When did it start to feel real? — The Bump
May 2020 Moms

When did it start to feel real?

Hi Ladies,

I thought it might be fun to share... when it really hit you that you were pregnant?  For STM+ moms, did reality set in at different times for each baby?  Anyone still waiting for reality to sink in?

*@shamrocandroll I hope this is ok.  I thought it was fun and general enough question that many can participate in the thread.  
shamrocandroll

Re: When did it start to feel real?

  • lizm1234lizm1234
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited September 25
    I'll go first..I'm in the later category.  It still feels unreal to me.  I act pregnant (no drinking or medicine) and have symptoms, but it honestly doesn't feel real yet.  I honestly don't know when it will feel real.  I'm curious about others' experiences.  

    Slightly unrelated...I remember it took a while to wrap my brain around the fact that I was getting married years ago.  Despite everything being booked and bought, it wasn't until my wedding ring arrived about 2 months before the wedding that it finally hit me.  I remember being like, "holy sh!t, I'm really about to be a wife".  
    rox7777rachelg777
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  • I will be a STM! I think that for me pregnancies become real real when I tell someone (aside from DH) or I purchase something for the baby. Last time around I had PGAL brain so it didn’t settle in until early second trimester. 
    ******TW******Siggy warning
    BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
    BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; 
    BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016 

       Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    soprano19Duckybears
  • Right now, I'm totally in the "this doesn't feel real" camp. But as I've mentioned in other posts, this pregnancy was a surprise, and I've only had a few days to wrap my mind around it. 

    For my first pregnancy I think it felt real when we saw the first ultrasound. Before that I sort of worried I was making it all up, even though I'd gotten a BFP and had all the symptoms. I suspect it'll be around that point too this time around before it really sinks in I'm pregnant. 
    **TW - Loss Mentioned**

    Me: 31 | DH: 29
    Dating: December 2012 | Married: June 2016
    TTC #1: October 2016
    BFP #1: 11/30/16 |  MC: 12/9/16
    BFP #2: 04/27/17 |  DS Born 1/4/18
    TTC #2: 
    BFP: 9/23/19 | MC: 10/10/19

    Pregnancy Ticker


    mdfarmchicksoprano19
  • It feels real once I see that first ultrasound and hear the HB but with PGAL and
    TW 
    things not being okay after two normal ultrasounds my first pregnancy- it took me a little longer to feel connected and like the pregnancy would be viable with my DS. Hopefully there is a little less of that this time.

    Me: 30 | H: 30

    MMC: 6/2017 (10w5d)
    DS: May 2018
    TTC #2

    BFP: 9/1/19  EDD: 5/14/20

    mdfarmchickdarkrose88
  • I’m in the extreme later camp of not until I’m holding the baby. DS1 required weekly monitoring from 22-38 weeks, so I saw him regularly on US and went to the hospital weekly. DS2 required weekly monitoring from 25-36 weeks with US monitoring. But for some reason it doesn’t click in my head until I’m actually holding them. It may be the high risk pregnancies or it may just be me. I tend to be a pretty clinical pessimist, it drives DH crazy. 
    darkrose88katiesarahhannah
  • @lizm1234 This is totally okay!  You're asking a question that applies to multiple people and not just yourself, and we don't really have a thread for this sort of thing yet.  A+  ;) 
    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19 at 12 DPO
    EDD: 5/3/19  *please stick, baby*


    mokay19jrouge12mdfarmchicksoprano19
  • I’m not really sure, I think I feel “pregnant” once I can see the baby/hear the HB, definitely more so after the anatomy scan. However, I think I don’t really internalize the life change and having a baby until I’m holding the baby. 
    rachelg777mdfarmchicksoprano19
  • Last time around it was when I could feel her which was closer to 28 weeks. This one still doesn't feel real at all and I keep forgetting that I actually am pregnant. 
    TW
    I think it took so long to feel pregnant last time was because of PGAL brain. After going 11 weeks with my first pregnancy just to find out I was growing an empty sac was a little shocking. I felt so pregnant and connected with that pregnancy that I thought I couldn't connect with DD until it was real. 


