Happy Monday! Let me know if I missed you in the roll call

- How far along/EDD?
- How are you feeling this week?
- Rants/Raves? Questions?
- Any upcoming appointments?
- GTKY: what show(s) are you binge watching lately?
Me: 39 SO: 36
Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR - officially "unexplained"
TTC#1 since November 2015
9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018
May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!

Re: 1st trimester check in, week of 7/8
Loving our increasing roll call @poemasque!
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
- How far along/EDD? 6w5d 2/25
- How are you feeling this week? Exhausted. Feel like I pee every half hour lol. Super anxious about my first scan tomorrow
- Rants/Raves? Questions? Hormones are raging. I actually yelled at a coworker over the weekend (I never yell, I'm the nicest person to work with). I felt terrible after but she rode my last nerve lol
- Any upcoming appointments? 1st scan tomorrow 7/9
- GTKY: what show(s) are you binge watching lately? The Handmaids Tale on Hulu and Shooter on Netflix.
@emmasemm that is a hysterical story. I hope the police didn't give you too much trouble. I once let my little brother house sit. A few weeks later, I had pot plants growing in my front yard. I wanted to kill him lol@aconklin214 - really hoping your US goes well tomorrow!! I can totally get the nerves though; mine is still a couple of weeks away and I get nervous thinking about it.
@celticknotfire - good luck at your US on Friday as well! I can’t think of a better birthday present! Hope your nausea settles down a bit; I think that’s the one symptom I’m dreading the most. Ugh. (Also, love Parks and Rec and The Good Place!)
@emmasemm The pot story is hilarious!
@sincethelastday I know exactly how you feel lol. Fingers crossed for GL for us all.
Sorry I didn’t manage to contribute last week. I tend to crash when I get home from work and we were at a wedding all day Saturday and got home at 4am 😬 so Sunday was a write-off. Quite proud of myself for sticking it out that long though!
It’s great how many new members we’ve added recently! Good luck to those of you having scans this week - it’s very exciting but also pretty nerve-wracking too...
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@aconklin214 GL today!!
@celticknotfire That’ll be a great bday gift! I have to schedule all my scans around DH and his work hours. I know it’s the right thing to do but waiting the extra few days each time is a bummer.
Scan is over and my anxiety has lessened. Measuring at 6w1d, HR 101, EDD 3/3/20. She said everything looks 100% fine and to come back next week for another scan. She also said not to stress numbers, everything will be solidified in the next few weeks, being off just a hair can make the weeks and EDD off by a few days. Going back next Monday. Happy I can breathe for a few days.
- How far along/EDD? 4 weeks 6 days, 3/10/19
- How are you feeling this week? have been anxious, extra beta was scheduled but now onto to 6 week ultrasound
- Rants/Raves? Questions?
- Any upcoming appointments? 10 days first ultrsound
- GTKY: what show(s) are you binge watching lately? Watched all of Game of Thrones (8 seasons) since Memorial day, finished Orange is the New Black last season over weeken
@aconklin214 congrats on scan. That's fabulous news.@cigaline - really hoping your US goes well today (or went well) and that your second embie caught up! (Also, saw your PM finally)
@k_mama91 - how exciting that you’ve started picking out nursery decor!! I’m so looking forward to that! May I ask if you’ve decided on a theme or what your plans are for the nursery? Also good luck with your scan next week!
@acconklin214 - that’s great that your US went well! It must be such a relief!
@bluguitarhannah - good luck with your US coming up too! Looks like we’re “twinsies” with our EDD
@celticknotfire glad to see you!
@sincethelastday Thanks, it’s coming up fast! We’ve actually completed the nursery minus the crib skirt and a lamp. Not sure where you’re located but the decor is all Hobby Lobby and it’s their rustic woodland stuff. Deer, Buffalo, Moose, Mountains etc. We did a gallery wall over his dresser and have a changing pad there as well and hung some other things throughout the room. His bedding is similar themed from buy buy baby.
@cigaline Ditto! Gl!
@k_mama91 My friend also did a woodland creatures theme. Super cute!
@bluguitarhannah hope the time goes by fast for you also. Waiting is perhaps the hardest part.
And thank you everyone!
@aconklin214 with both of my pregnancies I had about a week of really really vivid sexual dreams - as in I would wake up orgasming (sorry TMI!!). It was really strange and happened at about 5 weeks. I’m so glad it didn’t last long....I was starting to feel like I was cheating on DH!!
