if you have a 4+ year old who listens or a school aged kid in general, you should not be parking in the spots closest to the door at daycare (unless you have a physical inability to walk across the single lane parking lot..). Those spots should be left for those with infants and young toddlers/special needs children.
this brought to you by all the parents with 6+ year old kids taking the spot right by the door while I park on the other side of the lot trying to stop both DS1 and DS2 from running in front of cars.
An embarrassing confession: One day this week, I went to grab lunch at Chipotle. I saw a guy sitting in a booth near the counter who looked very familiar, and I thought he might have been someone I had met through work a few times. I have poor eyesight though, and i couldn't be positive it was him until I got closer. He saw me staring at him, and made eye contact and raised his hand in what I THOUGHT was a wave. So I waved at him, all while still walking closer. Turns out he was just reaching up to scratch head, and but by then I had already waved. I got close enough to finally really see him, and it wasn't who I thought. I had stared down and waved at a complete stranger who was just minding his own business, eating lunch. Lovely.
@galentine ah, that’s a I’m just gonna run out of here moment 🤣 if it makes you feel any better I had an embarrassing moment this week as well. I went to get a pedicure and the woman I got is always so difficult to understand. We exchanged hellos and then I handed her my nail polish. She looked me right in the eyes and said “You have a pretty eye color”. So I was like “awww why thank you!!”. And then she says, “No, I say you have a pretty light color” ( meaning the light color nail polish I picked out was super light). 😳🤦♀️ There were people on either side of me too and I felt so embarrassed haha
My workmate and I went took a longer than we should lunch on Wednesday since our boss was out 🙈 we went down to the local pub so I could get their Cajun rubbed wings... we ordered 20. I ate at least 13 of them 🤦🏼♀️
My Confession: I worked from home part of yesterday and did my laundry in between emails. After dinner we all passed out despite needing to clean the house, or finish the laundry.
Ok, UO time. I fully expect this to be a truly UO:
I don't like when baby showers have a diaper raffle or request a book in place of a card. I'm kind of old school with my shower etiquette, and I find it awkward that you are basically asking for multiple gifts. No matter how many people argue that books are "just as cheap as a card," that's just not true. Some people make a free card by folding over a piece of wrapping paper and writing on it, or just writing on the tag that comes on the gift bag. If someone wants to gift you with books, they will. If someone wants to gift you with diapers, they will. And if you want books and diapers.... register for them! That way you'd be more likely to get the ones you want, and less likely to receive repeats. Asking for them separately on the invitation comes across as extra gift grabby to me, especially considering you are inviting guests to an event already focused on gift-giving.
I think the whole sex vs gender argument for fetuses/small children is over the top and just unnecessary. And when people are super snarky and condescending about it, it makes me roll my eyes so hard. Yes, I understand that for a small portion of the human population, they can be two different things. I am not arguing that and fully support that trans people should be who they want to be, regardless of what their DNA says. But for the vast majority of people, they are the same. And there is exactly 0% chance that my infant fresh out of the womb (or even my 2yo for that matter), is going to identify as a different gender than their sex. So, for the fetus currently growing inside me, sex = gender. If, one day in future, one of my children decides that they identify as the opposite gender, that is fine and H and I will navigate that with them. But for now, my daughter has a vagina, her gender and her sex are female.
Ok, UO time. I fully expect this to be a truly UO:
I don't like when baby showers have a diaper raffle or request a book in place of a card. I'm kind of old school with my shower etiquette, and I find it awkward that you are basically asking for multiple gifts. No matter how many people argue that books are "just as cheap as a card," that's just not true. Some people make a free card by folding over a piece of wrapping paper and writing on it, or just writing on the tag that comes on the gift bag. If someone wants to gift you with books, they will. If someone wants to gift you with diapers, they will. And if you want books and diapers.... register for them! That way you'd be more likely to get the ones you want, and less likely to receive repeats. Asking for them separately on the invitation comes across as extra gift grabby to me, especially considering you are inviting guests to an event already focused on gift-giving.
I don’t have it in me to touch the gender=sex one today
edit: okay, I lied. I’ll leave this. Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears. There’s a difference
correction - there CAN be a difference. And that is perfectly fine. But most of the time, there isn't, and that is perfectly fine too. But again, there definitely isn't a difference for a fetus/infant, who doesn't even know what either thing means.
Judge all you want, doesn't affect me one bit - I am judging right back.
I don’t have it in me to touch the gender=sex one today
edit: okay, I lied. I’ll leave this. Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears. There’s a difference
correction - there CAN be a difference. And that is perfectly fine. But most of the time, there isn't, and that is perfectly fine too. But again, there definitely isn't a difference for a fetus/infant, who doesn't even know what either thing means.
Judge all you want, doesn't affect me one bit - I am judging right back.
At least you understand there is a difference between the two things. My judgment is at those who don’t even understand that concept.
I correct terminology. Big whoop. The terms mean different things. TETO
I will absolutely be open minded and if my daughter comes to me some day and says she identifies as male, then we will be supportive and go with that. But I don't understand ignoring the sex she is born with. Her sex is defined by the parts she has now, and those parts say girl. To ignore that seems over the top. I can raise her to like pink and princesses and ruffles or blue and dinosaurs and football, it doesn't matter. She can like all of the above or none of the above, and it still won't impact her sex. I feel some people make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. IMO, nothing really needs to be done differently between raising boys and girls, except for maybe caring for body parts and diapering strategies.
