I'm neutral about the idea of a PG and I certainly wouldn't mind one as an intermediate step. I'll second @sunshinesea22 and @shamrocandroll's suggestions.
DD #1: April 2017 DD #2: May 2020 Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I'm also neutral with a PG first, but I would like to go to PG before babies are born if that's the route we are going to take (mid March sounds pretty good to me). Ultimately, I would like to move to FB shortly after babies are born.
Okay. Right now the poll is showing 10 to 9 PG over FB, so I totally agree w/ @sunshinesea22 and @shamrocandroll but I'm going to let the poll sit for a few more days before i make a new one just because i said in the post i would keep it up for a week (unless anyone has major issues with that plan). Either way, sounds like Feb 1st timing is early per most people's opinions, so next poll will be a date.
I'd love to be more involved here but the app is a nightmare on my phone for some reason. I can rarely open a thread, let alone comment on one. I'd be 100% ready for a FB group for that reason alone.
Anyone having troubles with the app should really first try logging into the website on your phone via chrome or safari. See if that suits you better.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
I absolutely would participate more on FB. My first BMB I think transitioned to FB around 2 months before most due dates. I was a lot more visible on TB at that point (FTM and all), and I have a feeling that I won't been "recognized" if there's a vetting prior to an FB switch. For me at this point TB is just another thing to check, and while I do quite a bit of reading and keeping up, it is way too much of a pain to tag and post when I even have a minute to do so.
Me: 36 DH: 37 Married May 2013
TTC #1: April 2016 (Mirena removed March 2016 after 2.5 years)a BFP #1: 10/14/16 - DD born 6/2017 TTC #2 November 2018 (Mirena removed October 2018 after 1 year) BFP #2 9/11/19 - EDD 5/24/20 - DD born 5/2020 TTC #3 May 2022 (Mirena removed after almost 2 years) BFP #3 11/24/23 - EDD 7/30/24
@sevenn i think this is another good reason to extend the "deadline" out a few weeks, so people that want to be a part of a private group (TB or FB) will have a chance to interact and be vetted appropriately.
I think all of us need time here and there to step away and connect with our real lives of course, and in my DS1 FB group it's pretty common to take a proclaimed "hiatus" when needed, but it's harder to do that in a group that still has so many people who leave and never come back. And even now, 3+ years later, we will kick people out of the group who go 1 month with no participation. The goal is to share and support each other, so I think with that in mind participation is key. This is all to say, for those of you saying you want to be part of a FB group and see the benefits, it's definitely important to try and keep up here a bit! I know it's hard, but post and support when you can.
@pourmeanothermocktail That's what I do because the app was wonky. Opening the page in chrome works fine for me. The only bummer is I can't get the "notifications" of when I'm tagged unless I'm on an actual computer.
The last thing I want to say before I drop this and just let whatever happens happen is this: I think there still needs to be "vetting" done regardless of whether it's via a PG or FB. Going straight to FB isn't really a way to get around being vetted, IMO. If anything, it's even more of a reason people need to be thoroughly proven to be legitimate because at that point we're sharing real names and faces. It's also why I'm against going straight to FB, because what happens if someone gets in who isn't legitimate and now they have our names and faces? @sevenn several of us remember you from TTGP, so we'd have your back.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
This may be an UO and come off a bit harsh, but I'm thinking it so I'm sure there are others thinking it to. I will preface by saying like @mamaqdubu said we all have our own lives and will of course take some "breaks" or "moments" because life.
So I think the people who are advocating for FB and complain about reading threads and then it being to difficult to tag is bull. If you really wanted to participate here on TB and be part of the group you would at some capacity. It may not be as much as others, but it would be something. The app has always been pretty crappy, people have talked about using the web browsers on your phone many times. I've been in groups where people will use the Notes app to tag/write responses as they are reading and then copy paste. I open the thread in 2 windows (desktop) and write my tags as I read responses. When I was here in 2016 I used to jot down usernames and a little note so when I was done reading I could type it all out on my phone with my handwritten notes as my quick guide/reminder.
So to me saying that it is too difficult (when you basically never participate) and that you want FB is not valid. Like @shamrocandroll keeps saying with the vetting process, if we actually end up doing that, there are many of you that I personally probably wouldn't vet, because you basically participated maybe once or twice.
I have a feeling that this larger group will end up splitting into a few smaller groups, those that go to FB and those that stick around here a bit longer before transitioning.
I guess just like any app or social media just because someone is super active doesn't make them legit. Some people are really great at pretending(even in person) to be someone they are not. Just a thought...not sure if anyone else feels this way 🤷♀️
@afranzen85 I think @shamrocandroll outlined an example of how the vetting went for our last BMB, but it can be done differently. I think you may be understanding me incorrectly. Just because someone isn't super active doesn't mean I don't "know them" I wouldn't vet them. You can be minimally active and I can still feel like I know you a bit. I'm talking about people who really haven't made any attempts to give/get support.
There’s nothing stopping those that want a private FB group now. My N15 BMB broke into 3-4 FB groups. That worked well for me because there was a lot of people I never interacted with and didn’t necessarily care to get to know outside of TB.