    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    m6aguamdfarmchicksoprano19
  • @jhysmath Wow, that's so long til you could feel your baby!  I hope you feel this one sooner :)
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • With my first I had a lot of anxiety about loss so it both felt real and not real at the same time right away. With this one, I don't feel pregnant now at almost 6w but once symptoms come on it will probably start to feel real. 
    DD #1 April 2017
    expecting mid-late May 2020

    mdfarmchick
  • @diagonalley
    My placenta was anterior and I really couldn't tell if what I was feeling as normal stomach things or a baby. Around then she started reacting with different stimuli so I knew it had to be baby and not gas.  :D
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    lajoliedreamermdfarmchick
  • m6aguam6agua
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited September 25
    @jhysmath When I was reading your experience it was literally exactly like mine!

    My first pregnancy I was blissfully unaware and felt so connected and excited. *TW* Then at 10 weeks I found out that I had a MMC/Blighted Ovum (empty sac) and miscarried at 11 weeks. *end TW*

    My second pregnancy (DD) I had so much anxiety and really tried to enjoy it, but it didn't feel real until I could feel her. I had an anterior placenta and felt her from the outside for the first time around 25 weeks. I had sort of felt her internally for the 3 weeks prior to that.

    This time around it really doesn't feel real yet. I am 7 weeks and have basically no symptoms, so mentally I am making connections between this one and my first and having a lot of anxiety. Especially because my timelines are very similar. I was due at the end of May for that one and now I'm due mid May. I am hoping at my ultrasound things will start to feel real.

    _______________________________________________
    TTC#1 July 2015 
    • BFP: 9/16/15 — MC: 11/8/15 Blighted Ovum
    • BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
    TTC#2 April 2019 
    • BFP: 9/12/19 — EDD 5/15/20

    mdfarmchick
  • I don’t think it felt real until I felt DD move around 22 weeks. 
    I had an early loss before that so the beginning of my pregnancy was full of anxiety. I think I was trying to protect myself and not believe it at first. And then I would just focus on getting past small milestones. And eventually, I was at a point where I could feel the baby move and have a constant reminder that baby is healthy, happy, and a jerk for hitting my ribs 24/7 😂
    Me: 28   DH: 28
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19
    CP: 6/14/19
    DH's Dx: low morphology 


    m6aguamdfarmchick
  • @m6agua I was due at the end of May 2019, too. Were we on the same BMB? I was only on it for five weeks or so. Also, I totally understand how you feel about not having lots of symptoms. Sending hugs. ❤

    +1 for an anterior placenta for both DS and DD. I was always so jealous of those who felt early movement.
    shamrocandrollm6aguamdfarmchick
  • @m6agua
    That's so strange! I feel like they are pretty much the same story. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    m6agua
  • The first US and seeing the HB definitely makes it feel much more real to me, especially since that's when it becomes real to H too. For us that'll be next Tuesday. But then there are other milestones too, like feeling the baby move and, for us, finding out the sex and starting to think of him/her as a real person rather than "it."
    mdfarmchick
  • @ruby696 I was in the May 2016 BMB for just a short while. Back then the TTCAL and Miscarriage boards were much more active, so I participated there for a bit and then went back to the TTGP board too.
    _______________________________________________
    TTC#1 July 2015 
    • BFP: 9/16/15 — MC: 11/8/15 Blighted Ovum
    • BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
    TTC#2 April 2019 
    • BFP: 9/12/19 — EDD 5/15/20

    ruby696mdfarmchick
  • @diagonalley I'm totally there with you on all the different range of feelings. Right now our first LO is still in diapers, sleeping in the crib and not STTN. So trying to add another LO into the mix freaks me out. But we knew we wanted at least one more, and I was starting to get baby fever again, so this just speeds up the process. 
    **TW - Loss Mentioned**

    Me: 31 | DH: 29
    Dating: December 2012 | Married: June 2016
    TTC #1: October 2016
    BFP #1: 11/30/16 |  MC: 12/9/16
    BFP #2: 04/27/17 |  DS Born 1/4/18
    TTC #2: 
    BFP: 9/23/19 | MC: 10/10/19

