gender reveal gone bad anyone??

noons40 · June 2019

hi, i am 33w 3d. i did IVF, dr. implanted 1 girl n 1 boy she said.
yesterday we decided to confirm the sexes with a beautiful photography shoot...
and much to our shock... it was 2 girls. has anyone experienced this at all?????

mamanbebe · June 2019

I recall another thread asking us if we thought the doctor was accurate in saying they selected both boy and girl embryos to implant. If you were unsure then, why did you not check the ultrasound results before doing a planned reveal photoshoot?

Cbeanz · June 2019

I'm confused. What was shocking exactly? What were you photographing?

Cbeanz · June 2019

Why would you do a gender reveal if the Dr already told you the sexes? I'm missing the point entirely.

blackhottamales · June 2019

noons40 said:

hi, i am 33w 3d. i did IVF, dr. implanted 1 girl n 1 boy she said.
yesterday we decided to confirm the sexes with a beautiful photography shoot...
and much to our shock... it was 2 girls. has anyone experienced this at all?????

QFP

Seriously-this post doesn’t make sense.

Niesen27 · June 2019

I get where you are going with this, I think! Correct me if I'm wrong you had the doctor implant and you thought they were supposed to be one blue one pink. I'm assuming at the ultrasound you had them seal your babies genders brought them somewhere and said make whatever according to what our babies genders are. Then at the photoshoot you ended up with two pink instead.

Not sure if this is an accurate account of the situation but regardless I'm sure you got some genuinely surprised photos

leylea89 · June 2019

In your last post you said you were sure the babies were fraternal. Did you actually verify that or was that just your belief? And did you verify the ultrasound results? If you’re not sure, just get a second opinion.

noons40 · June 2019

no i didnt check. the scan guy txt'd photographer the genders.

noons40 · June 2019

in a past thread i asked the accuracy of ivf implanted genders.
most ppl said ' pretty acurate'.
the 'reveal photoshoot' was a confirmation for us.
so, much to our shock, it wasnt as the dr. told me - where she implanted 1 boy n 1 girl.

noons40 · June 2019

niessen27 - yes, u got it.
the suprize was .... worrisome n later depressing...
i'm 41 this yr. with a 2.6yr old girl and 'supposidely' now 2 more girls on the way..... hubby wants at least 1 f* boy .... i thought i was DONE after this difficult preg.
but now.... he made sure to tell me, we trying AGAIN till we hav a boy ....
i am tired .. this news just made me crumble inside ...

leylea89 · June 2019

Have you spoken to the reproductive endocrinologist since you graduated? I’m betting s/he didn’t make a mistake and your twins are identical.

noons40 · June 2019

i sent an email, asking ftw?! no reply yet. wi see her on tue. (we shocked since fri.)

Niesen27 · June 2019

@noons40 I'm sorry to hear that your husband is super frustrated about not having a boy but it is your body and he isn't the one who has to deal with pregnancy. maybe adopting a boy could be a better option for the future if he wants one that bad.

@leylea89 I agree I bet they are identical girls!

Cbeanz · June 2019

Completely agree with @Niesen27, your body your call. Plus maybe you'll both see how crazy it is to have 3 kids and you'll agree to be done. Bc HFS 3 is a lot.

noons40 · June 2019

its depressing ppl... i wanted a boy too.. am sad to feel like this, really.. we went through a lot ... 5 pregnancies, from which 3 miscg.'s ... emotionally n physically drained..

blackhottamales · June 2019

@noons40 while i can't empathize i hear you really "wanted a boy". There are millions of people who just want a baby--remember everything you've gone through and you get to bring two beautiful children into this world soon. (That's the nice of me talking)

The real me talking--don't get greedy, enjoy what you have.

noons40 · June 2019

the 'real you' should read more carefully... u put emphasis on the wrong subject. its being (probably) lied to by a dr., and now having to consider another pregnancy after this one ...

kingdommom · June 2019

I can understand your disappointment, especially since you were told it was one of each. But coming from a family of 4 girls, girls are great too! My Dad had to wait awhile yes, but he loves his 4 sons-in-law and (soon to be) 2 grandsons very much! I agree, if your husband is that disappointed and you don't think you cah handle another pregnancy, at least think about adopting!! Adoption is beautiful and they are no less your child than your biological children. I also have 2 sisters who are unable to have children at all, so from that viewpoint I will just say hold tight to those precious girls and love them well❤

Cbeanz · June 2019

What makes you think your Dr lied? What would be her motive for lying?