We have been completely open about our journey, so lots of people knew we were having twins and it’s been a little weird telling people we lost one, especially because we are kind of happy to only have one. I actually wasn’t sad at all when I saw the screen, but then I felt guilty for not being upset. There’s just no winning in IF
ok not true, we have a great looking baby still growing in there so that’s a huge win
TTC#1 since November 2015
9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018
May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP. Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!
TTC #2
January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle
March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156, #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!
"When all is lost then all is found."
@PoeMasque I totally understand. Try not to feel guilty for being happy, you can be happy and sad at the same time ♡
@celticknotfire I’m sending you all my positive vibes for your scan tomorrow!
@aconklin214 I understand fully that relief followed by the fresh build up of worries again. But so pleased your scan today showed everything on track!
@sincethelastday I also am growing to “love” waking up at 4am needing to pee and dry heaving... ha never thought I’d say that!
@love112314 DH is a big napper, I can’t normally fall asleep during the day. But if I’m not at work I am napping once in the morning and once in the afternoon - it’s like I’ve regressed to be a toddler!
@cigaline hoping you have a good update after your scan (even if you might feel a bit mixed like@poemasque)
@bluguitarhannah wow that’s a marathon GoT session you had there! I’m impressed!
Seems there are quite a few of us with 6 week ish scans coming up next week... and I’m so happy to have so many of us active in the group now!
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
@k_mama91 viability is usually around 24 weeks (though its still touch and go that early) I will say that I did not feel a big wave of relief when I hit that mark, but that slowly I started feeling more confident that things would turn out well. IF does rob us of a lot of the blissfully ignorant joys of pregnancy. Every day you are closer to holding that sweet baby. The beginning of pregnancy drags on painfully but hopefully soon you'll be in the third tri wondering where the time has gone.
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@aconklin214 - I’m totally with you that I really hope the anxiety goes away (or realistically at least decreases) once/if I hit the second trimester. I wish I could just be thrilled and obliviously happy with being pregnant, but, just like when I was going through IF treatments, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. And it feels the same way with pregnancy now. I don’t want to day dream too far down the road with being pregnant, because maybe this pregnancy won’t last. Hope we, and anyone else feeling the same way, will find some peace during this trimester and some reprieve from the worry.
AFM I’ve been quiet as I’m really struggling with anxiety - or scanxiety ahead of next week. My symptoms were mild yesterday and I was so worried that nothing is growing in there that I had a total freak out on DH because he hadn’t cleared the dishwasher... and then spent the next 3 hours dry heaving in the bathroom. My scan is next Wednesday and I am literally sick with fear that it will be an empty sac. I know if it happens we’ll deal with it, and other people all deal with it, but the anticipation is like nothing I felt before.
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
@PoeMasque I’m sorry about the vanishing twin, but I can totally understand your mixed emotions. Don’t feel guilty for feeling what you feel. IF messes with us enough. I’m really happy that the second twin is doing well in there! FX for continued good news for your babe moving forward!
AFM:
TTC - since 2014
7 rounds of Clomid - BFN
IUI #1 - October 2015 - BFN
IUI #2 - November 2015 - BFN
IUI #3 - December 2015 - BFN
IVF #1 - March 2016
Retrieval #1 - April 2016
FET #1 - May 2016 - BFP!!! DS - Born January 2017
Trying for baby #2...
FET #2 - January 2018 - BFN
No more embryos left; switched to a new RE
IVF/Retrieval #2 - January 2019
IVF/Retrieval #3 - March 2019
FET #3 - April 2019 - BFP!!! - DD: Born December 2019
Trying for baby #3...
FET #4 - October 2021 - BFP!!! - Due June 2022
@Tulips29 You better ride the elevator to the top of a building to get those results today! And then tell us! So exciting to be coming up on second tri, I’ve been lonely over here lol!
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
I’ve been refreshing the page continuously the past few hours!
And I agree, no way I could go 4 weeks between.
AFM short update, my latest “reassurance beta” today was over 14,000 so means for the scan next week it will be clear if it’s good or not and no “maybe it’s too early” excuses possible. I will, of course(!), do another beta on Monday
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
Diagnosed : unexplained infertility
6 rounds of IUI and a MC 2/2014, rainbow twins 4/2015
TTC #3 5/2016
Restarted Fertility tx
IUI 2 rounds, baby girl 12/17
@celticknotfire So happy thanksgiving he scan was good! I had a 4 week wait between scans at the RE! It was awful! Also - in my state it’s normal to not be seen by the OB until 12 weeks. For CMS reimbursement, they only have to see you once in the first trimester, so that’s all they do. Then you don’t get another scan until the anatomy scan at around 26 weeks. (Unless you’re old like me, then you get a few more!). But most women here only have 3 ultrasounds during their entire pregnancy.