    Pregnancy Ticker


    mdfarmchick
  • @darkrose88
    DD is still in diapers and does not STTN she spends the first stretch in her crib turned toddler bed (needed to change to toddler bed because she screamed anytime I put her in a crib), and then she spends the rest of the night usually midnight until 6 pressed up against me. I put a twin bed next to our bed in hopes she would sleep there, but the second she realizes that I'm not next to her (or heaven forbid last night when I rolled into the twin and she was pressed up against MH not me) she screams until she finds me. I've got to break this so bad and really see the need for her to STTN with the idea of another baby and need her in her own bed now because with my giant belly  slowly approaching there will be no room for all of us. 
    Me: 32 |  DH: 44
    Started Dating: November 2007
    Married: July 2017
    DD May 2018, #2 hopefully May 2020
    mdfarmchick
  • Each pregnancy has been so different. PGAL brain definitely plays a role, though I think when the cat is out of the bag and we start really telling people, that makes it more real. 
    With DS1 our 9wk u/s and hearing the heartbeat really made it real. With DS2 seeing his limbs wiggling in the 10wk u/s gave me peace that this was really happening. With DS3 my PGAL brain was strong and while it sank in that it was happening by the end of first tri, it still took me awhile to feel as connected to the baby during pregnancy. 

    Now with possible earth-side baby #4 I’m feeling pretty guarded on what to feel. Pregnancy symptoms are in full swing and we even saw baby and a heart rate this week! But it still doesn’t feel real. We also haven’t told a single person so maybe that’s it. Once I tell my mom and actually discuss it with close friends, it’ll feel more real. 

    *TW* I’ve never had a successful pregnancy without a loss (or more) first/between. So this could be my first non-rainbow baby.  

    Pregnancy Ticker
    shamrocandrollm6aguamdfarmchick
  • @pirateduck we told my ILs Sunday night. And my MIL was taken aback when I said,”Maybe in May”—she didn’t understand why I would put the maybe in there. **TW I have only had one miscarriage and I have two living children. But I still distance myself a little because I don’t want the disappointment again. End TW**
  • We often say "if" we have a baby not "when" we have a baby.  It's kinda sad, it's not even intentional.  I see myself telling people by saying "if everything goes well the next few months we'll have a baby in May."  Instead of saying something like "guess what, we're pregnant and we're due in May!"
    mdfarmchickshamrocandrolldarkrose88lizm1234
  • It just still doesn't seem real and May is long ways off...  but sometimes it feels real and it's fun.  My husband had to work over the weekend so we didn't have any days off together the past week.  The other night he wanted me to sit in the bathroom while he showered so that we could spend time together and read names from the baby name book to him.  It's moments like this that make it feel real.  
    mdfarmchickm6aguashamrocandroll
  • I’m in the camp of feeling very pregnant in terms of symptoms but totally not sinking in yet that a baby is coming at the end of this whole ordeal. 

    With DS I felt pretty connected and real from the moment I got the BFP. We had only been off BC for a month and conceived immediately and within 6 months of getting married. It was all very fast but with SS I could immediately see us with a baby and see how baby would fit into our family. Fast forward 4 years and I am having trouble picturing where a baby fits in now. I think the fact that we haven’t told anyone doesn’t help but DS likes to sleep with me/is a bad sleeper, SS had some early jealousy issues that I wasn’t anticipating, I’m worried about DS having the same jealousy issues and I’m worried about the logistics of having a child in 5th, a child in preK and a newborn and getting everyone where they need to be. The practical part of me has me more worried and less connected but I know we will figure it all out eventually. 
    shamrocandrolldarkrose88
  • with DS it felt real right away - it was completely unplanned and not at the "best" time - DH was about to start a really intense grad program and we would be living solely on my teaching salary for 3 years...but probably due to my naivety it felt so real right away. This one still doesn't feel real which is weird since this one was planned and we have been actively trying since June. I think maybe since I "wanted" this pregnancy so much more before it happened, I'm more cautious about losing it..I don't really know. My first appointment isn't until Oct. 21 (10 weeks) and I don't really think it will feel real until after we see the little bean. 
    m6aguamdfarmchick
  • With DD1, the "oh sh!t Everything is about to change" was when I was actively pushing her out.

