@pirateduck our HR person (we only have 1) is a total space cadet and idiot. I will tell my direct supervisor before I tell anyone else. And then I will work with HR and the GM yo figure out what to do for maternity leave.
When I started fertility treatment in January, I asked them about maternity leave and she said “we don’t have a plan in place for the office personnel so you just have to figure out with your manager and the GM what will work for you guys.” They don’t have many female office personnel or people under 50 so I don’t think they’ve ran into this recently haha
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I'm also trying to think about how guilty I will feel asking my retired colleague who is 75ish to be my sub again. I felt guilty last time too, but unless he does it, we will likely not get someone in who knows anything about math at the level I teach and my students will be screwed even though it's only the last 3ish weeks of school.
@jhysmath I'm in the same boat of having to find my own sub if I want someone who is even remotely competent (I teach HS band and choir, so obviously requires certain skills/background that very few subs have). I actually think it will be easier with this baby, since it's only the last month of school. In CA anyone with a bachelor's degree/CBEST can get an emergency 30-day sub credential, which is really all I need coverage for. I just need it to be a music person because I have a concert scheduled during that time frame and I need someone who can conduct it, so being able to hand pick someone and just have them get their 30-day clearance will be easy. DD was born in October and I was out for three months, which was a lot more instructional time, so I had to work really hard to find someone with a full credential who was a) retired and b) skilled in all the different classes I needed covered.
@soprano19 nh doesn't really have any requirements for subs except passing a background check. Most of our subs don't have any sort of teaching credentials. We're happy if we can find a sub and don't get stuck watching another teachers classes during the day. There hasn't been a mom to have a kid since I was there so the dads just take off a week or two and they have random subs take care of their classes. It's a joke with how little curriculum gets done in that time.
MH had to be gone overnight for work and I was super nervous about it. I have been looking forward to a break every night since I had a positive because I have been so ridiculously nauseous so I was dreading being the sole parent from 7 am until bedtime. Knock on wood, things have actually gone really well—I got the boys to pick up half the toys that they’ve had out for the past week, put the extra dinner away ((Chinese take out but whatever 😂)), gave everyone a bath, fed the dogs, read books and put both kids to bed by 8:15. So hopefully everyone stays asleep tonight. And we make it to school on time tomorrow.
Thank you ladies for sharing your experiences. I think right now I am just so grateful to be pregnant, and boy or girl is so inconsequential in my life right now, and either way it's a surprise to us (just a matter of when we get that surprise) and either way we're gonna keep it soooooo yeah... I feel like if my husband really wants to know early I'm getting to be more and more ok with that. Having a baby is a new thing for both of us and even though it's my body, it's his baby too and if it's important for him to know I'm ok knowing. I feel like I have a way of making decisions and being controlling and maybe this is ONE decision he gets to make because I have a feeling I'll be deciding a lot of other things in the next 9 months!
Lots of decisions over the next years/decades, the feeling of making difficult decisions and agreeing/disagreeing with your partner does not stop at birth...
******TW******Siggy warning BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d; BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
Complete agree with keeping the names secret. In my case it is my mom, who I love dearly, who can make comments that really tick me off. I am the only daughter producing grand babies so all eyes on me! We called our DD#1 “Quesadilla” por the entire pregnancy. The reality was that DH and I had 3 girl names we kept going back and forth, in the end we decided a week before she was born which one was the clear winner.
This time I would really like to wait to find out the sex at birth.
* not sure why my font is grey...*
******TW******Siggy warning BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d; BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
Yesterday I thought to myself “oh no, I’m not feeling as sick!” This morning, I was holding the mattress up while DH disassembled the bed frame and I said “I need you to move so I can set this down!” And he moved and I threw down the mattress and ran and dry heaved so hard and got some spit up. If I had had anything in my stomach, definitely would have been full on puking. Thanks, body, for the reassurance!
@shamrocandroll Yes, thank goodness AAA put it as priority since my son was in the vehicle. It still took 45 minutes from incident to resolution though, I felt so bad for him! He was fine he didn't even cry, I was the one who was a mess. Also thank goodness it was 70 degrees this morning.