@Tulips29 gahhh, how are you so calm?! I would have lost it knowing my results were in, but I couldn’t access them!! I’m already impatient for mine and I don’t do the blood draw until Monday hahaha!
Thank you for all of the kind words ladies. It feels good to hear from people who have been down the same road and to know you aren’t alone in some of these feelings.
TTC#1 since November 2015
9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018
May 2019 IVF #2: BFP! (beta#1 346, beta#2 646) - vanishing twin at 8 weeks. Baby B still going strong - due 2/8/20!
@PoeMasque I am so far from calm. Called them first thing this morning and got answering service that the office is closed today!! Now I have to wait until Monday and I’m going crazy.
TTC - since 2014
7 rounds of Clomid - BFN
IUI #1 - October 2015 - BFN
IUI #2 - November 2015 - BFN
IUI #3 - December 2015 - BFN
IVF #1 - March 2016
Retrieval #1 - April 2016
FET #1 - May 2016 - BFP!!! DS - Born January 2017
Trying for baby #2...
FET #2 - January 2018 - BFN
No more embryos left; switched to a new RE
IVF/Retrieval #2 - January 2019
IVF/Retrieval #3 - March 2019
FET #3 - April 2019 - BFP!!! - DD: Born December 2019
Trying for baby #3...
FET #4 - October 2021 - BFP!!! - Due June 2022
I can feel this is going to be a long one, so apologies in advance. I really need some community support right now so I hope you don't mind.
Almost out of the blue, DH and I seemed to have reached crisis point in our relationship this week. Most of the time, DH is the loving and caring type, plenty of affection and not afraid to show it. Fighting is pretty rare and it usually gets cleared up fairly quickly. We have had periodic serious blips over the years but they have gradually become less frequent. I'm pretty sure the trigger is usually DH feeling under pressure/stressed at work and overtired, which makes him snipe. While I'm no saint, I'm not confrontational and tend to get depressed if things are difficult, rather than lose my temper.
During the first few weeks of the pregnancy (when I was feeling worse than now), DH was great, making my breakfast in the morning, often getting dinner in the evening (nothing elaborate - as I've said earlier, I've been mostly eating pizza or pasta!) and generally being supportive and understanding. To put things in context, he became head of department at his university in May and since then has been under a lot of pressure. June is usually the time of year when things start winding down for him, and thank goodness, because he's been going flat out since January without a break (working weekends etc) and is totally exhausted. Only this year, he's had to up the tempo and work even longer hours than before in order to deal with all the departmental emergencies that are now his responsibility.
On top of all this, we are swamped with problems to resolve in the house and garden, which basically fall to DH as I wouldn't be able to take them on even without being pregnant. We moved last November and are still living without a wardrobe as DH hasn't had time to finish building the IKEA one which was delivered in April. So our bedroom is a tip and the living room is full of unopened packages. In the garden there is a studio which from a financial point of view we really need to let, but the surrounding land looks like a building site since our septic tank was installed a while ago. DH has been spending weekends digging up rubble (left by the previous owner) in order to be able to access the area around the studio (we're on a steep slope) and make it attractive. We also had a letter from the police giving us 2 weeks to clear the brambles from our property which are encroaching onto the pedestrian path at the bottom of the garden.
In terms of housework, I have basically pretty much opted out since the symptoms kicked in in week 5. So I haven't done any washing, cleaning or cooking at all (not quite true - I managed to clean the kitchen sink and worktops this week and have been hoovering a bit). DH has done a couple of wash loads (this currently involves going to the studio where our only machine is so it's quite a pain) and deals with the dishwasher, goes to the local shop etc. Because he's always worked longer hours I've always taken the brunt of all the house stuff in the past, planning meals etc. But now when I come home from work I just manage to get myself some food (if he hasn't come home yet) and then vegetate on the sofa before bed. Anything else seems like a major undertaking.
So basically this week, DH seems to have become irritable and snappy and has made several remarks about things I haven't done (I moved a bucket in the bathroom he needed to clear the blocked shower, didn't clear up some mess in the bathroom, didn't stack the plates in the dishwasher from the previous day). When I asked him to rinse a bit of fruit as well as making the porridge he said, 'oh it's nice having a slave'. On Wednesday I realised I wasn't looking forward to him coming home and got really depressed about it, so that I burst into tears when he did actually get back. I told him that I felt he resented the fact I wasn't doing anything to help out and he was nice and said no, he didn't and he understood I was tired etc etc, he just wanted me to be happy etc). Only yesterday when he got back practically the first thing he said was, 'oh you haven't cleared the plates' and went over and found I hadn't emptied the dishwasher either. I yelled out that clearly he did resent my behaviour despite having said the opposite and didn't speak to him the rest of the evening, I felt so angry. He came and gave me a kiss later on but didn't say sorry or refer to the incident at all.
