So, are all of you anti-bow people anti big bow? B/c that's not my jam either. But, like, a cute little bow to go with their outfit is precious and if you don't agree, well, I think you're probably just going to have to resign to the fact that you're wrong
I was kind of anti-super girly stuff before DD1 was born, but then my MIL threw me a baby shower and all of her friends got me bows and hot pink onesies covered in hearts, ruffles, and lace. I thought it was so gross. Then the baby came... and I put her in some of it and it was so freaking cute I no longer cared that it was obnoxiously girly. 🤷♀️ Not saying everyone will be a bow convert but it’s different when you have an adorable baby in real life that looks really good in a bow!
I definitely do not like the big ass bows at all, I guess I don't mind small bows but it's also just not really my style. I think with certain outfits it's cute but most definitely won't be an every day thing for me. I mean it's fashion...it is very taste specific and people are going to like different things. I don't care for glitter and ruffles and sequins either. Just my personal taste.
@bluguitarhannah I'm with your wife. I don't like them (on my child, not judging anyone else's. Unless you use the line "well if she's not wearing a bow, how will people know she isn't a boy... eye roll). But I also fully admit that may be partially due to the fact that I suck at "accessorizing" myself and so my daughter will likely suffer the same fate when she was like 6 months my friend put a bandana-style bow on my daughter so we could all take a group pic with our girls (my two best friends also had girls within two months of me, actually one had hers a day after me!), and everyone was like awwwww but all I saw was cleaning lady lol. I like buying her cute (but practical) "girly" clothes, as in they have some pink or flowers or whatever, but that's about it!
I like bows, not the big obnoxious ones but the cute little ones are sweet. My SIL always puts one on my niece and I think they look adorable! If we have a girl she'll definitely wear bows!
So I talked to my sister yesterday and told her our news. She was over the moon happy for us and swears she knew! She said she saw me touching my belly before Christmas and hoped that we'd announce that we were pregnant at Christmas. I'm sure it still stings a bit but her reaction was awesome! We were joking that all 3 of us, myself, my sister and SIL could all be pregnant at the same time. Thanks for the encouragement!
@zande2016 FWIW, I know it's just a personal preference with the bows and I'm totally kidding with all of it I couldn't care less what folks decide to do for their kids when it comes to bows lol
@blaf322 yaaaaassss Good Girls is the best!!! We just finished watching it a few days ago as well. I freaking love that show. So interested to see what happens in Season 3!!!!
married to DH on March 15, 2018 TTC since May 2018 dx: PCOS, hypothroidism tx: timed intercourse with meds (dexa, clomid, letrozole, metformin, trigger shots)
First TTGP: 5/9/19 BFN, 6/21/19 BFN, 7/29/19 BFN, 8/1/19 started a break from tx, 11/16/19 surprised with a BFP! LO born 7/7/20 Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
Ugh today has turned a bit rotten due to a stressed H. Backstory: H finished law school in 2019 and did fine but not top tier (graduated just under a 3.0). He ended up getting a job pretty quickly in a field he studied in school but didn't want to be in forever at a place that pays him ok but about 1/3rd of what his big law friends make. He's been there a little over 4 months and is like "I'm quitting and becoming a stay at home dad" (he's not really doing this but isn't happy). Even more backstory: H has had a rough go of post-grad life in a lot of ways. He graduated in 2011 when there were no jobs with a poli sci major (where there's not a ton of work beyond campaigns, academia, and law). Then he herniated his back and was in pain from Jan 2012 (when we met) til he had surgery Sept 2013. He worked through most of that but then also had a brain tumor that was discovered in 2013 and mostly removed in 2015 (he's fine, this is a longer story that doesn't really work on this platform).
So basically - any advice on how to support a sad H while I'm also feeling like "no please god don't quit your job I work for a nonprofit with flex/future baby friendly hours but that's not really enough for our lifestyle once we have a kid and I don't want to work somewhere else"? Especially interested if there are any lawyers/partners of lawyers on the board and how your life works. Also, interested in just wallowing and sharing this with everyone so thanks for reading my word vomit.