And why didn't you request two male embryos if a penis was so important to you?

hinotes · June 2019

Is the gender reveal information only based on ultrasound results? Sounds like it may be worth a 2nd opinion on the images (ultrasound can get gender wrong sometimes) and/or verifying with the IVF doctors. Sorry if that's unhelpful at this point, but I think I'm still having trouble understanding all of what went wrong here.

blackhottamales · June 2019

@noons40 i do not think you were "lied" to by a doctor. As PP said, you had this "feeling" that it might be wrong back on May 15th, why wouldn't you contact your doctor to see how accurate the statement was so you had time to adjust your expectations? Also i just find it hard to believe, if you cared that much that why didn't you have the conversations with your doctor before your FET since you stated you had the embryos tested and received the results of the chromosome test. But you know, ultrasounds can be wrong too--so maybe that person lied to you too. Or the photographer read the text wrong?

AndPlusAlso why don't you stick around and give others support instead of just creating one off posts that are all about you? This is a community and not your own personal google.

Image: https://media.giphy.com/media/4UK7uodVt8lZS/giphy.gif

Niesen27 · June 2019

It's not wrong to feel sad about not getting what you wanted. With my first pregnancy I was 100% sure it was a girl and it's all I wanted! I was so heartbroken when I saw a penis on the ultrasound i was almost in tears but over time I adjusted and once he was born I couldn't imagine anything but. The second time around I wanted another boy so I could be a "boy mom." Yet again didn't get what I wanted and that's just part of life but in the end I know I'm going to have two beautiful children who I love more than my heart can hold. I hope that both you and your husband take your moment to be sad and then move on to celebrate the three precious little ones you have. Best of luck 💖

Also on a side note ultrasounds can be wrong, it was back in the day but they told my mom I was a boy, surprise surprise I came out without a penis and the doctor was very embarrassed

noons40 · June 2019

getting 2nd opinion 2mrw

meggyme · June 2019

*lurking*

This is why I think gender reveals are a bad idea if you have ANY reason to think you could be disappointed about the gender of your children. I’m sure the pictures and party guests registered the shock and disappointment on your faces and now that is out there in the world that one of your children does not have the genitalia you wanted them to have. And now it’s also posted on the internet for them to one day stumble upon.

nolemomma14 · June 2019

I’m really confused. Did you not have an anatomy scan at 20 weeks? What made you decide at 33 weeks to do a gender reveal if theoretically you already knew from your dr what you were having?

Happyin14 · June 2019

I’m with you, @nolemomma14. Something isn’t adding up here.

Also. I think the “my husband says we have to...” is fishing.

Bear14+ · June 2019

I love that the first post a while back was this girl saying the doctor mentioned nonchalantly that he implanted one of each sex. Now to be devastated by all this.... not adding up at all

Happyin14 · June 2019

Back when The Bump was snarky.... there are things I’d be saying! 😉

pizzaplz · June 2019

@noons40 and any lurkers who might need to hear it, your body belongs to you and no one else. No one should be forcing you to get pregnant; anyone who does is being abusive. If you are in the US, there are plenty of resources to help you get out of a bad situation, if you are ready. The national domestic violence hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) will be able to help or direct you toward other resources. Also, check with your local bar association--some of them provide volunteer dv services as well. Best of luck.

wabash15 · June 2019

@noon40 it is most likely that you were not lied to. Embryo's split and IVF embryos have a higher chance of splitting than non ART embryos. Your doc could very well have implanted one of each, but the male embryo did not make it and the female one split. Di/Di twins can still be identical. andplusalso if all you wanted was a boy why did you even leave an option of implanting a female embryo. You do not have to go through another pregnancy. Be grateful for the amazing gift you have been given.

leylea89 · June 2019

When I first joined TB, I didnt understand why some of the OG posters who were in previous birth groups were so snarky about one-off posts.

