there is a lot of good evidence out there to suggest that good gut health makes a meaningful difference in how the body is able to recognize and build its own defenses in that context. Not a silver bullet but what is. So I would not be surprised to learn that it is beneficial in a fertility context as well! Please share anything you learn.

[Deleted User] · May 2021

@optimistgardener Glad you have some positive things to focus on, spending quality time is always a good idea. I started typing you a PM on my lunch break, and of course it got deleted. ha. I will try again when I can... Sending you (((hugs)))

[Deleted User] · May 2021

Just got back from Labcorp for betas. Hoping if I stop the Endometrin today, AF will show quickly, which would make CD3 Saturday. I could technically still go in Saturday even if it's only CD2 though, I guess. Weekend monitoring is so much easier than having to rush back home and log in for work.

keikilove · May 2021

@BusinessWife I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re sure it’s a bfn. That is so disappointing. I hope you’ve had some time to process this outcome. 💔

Being that you’re hoping to do CD3 bloodwork, does that mean that you’re gearing up for another transfer round?

[Deleted User] · May 2021

@optimistgardener @kiki047 @acleverusername I can't say I've done a lot of research into it, but I do take probiotics for TTC. I have a probiotic "gut shot" drink by Farmhouse Culture that I take a shot of every day (that I remember lol but any raw fermented sauerkraut or kim chee would work), as well as a tablet that is by Physician's Choice, 60 Billion Probiotic, available on Amazon smile and not too expensive. That is the one my clinic recommended.

I know endometritis is one of those early things they like to suspect, and then if you have been given abx at all, of course that can wreak havoc on just about everything. So the probiotics should help ensure you have a nice, happy, healthy endometrial biome for implantation.

[Deleted User] · May 2021

@keikilove Yes, thank you. Yeah, after having two failed natural cycles with Ovidrel trigger

**TW**

<div class=" Spoiler">and one that worked</div>
I have a good basis for comparison of what the tests should have looked like. By 4dp5dt I was pretty sure I was out, and unfortunately days 5 and 6 past just confirmed what I was seeing. My doctor said my levels all looked good, and there isn't anything different she would do, so I guess we are just going to forge ahead. I have never had luck the first time, so I'm hoping second time is the charm.

chichiphin · May 2021

**lurking** @businesswife I'm so sorry. I was hoping you'd have a successful transfer. thinking of you & the fam & I hope as you forge ahead it works out with the next round!

bumblebee0210 · May 2021

@BusinessWife. I'm sorry man. It's such a bummer to have to deal with the logistics of clinic nonsense when you just want to be left alone to be sad in peace.

AFM: two aneuploid embryos from the last round, no normals. Pretty bummed.

[Deleted User] · May 2021

Thank you @bumblebee0210 Yes, it is a certain kind of grieving that has to happen. I'm glad at least my faith is giving me some peace this time, through the heartache. I'm so sorry you didn't get any normals this time. That really is such a disappointment after all the trouble we go through to cycle.

****TW**** IVF success / LCs
<div class=" Spoiler">I got three blasts with our first retrieval and four with our second. All non pgs. DD came from our second retrieval (as well as these last ones), and Baby Girl is from our first retrieval (and the other two did not stick). It's just so crazy to think if this last one were not to work, that's what it would be, one retrieval, one THB. People who have never been through treatments, I think have this (what is largely a misconception) that when we do IVF we just make ALL THESE BABIES, when really so. much. goes in just to bringing this one very special person into being.</div>
And then to think you go through a whole cycle and not have really even one chance to show for it has got to be really hard. (((hugs)))

keikilove · May 2021

Checking in late again this week. It’s been an emotional one this time around.

Diagnosis (if you've been): Lots of problems to address

Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WFAF

What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): I think we are truly benching ourselves this next cycle. My RI really wants me to do the repeat endometrial biopsy ASAP. My OB can finally fit me in just after O, so I guess that’s the plan. This will give insight into endometritis, uterine receptivity, and any need for more progesterone. It also gives me time to get off all my immune-suppressing meds, which then makes it possible to get vaccinated. I’ve been stressing out trying to time all of this right, but I think it’s finally coming together. If all goes well, this will set us up for another round of IVF/DuoStim in June.