And as mentioned before: there’s 10000000 mom groups on FB for every walk of life. Natural parenting, crunchy moms, snarky moms, formula feeding moms, breastfeeding moms. Find topics that interest you and search groups.
In fact, I’d highly encourage those that want to be in a FB group to go join a few. You’ll learn quickly that mom groups are heavily monitored with rules because they tend to break down fast. Just because you tag someone everyday on TB doesn’t mean you’ll like them once you get to the “real life” aspect.
Just throwing another thought in, as much as I like connecting and participating, I’ll never post photos of my face or kids on TB, private group or otherwise. I also don’t post photos of my kids on FB outside of my own profile which is restricted to private. So my point is that I think any vetting process should take people’s personal boundaries into account and figure out a balance.
Also I don’t agree it’s bs to find the app inconvenient and limiting. Facebook is very easy to tag and reply to individual people in sub threads. I can put a lot into a fb group if I’m sitting in my car waiting for my husband for 10 minutes. On tb, even in a browser I spend way more time reading through 50 replies to see if someone’s question was answered and by that point don’t remember who to tag to reply to. Im a third time mom (at home with both kids full time) and have a lot to offer in the way of support and advice for others but sitting and making a list of usernames or going back and forth between apps just doesn’t work well for me. Good for you if you can do that though.
I guess it depends what the leaders decide they want this group to be.
@brettanomyces 100% to each their own. I'm a third time SAHM too and don't have time to look up all the tags all the time. I do a lot of quoting and multiple posts to reply to many people at once. But, whatever works for whomever.
But, if you're never interested in sharing your name or photos with any part of this group, which is your own prerogative, it sounds to me like you don't have a need of a more personal private group to get to know people more. If you aren't comfortable letting people know more about you, then they won't be comfortable sharing with you. So there are plenty of other, non-private-group options for you to connect at your level of comfort with internet strangers.
The whole idea of a private group is a safer space for those who DO want to exchange more personal info.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Okay, I lied. I came back to say something else. For anyone who doesn't believe that TB has Catfish, I'd encourage you to go read this thread. And it's just a small piece of the story that was woven over 6 years and at least 2 separate usernames (that we know of).
Also, I will never join any private group on TB or FB where even one person in that group is not at the very least willing to post their face there. That's my hard line. If I'm giving you access to my actual name, face, and profile photos, then you're giving me access to yours. It's a two way street. I've watched too many episodes of Catfish and seen it on here firsthand, and I won't be part of a group where I can't be VERY close to sure that everyone in there is who they say they are. If that leaves me behind in the dust while you all move to a PG or FB, then so be it. I will find my own mom-tribe.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
Three! Has to be a two-way street. If you're not willing to share anything about yourself, that's OK, but then you have no need of private spaces.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeanothermocktail@ruby696@shamrocandroll hey I want in too! I just want to know everyone's at least first names!! I honestly don't know if this was a good or bad convo to have started by my non-confrontational self, but alas this is where we are. I'll be glad when we can put this part behind us and just continue GTKY things!
I don’t think I would be able to trust any group to not have catfish, no matter how much vetting there is. It’s still the internet. In Facebook groups people can see my name and face obviously but then that limits how much personal info I share because you just never know. I’ve seen moms share things in groups they thought were safe and it blows up in their personal life. It’s happened to me. So no, you’re wrong to say that I have no use for a private space, I just don’t trust that they really exist. So that’s why my vote was for a Facebook group. I think it’s easier on that platform to investigate people and decide accordingly how much info you’re comfortable sharing with those group members.
My D15 FB group is private and unsearchable so I feel like it would be pretty difficult for any stranger to find their way in. I feel much more comfortable sharing more on my D15 group than I do on my personal profile. Also just because you're in the FB group doesn't mean everyone has access to your personal profile (depending on your privacy settings). I'm FB friends with some people from my D15 group, but not everyone.
@m6agua I feel like all those things you listed are exactly why the bump is so inconvenient.
But again, I don't have any problem with moving to a private board first if the end goal is moving to FB after the vetting process.
@chewie5990 In theory, the strangers are in here already and follow us to a private group, not just happen upon it randomly later. Hence why vetting is so important. I'm not anti-FB, but there's no way to make your profile pic private and at the very least, that has my face and real name. From there, people can Google and easily find your address if they know what state you live in (which we've all shared here). That's why I think the mid-step is so important. It doesn't have to be a long, drawn out mid-step, but to me, it's a necessary one.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@chewie5990 I get that all those things are why TB is inconvenient. But we all chose TB as our platform to interact when there are so many other May 2020 platforms out there that could have been chosen. FB groups, BabyCenter, What to Expect, and on and on.
@jrouge12 Not creepy - @shamrocandroll has seen my full picture in a private setting. I think that's the benefit of feeling like you've had time to really get to know people first. I spent 2+ years in TTGP (never posted a personal picture), but did have lots of time to get to know people over there. The more time you interact, the better able you are to see when someone is being inconsistent or misleading. Then you can decide if you want to take a chance and trust them.