@shamrocandroll Yes definitely. My first thought was to break a window... but obviously I thought for a second and was like alright maybe not the best idea considering everything is actually okay. I definitely would have called the police if there was any concern or even if AAA wasn't able to get there within an hour.
Reading comments on this board some days I feel left out because I am not a teacher and I do not already have children... apparently being a teacher a common career path, or perhaps teachers just like social media more. Also maybe we need a FTM thread, or maybe there is one and I have missed it.
@pirateduck There should be a FTM thread. I don't think anyone would object to you starting one either weekly or monthly. And FWIW, I'm not a teacher either. I think most of us probably aren't, but the teachers just started school again, so they have a lot to talk about.
@pirateduck most BMB’s do a FTM Monthly Check-in just like we have a STM+ Monthly Check-in.... someone just has to start it...
It’s a great place for FTM’s to connect and commiserate together. Also, it’s a great place to ask FTM specific questions that other FTM’s can answer or STM+ can chime in on.
It’s commonly:
EDD/Weeks + Days:
How are you feeling? Symptoms/Cravings/Aversions/Emotions?
Any upcoming appointments/testing/results, etc?
Rant/Rave/Questions:
What about your pregnancy is different than you expected so far?
@pirateduck not a teacher here either! And I felt the same way in my first BMB - the majority of the women felt like STM+s which was a lot harder to connect with since I wasn't. I agree with @mokay19 - definitely start a monthly FTM thread, it helps you connect with other FTMs. It may seem like having no kids yet sets you apart, but FX we will all have May 2020 babies, and that connection is what brings us together. I love my first BMB, and they have been so supportive of each other as life continues to happen beyond baby. I hope that May 2020 ends up bonding just as much.
Thank you @darkrose88 ! I love having the input of the women who have been through pregnancy and childbirth before, so I really can't complain there. It's just when people start talking about things like how they are too exhausted to put their kids to bed and the routine of getting them to school etc. that I just don't relate. My brain is on the $1400 I spent on a season ski pass this year that I won't use, getting home from work before my 14 year old dog with cancer poops on the floor again, wondering how I will care for and attempt to help this dog up stairs etc. will work once I am 7 months pregnant, the fact that I live in the middle of nowhere and the geographically closest family we have is a 12 hour drive away. I don't know if I want to work or not once I have a baby because I've never had one and don't know how I will feel, physically, emotionally, and if I will be sad/lonely/bored being home alone all the time. A girl I work with said that she put her daughter on the wait list for day care in the area before she was even pregnant with her daughter and her daughter finally got accepted into day care off this list after her first birthday! This is crazy. This essentially means that going back to work is not even an option if I want it. Ok... I'm done with this rant... it's all a bit overwhelming, just in different ways I suppose.
@pirateduck almost none of those things are FTM specific. STM+ moms still have to worry about things they paid for that they can’t use. They still have to worry about taking care of animals (and yes, other children). They still have to worry about family too close or too far. They still have to consider childcare immediately. Working moms—no matter how many kids—have to worry about their job with 1 or 10 kids. I think you’re unnecessarily excluding yourself. Also, you can ask HOW people have done it before. I lived 2,000 miles away from my closest family when I had my first kid. Our daycare that we had planned all pregnancy fell through 1 month before she was due. Things have happened in other people’s lives that you should be thankful to learn from.
I’m sure other people have been through some of these things, that is why I am posting my worries here in the randoms these are the random things that I worry about when after the baby comes.
@mokay19 what did you do for daycare? How many days a week did you get care? Did you find it to be affordable or worth the expense?
I find the cost of daycare overwhelming. After paying taxes, insurance, and day care for a day I don’t think I’d even be taking home a paycheck, so is it worth it to keep working in that case?
@pirateduck - have you tried to get any of your money back? I bought the Keystone pass this year and was able to get a partial refund. They have a clause about severe injury or pregnancy before the season starts you are able to get a partial refund - worth calling about for sure!
