When did it start to feel real?

lizm1234 · September 2019

Hi Ladies,

I thought it might be fun to share... when it really hit you that you were pregnant? For STM+ moms, did reality set in at different times for each baby? Anyone still waiting for reality to sink in?

*@shamrocandroll I hope this is ok. I thought it was fun and general enough question that many can participate in the thread.

lizm1234 · September 2019

I'll go first..I'm in the later category. It still feels unreal to me. I act pregnant (no drinking or medicine) and have symptoms, but it honestly doesn't feel real yet. I honestly don't know when it will feel real. I'm curious about others' experiences.

Slightly unrelated...I remember it took a while to wrap my brain around the fact that I was getting married years ago. Despite everything being booked and bought, it wasn't until my wedding ring arrived about 2 months before the wedding that it finally hit me. I remember being like, "holy sh!t, I'm really about to be a wife".

mdfarmchick · September 2019

For me it’s usually at the first ultrasound, or when you hear the heartbeat on the Doppler for the first time. It’s this moment of, “oh God, I am making another person.” Even though they just look like little aliens or blobs on the ultrasound.

queenklau · September 2019

I will be a STM! I think that for me pregnancies become real real when I tell someone (aside from DH) or I purchase something for the baby. Last time around I had PGAL brain so it didn’t settle in until early second trimester.

darkrose88 · September 2019

Right now, I'm totally in the "this doesn't feel real" camp. But as I've mentioned in other posts, this pregnancy was a surprise, and I've only had a few days to wrap my mind around it.

For my first pregnancy I think it felt real when we saw the first ultrasound. Before that I sort of worried I was making it all up, even though I'd gotten a BFP and had all the symptoms. I suspect it'll be around that point too this time around before it really sinks in I'm pregnant.

ruby696 · September 2019

Add me to the first US group. Once I see that little HB flickering away, it's pretty much an instant connection.

rachelg777 · September 2019

It feels real once I see that first ultrasound and hear the HB but with PGAL and
TW

things not being okay after two normal ultrasounds my first pregnancy- it took me a little longer to feel connected and like the pregnancy would be viable with my DS. Hopefully there is a little less of that this time.

rox7777 · September 2019

I’m in the extreme later camp of not until I’m holding the baby. DS1 required weekly monitoring from 22-38 weeks, so I saw him regularly on US and went to the hospital weekly. DS2 required weekly monitoring from 25-36 weeks with US monitoring. But for some reason it doesn’t click in my head until I’m actually holding them. It may be the high risk pregnancies or it may just be me. I tend to be a pretty clinical pessimist, it drives DH crazy.

diagonalley · September 2019

I was in a state of bliss for the first two days because this was unexpected, but I've always wanted one more but my husband was not totally on board (not against it, just not ready for it). So it was exciting to think that I definitely get to do this again. Today? I'm having a bit of a panic about it. I wasn't planning for this and the idea of a newborn again and all that that entails is a bit daunting. My youngest just turned 3 and is potty trained and we were out of that stage. Thankfully we still have everything and really only will need a new bucket seat (unless it's a girl, I'm totally buying all the girly things after two boys!) but the idea of pumping at work again and all that....eek!

shamrocandroll · September 2019

@lizm1234 This is totally okay! You're asking a question that applies to multiple people and not just yourself, and we don't really have a thread for this sort of thing yet. A+

shamrocandroll · September 2019

I guess for me it's been pretty different experiences. *TW for loss

I'm (hopefully) going to be a STM, but this is my 4th pregnancy. With my first pregnancy (DS), it didn't feel real until my 12 week ultrasound when we got to see there really was something in there. Even MH was like "okay, so you're not just making it up!" after that, haha! My 2nd and 3rd pregnancies, I never got to see a heartbeat, so while the pregnancies didn't have time to feel "real", the losses definitely felt real. This time I'm still not sure it feels real, even after two scans with heartbeats. I think it's my way of trying to protect myself emotionally. I think after we pass the 1st tri mark and start telling people, then it will feel very real.