How are things going?: Not the best. I expected to get a bfn after the most recent IUI, but the reality of it hit harder this time. We are getting closer to the end of treatments: there’s almost nothing I haven’t tried, so after another round of IVF it will likely be time to hang it up. We will see when we get to that bridge... On the positive side of things: I started seeing a new acupuncturist/functional medicine doctor. I did the online forms before the appointment and purposefully didn’t give very much info about my IF issues. I wanted to go in with a fairly clean slate & just get a sense of how she could help my immune system. When we met in person she immediately asked if I was seeing Dr.So-and-So for reproductive immunology issues. I said I was and asked how she knew. She said, “She’s the best RE in the state. We all send our patients to her who are dealing with reproductive immunology issues.” The acupuncturist was completely familiar with all my issues and treatments and was positive about being able to support me to success. It felt amazing to talk to someone who really gets it and understands how to address it from an eastern medicine perspective.

Any questions?: NATM

GTKY: What advice would you give your 25 yr old self vis-a-vis career and/or relationships and/or having a family? Don’t settle. Don’t be so serious. Don’t block your blessings. Work less, play more. You’re on the right path. It will all work out.

bumblebee0210 · May 2021

*tw loss*

We are doing this, in part at least, to avoid more miscarriages. So, on that sense, I feel like I am dodging bullets, especially because my doctor said that one of the embryos had trisomy 16, which is the single most common issue they see in miscarriages. And I fully understand statistics enough to know that 50% normal means if you give them 2 to test, there is a reasonable chance they will both come back abnormal. But, oh man, I am just so sad about it.

keikilove · May 2021

@kiki047 It’s a great question about probiotics. It seems to be becoming pretty clear to the medical world that our health is held in our gut. So probiotics should theoretically support a healthy system. I’ve heard of women taking one probiotic orally and inserting one vaginally for fertility reasons, but I’ve never explored that. I take a probiotic capsule that is kept in the fridge. My understanding is that since the bacteria is alive, we want to keep it chilled and thriving. For this reason I don’t take the ones off the shelf that are stored warm. Other than that, I’m not picky. As @BusinessWife said, we can also get these probiotics from fermented foods such as kim chee, yogurt, kombucha, kefir, sauerkraut, etc.

@bumblebee0210 I just saw your update.I’m so sorry. Hopefully the plan for next cycle yields better fertilization and gets you more normals. Sending hugs💕. // I’m so impressed with your thoughtful answer about paying to freeze your own children’s eggs. I’ve never thought of that, but it makes so much sense!

@optimistgardener How are you doing after the second shot? Hope you’ve recuperated well! Glad to hear your plans for spending time with mom, going jogging, and keeping yourself in a positive mindset.

@bows22 Thank you for sharing that quote! I’ve never heard it but absolutely love it. I feel like it describes my entire life in a nutshell.

@acleverusername Totally agree with you about hoping (and expecting) that by the time our kids are grown up that egg and sperm freezing are standard care.

@kiki047 Just wanted to acknowledge your comments about anti-menstruation attitudes in society. Amen! I always found it so weird that our society treats menstruation like a nuisance and promotes BCP that can result in “having a period just three or four times a year!” Like, ummm, does no one see how this might not be good for the body?! And men who say things like, “Geez, must be that time of the month” deserve swift, cruel, and unusual punishment.

[Deleted User] · May 2021

Right. @bumblebee0210 That is a good way to look at it, but of course, it doesn't make the sad part any less sad. Ugh, statistics. I think I saw something, I don't know how reliable it is, that I may only have a 25% chance with each of my two 6CBs. So I'm like, okay if we transfer two then it's like a 50/50 shot? Maybe? #notastatistician Of course however favorable the stats might be (or not), ultimately nothing else matters except that they fall in our favor. fx (((hugs)))

bumblebee0210 · May 2021

@BusinessWife. That's actually pretty close! It's about a 44% chance at least one will work (.25^2 + 2*.25&.75, or 1-.75^2). Of course, once you know one has already not worked, you are back to 25%.

optimistgardener · May 2021

Argh, I am sending big internet hugs to everyone on the board this week, especially @BusinessWife, @keikilove, @bumblebee0210. This process is so hard, and y'all are really effing strong women.

