Also, anyone with older kids know that depending on flu outbreak and where you live the hospital may not allow the older kids to visit and may limit the number of visitors you have. I am not telling DD that she gets to come to the hospital until it’s closer and we see if she is sick (germ monster) or what the hospital restrictions are.
@jvk2012 our hospital will allow siblings only during flu season and they have to go straight to your room via escort of nurse. On the telling people how you want things: I have several antivax cousins that my grandmother is visiting in February and I have already told her that she will have to wait at least two weeks after to come around my kids since they live in a measles outbreak area and they think vaccines kill children. I also have told anyone who knows I am pregnant that if they don't have a flu/tDap shot they can't come around my house or kids. I was a weak one on this with my oldest and he ended up getting RSV at 6 months and having to go in to get oxygen treatments twice a day for a week, so now I am a monster mama bear advocate on the subject.
@sassypants2010 yup, I wasn't careful with DD and she got bronchiolitis and was hospitalized at one month old. This time I'll wait until flu season is over before visiting family with small kids. Of course since DD is in Pre-K it will still be a mess.
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
@brookert615 We told everyone that anyone without proof of TDaP in the last 24months would not be allowed to visit our baby before 6 weeks. My sister and her husband both got their boosters updated before coming to hang out. Definitely the same rules apply this time and flu shot as well since it'll be cold and flu season. Honestly I told people no visitors (except my sister and BFF) before 6 weeks anyway though. I don't want to be bothered that early on by anyone who I feel uncomfortable asking to leave at a moment's notice.
I require anyone seeing the baby regularly to get a TDAP booster and a flu vaccine. My dads girlfriend ‘doesn’t believe’ in vaccines. Cool for her. She can’t come to visit between the months of September to May.
We encouraged everyone in our immediate families to get a flu shot. I’m going to be a lot crazier this time about company coming over with it being right in the middle of flu season. The boys and I already got our flu shots and my h gets one at work soon.
I also told my family they needed to get the Tdap before DD1 was born and no one gave me a hard time about it. I plan to do the same with the flu shot this year. I find that if you ask people when they are planning on getting their shot so that they can come visit the baby they think about when it will be convient for them to get the shot and just get it, rather than think about if they actually want to get the shot or not. It’s a little manipulative, but oh well 🤷♀️
I was very lucky that my MIL told me without me even asking that she already talked to her doctor about getting the Tdap for her and my FIL. They get a credit in their health savings account if they get the flu shot so that wasn't an issue. My side of the family isn't an issue because my nephew has breathing problems so they all get their flu shot without any prompting. MH and I have no problem putting our foot down when it comes to this issue and it's simple no shot, no baby. Also with February being cold and flu season if you are symptomatic you can visit at another time.
Me:37 MH:37
TTGP since 07/2017
**TW** in spoiler
DX: PCOS, anovulatory, AMA
Femara X3: no response
Clomid X3: BFN (cyst and thin lining)
IUI (Dec '18) MMC
IVF (April '19) 9 retrieved, 7 fertilized, 2 normal PGT-A
What are thoughts on having an informal “open house” in April or May when babies are older and I can just have everyone come over then? It’s part wanting to keep people away during cold and flu season but also we’re such private people and I don’t really like the idea of having a rotation of people trying to come over for weeks when I will be exhausted and hormonal and trying to figure out the life thing...
@Swiftlet definitely not unheard of! I’ve heard it referred to as a “sip n see.” Basically you just serve champagne and a light snack, and let people drop in during whatever window of time you choose.
@Swiftlet, my biggest regret with #1 was the revolving door of people we had when she was first born. I literally had to put people into my calendar to ensure I had only 1-2 visitors a day for like weeks! I think your idea is great.
@daffodil_shoe That's what I thought it was called but wasn't sure! And exactly what I pictured - have some snacks and drinks, have the house clean, be showered and have everyone in cute clothes and feel less fretful about having people over. The only downside is we have a long driveway with little parking so having a BUNCH of people all at once would be tough to manage but if it's only a few people (and some couples/smaller groups) together, it should be manageable...