mamaqdubu · September 2019

I’m not really sure, I think I feel “pregnant” once I can see the baby/hear the HB, definitely more so after the anatomy scan. However, I think I don’t really internalize the life change and having a baby until I’m holding the baby.

jhysmath · September 2019

Last time around it was when I could feel her which was closer to 28 weeks. This one still doesn't feel real at all and I keep forgetting that I actually am pregnant.
TW

I think it took so long to feel pregnant last time was because of PGAL brain. After going 11 weeks with my first pregnancy just to find out I was growing an empty sac was a little shocking. I felt so pregnant and connected with that pregnancy that I thought I couldn't connect with DD until it was real.

diagonalley · September 2019

@jhysmath Wow, that's so long til you could feel your baby! I hope you feel this one sooner

catem07 · September 2019

With my first I had a lot of anxiety about loss so it both felt real and not real at the same time right away. With this one, I don't feel pregnant now at almost 6w but once symptoms come on it will probably start to feel real.

jhysmath · September 2019

@diagonalley
My placenta was anterior and I really couldn't tell if what I was feeling as normal stomach things or a baby. Around then she started reacting with different stimuli so I knew it had to be baby and not gas.

m6agua · September 2019

@jhysmath When I was reading your experience it was literally exactly like mine!

My first pregnancy I was blissfully unaware and felt so connected and excited. *TW* Then at 10 weeks I found out that I had a MMC/Blighted Ovum (empty sac) and miscarried at 11 weeks. *end TW*

My second pregnancy (DD) I had so much anxiety and really tried to enjoy it, but it didn't feel real until I could feel her. I had an anterior placenta and felt her from the outside for the first time around 25 weeks. I had sort of felt her internally for the 3 weeks prior to that.

This time around it really doesn't feel real yet. I am 7 weeks and have basically no symptoms, so mentally I am making connections between this one and my first and having a lot of anxiety. Especially because my timelines are very similar. I was due at the end of May for that one and now I'm due mid May. I am hoping at my ultrasound things will start to feel real.

mokay19 · September 2019

I don’t think it felt real until I felt DD move around 22 weeks.
I had an early loss before that so the beginning of my pregnancy was full of anxiety. I think I was trying to protect myself and not believe it at first. And then I would just focus on getting past small milestones. And eventually, I was at a point where I could feel the baby move and have a constant reminder that baby is healthy, happy, and a jerk for hitting my ribs 24/7 😂

ruby696 · September 2019

@m6agua I was due at the end of May 2019, too. Were we on the same BMB? I was only on it for five weeks or so. Also, I totally understand how you feel about not having lots of symptoms. Sending hugs. ❤

+1 for an anterior placenta for both DS and DD. I was always so jealous of those who felt early movement.

jhysmath · September 2019

@m6agua
That's so strange! I feel like they are pretty much the same story.

soprano19 · September 2019

The first US and seeing the HB definitely makes it feel much more real to me, especially since that's when it becomes real to H too. For us that'll be next Tuesday. But then there are other milestones too, like feeling the baby move and, for us, finding out the sex and starting to think of him/her as a real person rather than "it."

m6agua · September 2019

@ruby696 I was in the May 2016 BMB for just a short while. Back then the TTCAL and Miscarriage boards were much more active, so I participated there for a bit and then went back to the TTGP board too.

darkrose88 · September 2019

@diagonalley I'm totally there with you on all the different range of feelings. Right now our first LO is still in diapers, sleeping in the crib and not STTN. So trying to add another LO into the mix freaks me out. But we knew we wanted at least one more, and I was starting to get baby fever again, so this just speeds up the process.

jhysmath · September 2019

@darkrose88
DD is still in diapers and does not STTN she spends the first stretch in her crib turned toddler bed (needed to change to toddler bed because she screamed anytime I put her in a crib), and then she spends the rest of the night usually midnight until 6 pressed up against me. I put a twin bed next to our bed in hopes she would sleep there, but the second she realizes that I'm not next to her (or heaven forbid last night when I rolled into the twin and she was pressed up against MH not me) she screams until she finds me. I've got to break this so bad and really see the need for her to STTN with the idea of another baby and need her in her own bed now because with my giant belly slowly approaching there will be no room for all of us.