@pirateduck we looked at every daycare near our house and lucked out that one close by had someone leaving the infant room and we could sneak in. My DD started (and does now) full time M-F. In Washington she did 5:30am to 4pm, now we do 6-4:30. If it’s worth the expense is a very personal decision. At the time, DH was active duty so he couldn’t take off and I am the one who makes more money. When he got out, he stayed at home for 6 months and it was fine, but when he got a job that makes twice what daycare is, we decided to put her back in daycare. My daughter LOVES daycare and is a very social child so it works great for our family. I don’t have experience with a salary not out-performing daycare costs though so maybe someone else can chime in on that.
@pirateduck I think it's important to bear in mind that all of the STMs here were once the FTMs on a BMB. And that a lot of us still have absolutely no clue WTF we're doing.
Also, since apparently I'm the board police and link expert (lol): FTM Check-In September
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@chewie5990 I am going to file a pass insurance claim for both my epic and ikon passes. I’m glad to hear you were able to get money back because I was wondering how realistic is is that they would pay out.
@mokay19 that is good to hear about your daughter loving daycare. I often think so I really want to spend the bulk of my salary paying someone else to raise my child? At that rate wouldn’t I rather spend the time raising and bonding with my own child? I’m sure the social interaction is good for them though. Perhaps I should get on a wait list so I at least have a choice when the time comes and do what I feel is right instead of feeling like I’m forced to stay home 24/7 because I can’t find child care.
While I’m venting... I also hate that there is no mandated paid maternity leave in the US and the unpaid leave they give us is sooooo short.
@pirateduck My kids get so much out of daycare that I could never give them at home. MH and I have to work, and even though daycare for two is a lot of money, it's worth it to us. You can look into daycare centers and private in-home providers. Both my kids started at in-home daycares that were highly recommended while they were waitlisted for the place we ultimately chose. You should also think about whether you can swing part time. My kids were in daycare Wed-Fri and it made a HUGE difference in what we paid. You have some time. Start asking friends/family/local mom groups who they recommend and go from there.
@pirateduck becoming a FTM is very overwhelming and, in truth, you can't prepare for it at all... I did not get nor could I fully relate with people who had children before I had one of my own. As for the daycare/salary question, MH actually stays at home with DS. We made the decision when we found out we were pregnant with DS because MH worked a minimum wage job, so it made the most financial sense for us. I work full time, and we get insurance through my work place. Baby #2 will also stay at home with DH, although we are thinking about putting DS in daycare/preschool part time when LO comes along to give MH a break since DS is very demanding of his time attention.
@pirateduck The daycare question legitimately stresses out all moms. It’s horrible. DS1 I didn’t know about wait lists and whatnot and decided to just stay home. DS2 DH was transitioning out of the military and starting a new care and my job as a teacher didn’t justify daycare costs for two in ATL. Now with this baby I’ve accepted that I’ll be a SAHM for a long, long time. ATL has wait list, lottery, and all kinds of other insane stuff to deal with daycare wise and every time I do the research I start crying. So don’t feel too left out, third time mom here and I’m still guessing 90% of the time.
Thank you ladies. Sounds like it’s not just here that daycare is an overly complicated nightmare add that to medical insurance and it’s all a bit much!
@pirateduck I feel like daycare was a huge source of anxiety for me when DS was little little. It was just so hard to accept someone else spending more time out of the day with my son than me. But now as he's gotten a little older and I've also adjusted, I agree with a lot of the other moms above in that he gets so much out of daycare as far as learning/interacting with other kids and just learning in general. My daycare provider has a PhD in early childhood education so she has so much knowledge about a field that I don't. I learn new things from her all the time. I definitely have to work full time right now as MH is in school (although he is still technically working for as long as he can manage) but in an ideal world I would like to do daycare 3 days/week.
@pirateduck more food for thought - my co-worker friend had a baby back in May, and fully intended on coming back to work before going on ML. Her son ended up having nursing/feeding difficulties, so after much deliberation, decided going back was not an option. Sometimes life just happens, and even the best laid plans don't always work out for people once reality kicks in.
