Thanks to everyone weighing in on their recoveries! @kelseyyh@juliebird6@goldpolkadot The more stories I hear about other people's labors/deliveries and recoveries, it helps me feel less anxious!
I don't want to feel pressure to attend in May so my plan is to attend in September (even though I don't really want to) so that I feel okay not going in May if that's what I need to do. For the September wedding, I'm fine with the ceremony and all because it's outside, my only concern is that I don't want to sit at a table with other people for dinner because of course people won't wear masks at dinner and these are all people who have been seeing friends/family, traveling, etc. I know one of the guests I would like get sat with just flew back from Florida recently. My friend getting married is the one that I told two weeks ago when we were hiking, so at least I can explain to her why I won't sit with others for dinner. My other two close friends at the wedding likely won't know yet though! So I will have to "pretend" to drink haha they also will probably thinking I'm being a dramatic bitch for not sitting at a dinner table with them lol.
@kelseyyh riiiiight there with you! Literally on the phone with my mom yesterday and she asks “so what’s new and exciting lately?!” I was like uhmmmm uhhhh haha. I feel bad but I still just have a certain level of fear/paranoia I can’t get past yet.
@theblondebump i had a wedding I wanted to go to 3 weeks after my due date. If it had been my first delivery, I actually would have been fine. I had a weird, fluke thing that required surgery after delivery. While it wasn't as long term as a CS, apparently the immediate pain was similar. I only had a second degree tear with both. Between going 5 days late and this recovery hitch I could NOT go to this wedding by any means. We'd said no but I planned to reach out last minute b/c they always have late cancels. I told her later and she said they absolutely did and we could have come if I'd felt up to it. Also, my OB said what happened to me she's only seen twice (including me) ever. I'll get more into it as we get further along but it was super rare, I was never in danger, and my actual delivery experience was great, recovery from this just suckeddddd. I am also not at any increased risk of it happening again.
@kvh22 that's helpful to hear! It's true I could probably decided whether or not to attend closer to the date, but I feel like since she's expecting me to be a bridesmaid, I have to give her an answer sooner rather than later. Another factor that makes me feel bad is that she purchased all of her bridesmaids' dresses for us. I mean I'd be happy to reimburse her of course, but just another guilt factor haha. I mean no one could have ever predicted any of this - her wedding was supposed to be November of this year, and I assumed (and was honest with her) that I'd likely be pregnant for her wedding, I even ordered two sizes up for my bridesmaid dress, but I did not expect to be 3 weeks post baby haha. Stupid COVID!!
@theblondebump I, personally, would have a hard time committing to anything 3 weeks post baby. I had a tough delivery and recovery (not going to go into the details as everyyyyy delivery and recovery is completely unique) but even if things when as I anticipated, I wanted a solid two weeks alone and couldn't have imagined even walking around the block on week 3. But there are also plenty of women who would have no problem with it. If you have time to think on it before committing, do that! Whatever you do, do it because it's what you want and what you're comfortable with. IMO it's perfectly acceptable to be completely selfish after childbirth.
Thank you for that @mamabee1113 - I am also feeling like it's a time where I might need to be a little selfish! I'm thinking it might be best to bow out of bridesmaid duties and tell her it'll be kind of a game time decision to see if I can attend as a guest. That's why I feel like it's really important for me to go to this ceremony in September and that way, I will feel a little less guilty about not going to the big "party" in May because I'll have actually witnessed her getting married already and that's really the important part, in my opinion.
@theblondebump oh I think you're in a totally different spot since you'd be a bridesmaid. I just wanted to share basically that I thought I'd decide last minute to attend...was convinced of it, honestly, but declined to be respectful of their head count KNOWING someone would cancel. It'd be tough to be a bridesmaid and stand for that long and have to do activities like that while still BF (if you are). I think your heart just won't be in it. I was looking forward to going to wine country for a night for this wedding but it was going to be a fun little family outing with no pressure on me to do or be anything to anyone else except mom.
@theblondebump I would agree with that. Its not like its a "I just don't feel like it anymore" kind of thing, it's following childbirth. Especially if you communicate your feelings, I think your friend is likely to be understanding.