Duckybears · September 2019

Each pregnancy has been so different. PGAL brain definitely plays a role, though I think when the cat is out of the bag and we start really telling people, that makes it more real.
With DS1 our 9wk u/s and hearing the heartbeat really made it real. With DS2 seeing his limbs wiggling in the 10wk u/s gave me peace that this was really happening. With DS3 my PGAL brain was strong and while it sank in that it was happening by the end of first tri, it still took me awhile to feel as connected to the baby during pregnancy.

Now with possible earth-side baby #4 I’m feeling pretty guarded on what to feel. Pregnancy symptoms are in full swing and we even saw baby and a heart rate this week! But it still doesn’t feel real. We also haven’t told a single person so maybe that’s it. Once I tell my mom and actually discuss it with close friends, it’ll feel more real.

*TW* I’ve never had a successful pregnancy without a loss (or more) first/between. So this could be my first non-rainbow baby.

pirateduck · September 2019

I'm somewhere in the middle. I feel that I am really pregnant *today*. My husband and I still don't believe we will have a baby at the end of this. So it hasn't really sunk in and we are very guarded. We don't have any children yet and have experienced 3 years of infertility, loss, and disappointment. It's really hard to believe that this time is any different. We did see a heartbeat and that made it much more real, but we still aren't there yet emotionally. I plan to talk with a friend about it (if I don't chicken out) next week after my next appointment. I think that will help. She knows what we have been through and I think she will be excited which will help me be excited. I think I need other peoples excitement soon because I just don't have my own yet.

mdfarmchick · September 2019

@pirateduck we told my ILs Sunday night. And my MIL was taken aback when I said,”Maybe in May”—she didn’t understand why I would put the maybe in there. **TW I have only had one miscarriage and I have two living children. But I still distance myself a little because I don’t want the disappointment again. End TW**

pirateduck · September 2019

We often say "if" we have a baby not "when" we have a baby. It's kinda sad, it's not even intentional. I see myself telling people by saying "if everything goes well the next few months we'll have a baby in May." Instead of saying something like "guess what, we're pregnant and we're due in May!"

pirateduck · September 2019

It just still doesn't seem real and May is long ways off... but sometimes it feels real and it's fun. My husband had to work over the weekend so we didn't have any days off together the past week. The other night he wanted me to sit in the bathroom while he showered so that we could spend time together and read names from the baby name book to him. It's moments like this that make it feel real.

JStill0603 · September 2019

I’m in the camp of feeling very pregnant in terms of symptoms but totally not sinking in yet that a baby is coming at the end of this whole ordeal.

With DS I felt pretty connected and real from the moment I got the BFP. We had only been off BC for a month and conceived immediately and within 6 months of getting married. It was all very fast but with SS I could immediately see us with a baby and see how baby would fit into our family. Fast forward 4 years and I am having trouble picturing where a baby fits in now. I think the fact that we haven’t told anyone doesn’t help but DS likes to sleep with me/is a bad sleeper, SS had some early jealousy issues that I wasn’t anticipating, I’m worried about DS having the same jealousy issues and I’m worried about the logistics of having a child in 5th, a child in preK and a newborn and getting everyone where they need to be. The practical part of me has me more worried and less connected but I know we will figure it all out eventually.

chewie5990 · September 2019

with DS it felt real right away - it was completely unplanned and not at the "best" time - DH was about to start a really intense grad program and we would be living solely on my teaching salary for 3 years...but probably due to my naivety it felt so real right away. This one still doesn't feel real which is weird since this one was planned and we have been actively trying since June. I think maybe since I "wanted" this pregnancy so much more before it happened, I'm more cautious about losing it..I don't really know. My first appointment isn't until Oct. 21 (10 weeks) and I don't really think it will feel real until after we see the little bean.