@jvk2012 that's exactly what I'm worried about! I absolutely want my parents and sister/BIL to come over whenever, but the friends and more extended family...I know I'll feel obligated to have a clean house and look presentable and make small talk. And then I envision feeling exhausted or not wanting to struggle with breast feeding in front of people and not knowing how to politely say "please leave now, thanks!"
So the next question...is it weird to do something like this if I'm already having a proper baby shower? Like I said, I'm thinking something very informal, definitely no gifts, anyone that expresses interest in visiting can come by within the window, whatever. I'm not planning to send out invitations or anything, just to have a date/time in place so that people who start to contact me about visiting can put it on their calendar.
@Swiftlet, I think the way you are planning it is fine. It’s not a party, it’s when you are allowing people to come to your house when they ask when they can come to visit. I think it’s fine.
@brookert615 my entire family has been told to get a flu shot because of this being a middle of flu season baby. My mom got a tdap booster with DS because she was going to be staying with us for several weeks. Tdap is good for like 10 years so a lot of people are ok. Most of my family get their flu shot anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal. I have also told DH’s family and nobody has been annoyed by the request. Otherwise, visitors wash their hands and stay out of baby’s face.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@Swiftlet Considering it. I may feel differently once the baby is born, but...those things are really sensitive and I have a hard time convincing myself to attach a piranha with no sense of empathy to them. I was a formula baby for the same reason - (according to my dad) my mom tried breast feeding once because the hospital nurse pressured her, I bit down right away, and she went "oh HELL NO" and called for a bottle of formula. I guess it would be more accurate to say that I have no plan and I'm going to see what happens once the baby is here.
@noxacanthus breastfeeding is incredibly painful for the first 1-2 weeks, but then your nipples kind of toughen up and it doesn’t feel like anything. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, just letting you know that if you wanted to breastfeed you’re not committing yourself to a year of pain.
@Swiftlet I was able to nurse both my kids pretty easily. We did have to supplement a little formula while in the hospital with my first. I’m hoping nursing will be easy again with this kid.
I have extreme respect for women who exclusively pump. It is a lot of work and time. I don’t think I would have been able to stick with it as a first time mom. Everything is just so new and unfamiliar. (Recovering, dealing with a new born, lack of sleep) Now that I’m familiar with pumping, maintaining a supply etc... I would probably give it a fair try but to me it seems like so much extra work. I have a few friends in my other bmb who did it for a long time. One had a NICU baby. I think that would be one of the main reasons I would choose to exclusively pump.
@noxcanthus omg your piranha line cracked me.up. but I feel ya! My nipples are still super sensitive. If i rub ome of my blankets across on accident it feels like someone's slicing em off! I'm glad to hear they will toughen up though. I'd like to breastfeed exclusively if possible!
@clee5711 good to know! All of the stuff I’m reading says how much time it takes...but it sounds like you pump when your baby would be eating anyway for similar duration of time for the first three months ish and then can scale back to slightly more reasonable schedule once back to a work environment.
There are a number of reasons I’m considering it. A big one is that my husband or family member can help me feed them. I also worry about wrangling two of them either at the same time or one at a time, NICU time, small size leading to difficulty latching/nursing, being able to accurately monitor intake for two, trying to promote adequate supply for two...there seem like a lot of benefits to me honestly. I would also be pumping at work regardless, and would need supply to leave at daycare (they’ll let us freeze some, yay!) so I feel like once I figure out a routine, it shouldn’t be too crazy? But then I worry that I’m completely inexperienced with children period, let alone feeding them, and maybe the every 2-3hrs for three months isn’t as manageable as it sounds (not that it sounds like fun of course!)
@Swiftlet I EP for 6 months and won’t be doing it again. My kid won’t let me type right now so if I forget to come back to this by tonight please tag me or PM me
@noxacanthus yeah don’t let pain scare you off of BF. It isn’t the most pleasant at first but it’s less from biting at that stage and just from the constant use. It gets better pretty quickly. The gel pads are the best for soothing sore nipples if you ask me.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
How did you all let your families know if the baby was a boy or girl? None of ours is local and we find out today. I was going to call everyone this evening but my SIL was throwing a fit that she has to wait til evening, then tried to backtrack and say she was joking and she would hear it from my brother bc she'll be gone this afternoon. Now I'm kind of annoyed after all of that and really tempted to just send out a mass text with the sex and leave it at that. I feel a little like their stupid opinions/comments made me lose a little joy.