@pirateduck I also struggled with the daycare decision with DD. DH and I both make enough that it didn't make financial sense to stay home and probably never will even with a second, but I still felt so nervous and sad about sending her off with someone else who knew nothing about her. But after staying home with her for 10 weeks and then coming back to work I realized that I'm actually not even cut out to be a stay at home mom. I need my breaks and my adult interaction. Sometimes I feel like that makes me a "bad mom" for not wanting to be with her 24/7, but I think it's best for both of us. She gets so much out of daycare and has so many friends and learns so much, and I get refreshed and out of the house and can eat a meal in peace so at the end of the day I can truly enjoy my time with her. And I think that's just fine
Yes, everything @bananapanda said! I am so impressed by women who can stay home, but I'm not one of them. It's damn hard work and often thankless. I love what I do for a living and I feel like having that outlet makes me a better parent than if I stayed home. I tease MH that I'll be a SAHM when I can have a nanny, a housekeeper, and a personal trainer/yoga instructor. 😂
@pirateduck oh the daycare thing! That is so crazy. But everyone I know that needs daycare has to get on the list basically during the first trimester. We personally knew that we wanted more than one kid and that my income being lower because we have to move for MH’s job meant that daycare would be cost prohibitive for us. That’s why I stay at home for now. I’d also like to point out I have a couple of friends in Canada and one of them just want back to work after taking her 18 months of maternity leave and she was really missing work at the end. So staying at home isn’t necessarily the right choice for everyone.
@pirateduck I was at the same place as you last time around except I had two 13 year old labs. One passed when I was 6 months pregnant while MH was away on a field trip and I was hysterical. The other was the one with cancer who I had to carry in and out of the house at 9 months pregnant and often had to put in the tub to bathe because we didn't get home in time and he fell in his mess. You can do it, I'm sure you love your furball as much as I loved mine. The summer after dd was born I'd nurse her in the middle of the night then carry doggo outside to go to the bathroom and bring him back in. It was a pretty sad summer watching him go, but I'm glad we were able to give him a good summer lying out in the sun with lots of love.
Re: Weekley Randoms - Week of 9/23
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
When I started fertility treatment in January, I asked them about maternity leave and she said “we don’t have a plan in place for the office personnel so you just have to figure out with your manager and the GM what will work for you guys.” They don’t have many female office personnel or people under 50 so I don’t think they’ve ran into this recently haha
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
The reality was that DH and I had 3 girl names we kept going back and forth, in the end we decided a week before she was born which one was the clear winner.
This time I would really like to wait to find out the sex at birth.
* not sure why my font is grey...*
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
Thanks, body, for the reassurance!
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
It’s a great place for FTM’s to connect and commiserate together. Also, it’s a great place to ask FTM specific questions that other FTM’s can answer or STM+ can chime in on.
It’s commonly:
EDD/Weeks + Days:
How are you feeling? Symptoms/Cravings/Aversions/Emotions?
Any upcoming appointments/testing/results, etc?
Rant/Rave/Questions:
What about your pregnancy is different than you expected so far?
GTKY:
I think you’re unnecessarily excluding yourself.
Also, you can ask HOW people have done it before. I lived 2,000 miles away from my closest family when I had my first kid. Our daycare that we had planned all pregnancy fell through 1 month before she was due. Things have happened in other people’s lives that you should be thankful to learn from.
I find the cost of daycare overwhelming. After paying taxes, insurance, and day care for a day I don’t think I’d even be taking home a paycheck, so is it worth it to keep working in that case?
My daughter LOVES daycare and is a very social child so it works great for our family.
I don’t have experience with a salary not out-performing daycare costs though so maybe someone else can chime in on that.
Also, since apparently I'm the board police and link expert (lol):
FTM Check-In September
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
@mokay19 that is good to hear about your daughter loving daycare. I often think so I really want to spend the bulk of my salary paying someone else to raise my child? At that rate wouldn’t I rather spend the time raising and bonding with my own child? I’m sure the social interaction is good for them though. Perhaps I should get on a wait list so I at least have a choice when the time comes and do what I feel is right instead of feeling like I’m forced to stay home 24/7 because I can’t find child care.
While I’m venting... I also hate that there is no mandated paid maternity leave in the US and the unpaid leave they give us is sooooo short.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
I’d also like to point out I have a couple of friends in Canada and one of them just want back to work after taking her 18 months of maternity leave and she was really missing work at the end. So staying at home isn’t necessarily the right choice for everyone.