I want to wait until Thanksgiving to tell my in-laws because my MIL cannot keep a secret but I may tell some friends sooner. So far the only one who knows is one of my best friends that I talk to a lot about TTC. She’s been a great source of support for me through everything.
I’m also in the same wedding situation. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my friends wedding in June but it got postponed until January due to COVID. It’s across country and I don’t think I’m going to want to take the risk of flying while pregnant. So far I have only told her that I may not feel comfortable flying but didn’t tell her the pregnancy part of it though she may assume because she knew we were TTC. She said they may end up cancelling or postponing even further because so many people are afraid to come. The only reason I haven’t told her is because she’s super bummed about her wedding plans and it hasn’t seemed like the right time.
@kadeephd same about social media! That's so exciting about your program but I can see it being stressful making the announcement to them! For some reason time is going by so quickly and I realized I need to tell my boss this week or next (want to tell her before I tell my BIG boss)
@theblondebump that's tough! I have a few friends who were in that situation and were happy to go somewhere after hibernating and being in baby mode for 3ish weeks, but I was just hitting my exhaustion point at that time. If you have family around who can help with the baby as you settle into a routine you may love it!
@kelseyyh I was the same about avoiding thinking about it all until right before- I hated the process before my epidural but once I got that puppy it actually was a special time (granted I was lucky and had a fast and fairly easy delivery..)
Revisiting this thread because I went ahead and told my parents today! 🎉 They were so excited and surprised. They were evidently discussing with my brother and SIL recently how they all figured we were done having kids. Wellll surprise! 😂 I was updating them on our bunk bed delivery saga (long story) and said that we did decide what to do with the crib. I said we figured we’d hang on to it and use it in April when our baby is born. They were like “are you SERIOUS!!” Ah it was great.
We won’t tell DH’s parents for a time. We plan on keeping this a secret from our girls for a while yet. They’re young (6 & 3.5) and April is such a long time from now, we figured it’s best to wait. DH said if that’s the case, we shouldn’t tell his parents yet because his mom can’t keep a secret. Fine with me! 😜
We're not announcing at all. People can ask when I start to show but we are not doing any formal announcement. With us having had a full term loss previously, we want to keep this one quiet for as long as possible.
@kelseyyh I actually had a super weird interaction with I lady I know that works in out local grocery store. She walked up to me and was like "I am SO sorry if this is rude but I have to ask... Are you pregnant?" And then went on to tell me that I just had "a glow". My principal knows because I had to tell him why I was taking a day off in the first week of school (my ultrasound is a 6 hour drive from where I live because I am being seen by a high risk specialist). He told me that he would have known even if I didn't tell him too because I have "a glow" I'm like WHAT THE HECK??? Hahaha
Just me, my DH, and one of my best friends know right now. Both of our mothers have passed away, and we are trying to wait to tell our fathers. We have had quite a bit of drama with my FIL the last few months, so we want to get that under control before we share the happy news with him (this will make him a first time grandfather). It's been super hard to not tell anyone, as part of the drama is my FIL is in a rapidly evolving relationship with one of my best friends moms, and I can't even tell that friend because it would obviously make it back to my FIL, and we don't want him to know yet 🤦♀️. We will wait to tell my dad at the same time as FIL to keep it fair.
I will be about 14 weeks by the time we plan to tell them. We are going to stay in a cabin on the Westcoast for some storm watching for 6 nights in October, and had invited our dads to come up for 2 nights each to stay with us (this was already planned before we got pregnant!) and thought that would be a good time to tell them as it will be a little more special. We are planning to get them coffee mugs made with a saying on them "Grandpa, Est. 2021" or something like that. SIL will get a mug too. She lives away, so we will mail it to her as a "late birthday present" but tell her she has to wait until we say to open it (and will ask her to open it on FaceTime after we have told FIL). Not sure about my brother, SIL, and nieces, but I dont think we will get them mugs 🤔.
@peppylilfoxy So crazy! A total stranger 😳. How did you respond lol.
I started at a 3 month contract right when my son was conceived lol. I was a newly graduated teacher. I never said I was pregnant, because I didn’t know anyone well, and by the time it ended I was about 16 weeks and not really showing.