If I can be excused for only selectively answering the weekly questions this week, I'd like to just answer this one:

GTKY: What advice would you give your 25 yr old self vis-a-vis career and/or relationships and/or having a family? Like @keikilove, I would tell my 25-year-old self not to be so serious. I would also encourage her to work on believing in her abilities, so she wouldn't feel so obligated (as I did) to work obsessively toward one thing, without ever letting herself play or take time off for herself. That is a lesson that I am trying (finally) to apply towards this fertility journey. My whole life I have tended to narrow my vision down to just one specific goal, whether that be getting all As every term as an undergrad, or "success" as a grad student, to the exclusion of all other important things. That narrowness of vision definitely ties back to a deep-seated fear of my inadequacies, and almost certainly contributed to finding myself in my late 30s without a partner or a family of my own making. I'm trying to work now on letting myself have time to just relax and "enjoy the flowers" as they say, even as I keep trying to achieve the goals that are important to me.

re: my 2nd moderna dose. Wow. I am almost hesitant to complain about my symptoms because I don't want anyone to hesitate about getting vaccinated (I am SO JAZZED to have both shots in me!). But starting about 6 hours after the shot, I spiked a fever that eventually leveled off around 102 (that was with tylenol, not sure where it would have gone otherwise). I maintained that fever for about 24 hours. For about 12 hours of it, I had powerful body aches and a headache, and had to pretty much remain horizontal because I could literally feel every bone in my body. Also I experienced trigger finger in several fingers in my left hand (where the joints "lock" into place--my mom has it so although I've never experienced it before I know it's a possibility for my future). It was no fun, but on the other hand, I did take kind of a fascination in the process of it, since I knew I wasn't "really" sick. I'm all better now, though!

acleverusername · May 2021

This has been a hard week for the TTGP IF family. I am sorry guys! I’m sending you all the love and support I can muster to your corners of the world. Also, my dog is sending you her sweet cuddles and face licks.

@optimistgardener it’s so hard not to be regretful about what we have/have not done on this journey. Like... REALLY hard. Be it as it may, regret is non-productive and I know that you know that. So I really hope the distractions and activities you’ve got lined up for the next couple of months will help make the waiting a bit less difficult. And that extra time on supplements can only be a good thing! I’m sorry your Moderna experience wasn’t great; I’ve heard that vaccine is worse in terms of side effects as compared to Pfizer. MH had his second dose this past Sunday and he had body aches for 36 hours. He’s pretreated with Tylenol (a tip from TEW) which hopefully helped since he didn’t get a fever.

@BusinessWife I’ve been creeping on you in the April 2021 FET thread hoping to glimpse of good news. Alas, when you posted last night in the dailies that it’s “Treatment 1/2” I saw the writing on the wall. I am so sorry. I know you’re gearing up to start a new FET right away, but I do hope to have a few days to grieve.

@bumblebee0210 I am so sorry you didn’t get any euploid embryos this time. I really admire your “statistical” mindset but it must be at least a bit soul crashing.

@keikilove I’m so sorry that this cycle’s BFN hit you hard. 🐙 You’d think at some point you get used to them (after getting 15 bfns in a row, I certainly am!) but I’m still surprised with how disappointing it can be. I’m so happy you managed to schedule your biopsy; I feel like it’s really the right thing to do, and hopefully will reveal the cause of why you haven’t been able to get KU’ed. 🤞🏻 It also sounds like you’ve got the best possible care team supporting you, so 3 cheers to that!!! I’m super curious about your functional medicine doctor experience. How’s that been? What was the reason you sought her out? (You said that you didn’t tell her about your IF struggles in intake forms.) And also, was the RE she referred you to the ones you’ve been seeing in HI? It Dr KK? How are things going for YH? Are you getting him an SA during this “benched” cycle? Finally... regarding “this journey coming to an end” I’ll just share the helpful, but hard-to-take, advice from my therapist: stay with your journey. You’ve outlined that there is still several options on the table so just focus on those.

@kiki047 @keikilove @optimistgardener 💯 agree with the anti-menstruation and menstruation shaming. I never was one to take BCP continuous to try and avoid a period; even when I had my IUD, I had the low-dose one which meant a light period every month. Compared to one of my former housemates who is super happy that she has a shot and hasn’t had a period in something crazy like 6-7 years?! We, as a society, just do such a shit job at educating our kids about our bodies and the result is that we get to our 30’s and are surprised at how our bodies work.