This morning, before going out to take the rubble to the tip, he said 'use your time well'. Like, what??? It was 10.30am on a Saturday and I was still in my pyjamas on the sofa. I felt really resentful towards him and when he came back it just had to come out. He made another comment about me not having shut the window, letting the heat in and I just had a fit. I said, 'are there any more criticisms you'd like to make now, as I'd just like to have them all out in one go and get them over with?' To which he did not react well, getting really wound up and saying I wasn't disabled, I could close a window (that wasn't the point, I hadn't seen the need to close it) and then basically that he understood that I was tired but I wasn't doing ANYTHING at all to help. He had offered to give me a lift up the hill to the food shop as we needed milk and I said I didn't want to go with him, in fact he should leave me alone for the next 9 months, I'd be better off without him and maybe not so depressed. So then of course he went mental saying that I was making it all his fault and I tried to explain that him having a go at me was just the final straw that made the whole thing unbearable. He yelled a few horrid things and then walked out.
So there you have the whole sorry state of things. Apologies for how long it is, I just feel than in order to understand the situation all the background is necessary. I feel so depressed about the whole situation and helpless as to how to improve it. I can see that from his point of view he just thinks I have a nerve to have a go at him after everything he's been doing, I'm extremely ungrateful etc etc. He just doesn't appreciate that I can put up with a lot of symptoms, but him being mean is just going to send me into a dark place I can't get out of. I'm sure he doesn't realise how hurtful and stressful it is that I'm not living up to his expectations. He clearly thinks my behaviour is 'abnormal' as he made a comment at the beginning of the week about the tiredness being excessive and that it was supposed to be just 'morning' sickness (clearly he has read NOTHING on the topic), and that I should see my doctor. When I said there was no point he just got cross. I wish he could speak to some male friend who's gone through this and who could tell him what's normal, but he doesn't really have any regular contact with his closest friends and I can't imagine him telling them personal stuff.
Anyway, I know you're all going through difficult stuff of your own so I totally understand if you don't have time (or energy) to read all this, still less respond to it, but in a way it's been cathartic just getting it all out into writing. Thank you all for being there anyway, it helps just knowing there are people who understand the other side of a screen :-)
I think our DH's are very similar in certain respects -- mine also works long hours and tends to get grouchy/snippy rather than getting outright angry at first. Mine also had no clue as to what to expect for pregnancy symptoms AND I was on light activity for most of my first trimester due to spotting. So I basically was doing ZERO of my regular household activities (and since I work less than him, I usually did more of the household stuff too) and just vegging out on the couch once I got home. (I found video games very useful during this period since watching tv just got boring and I was spending away our budget on books lol). We got into alot of arguments over him not understanding that I just couldn't physically do some of the stuff I usually did.
I think alot of grumpiness is probably also a response to anxiety about pregnancy and not being able to "do" anything to make sure things go well -- my DH is a big "fixer" since he's an engineer type (computer engineer by trade) but he was largely powerless to make sure things went well in my pregnancy and that I felt well. So he was really thrown for a loop by that. He was also stressed out about the prospect of twins initially since we had two heartbeats at our first scan - and then just general financial stuff with a baby. I made a point of talking to him about when he was relaxed and happy - and I think just talking about our fears and concerns together helped a great deal. So I bet part of your DH's behavior is due to annoyance over the chores/etc and part is likely part of his response to anxiety over the pregnancy. You will likely start feeling better in the next month or two and more able to contribute to household tasks, but maybe pick out a few things together that you know you can manage so he doesn't feel completely overwhelmed and stressed (and then taking it out on you).
I'm not sure what resources you have available to you as far as books for him/etc, but most pregnancy books/websites have sections that are designed for partners on what to expect during pregnancy. He might be interested in learning more about what's going on etc. https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/for-dad/week-by-week/landing-page.aspx is one I remember reading. You might also see if the midwife can counsel the two of you on what to expect w/ symptoms and how to manage while feeling sick/etc -- my doctor was pretty straightforward during appointments about telling my husband that I wasn't do be doing heavy chores and I needed to be resting. I think some of that stuck!
Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP. Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!
TTC #2
January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle
March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156, #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!
"When all is lost then all is found."