@pocketrose any reason he's not getting on LinkedIn and putting his resume out there/applying elsewhere? I guess I'm confused about why it's this or nothing for him. If he's already hating it 4mo in, he definitely needs to find something else. He should still be in the job honeymoon phase at this point.
That said, I totally get having job stress because you hate your job. I was there for a long time and it took me getting laid off to actually make me look for something else.
@blaf322 H is not so great at the networking things, especially online. I also think he feels like he needs to stick it out a year before applying elsewhere and he deals with confidence issues/imposter syndrome quite a bit. He's mostly being fatalistic and not going to quit, I just wish I knew what was the perfect job/thing for folks in the law world so I could steer him that way even though I know perfect doesn't exist.
@pocketrose that's so tough on both of you. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it all. I'd recommend getting him on LinkedIn so he can go ahead and start building a small network. Even if he doesn't actively look, he can turn on the little button that lets recruiters see you and seek you out if they have a spot for you. Maybe something will just fall into his lap? Or maybe having folks reaching out occasionally will make him interested. My bestie's H went to law school and now works in a very niche area (he's one of very few that work in his field so he's highly sought after)... anyway, he CONSTANTLY has folks reaching out to him about jobs. When I had my profile set, I also had folks reaching out all the time and my experience is nothing crazy special. I'm sure your H will have the same luck. Maybe it'll give him some confidence. Regardless, once he does decide to start looking, LinkedIn is, by far, the easiest way to find and apply for jobs.
@blaf322 I'll make sure he does the LinkedIn bit and once he hits 6 months may have him start to put word out to his personal network that he's interested if they hear anything.
@pocketrose I’d encourage him to start by reaching out to friends or colleagues in his field and doing informationals with them. Also sit down and do some brainstorming with him about his ideal job and situation, to start getting on a more focused path and better understand what opportunities would be a fit. Sometimes even just starting to plan like that helps people feel more excited and motivated about work.
@pocketrose I’m an attorney (work in house as Counsel) and I’m so sorry your H is struggling. It is HARD to land in the right place and it can also just be demoralizing to feel like you invest all this money/brain power and then end up in a field that robs you of joy. I’m happy to email privately if you’d like some ideas but one thing I’d encourage your H to look at is non-traditional legal careers. Firms aren’t a great fit for everyone. And lots of times corporate or government legal adjacent careers (contract negotiation, policy analyst, govt agency analyst, supply chain management, contract management) can provide a great breadth of career growth that values the JD but doesn’t make it the be all end all. Out of law school I worked for 3 years as a policy analyst at a govt agency in a field I love and then used that to transition to contract negotiation/management in corporations. After a few years of that I moved into a more traditional Counsel position. So of my 13 yr legal career, the first 8 years were not technically practicing law (though I certainly used my degree). I just think it’s easy to pigeonhole yourself as a new attorney that your bar passage is your only ticket to career happiness. We all have more to offer than that.
Edit to add: connect with recruiters, not just on LinkedIn but in person. They can be excellent resources for knowing what skills H has that are marketable that he may just not be recognizing. Also great to ask them what needs they see in the legal market that H may be able to fill or at least explore.
Edit again to also say: he should go to all the free (or cheap) CLEs he can find, especially for subject matter he’s interested in. Great place to meet folks in fields he likes.
@pocketrose my husband went through some really low parts of his early career as well. Definitely different field. But he went through some major hate relationships. Not happy, depressed in all aspects of life because of it. Times of months and months of no work at all. It was hard to support him. My main thing I kept telling him was that I support him in whatever he did, find a new job or stick with a crappy one. But it was an unspoken rule for our relationship that we were both working. It took years to finally give himself enough courage to look for a job, but me talking or nagging about it made it all worse, now he’s somewhere he loves.
Also wondering if it’s anything like nursing. Your first year is absolute crap. I hated my work for almost a solid year before I actually liked it (and switching to a different specialty), I would pray every drive to work hoping it was an “okay day” Then cry on the way home. Such a learning curve or real life vs school and how the job seemed in school.
I agree with the LinkedIn, and just networking anywhere and everywhere he can. He has to find the push within himself though to look for something different if he’s not happy, that’s the hardest part to watch.