Also, I pre-emptively vote that next week’s GTKY is “swift, cruel and unusual ideas to punish men who say ‘it must be that time if the month.’” Who’s with me?!

kiki047 · May 2021

@optimistgardener YES, so much yes on the stigma around talking about menstruation and all that comes with it.
I have a personal story about this so I'll put it in a spoiler, but the TLDR of it is that my mom put a lot of pressure on me as a pre-teen to tell her all the things about me, and knowing she has a big mouth it made me uncomfortable so I lied to her for 4-5 years about getting my period. To this day she still doesn't know I started menstruating in grade 6, not grade 11 like I told her.

My Mom has a big mouth and was always talking to her friends about me behind my back (with regards to puberty, etc), so around age 10-11 she started literally harassing me anytime I came out of the bathroom like "Did you get your period yet? Do you have any hair? Can I see? DO YOU HAVE PUBES?" Which, if you can imagine yourself at age 11, didn't exactly make me feel good about my body because 1. going through puberty/growing body hair felt like a bad thing, and 2. it's not like I wanted to tell my Mom about it.
So when I got my period at summer camp later that year, I didn't tell her. I hid it (probably not very well, but I bought my own pads and kept them in my room) and lied to her, to the point where she kept taking me to the Dr every year to tell him something was wrong with me because I hadn't started my period by X age. And, because I was a minor, she was always in the room with me so I lied to him about it too because by that point the story felt too big to cop to it. Anyway, they eventually threated to send me to a gynecologist by around age 16 at which point I caved and told her I had started menstruating, and then had to live through her proceeding to tell all her friends about how I was a late bloomer and blah blah blah... maybe I'll tell her someday how that made me feel, or maybe not. But so began my relationship with my body and everything that came along with it.

@businesswife so sorry to hear about your BFN. Sending you all the good vibes to bring your last embryo home where it belongs.

@bumblebee0210 ohhh no friend, I'm so sorry. I know in the end it is better to know now than to suffer through another MC but a loss is a loss, I feel that so deeply. Hugs!!
@keikilove oh goodness, wish I could give you a big bear hug right now. That's a lot to unpack, but I am always so inspired and impressed by your careful planning and adaptability. Your new functional medicine doctor sounds wonderful, and how refreshing that must've felt to walk in there and just have someone get it right off the bat. I love that for you, and I hope that translates to good things for you in the end.

AFM, it's trigger day! I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable, just lots of pressure in my lower abdomen. I will praise keto for keeping the bloat under control this time - last ER I looked 5mos pregnant I was so bloated by this point. Today I look/feel fine. Will enjoy a little cheat this weekend during recovery, then right back on it next wk to prep for our transfer.
Unfortunately my right follies did not grow as much as we would have liked so I have one monster and a bunch of smaller ones. My left side has about 4-5 in the 18-25mm range, and a bunch more in the 12-17mm range. He is determined to try to get at the left despite the fibroid, so we'll see how many we actually get in the end (last time it was only 1 left, 4 right as I am told I was fighting the anaesthesia so they were worried I was in pain). I'm trying not to be pre-emptively disappointed because I know a lot could change between now and Saturday, but if I'm being honest I'm not getting my hopes up.
Also my clinic ran out of PIO again so I'm really hoping they get more in by Monday. They will never dispense more than 2 weeks at a time so I always tried to stock up during my FET cycles because I like having a couple extra bottles but no dice, so here we are again.

[Deleted User] · May 2021

Thank you, @kiki047 I will take all the positive vibes we can get. And wth with the PIO??? That is so super annoying. I hate that you can only get 2 weeks at a time of things you KNOW you're going to need, or you have to wait x amount of time before they will clear the refill. It just helps my mind be at ease knowing I have everything I need and don't have to worry about it for that longer time out. sigh. I'm sure they won't leave you hanging, but I'm sorry you have that added stress.

Thanks @acleverusername Luckily, I think I got most of it out already several days ago. I am still holding out hope that this last one will be our THB! But I guess it's like, things I can't control, right? We did everything we could, and it didn't work. So. No sense raging about it, it is what it is. :/ DOESN'T MEAN IT DOESN'T STILL SUCK!!!! lol but anyway

@optimistgardener oh so scary! I'm glad you're feeling better and uh, vertical again? phew!

