Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: June 2019 FET
September 2015: Chemical pregnancy/Miscarriage
October 2016: 1st IUI - BFN
November 2016: 2nd IUI - Cancelled due to cyst
December 2016: 3rd IUI - BFN
January 2017: 4th IUI - BFN
April 2017: 1st IVF Retrieval - 3 embryos (1 transferred, 2 frozen) - BFP
May 2017: Missed miscarriage @ 7 weeks, D&C
August 2017: 1st FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
November 2017: Hysteroscopy to remove adhesion
December 2017: 2nd FET - BPF & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
February 2018: 2nd IVF Retrieval - 1 embryo, PGS tested normal
August 2018: 3rd FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2018: DX with blood clotting disorder
November 2018: 3rd IVF Retrieval - 2 embryos, both abnormal
February 2019: 4th IVF Retrieval w/TESA for DH - 2 Embryos, both PGS tested normal
April 2019: ERA test
June 2019: 4th FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
TTC #1 since 3/2017
Dx: MFI
DH varicocele repair 4/2018
ER #1: 2/20/19; 7R/7M/7F/1D5B/1D6B (participated in a study so lower med protocol)
2/25/19: ET #1 BFN
4/24/19: FET #1 BFN
ER #2: 6/9/19; 10R/8M/6F/3D5B/3D6B
2 PGS 'NORMAL' GIRLS, 1 'indeterminate' GIRL
7/30/19 FET #2 (Transfer #3): BFP??! EDD 4/16/20
9/16/19 MMC
9/18/19 D&C
@emmasemm I only tested higher for the anticardiolipins so he doesn’t think I need the intralipids, but I did inquire about them. My husband’s aunt tried for seven years over 15 years ago and a younger doctor came into her practice and suggested the intralipids. It was her answer so it’s always on my mind. We are doing Prednisone 10 mg twice a day. I’m also doing baby aspirin and Lovenox. My FET is June 13th. This is our third transfer. Fingers crossed!!
This is our month ladies!!!
Good luck on your baseline ultrasound tomorrow!
*TW*
Always have such mixed feelings starting a cycle. I hate the waiting around because I hate feeling like i'm wasting time and not doing anything, but then when we start I always get into a funk. All the negative feelings creep up and it's hard to expect anything other than the worst outcome. Instead of looking forward and thinking about the potential due date if I were to get a BFP, I find myself looking ahead and time lining out when I would be likely to miscarry. I feel like this process has sucked away my ability to be positive after nothing but bad results. Sigh...sorry, depressing rant over.
September 2015: Chemical pregnancy/Miscarriage
October 2016: 1st IUI - BFN
November 2016: 2nd IUI - Cancelled due to cyst
December 2016: 3rd IUI - BFN
January 2017: 4th IUI - BFN
April 2017: 1st IVF Retrieval - 3 embryos (1 transferred, 2 frozen) - BFP
May 2017: Missed miscarriage @ 7 weeks, D&C
August 2017: 1st FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
November 2017: Hysteroscopy to remove adhesion
December 2017: 2nd FET - BPF & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
February 2018: 2nd IVF Retrieval - 1 embryo, PGS tested normal
August 2018: 3rd FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2018: DX with blood clotting disorder
November 2018: 3rd IVF Retrieval - 2 embryos, both abnormal
February 2019: 4th IVF Retrieval w/TESA for DH - 2 Embryos, both PGS tested normal
April 2019: ERA test
June 2019: 4th FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2015: Chemical pregnancy/Miscarriage
October 2016: 1st IUI - BFN
November 2016: 2nd IUI - Cancelled due to cyst
December 2016: 3rd IUI - BFN
January 2017: 4th IUI - BFN
April 2017: 1st IVF Retrieval - 3 embryos (1 transferred, 2 frozen) - BFP
May 2017: Missed miscarriage @ 7 weeks, D&C
August 2017: 1st FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
November 2017: Hysteroscopy to remove adhesion
December 2017: 2nd FET - BPF & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
February 2018: 2nd IVF Retrieval - 1 embryo, PGS tested normal
August 2018: 3rd FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2018: DX with blood clotting disorder
November 2018: 3rd IVF Retrieval - 2 embryos, both abnormal
February 2019: 4th IVF Retrieval w/TESA for DH - 2 Embryos, both PGS tested normal
April 2019: ERA test
June 2019: 4th FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
AFM, it’s almost transfer day!! My lining was at a 12 yesterday, so I started PIO and will transfer on TUESDAY! I’m freaking out, y’all.
IVF 1 April 2011 - Cancelled
IVF 1.5 July 2011 - MC
IVF 2 October 2011 - BFP!
*Identical Twin Boys born June 2012*
Here we go again...IVF 3 is underway!