I get it now. @noons40 the least you can do is be thankful that people were trying to support you... and some still are. Instead you go and attack @blackhottamales who has been nothing but helpful to this whole group.

Get over yourself. I was disappointed about not having a girl as this will likely be my only pregnancy but after my multiple losses, I was still dead in love when the balloon pop revealed boy. If you couldn’t be happy for that situation and any scenario, you should’ve a) chosen to select gender and b) not waited so freaking long to do a gender reveal. I found out at 17 weeks and have had 17 more to fall in love with the little rumbler in my tummy regardless of his gender.

Doctors don’t just go about lying to you. They have no reason to. You’re lucky that you were able to get to IVF to create two more lives. I was lucky to see a fertility specialist at all and max out all of my funds doing so. I wouldn’t have been able to afford IVF and was on my last attempt to get my son. I’m BLESSED it worked out.

Some people don’t have the means we do. Stop throwing yourself a pity party online and expecting people to continuously assuage you. I know so many people who can’t or couldn’t afford to go as far as either of us to get that precious babe in their arms and you’re ungrateful that they don’t have a penis. Initial sadness is fine but you’re taking it too far being defensive to a supportive community here.

This is literally the first post on here that has enraged me so. No one here even knows you except your two posts and we came to support you but then you attack because you’re upset about something that we all warned you last time was possible.

I hope you and your husband can get a grip because those two babies growing now did nothing wrong to deserve you discarding them just to try for a penis. Love them for who they are not what’s between their legs.

suzycupcake · June 2019

noons40 said:

no i didnt check. the scan guy txt'd photographer the genders.

Is anyone else wondering on what planet does a Radiologist send a text message to a photographer with gender results and what reputable laboratory does a chromosome test and doesn't list gender results?

leylea89 · June 2019

@suzycupcake mmmmhmmmmm... yeah this poster is constantly contradicting themself. I’ve never seen anyone in the history of ever, even at a paid private ultrasound, just send the results wherever. They always seal it in an envelope.

suzycupcake · June 2019

@leylea89 Well, paying privately at a fertility clinic in a huge metropolis like Los Angeles, they wouldn't seal results in an envelope but they definitely wouldn't send it in a text message to a photographer. She said "scan guy" so that seems more formal than your average fertility clinic, at least to me.

leylea89 · June 2019

@suzycupcake I’m not from a small area and at my private pay ultrasound and at several places I inquired about they always give the results in an envelope. Sometimes with the ultrasound pic, sometimes not. But electronic notifications require a certain level of consent and you’d need to list that person as someone you can speak to. That’s what makes this fishy.

Also, scan guy sounds way less than formal to me. It sounds like a place you’d go just for gender reveal results not medical examination. I think we disagree on what formal is though because fertility clinics are formal af. They take medical measurements, etc. as well. She also said she hadn’t spoken to the fertility specialist since graduation so it wasn’t at that type of clinic. At best it was at an obgyn scan. I did have a scheduled 32 week ultrasound for growth so that could well be the case for her.

suzycupcake · June 2019

@leylea89 Oh mine wasn't formal like that and gave us results during each u/s. For our PGS results, they were sent by email because we requested it, but I do see your point here. We may have consented for that for all I can remember lol

The reason I said 'scan guy' sounded formal is because at my clinic, my RE always did our u/s during IVF. If I were at a hospital or some place like that where you have to wait for results, I probably wouldn't know/ask for the person's name. What was fishy to me was a medical clinic sending it through text to some photographer as well as the PGS results not listing the embryo gender.

Happyin14 · June 2019

It’s literally all fishy. Because it’s.....prolly not true. Scan guy? I know of no pregnant woman ever who didn’t say tech. And texting? Nope.

gender reveal gone bad anyone??

Re: gender reveal gone bad anyone??

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