Need to drop a rant somewhere so I'm going to call it random enough for this thread. It's possible pregnancy hormones/rage have gotten to me, but I hung up DHs phone on his dad today 🙈 for context, his dad calls, minimum, every other day, but often times he'll call multiple times per day. It's a lot and I generally feel like we need more space and DH could afford to not answer sometimes.
Today was such a time. We went to spend the day with friends in Providence (about an hour south of us) to watch our alma mater play basketball ball at noon then go to a Providence College game later in the afternoon. Our game was a nail biter and came down to the last second and we won, and DH's dad called right at the buzzer as we were celebrating with our friends. Then 20 minutes later as we're navigating a crazy parking situation and DH answers over the Bluetooth in the car with our friends in it. Before either of them could say anything, I cut in saying we couldn't talk and we'd call him later and hung up.
I feel bad, but we need boundaries. We need to be able to spend an afternoon with friends and not be beholden to answer his million calls. I've asked DH to talk to him about it when we go to their place for several days next week for Christmas and if he doesn't, I will. It's too much and frankly when this little bean gets here I imagine my patience for his nonsense will shrink rather than grow.....
Sigh. End rant. Thank you for being a place I can say this sort of thing (relatively) guilt free.
@mehugg that is so hard. Boundaries are so tough for some people to build (maybe your DH) and respect (maybe your FIL). Sounds like you might need to be the one to set those boundaries, or at least help both of them see they’re needed. So maybe today helps to begin that conversation.
I haven’t struggled with this with in laws. But DH has That One Friend that always calls or wants to hang out at inopportune times (frequently) and because he’s kinda always in a bit of a dramatic state (recent break up, job loss, DUI, what have you), DH never feels like he can say no. I do like this friend but sometimes it’s just too much. It’s something we’ve talked about and it has helped a little bit to ask my H if he TRULY wants/needs to see his friend at this time. Not sure if your H is the same, but mine sometimes struggles to recognize or voice what he wants. He feels guilty saying no and feels like he should always want to make time for his friend. But having him admit he wants more space has been a good starting point because then we can talk about a plan to respond when the friend calls.
Sorry you dealt with this today while you were trying to relax and enjoy time with friends. Hope it didn’t put too much of a damper on the day!
We had friends over last night and, around 11, my stomach started hurting so. badly. I finally just had to go upstairs bc I was sure this was the time I was going to puke. I didn’t, but man, pregnancy is going to kill me 😂
On the plus side, I was up past 11:30pm when I’ve been going to bed at 9:30 so I really needed to sleep in some. DD is a damn angel in the mornings. I mean, look at her on the monitor... just quietly reading her book in bed ❤️ We’re totally screwed on sleep and mornings with this baby. DD is too good
Thanks @rachelredhead , I think you're right. We had a good convo about it on the drive home. I think it's similar to YH, he wants to be available and everything. But he agreed with me more than I thought he would, which was reassuring.
The bloat in unreal these days. Today I probably looked like I’ve gained a few pounds(or actually look pregnant when it’s too early too 😂). (Also it probably didn’t help that it was my 3rd twelve hour shift in a row. Which is rough nowadays)
The bloat in unreal these days. Today I probably looked like I’ve gained a few pounds(or actually look pregnant when it’s too early too 😂). (Also it probably didn’t help that it was my 3rd twelve hour shift in a row. Which is rough nowadays)
Oh man, same here! I feel like I’m cradling a little baby bump by the end of the day. Nope, just a food/gas baby 😂
@mehugg That seems like a totally fair rant IMO. I don't know if it would help YH, but taking the perspective that saying "yes" to something (like a phone call) means you're saying "no" to something else helps me with figuring out what to say yes or no to. Sometimes it just means you're saying no to something that doesn't matter, but maybe it means you're taking time away from something that's really a higher personal priority. Boundaries can be hard, and changing them takes work, but hopefully if YH is on board and can stick with it for a while, your FIL will accept the change, too.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 12/16
Today was such a time. We went to spend the day with friends in Providence (about an hour south of us) to watch our alma mater play basketball ball at noon then go to a Providence College game later in the afternoon. Our game was a nail biter and came down to the last second and we won, and DH's dad called right at the buzzer as we were celebrating with our friends. Then 20 minutes later as we're navigating a crazy parking situation and DH answers over the Bluetooth in the car with our friends in it. Before either of them could say anything, I cut in saying we couldn't talk and we'd call him later and hung up.
I feel bad, but we need boundaries. We need to be able to spend an afternoon with friends and not be beholden to answer his million calls. I've asked DH to talk to him about it when we go to their place for several days next week for Christmas and if he doesn't, I will. It's too much and frankly when this little bean gets here I imagine my patience for his nonsense will shrink rather than grow.....
Sigh. End rant. Thank you for being a place I can say this sort of thing (relatively) guilt free.
I haven’t struggled with this with in laws. But DH has That One Friend that always calls or wants to hang out at inopportune times (frequently) and because he’s kinda always in a bit of a dramatic state (recent break up, job loss, DUI, what have you), DH never feels like he can say no. I do like this friend but sometimes it’s just too much. It’s something we’ve talked about and it has helped a little bit to ask my H if he TRULY wants/needs to see his friend at this time. Not sure if your H is the same, but mine sometimes struggles to recognize or voice what he wants. He feels guilty saying no and feels like he should always want to make time for his friend. But having him admit he wants more space has been a good starting point because then we can talk about a plan to respond when the friend calls.
On the plus side, I was up past 11:30pm when I’ve been going to bed at 9:30 so I really needed to sleep in some. DD is a damn angel in the mornings. I mean, look at her on the monitor... just quietly reading her book in bed ❤️ We’re totally screwed on sleep and mornings with this baby. DD is too good
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20