TattoosandLace · September 2019

With DD1, the "oh sh!t Everything is about to change" was when I was actively pushing her out.

I am not sure when I will start feeling real with this pregnancy. I am nauseous like no other and obviously follow pregnancy protocols (avoiding certain foods, meds, taking prenatals, etc.)

The anatomy scan usually is when I'm breathing a little easier.

lizm1234 · September 2019

pirateduck said:

We often say "if" we have a baby not "when" we have a baby. It's kinda sad, it's not even intentional. I see myself telling people by saying "if everything goes well the next few months we'll have a baby in May." Instead of saying something like "guess what, we're pregnant and we're due in May!"

I can relate. I say "if" or "god willing" almost anytime I mention the baby in the future tense. I think I might end up needing to have the baby in my arms before he/she becomes real to me.

pirateduck · September 2019

lizm1234 said:

pirateduck said:

We often say "if" we have a baby not "when" we have a baby. It's kinda sad, it's not even intentional. I see myself telling people by saying "if everything goes well the next few months we'll have a baby in May." Instead of saying something like "guess what, we're pregnant and we're due in May!"

I can relate. I say "if" or "god willing" almost anytime I mention the baby in the future tense. I think I might end up needing to have the baby in my arms before he/she becomes real to me.

I think it will be painfully real when labor hits

pirateduck · October 2019

I had another ultrasound. We could see things this time. The tech was awesome and pointed out the heart and the brain and the arms and the head. Now that there are recognizable body parts (kinda, it's still mostly a peanut, and just as tiny) it made it feel much more real for both my husband and I!

mdfarmchick · October 2019

@pirateduck I’m so glad it feels more real to you! ♥️ Hopefully you get to tell someone soon and it’ll feel a little more real then too.

babyodo · October 2019

Week 9 and it still doesn't feel real, yet. Yes, I feel pregnant because of my symptoms, but I don't feel like there is a child in there, if that makes sense. Maybe because we haven't had our first US yet (will be next week), so maybe that will bring things to reality for us.

babyfoxden10 · October 2019

This is such a good post thank you!
Outside of nausea, food aversions, and fatigue the reality has not sunk in. Plus no one really knows about it yet. I’m thinking once I start showing it might feel real. I’ve actually lost weight this trimester since nothing has really been appetizing.
This is my first and I just keep saying to myself - happy and healthy.

Austenista · October 2019

With my first, my logical brain knew I was having a baby, but I couldn't emotionally believe that I was going to get a baby out of all this. I think if you dig back into the D16 archives you'll find me confessing just that. It just didn't feel like I could be so lucky and so blessed to have my very own baby. We'd been trying for so long at that point it just didn't feel real. And then when he came out and went to the NICU it didn't feel real either. I remember the day they called and said I could bring him home. I was like "wow? what?" and I just flailed around trying to process the information. I went and perfunctorily cleaned the toilets for him. I remember driving to the hospital just praying and thanking God that we had this beautiful baby and that he was going to really get to be ours. It was just unbelievable. Sometimes I look at my two boys and I wonder how I ever got to be so lucky. I love them so much it hurts.

thepretzelchick · October 2019

It felt real once I got a dye stealer on an FRER and promptly threw up. I didn't get that with either of my other two. The symptoms are just so heightened this time around, maybe because I'm older? So when I conk out for two naps a day and still go to bed at 8:30, yeah, it feels pretty real.

spiderlover25 · October 2019

With DD1 it felt real when I started to feel movement at 18 weeks. With DD2 it felt early right away because I was super sick. This time... 10 weeks in and it doesn’t feel real. I just posted in the symptoms thread but I feel nothing so far which is messing with me. Hoping I get some reassurance at the dr this week and then maybe it’ll be real.

When did it start to feel real?

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