@pocketrose oh I feel for you and your H. I’m not a lawyer but come from a family chock full of them, and ended up marrying one. For most of my husband’s career, he has been miserable because he never enjoyed what he did. But for him, he was miserable because he was in “big law” a set of corporate firms, slaving away to make partner. Made great money, but the work-life balance was terrible and he felt like he was surrounded by people who only cared about making money and avoiding their families (large generalization and not always true, but was what he experienced).
I agree with @rachelredhead in that maybe he needs to identify what exactly he wants to do (whether that requires a law degree or not) and then try to make that happen. It sounds like he has had a really tough road and you are being super supportive. I heard the “I’m just going to quit” line many times over the years too and remember the panic because I’ve worked in politics and government since grad school, so I’m not ever going to be pulling in the big bucks lol.
FWIW, my husband did recently make a big change and took a job with the state last November. Still as an attorney, but public sector is very different. Huge pay cut but much better balance and so far he seems to be happy he made the switch. I’m definitely happy he did. I hope your H is able to find something fulfilling.
@pocketrose your story really resonates with me. DH and I got married in 2016 and a month later we moved halfway across the country so he could go get his MBA, which involved me leaving a job I loved, being unemployed in a new city for 3 months, and taking a small pay cut. Then his MBA internship didn't result in a job offer, and despite job seeking all through Year 2, he graduated without a job - one of very few of his peers to do so. My job offered an opportunity for a promotion and back to Massachusetts, so we came back, and he didn't get a job for 10 months. He loves the company he works for now, but he took a much lower level role than he should have with an MBA and makes what he made in his pre-grad school role. I'm the chief earner in our household and I really shouldn't be based on industry alone. He has said that this setback has really lowered the ceiling of his earning potential on his career. I hate hearing him talk like that.
All that is to say....I hear you. It's hard and especially with a baby on the way and the questions about financial security that that brings, it's adding even more than your usual amount of stress.
What DH and I are talking about now is mostly having an awesome, really strong job performance during year 1 in this job. Prove what he's capable of, get to know his new field, and network like crazy. That way, either he's positioning himself to be promoted ASAP (unlike YH, he really likes his company and team), or he'll have something of a track record of success to point to if he re-enters the job search next year. Also, job seeking when you're unemployed is WAY different and more stressful than job seeking while you're employed, I can attest to that.
Also I don't want him to leave because his office has a daycare attached to it that serves the buildings tenants exclusively and has no waiting list and I'll be damned if we're giving that up lol
@pocketrose I have no advice but can offer sympathy. MH has had many moments of that fatalistic attitude in different jobs, especially his current one, with threatening (at home) to quit, to find a different job, etc. His current job is getting better, but it was something that we knew was going to be hard for him for a while but had potential to be a great fit for him once he got past the beginning stages. Is your husband unhappy with the work environment in general, or is it more of a feeling that he's just not in the right place yet? Maybe there's something at the current job he can focus on that will help build his resume/future job potential?
There's also been a lot of pressure on me over the years to try to be more "successful" in a different job. My job is SUPER flexible, though, and knowing that we were going to have kids, I was hanging onto that really hard when he was really wishing I'd do something different. It can be a really stressful position to be in.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
@pocketrose lawyer here and I can relate to how he’s feeling....the job market kind of really sucks for lawyers and is saturated, at least where I live. Do you know what specifically he doesn’t like? The area of law or demanding hours or something else?
I’m currently in the 1st job out of law school (graduated 2013) that I actually enjoy. For me it took switching from private sector to public interest to finally feel fulfilled. I also took a pretty significant pay cut in exchange for collective bargaining, 8 hour work days, cheap as dirt health insurance for my family, and tons of PTO. For me it was worth it but honestly I make less than many people who don’t have advanced degrees. It’s a trade off. I’ll never make big law bucks but I’d basically hate my life if I worked in big law so it’s worth it to me. Bonus there’s student loan forgiveness in public interest law. And with a union comes guaranteed raises every year. All that being said, I think he should stick it out a year before he changes jobs. It’s going to look not so great on his resume if he leaves after 4-5 months.