@babyroma, I did a pinata for H and DD. I took a pic of her with the blue candy texted it to family. It’s your info to share however you want! Sorry they are being annoying.
I’m so glad to see the flu shot discussion! I’m feeling very irritated/worried that my husband’s ex-wife is apparently anti flu shot... and my seven year old stepson lives with us almost half the time. She has final say when there’s a disagreement on medical issues, and I’m really frustrated with how to handle this. I’m hoping that she’ll be convinced, but I’m having to weigh the possibility of saying “your son cannot come over” if he doesn’t get a vaccinated... 😞
@um_thor, ugh that’s a crappy situation. How does your H feel about it? Would he be willing to also say his son can’t come over? Any chance ex-wife is hoping you won’t let son come over?
@um_thor that’s a tough situation. It’s not really the seven year olds fault that he doesn’t get a flu shot and he will be punished if his mother makes a decision you don’t agree with. I hope for everyone’s sake that you guys can come to an agreement.
@um_thor Maybe I'd make a terrible co-parent but is there any way your H could take him to Walgreen's, get shots together and then when Mom finds out apologize and say he was just trying to be helpful and get things checked off the new baby list? Obviously it's best if everyone can agree, but this is his son and his new baby and the benefits are there and the consequences are non-existent...
@optimism3 Yes. I have the UppaBaby Vista. I used the Mesa carseat for my daughter until she turned 2 when we switched over to a Graco. Honestly, the Vista system worked really well for us. We used ALL of the different features with DD. She was in the bassinet when we took those early walks in the newborn days, then when she was a bit older we would stick the Mesa seat in the stroller. Now, she's still riding very happily in the regular stroller seat. I think we're going to get the rumble seat and standing bar adapter to turn it into a double stroller. I know there are plenty of moms who this wouldn't work for, but it was fantastic for us.
@Swiftlet I exclusively pumped for around 13 months with #1. It wasn't by choice initially since she didn't quite latch well and ultimately preferred bottles to me. I won't lie, it takes a lot of patience and time. In the early days, I was pumping every two hours for 20-30 minutes. Sometimes I had to miss out on things because I had to run off and pump. BUT, with family and super close friends, I just covered up with a poncho and pumped in front of them. I hope to be able to breastfeed this one, but I'm totally prepared to EP again for at least a year if need be. It's totally doable!! Let me know if you have any questions!
I don't know what our hospital policy is but no kid will be visiting the baby. And flu shots will be required. My SIL delivered 2 weeks ago and her baby caught a virus less than 24 hours later and was in the NICU for 3 days. This was a scary time for them. Seeing their newborn with a feeding tube and a huge IV was traumatic. I still haven't seen the baby. I am waiting for my cold to be totally over.
TTC#1 10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml) 11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged 1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele 4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery 6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020 Baby girl born 2/27/2020 7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
@Swiftlet so EP has some serious advantages for type A people- you know exactly how much your kid is getting, other people can help feed, it makes timing feedings easier and they also don’t learn to use your nips as a pacifier. For me BF didn’t work because one of my breasts doesn’t work (and for any skeptics, I worked with 3 different LCs and my OB. My right tits a dud) so DS didn’t get enough at first since lefty wasn’t producing enough. I had to supplement with formula and I was BF on command as well as power pumping lefty every 3 hours to increase supply. It took 2 weeks but lefty finally started making enough on its own...so long as I kept up with pumping every 3 hours. So even when DS started sleeping 5-6 hour stretches, or even when he got to 10 hour stretches I was waking up 2-3 times a night to pump. Also pumping with babies is hard. You can’t pump and hold them easily and oftentimes I would be pumping while DS screamed at me from the floor or a seat. It contributed to my development of PPD. I will be doing combo feeding this time- pumping 3 times a day and formula the rest.
@jvk2012@DDRRT1982@craftywitch I actually just got a text from hubs saying that SS will be getting his flu shot! So glad that’s not a bridge I’ll need to cross.