    I am not sure when I will start feeling real with this pregnancy. I am nauseous like no other and obviously follow pregnancy protocols (avoiding certain foods, meds, taking prenatals, etc.)

    The anatomy scan usually is when I'm breathing a little easier.
    mdfarmchicksmashley09
  • We often say "if" we have a baby not "when" we have a baby.  It's kinda sad, it's not even intentional.  I see myself telling people by saying "if everything goes well the next few months we'll have a baby in May."  Instead of saying something like "guess what, we're pregnant and we're due in May!"
    I can relate.  I say "if" or "god willing" almost anytime I mention the baby in the future tense.  I think I might end up  needing to have the baby in my arms before he/she becomes real to me. 
  • lizm1234 said:
    We often say "if" we have a baby not "when" we have a baby.  It's kinda sad, it's not even intentional.  I see myself telling people by saying "if everything goes well the next few months we'll have a baby in May."  Instead of saying something like "guess what, we're pregnant and we're due in May!"
    I can relate.  I say "if" or "god willing" almost anytime I mention the baby in the future tense.  I think I might end up  needing to have the baby in my arms before he/she becomes real to me. 
    I think it will be painfully real when labor hits  :D
    darkrose88
  • @pirateduck I’m so glad it feels more real to you! ♥️ Hopefully you get to tell someone soon and it’ll feel a little more real then too. 
  • Week 9 and it still doesn't feel real, yet. Yes, I feel pregnant because of my symptoms, but I don't feel like there is a child in there, if that makes sense. Maybe because we haven't had our first US yet (will be next week), so maybe that will bring things to reality for us.
    Me: 35 / DH: 39
    First-timers!


    ruby696mdfarmchickmokay19
  • This is such a good post thank you!
    Outside of nausea, food aversions, and fatigue the reality has not sunk in. Plus no one really knows about it yet. I’m thinking once I start showing it might feel real. I’ve actually lost weight this trimester since nothing has really been appetizing. 
    This is my first and I just keep saying to myself - happy and healthy.
    heyybritt
  • With my first, my logical brain knew I was having a baby, but I couldn't emotionally believe that I was going to get a baby out of all this. I think if you dig back into the D16 archives you'll find me confessing just that. It just didn't feel like I could be so lucky and so blessed to have my very own baby. We'd been trying for so long at that point it just didn't feel real. And then when he came out and went to the NICU it didn't feel real either. I remember the day they called and said I could bring him home. I was like "wow? what?" and I just flailed around trying to process the information. I went and perfunctorily cleaned the toilets for him. I remember driving to the hospital just praying and thanking God that we had this beautiful baby and that he was going to really get to be ours. It was just unbelievable. Sometimes I look at my two boys and I wonder how I ever got to be so lucky. I love them so much it hurts. 
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    pirateducksoprano19shamrocandrolldarkrose88
  • It felt real once I got a dye stealer on an FRER and promptly threw up. I didn't get that with either of my other two. The symptoms are just so heightened this time around, maybe because I'm older? So when I conk out for two naps a day and still go to bed at 8:30, yeah, it feels pretty real.
    CYTOTEC SURVIVOR 2012
    South Beach v1.0: Never Forget
    MOTHER EFFING DANDELIONS!!!
    Mini-Pretzel -- 8/13/12
    Oops! We Did It Again! 1/7/14
    spiderlover25
  • With DD1 it felt real when I started to feel movement at 18 weeks. With DD2 it felt early right away because I was super sick. This time... 10 weeks in and it doesn’t feel real. I just posted in the symptoms thread but I feel nothing so far which is messing with me. Hoping I get some reassurance at the dr this week and then maybe it’ll be real. 
    DD1 born 1/15/14
    DD2 born 9/10/17
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