@ruby696 Very true. I think I've already felt more trust in more people in this BMB because it's smaller than DD's group. I'm also glad I didn't come across creepy.
On the topic of catfishes, one of the Nov15 groups that moved to FB early on had a catfish. Just sayin. I’d rather NOT get to FB and then discover a creepy old man saving my belly pics.
@shamrocandroll thanks for that rabbit hole! It took me an hour to read through it in between playing listening exercises for my AP Music Theory class. Dayum. What ended up happening? Did she leave?
If anyone is really bored and wants a good catfish story go on D13 and search for Frankie...lord have mercy that was a doozy and it took us a long time to find out just how much she lied about.
Re: Transition to non-public group
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Married May 2013
BFP #1: 10/14/16 - DD born 6/2017
TTC #2 November 2018 (Mirena removed October 2018 after 1 year)
BFP #2 9/11/19 - EDD 5/24/20 - DD born 5/2020
TTC #3 May 2022 (Mirena removed after almost 2 years)
BFP #3 11/24/23 - EDD 7/30/24
I think all of us need time here and there to step away and connect with our real lives of course, and in my DS1 FB group it's pretty common to take a proclaimed "hiatus" when needed, but it's harder to do that in a group that still has so many people who leave and never come back. And even now, 3+ years later, we will kick people out of the group who go 1 month with no participation. The goal is to share and support each other, so I think with that in mind participation is key. This is all to say, for those of you saying you want to be part of a FB group and see the benefits, it's definitely important to try and keep up here a bit! I know it's hard, but post and support when you can.
That's what I do because the app was wonky. Opening the page in chrome works fine for me. The only bummer is I can't get the "notifications" of when I'm tagged unless I'm on an actual computer.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
So I think the people who are advocating for FB and complain about reading threads and then it being to difficult to tag is bull. If you really wanted to participate here on TB and be part of the group you would at some capacity. It may not be as much as others, but it would be something. The app has always been pretty crappy, people have talked about using the web browsers on your phone many times. I've been in groups where people will use the Notes app to tag/write responses as they are reading and then copy paste. I open the thread in 2 windows (desktop) and write my tags as I read responses. When I was here in 2016 I used to jot down usernames and a little note so when I was done reading I could type it all out on my phone with my handwritten notes as my quick guide/reminder.
So to me saying that it is too difficult (when you basically never participate) and that you want FB is not valid. Like @shamrocandroll keeps saying with the vetting process, if we actually end up doing that, there are many of you that I personally probably wouldn't vet, because you basically participated maybe once or twice.
I have a feeling that this larger group will end up splitting into a few smaller groups, those that go to FB and those that stick around here a bit longer before transitioning.
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
I guess just like any app or social media just because someone is super active doesn't make them legit. Some people are really great at pretending(even in person) to be someone they are not. Just a thought...not sure if anyone else feels this way 🤷♀️
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019And as mentioned before: there’s 10000000 mom groups on FB for every walk of life. Natural parenting, crunchy moms, snarky moms, formula feeding moms, breastfeeding moms. Find topics that interest you and search groups.
Also I don’t agree it’s bs to find the app inconvenient and limiting. Facebook is very easy to tag and reply to individual people in sub threads. I can put a lot into a fb group if I’m sitting in my car waiting for my husband for 10 minutes. On tb, even in a browser I spend way more time reading through 50 replies to see if someone’s question was answered and by that point don’t remember who to tag to reply to. Im a third time mom (at home with both kids full time) and have a lot to offer in the way of support and advice for others but sitting and making a list of usernames or going back and forth between apps just doesn’t work well for me. Good for you if you can do that though.
I guess it depends what the leaders decide they want this group to be.
But, if you're never interested in sharing your name or photos with any part of this group, which is your own prerogative, it sounds to me like you don't have a need of a more personal private group to get to know people more. If you aren't comfortable letting people know more about you, then they won't be comfortable sharing with you. So there are plenty of other, non-private-group options for you to connect at your level of comfort with internet strangers.
The whole idea of a private group is a safer space for those who DO want to exchange more personal info.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12743855/flame-free-friday-confessions-5-31-19/p1
Also, I will never join any private group on TB or FB where even one person in that group is not at the very least willing to post their face there. That's my hard line. If I'm giving you access to my actual name, face, and profile photos, then you're giving me access to yours. It's a two way street. I've watched too many episodes of Catfish and seen it on here firsthand, and I won't be part of a group where I can't be VERY close to sure that everyone in there is who they say they are. If that leaves me behind in the dust while you all move to a PG or FB, then so be it. I will find my own mom-tribe.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
@m6agua I feel like all those things you listed are exactly why the bump is so inconvenient.
But again, I don't have any problem with moving to a private board first if the end goal is moving to FB after the vetting process.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019Also, @ruby696 "shamrocandroll has seen my full picture in a private setting" sounds so dirty, hahaha!
FTR, this is what it looks like to get comfortable enough with someone over time to make inappropriate jokes with each other
ETA fixed spoiler
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
It’s a thing y’all.