All this breastfeeding talk made me remember reading discussions on it in my first’s birth month group. This one wasn’t nearly as traumatic to read, but just to give hope to some first time mamas that might be slightly put off on the idea, it’s not always bad! I was so very lucky with my first to not have a bad experience with breast feeding. He latched well, and although my supply wasn’t ever a huge amount where I’d always have some extra milk on hand, it was enough! Now let’s see if this luck keeps on for baby #2!
@chipsnsalsa20 Agree- if anyone is looking to hear that sometimes it's easy and goes well, it can! I struggled later on with keeping supply up, but never had issues latching or any pain. I'd call the early days slightly uncomfortable with a little bit of a learning curve, but manageable. Prep the best you can, but try to stay open and not to let any specific story take over when you don't know what you'll end up with.
Re: The Great Question Thread
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
Also, anyone with older kids know that depending on flu outbreak and where you live the hospital may not allow the older kids to visit and may limit the number of visitors you have. I am not telling DD that she gets to come to the hospital until it’s closer and we see if she is sick (germ monster) or what the hospital restrictions are.
On the telling people how you want things:
I have several antivax cousins that my grandmother is visiting in February and I have already told her that she will have to wait at least two weeks after to come around my kids since they live in a measles outbreak area and they think vaccines kill children. I also have told anyone who knows I am pregnant that if they don't have a flu/tDap shot they can't come around my house or kids. I was a weak one on this with my oldest and he ended up getting RSV at 6 months and having to go in to get oxygen treatments twice a day for a week, so now I am a monster mama bear advocate on the subject.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I'm glad to hear they will toughen up though. I'd like to breastfeed exclusively if possible!
There are a number of reasons I’m considering it. A big one is that my husband or family member can help me feed them. I also worry about wrangling two of them either at the same time or one at a time, NICU time, small size leading to difficulty latching/nursing, being able to accurately monitor intake for two, trying to promote adequate supply for two...there seem like a lot of benefits to me honestly. I would also be pumping at work regardless, and would need supply to leave at daycare (they’ll let us freeze some, yay!) so I feel like once I figure out a routine, it shouldn’t be too crazy? But then I worry that I’m completely inexperienced with children period, let alone feeding them, and maybe the every 2-3hrs for three months isn’t as manageable as it sounds (not that it sounds like fun of course!)
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Now I'm kind of annoyed after all of that and really tempted to just send out a mass text with the sex and leave it at that. I feel a little like their stupid opinions/comments made me lose a little joy.
@optimism3 Yes. I have the UppaBaby Vista. I used the Mesa carseat for my daughter until she turned 2 when we switched over to a Graco. Honestly, the Vista system worked really well for us. We used ALL of the different features with DD. She was in the bassinet when we took those early walks in the newborn days, then when she was a bit older we would stick the Mesa seat in the stroller. Now, she's still riding very happily in the regular stroller seat. I think we're going to get the rumble seat and standing bar adapter to turn it into a double stroller. I know there are plenty of moms who this wouldn't work for, but it was fantastic for us.
@Swiftlet I exclusively pumped for around 13 months with #1. It wasn't by choice initially since she didn't quite latch well and ultimately preferred bottles to me. I won't lie, it takes a lot of patience and time. In the early days, I was pumping every two hours for 20-30 minutes. Sometimes I had to miss out on things because I had to run off and pump. BUT, with family and super close friends, I just covered up with a poncho and pumped in front of them. I hope to be able to breastfeed this one, but I'm totally prepared to EP again for at least a year if need be. It's totally doable!! Let me know if you have any questions!
My SIL delivered 2 weeks ago and her baby caught a virus less than 24 hours later and was in the NICU for 3 days. This was a scary time for them. Seeing their newborn with a feeding tube and a huge IV was traumatic.
I still haven't seen the baby. I am waiting for my cold to be totally over.
10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml)
11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged
1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele
4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery
6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020
7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
TTC #2
9/07/2021: BFP - CP: 9/10/2021
10/07/2021: BFP - CP: 10/23/2021
12/23/2021: BFP! EDD: 08/31/2022
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's