IVF 1 April 2011 - Cancelled
IVF 1.5 July 2011 - MC
IVF 2 October 2011 - BFP!
*Identical Twin Boys born June 2012*
Here we go again...IVF 3 is underway!
@celticknotfire We're on a similar schedule, my next U/S is Saturday.
September 2015: Chemical pregnancy/Miscarriage
October 2016: 1st IUI - BFN
November 2016: 2nd IUI - Cancelled due to cyst
December 2016: 3rd IUI - BFN
January 2017: 4th IUI - BFN
April 2017: 1st IVF Retrieval - 3 embryos (1 transferred, 2 frozen) - BFP
May 2017: Missed miscarriage @ 7 weeks, D&C
August 2017: 1st FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
November 2017: Hysteroscopy to remove adhesion
December 2017: 2nd FET - BPF & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
February 2018: 2nd IVF Retrieval - 1 embryo, PGS tested normal
August 2018: 3rd FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2018: DX with blood clotting disorder
November 2018: 3rd IVF Retrieval - 2 embryos, both abnormal
February 2019: 4th IVF Retrieval w/TESA for DH - 2 Embryos, both PGS tested normal
April 2019: ERA test
June 2019: 4th FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
@orchid0404 hang in there. I totally understand the rollercoaster of emotions you're going through. Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that June in the month for all of us.
I started with the PIO shots yesterday and they are a little uncomfortable. Transfer day Friday and then the dreaded 2 WW. This is my firsts FET so a little nervous and hoping that they stick this time.
September 2015: Chemical pregnancy/Miscarriage
October 2016: 1st IUI - BFN
November 2016: 2nd IUI - Cancelled due to cyst
December 2016: 3rd IUI - BFN
January 2017: 4th IUI - BFN
April 2017: 1st IVF Retrieval - 3 embryos (1 transferred, 2 frozen) - BFP
May 2017: Missed miscarriage @ 7 weeks, D&C
August 2017: 1st FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
November 2017: Hysteroscopy to remove adhesion
December 2017: 2nd FET - BPF & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
February 2018: 2nd IVF Retrieval - 1 embryo, PGS tested normal
August 2018: 3rd FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2018: DX with blood clotting disorder
November 2018: 3rd IVF Retrieval - 2 embryos, both abnormal
February 2019: 4th IVF Retrieval w/TESA for DH - 2 Embryos, both PGS tested normal
April 2019: ERA test
June 2019: 4th FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
Group question: Are you going to test before beta?? I really thought I would so I wouldn’t have any surprises, but the closer the day comes the more I chicken out. My RE does them pretty early - 8dp5dt - so IDK.
@sbhawnani You’re so close!!
IVF 1 April 2011 - Cancelled
IVF 1.5 July 2011 - MC
IVF 2 October 2011 - BFP!
*Identical Twin Boys born June 2012*
Here we go again...IVF 3 is underway!
September 2015: Chemical pregnancy/Miscarriage
October 2016: 1st IUI - BFN
November 2016: 2nd IUI - Cancelled due to cyst
December 2016: 3rd IUI - BFN
January 2017: 4th IUI - BFN
April 2017: 1st IVF Retrieval - 3 embryos (1 transferred, 2 frozen) - BFP
May 2017: Missed miscarriage @ 7 weeks, D&C
August 2017: 1st FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
November 2017: Hysteroscopy to remove adhesion
December 2017: 2nd FET - BPF & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
February 2018: 2nd IVF Retrieval - 1 embryo, PGS tested normal
August 2018: 3rd FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2018: DX with blood clotting disorder
November 2018: 3rd IVF Retrieval - 2 embryos, both abnormal
February 2019: 4th IVF Retrieval w/TESA for DH - 2 Embryos, both PGS tested normal
April 2019: ERA test
June 2019: 4th FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
Thanks for the tip, @orchid0404 I have been applying heat to the area before and after. I will try icing tonight and see if that works.
@lovemygs sending lots of sticky dust your way. I am not sure if I'd be testing early. In my past cycles, I started bleeding around day 8 so didn't have much hope but if AF can stay at bay until after day 8, I might. My doctor tests on day 11-12 post transfer. My tentative test date is June 17.
@sbhawnani @sue2019 Friday is sooo close!
AFM Scan was good today so starting Estrogen this evening! Next monitoring in a week!
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
Thank you for the good vibes! Transfer went smoothly today. The embryo was almost fully hatched when transferred, so I’m praying it will stick!!
IVF 1 April 2011 - Cancelled
IVF 1.5 July 2011 - MC
IVF 2 October 2011 - BFP!
*Identical Twin Boys born June 2012*
Here we go again...IVF 3 is underway!
IVF 1 April 2011 - Cancelled
IVF 1.5 July 2011 - MC
IVF 2 October 2011 - BFP!