I went back to the school after the summer, very clearly pregnant. An EA I worked with a lot told me she knew the whole time 😂. Her reasoning wasn’t as glamourous lol. She said she sensed it & I had a “carb belly” lol. I am sure my lack of organization & crazy temperament also tipped her off.
Hubby & Me: Born 1993 Married: August 2013 Son: December 2018 Baby in heaven: February 2020, was due Sept
@peppylilfoxy that’s funny about the glow! A woman at church asked me months ago (like literally because it was pre-Covid) if I was pregnant because I was glowing. I was like, uhh must be the lighting because I’m definitely not. 😂 I don’t think I’ve ever had the pregnancy glow!
So many cute ideas ladies. Congratulations to all!! It is such a special and exciting time.
For me I have told my sister, dad, brother & SIL and 3 friends. I am in a awkward situation. I am a Single Mother by Choice and 46 to boot. This is my 3rd through IVF. My brother hasn't been supportive as he believes I am too old. With my first I shared a ultrasound photo on Facebook. With my second I dressed my daughter in a awesome sister t-shirt. Now I am scared of the criticism so I may just keep it to myself. My work is hiring a lead engineer role in November that I wanted but I am almost certain I will be passed over if they know I am pregnant. I am actually stressed instead of being excited.
@kelseyhh@bblair24 yeah, I was totally caught off guard at the grocery store. All I could say was "please don't tell anyone" because we live in a suuuper small town and I'm not ready to be the talk of it. Everyone in town knows we lost our son 3.5 years ago and they'd make a huge deal of this, which we don't want.
@tc46 I am sorry to hear your family is unsupportive and about the job stresses! My husbands uncle had a baby the same time as we had our first! He is 60 and his wife is in her 40s and I swear they have more energy for chasing the kids than we do!
I usually drink wine at family dinners so my husband told my in-laws I was cutting out alcohol due to my heart arrhythmia to keep them from questioning why I suddenly wasn’t drinking. 😬 Now they keep asking if I’m feeling ok all the time!! Im not sure if they were onto his lie or if they are really concerned about my health. Aside from that, listening to my FIL’s political nonsense at dinner without alcohol is going to be ROUGH!
@jenn622-2 lol @ listening to your FIL talk about politics without alcohol. I can relate, though I have more issues on my side of the family than my husband's side.
I'm so lax about announcing this time. I've wanted to keep it hush until I got further along but other than that I've told parents, grandparents, and DH and I have told our best friends. DS started his new year of daycare yesterday and they send this form home to bring back the next day that they call the 3-2-1 Get to Know You where you write 3 words to describe your child, 2 things you want them to know (strengths, weaknesses, big changes coming, etc.), and 1 hope you have for the year. Under the 2 things I want them to know I put "New sibling coming April 2021!" and sent him in a shirt I made for him when I told to DH that says "Brother." I thought they'd message me and say something, but haven't yet. I bet all the questions and excitement will come when I pick him up.
We didn’t do anything super planned, but we moved across the state last winter and moved in with my parents while we were stuck in a lease at our old place...then Covid happened so we are still here for now. We didn’t think we could keep it quiet for long from them as I get morning sickness quite terribly. So we told them pretty early and then told my siblings and it just sort of spiraled. But for my parents this is grandkid number 20, so maybe less attention on it all around. MIL is sad we moved further away from them though. We took a picture of the 2 year old in his crib and the 5 year old hanging up a sign that says “Eviction Notice, you have until April 2021 to vacate the premises, a new tenet has been assigned” to send to the far away family members.
Kind request that however you announce y’all don’t use pyrotechnics and burn down 10,000+ acres of land like someone did with a gender reveal party in Southern California!!
@jenn622-2 awww, cmon, where’s the fun in that???? Since all of us finding out should know by December we could all work together to end this year with a massive colorful explosion of blue and pink! (For the record I’m seriously kidding!)
@jenn622-2 FFFC -- all gender reveal parties are too much, whether they start a fire or not. I get that people want to celebrate their babies, but making it a spectacle is unnecessary. If you must do it, at least don't light anything on fire.
@kadeephd I agree. As long as the baby is healthy it doesn’t matter to me what sex it is and it seems weird to me that people celebrate genitalia but to each their own!! 😂My baby will be wearing big brothers hand-me-down clothes whether it is a boy or girl.