@bumblebee0210 okay, so let's pretend we didn't know that yet... I think my 4BB was only a 40-something percent chance!?? So I mean, I'll take it! :)

bumblebee0210 · May 2021

@kiki047 No pressure but can you save our board from this disaster of a week? Maybe like identical triplets or something? Thx.

acleverusername · May 2021

@kiki047

acleverusername · May 2021

@bumblebee0210 I've spent a good portion of the afternoon trying to recall my stats class to figure out the probability equation you shared above. I finally did it! Haha. (Stats was one of my weaker subjects in both undergrad and Master's).

bows22 · May 2021

Ugh getting caught up - I know I don’t have the right words but just know I’m thinking about you all❤️❤️❤️

optimistgardener · May 2021

@acleverusername you know I've been thinking all day about your comment re: regrets. I went back and looked at my posts this week and, although I never actually use the word, you're totally right that my posts are nonetheless a bit steeped in it this week. It's def a thing I can be a bit prone to, so thanks for seeing it and reminding me. Sometimes though the dividing line between regret and, how to say, self-knowledge or perspective or whatever is pretty ambiguous. So on the positive side I am grateful that I've figured a few things out over the years, and hopefully I'm happier for it as well

.

@kiki047 that story about your adolescence and your mom's attitude about your body and your period is rough. So sorry you had to experience it that way, and I can imagine that must have been a real challenge to come to terms with later. First periods can be such scary and alienating experiences; it sucks that your mom couldn't help support you through it and instead made it worse!

kiki047 · May 2021

@optimistgardener yeeaah she's special. Love her, but ohh she made so much of my adolescence about her and her own unresolved isuses.
@BusinessWife that's the other thing about them only dispensing 2 weeks at a time - I get that they don't want it to go to waste, but c'mon, it feels like they're saying "well let's see if you're even still PG 2 weeks from now, then maybe we'll give you more." I suppose it's a supply issue too, at one point PIO was impossible to get during the first lockdown in March 2020 so I didn't even use it for that FET cycle. How's your keto journey going?
@bumblebee0210 @acleverusername

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/g4IJKfz2usuSsPv9M7/giphy.gif

@bows22 <hugs>

And now we wait... triggered last night, ER is tomorrow morning at 7:40a EST. Will update once I know anything, hopefully by Sunday! And to those of you celebrating this weekend, sending you love and hugs for Mother's Day. For those who are still longing for that day... I see you, I love you, I am one of you.

Our day will come.

[Deleted User] · May 2021

@kiki047 GL tomorrow!!! I think it's an exciting milestone to be making on Mother's Day weekend, one huge step along the journey... AFM, the keto is hard with FET prep because I was also prioritizing the functional foods like beets and pom juice (which I just took a couple tablespoons of a concentrate with water) Nevermind the pineapple core! lol But anyway, for the most part I guess it's been off to an okay start. The types of foods I'm snacking on and my go-tos have all kind of shifted. But then between being post transfer, and now pre-menstural lol Let's just say the treats are necessary and therapeutic at this juncture. Hoping to have a fresh start once AF arrives... :/

kiki047 · May 2021

@BusinessWife oh I hear you on the treats and the "functional" foods as you call them. I was upset yesterday because my RE wants me to drink 3 bottles of Gatorade a day this week and for the 2 days following the ER so I ordered G zero with no sugar, but didn't notice they threw in a regular Gatorade in my online order so here I was chugging it thinking, man this stuff is great for having no sugar! -_- well now I know why, lol.

[Deleted User] · May 2021

lol @kiki047 Oh man, I feel your pain, we have totally been there. That happened to us during DH's elimination diet, we got this nut-based coffee creamer that he was like, oh WOW, this one flavor is So Good! Yep, totally sugared up. One flavor was unsweetened, but then the other one wasn't. Ugh. That stuff happens all the time with grocery delivery, but I don't have to set foot in the store, so I won't complain (too much). I was getting all this nice low-sugar, high-fat greek yogurt / skyr last time, and sure enough, they snuck some FAT FREE stuff in there along with it. :neutral: Which never would have happened if I had been shopping myself. :/

optimistgardener · May 2021

Re: menstruation and men. I want one of these cramp simulators so I can make every dude I know try it out.

https://twitter.com/ClaraJeffery/status/1390527311003348993?s=20

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