*Identical Twin Boys born June 2012*
Here we go again...IVF 3 is underway!
IVF 1 April 2011 - Cancelled
IVF 1.5 July 2011 - MC
IVF 2 October 2011 - BFP!
*Identical Twin Boys born June 2012*
Here we go again...IVF 3 is underway!
@sue2019 @sbhawnani good luck!
I’m just offer here suffering crazy tiredness from the estrogen patches. Lupron I have no effects, but this estrogen is a killer for me! Can’t wait to sleep all weekend!
Married 12/2016
TTC #1 since 04/2015
AMA, DOR (AMH 0.65, AFC 2-4) and autoimmune issues (RA, APS), low TSH, adenomyosis
7 retrievals, 3 transfers
Nov17 IVF2 - 1ER, 0F
Jan18 IVF3 - 3ER, 1F, 1ET, BFN
Feb18 - second opinion and additional testing
Apr18 IVF4 - cancelled (E2 too high)
May/Jun18 IVF4 - 4ER, 0M, 1F, 1 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - 5 ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (not best quality)
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - 4ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen day 3 (good quality)
Aug/Sep18 IVF7 - cancelled (cyst)
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - 3ER, 3M, 2F, 2 frozen Day 3 (excellent quality)
Oct18 IVF8 - Cancelled (cyst and too low TSH)
Oct18-Jan19 bringing TSH under control
Feb19 ERA and hysteroscopy
Mar19 Investigation for fibroid and adenomyosis
Apr19 adenomyosis confirmed, polyps removed
Jun19 FET after 2 months Lupron, autoimmune protocol, transferred two day 3 frozen embryos
Nov17 IVF2 - Pergoveris 2-14 Nov, Orgalutran 5-14 Nov, Ovitrelle 15 Nov, ER 17 Nov for 3 follies, 1 mature egg, did not fertilize
Jan18 IVF3 - Pergoveris 30 Dec - 8 Jan, Orgalutran 5-8 Jan, Ovitrelle 9 Jan, ER 11 Jan 3 eggs, 2 mature, 1 fertilized, ET 1x 4d 12-cell embryo 15/01, 24/01 BFN
May/Jun18 IVF4 - Rekovelle 25-29 May, Menogon 30May - 2Jun, Zomacton 25 27 29 31 May and 2Jun, Cetrotide 30May - 3Jun, Gonasi 3Jun, ER 5Jun 4 eggs, none mature, two matured overnight, 1 fertilized with ICSI, Frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jun/Jul18 IVF5 - Rekovelle 21-24 June, Menogon 25Jun-3Jul, Puregon 4-5Jul, Zomacton 21 23 25 27 29 Jun, Cetrotide 25Jun-5Jul, Gonasi 6Jul, ER 8Jul 5 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 but not good quality
Jul/Aug18 IVF6 - Rekovelle 26-29 Jul, Menogon 30Jul-7Aug, Buserelin 26Jul-7Aug, Zomacton 26 28 30 Jul 1 3 Aug, Gonasi 7Aug, ER 9Aug 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized (normal IVF), 2 frozen day 3 good quality
Sep/Oct18 IVF7 - Menogon 19-30Sep, Buserelin 19-30Sep, Zomacton 19 21 23 25 27 Sep, Ovitrelle 1 Oct, ER 3 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized with ICSI, 2 frozen day 3 excellent quality
Fav Quote: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
I'll be going in tomorrow morning for my lining check and if all looks good will be starting PIO shots in the evening.
September 2015: Chemical pregnancy/Miscarriage
October 2016: 1st IUI - BFN
November 2016: 2nd IUI - Cancelled due to cyst
December 2016: 3rd IUI - BFN
January 2017: 4th IUI - BFN
April 2017: 1st IVF Retrieval - 3 embryos (1 transferred, 2 frozen) - BFP
May 2017: Missed miscarriage @ 7 weeks, D&C
August 2017: 1st FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
November 2017: Hysteroscopy to remove adhesion
December 2017: 2nd FET - BPF & Miscarriage @ 6 weeks
February 2018: 2nd IVF Retrieval - 1 embryo, PGS tested normal
August 2018: 3rd FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
September 2018: DX with blood clotting disorder
November 2018: 3rd IVF Retrieval - 2 embryos, both abnormal
February 2019: 4th IVF Retrieval w/TESA for DH - 2 Embryos, both PGS tested normal
April 2019: ERA test
June 2019: 4th FET - BFP & Miscarriage @ 5 weeks
@lovemygs How are you feeling? its been a few days since your transfer, are you still crampy at all?
My transfer was yesterday and its soooo hard to just sit and do nothing today. My doctor said I can go back to normal activity tomorrow