How many of you are finding out the sex? We will likely find out since we are having the genetic testing done anyway due to AMA. I also have frequent US so I expect I’d find out at some point accidentally even if we didn’t look at the genetics. I am up for the surprise but DH wants to know and it does help with choosing a name in advance.
@jenn622-2 We'll be finding out. I toyed with the idea of being team green since we already have a boy and a girl and don't really need to buy anything, but I don't think my anxiety could handle waiting until April to know. I like to be prepared - clothes ready, name picked, Christmas stocking ordered LOL
@jenn622-2 we're not finding out - there are so few surprises in life (and I'm very hard to surprise!! haha) so we're excited to have a true surprise in April. We let our doctors know at every single appointment that we don't want to know so that they don't accidentally let it slip haha. (not that they know yet anyway, but we're doing NIPT next week so they will know soon enough!) By the way, in case anyone else was wondering about NIPT costs when you're not high risk, I was able to call a few companies to get costs etc and it was really simple. Found one I can do at the same place I'll go for my regular first trimester blood work and it's only $299 out of pocket. I just have to fill out a questionnaire about my test results for them.
@theblondebump that's good to know! It was covered for my 3 kiddos but this time I'm on DH's new insurance so I'm not sure what will be covered.
@juliebird6 fellow planner here too! It makes me so happy that you're thinking ahead about stockings lol. I literally thought the other day...hmmm I wonder if I should get one THIS year for the baby so we have it ready for next year ahahahaha (and of course, they all match!)
@juliebird6 and @goldpolkadot yes for stockings early! I haven’t decided if we’ll go public before Christmas but I kind of want to do Christmas so I can make the stocking our reveal.
I just ordered cute personalized cookies we're going to use as part of our pregnancy announcement to the world - I'm so excited! I don't plan on sharing photos with the world until some time in October, but we're taking some photos next week with our sonogram and stuff because I want to take some before I pop while I still feel cute haha.
@forevertired oh this reminds me, there are some cute silhouette pictures I've seen in front of the christmas tree with a bump. I'm also not sure if we'd go public before then (I didn't until 39 weeks with my 2nd) but I like that if we did. I ordered stockings for us last year and am excited to use them this year but I'm notorious for not executing on these types of things so I'm sure I'll forget to order this baby's stocking in time for their first christmas and will have to use a less fancy one the first year.
I really want to tell my 5yo because he wants another baby so bad and he’s so sweet about it. But I know how tough a loss would be to him so I think we will wait until week 15 (I’m 10w now) because my midwife said by week 15 the SCH will likely have fused and I’ll be in the clear. My mom guessed it from my nausea and fatigue despite my best efforts to hide it.
For our first we mailed out cute scratch offs, we just did the announcement/baby’s sex all in one. For our second my hubby went rogue and posted a pic he snapped of my bump on the beach and people just assumed. Everyone’s response this time is going to be “ANOTHER one??” since my daughter is only 9 mo. So I’m thinking of using the DJ Khaled intro that says “anotha one” in some kind of funny way 🤣
We're thinking Halloween when I'll be 14 weeks and a few days. I've already told my parents and his, so they know. The Halloween announcement will be for my Facebook and Instagram friends and family that don't live near us.
@mommeleon I’m sorry to hear about your FIL drama, that sucks to rain on your parade when you have such happy news to share! I’m in a similar boat with my MIL and SIL as far as drama except I just found out after 7 years they just don’t like me based on conflicts we had when I was pregnant with my son. It sucks during a time you just want to be so happy and have everyone else apart and happy too. I hope everything in tour situation works out for the best and try not to let it interfere in your happiness
@tc46 I’m so sorry you’re feeling more stressed than excited due to your brother not being supportive and work. That’s not fun, and this should be a very fun time for you! You don’t have to tell work yet, right? I say go for the position!! They can’t discriminate because you’re pregnant anyway and you don’t have to tell until it’s time to start figuring out your maternity leave with plenty of notice then.
Re: How/when are you planning to announce?