1- I have pre-pregnancy energy tonight and it’s putting me in the best mood. This is great
2- at some point in my pregnancy with DD, our dog, who had previously been my shadow, stopped following me and we decided he knew I was pregnant and now hated me. Anyway, within the past week or so he’s started following me around instead of DH. FX this means he’ll like this baby even faster than he ended up liking DD!
@blaf322 I was so curious to see how pregnancy would affect my dogs the first time around. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. And they’re still warming up to DS almost 2 years later 🤦🏼♀️ They did not like the spotlight being taken off of them!
One of our dogs gets super clingy when I'm pregnant. Usually MH is her most very favorite person in the entire universe, but when I'm pregnant she follows me around, cuddles with me more, and generally acts like she has her own maternal instincts kicking in. She's also super interested in the babies when they come home (and suddenly doesn't care much about me anymore, other than her general interest in any person who might pet and play with her). Our other dog couldn't care less about any of it.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
@kristinl492 he definitely knows. Our other dog (she passed this year so not around for this baby) didn’t act any differently, at all, when I was pregnant with DD but was OBSESSED with her. Everyone else was chopped liver when DD was awake for the first 6 months or so. It was super cute.
We don’t have a dog but our cat is constantly wanting to lay on my stomach when I’m pregnant. With DD2 we didn’t find out until 9 weeks and I remember thinking that I might be pregnant based on how cuddly the cat was
My dogs haven't behaved in any noticeably different way. When I was pregnant with DD I had a cat that always, always wanted to lay on my stomach when I was pregnant though.
Last night I slept better than I have in weeks! Unfortunately, now I am awake and have this terrible fear that I forgot to take my unisom last night, which could make today very rough. 😬
My good girl got groomed yesterday. She also escaped her kennel after her grooming was over at the vet clinic and they found her people watching and acting as official greeter at the front door. 😂
My dog and cat have been so clingy lately too. It’s kind of driving me crazy because I get no space lol I’ve got one who almost trips me because he is right at my feet and the cat who wants to lay on me whenever I sit down.
@modoodles hoping you have a smooth day! I threw mine up once and the next day wasn’t too bad but I’m thinking if I missed a couple in a row I’d definitely notice it!
So we have two german Shepard’s, our male is ALL about DS, they’re besties since the minute we came home. Our female (who to be fair is a service dog for my husband) could really care less, but she tolerates him.
We’ve had our cats since DS was about 1 and they were 2 weeks old, so I’m interested to see how they do with an infant.
Pro tip for the FTM with pups: have someone bring a onesie or blanket in with new babies scent prior to coming home, that way they aren’t super surprised when you come home. It worked for us, my husband ran home with a hospital blanket and our dog sitter kept giving it to them to sniff. They weren’t as obnoxious as I feared when we came home.
Love the these pet posts! I feel like I've seen lots of info about introducing babies to dogs, but does anyone have tips on cats? I'm concerned mine is going to decide baby's things are her bed.
@mehugg we have a cat. I think it just depends on yours’ personality! I remember being nervous about the same thing, but he really just sticks to the things he liked before baby got here. I remember after we set the crib up, put sheets on, etc (which was dumb since DD didn’t sleep in her room until like 5 months lol), and our cat jumped in her crib and I was like oh shit! Get out! Lol. I know some people put tin foil down to discourage them from getting in the crib, but I Never did that and after she got here, he ignored her crib and any other lounge areas. Are you worried about anything else or just your cat “nesting” in baby’s things lol.
@mehugg This will be the first time we have a cat and bring home a baby. I’m thinking she’ll be alright. She doesn’t seem to be bothered by other new things like when we brought a hamster home but obviously a hamster is a lot different than a baby! I think she’ll definitely be curious.
Thanks @meanjellybean and @hbird0723! I'm not concerned about interactions between cat and baby at all, just that the cat will be all up in his/her crib, etc. I'm sure it'll be fine.
Meanwhile my dog ignored my nephew entirely when he was an infant but now that he's mobile she's terrified lol. Such a silly scaredy-pup. The cat is the alpha in this house for sure.
@kristinl492 don’t they know that’s not cool lol I have this probiotic I take that’s helps with mood and the other day my DH asked me at least twice when was last time I took it... I was like what are you trying to say?! Haha I have way less patience without it and it had been a few days...I was being pretty short all day but still!
Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 1/6/20
So, are all of you anti-bow people anti big bow? B/c that's not my jam either. But, like, a cute little bow to go with their outfit is precious and if you don't agree, well, I think you're probably just going to have to resign to the fact that you're wrong
dx: PCOS, hypothroidism
Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
So basically - any advice on how to support a sad H while I'm also feeling like "no please god don't quit your job I work for a nonprofit with flex/future baby friendly hours but that's not really enough for our lifestyle once we have a kid and I don't want to work somewhere else"? Especially interested if there are any lawyers/partners of lawyers on the board and how your life works. Also, interested in just wallowing and sharing this with everyone so thanks for reading my word vomit.
That said, I totally get having job stress because you hate your job. I was there for a long time and it took me getting laid off to actually make me look for something else.
Regardless, once he does decide to start looking, LinkedIn is, by far, the easiest way to find and apply for jobs.
Edit to add: connect with recruiters, not just on LinkedIn but in person. They can be excellent resources for knowing what skills H has that are marketable that he may just not be recognizing. Also great to ask them what needs they see in the legal market that H may be able to fill or at least explore.
Edit again to also say: he should go to all the free (or cheap) CLEs he can find, especially for subject matter he’s interested in. Great place to meet folks in fields he likes.
I agree with @rachelredhead in that maybe he needs to identify what exactly he wants to do (whether that requires a law degree or not) and then try to make that happen. It sounds like he has had a really tough road and you are being super supportive. I heard the “I’m just going to quit” line many times over the years too and remember the panic because I’ve worked in politics and government since grad school, so I’m not ever going to be pulling in the big bucks lol.
FWIW, my husband did recently make a big change and took a job with the state last November. Still as an attorney, but public sector is very different. Huge pay cut but much better balance and so far he seems to be happy he made the switch. I’m definitely happy he did. I hope your H is able to find something fulfilling.
All that is to say....I hear you. It's hard and especially with a baby on the way and the questions about financial security that that brings, it's adding even more than your usual amount of stress.
What DH and I are talking about now is mostly having an awesome, really strong job performance during year 1 in this job. Prove what he's capable of, get to know his new field, and network like crazy. That way, either he's positioning himself to be promoted ASAP (unlike YH, he really likes his company and team), or he'll have something of a track record of success to point to if he re-enters the job search next year. Also, job seeking when you're unemployed is WAY different and more stressful than job seeking while you're employed, I can attest to that.
Also I don't want him to leave because his office has a daycare attached to it that serves the buildings tenants exclusively and has no waiting list and I'll be damned if we're giving that up lol
There's also been a lot of pressure on me over the years to try to be more "successful" in a different job. My job is SUPER flexible, though, and knowing that we were going to have kids, I was hanging onto that really hard when he was really wishing I'd do something different. It can be a really stressful position to be in.
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
I’m currently in the 1st job out of law school (graduated 2013) that I actually enjoy. For me it took switching from private sector to public interest to finally feel fulfilled. I also took a pretty significant pay cut in exchange for collective bargaining, 8 hour work days, cheap as dirt health insurance for my family, and tons of PTO. For me it was worth it but honestly I make less than many people who don’t have advanced degrees. It’s a trade off. I’ll never make big law bucks but I’d basically hate my life if I worked in big law so it’s worth it to me. Bonus there’s student loan forgiveness in public interest law. And with a union comes guaranteed raises every year. All that being said, I think he should stick it out a year before he changes jobs. It’s going to look not so great on his resume if he leaves after 4-5 months.
2- at some point in my pregnancy with DD, our dog, who had previously been my shadow, stopped following me and we decided he knew I was pregnant and now hated me. Anyway, within the past week or so he’s started following me around instead of DH. FX this means he’ll like this baby even faster than he ended up liking DD!
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
My good girl got groomed yesterday. She also escaped her kennel after her grooming was over at the vet clinic and they found her people watching and acting as official greeter at the front door. 😂
Meanwhile my dog ignored my nephew entirely when he was an infant but now that he's mobile she's terrified lol. Such a silly scaredy-pup. The cat is the alpha in this house for sure.