I don't want to feel pressure to attend in May so my plan is to attend in September (even though I don't really want to) so that I feel okay not going in May if that's what I need to do. For the September wedding, I'm fine with the ceremony and all because it's outside, my only concern is that I don't want to sit at a table with other people for dinner because of course people won't wear masks at dinner and these are all people who have been seeing friends/family, traveling, etc. I know one of the guests I would like get sat with just flew back from Florida recently. My friend getting married is the one that I told two weeks ago when we were hiking, so at least I can explain to her why I won't sit with others for dinner. My other two close friends at the wedding likely won't know yet though! So I will have to "pretend" to drink haha they also will probably thinking I'm being a dramatic bitch for not sitting at a dinner table with them lol.
@kelseyyh I was the same about avoiding thinking about it all until right before- I hated the process before my epidural but once I got that puppy it actually was a special time (granted I was lucky and had a fast and fairly easy delivery..)
Married: August 2013
Son: December 2018
Baby in heaven: February 2020, was due Sept
I will be about 14 weeks by the time we plan to tell them. We are going to stay in a cabin on the Westcoast for some storm watching for 6 nights in October, and had invited our dads to come up for 2 nights each to stay with us (this was already planned before we got pregnant!) and thought that would be a good time to tell them as it will be a little more special. We are planning to get them coffee mugs made with a saying on them "Grandpa, Est. 2021" or something like that. SIL will get a mug too. She lives away, so we will mail it to her as a "late birthday present" but tell her she has to wait until we say to open it (and will ask her to open it on FaceTime after we have told FIL). Not sure about my brother, SIL, and nieces, but I dont think we will get them mugs 🤔.
So crazy! A total stranger 😳. How did you respond lol.
I started at a 3 month contract right when my son was conceived lol. I was a newly graduated teacher. I never said I was pregnant, because I didn’t know anyone well, and by the time it ended I was about 16 weeks and not really showing.
I went back to the school after the summer, very clearly pregnant. An EA I worked with a lot told me she knew the whole time 😂. Her reasoning wasn’t as glamourous lol. She said she sensed it & I had a “carb belly” lol. I am sure my lack of organization & crazy temperament also tipped her off.
Married: August 2013
Son: December 2018
Baby in heaven: February 2020, was due Sept
For me I have told my sister, dad, brother & SIL and 3 friends. I am in a awkward situation. I am a Single Mother by Choice and 46 to boot. This is my 3rd through IVF. My brother hasn't been supportive as he believes I am too old. With my first I shared a ultrasound photo on Facebook. With my second I dressed my daughter in a awesome sister t-shirt. Now I am scared of the criticism so I may just keep it to myself. My work is hiring a lead engineer role in November that I wanted but I am almost certain I will be passed over if they know I am pregnant. I am actually stressed instead of being excited.
Married: August 2013
Son: December 2018
Baby in heaven: February 2020, was due Sept
How many of you are finding out the sex? We will likely find out since we are having the genetic testing done anyway due to AMA. I also have frequent US so I expect I’d find out at some point accidentally even if we didn’t look at the genetics. I am up for the surprise but DH wants to know and it does help with choosing a name in advance.
@juliebird6 fellow planner here too! It makes me so happy that you're thinking ahead about stockings lol. I literally thought the other day...hmmm I wonder if I should get one THIS year for the baby so we have it ready for next year ahahahaha (and of course, they all match!)
I just ordered cute personalized cookies we're going to use as part of our pregnancy announcement to the world - I'm so excited! I don't plan on sharing photos with the world until some time in October, but we're taking some photos next week with our sonogram and stuff because I want to take some before I pop while I still feel cute haha.
For our first we mailed out cute scratch offs, we just did the announcement/baby’s sex all in one. For our second my hubby went rogue and posted a pic he snapped of my bump on the beach and people just assumed. Everyone’s response this time is going to be “ANOTHER one??” since my daughter is only 9 mo. So I’m thinking of using the DJ Khaled intro that says “anotha one” in some kind of funny way 🤣
@tc46 I’m so sorry you’re feeling more stressed than excited due to your brother not being supportive and work. That’s not fun, and this should be a very fun time for you! You don’t have to tell work yet, right? I say go for the position!! They can’t discriminate because you’re pregnant anyway and you don’t have to tell until it’s time to start figuring out your maternity leave with plenty of notice then.