I will absolutely be open minded and if my daughter comes to me some day and says she identifies as male, then we will be supportive and go with that. But I don't understand ignoring the sex she is born with. Her sex is defined by the parts she has now, and those parts say girl. To ignore that seems over the top. I can raise her to like pink and princesses and ruffles or blue and dinosaurs and football, it doesn't matter. She can like all of the above or none of the above, and it still won't impact her sex. I feel some people make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. IMO, nothing really needs to be done differently between raising boys and girls, except for maybe caring for body parts and diapering strategies.
I know the gender/sex thing is a debate everywhere but it seems especially so on the bump. I understand and support the difference but I’m never gonna get up in arms about it. Also seems to me like a bridge you cross when/if it comes.
fffc: I put body wash in my hair this morning instead of shampoo 😐 idk why but my brain power/memory has gone WAY down this week, it’s a little upsetting 😅
@galentine cracking up at your awkward moment!! I have always loved the book instead of card and never think of it as gift grabby, but I can certainly see how someone would see it that way. But I love books and want to buy them anyways! I can’t stand to spend a lot of money on cards but I will for a book haha. Dollar store all the way for my cards that are gifted to people
I know the gender/sex thing is a debate everywhere but it seems especially so on the bump. I understand and support the difference but I’m never gonna get up in arms about it. Also seems to me like a bridge you cross when/if it comes.
agree - I never understood why it was such a huge thing on the bump for people to get all defensive and condescending when correcting people on the verbiage. I think that is really my issue. It just seems like people are being offended either just to be offended, or because they feel like they are supposed to be offended. Like they saw one person do it and now they have to correct every single person that uses the word 'gender'. But let's be honest, nobody likes the way 'sex reveal' sounds lol
Ok, UO time. I fully expect this to be a truly UO:
I don't like when baby showers have a diaper raffle or request a book in place of a card. I'm kind of old school with my shower etiquette, and I find it awkward that you are basically asking for multiple gifts. No matter how many people argue that books are "just as cheap as a card," that's just not true. Some people make a free card by folding over a piece of wrapping paper and writing on it, or just writing on the tag that comes on the gift bag. If someone wants to gift you with books, they will. If someone wants to gift you with diapers, they will. And if you want books and diapers.... register for them! That way you'd be more likely to get the ones you want, and less likely to receive repeats. Asking for them separately on the invitation comes across as extra gift grabby to me, especially considering you are inviting guests to an event already focused on gift-giving.
I hate cards in general. I think they are a huge waste of money. So when people request a book, it actually is forcing me to buy an extra gift because I wouldn't have given a card to begin with!
I don't mind diaper raffles. I didn't do one, but I don't judge when I see them. I usually bring a small pack of diapers to every shower anyways.
It might be an UO that I actually like cards. I hate paying $6.00 for them, but I love writing sentimental notes in them, especially for big occasions or milestone birthdays. I'm not one to keep much (my MIL calls me a "minimalist" LOL) but I plan to keep all my daughter's baby shower cards and 1st birthday cards for her to read someday.
@galentine - yes I will agree there - if you actually write something meaningful in them, different story. But most people just put 'love, mom' or whatever. Those ones are pointless lol
OH thought of another UO - I don't really mind when people touch my belly without asking. As long as it's someone I like haha
It might be an UO that I actually like cards. I hate paying $6.00 for them, but I love writing sentimental notes in them, especially for big occasions or milestone birthdays. I'm not one to keep much (my MIL calls me a "minimalist" LOL) but I plan to keep all my daughter's baby shower cards and 1st birthday cards for her to read someday.
Cards are sooo expensive I don't get it. I just hit up the dollar store these days now. I also kept my baby shower cards, thought we could show them to her or make something with the front of the cards one day.
I will absolutely be open minded and if my daughter comes to me some day and says she identifies as male, then we will be supportive and go with that. But I don't understand ignoring the sex she is born with. Her sex is defined by the parts she has now, and those parts say girl. To ignore that seems over the top. I can raise her to like pink and princesses and ruffles or blue and dinosaurs and football, it doesn't matter. She can like all of the above or none of the above, and it still won't impact her sex. I feel some people make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. IMO, nothing really needs to be done differently between raising boys and girls, except for maybe caring for body parts and diapering strategies.
I need your way with words 😪
I don’t get the ignoring the sex either, but whatever. I gave my views on the whole thing a few days ago. The way I see it, I throw all things at them and let them decide what they like, and eventually, their gender identity will be made known. The term gender reveal just makes me cringe for unrelated reasons
i just loathe the color pink and hate ruffles and glitter 😂 this doesn’t not mean I haven’t bought pink clothing (onesie packs have pink ones 🤷🏼♀️), im just not going out of my way for it. My issue with princess is that they were always traditionally “the princess gets saved by the male” concept. I’m all for the princess that save themselves.
For me, the sex vs gender thing is important because they are different things. If you've ever taken an anthropology course, then you know that gender is a social construct and that different cultures can recognize a different number of genders. (For example, the Bugis Tribe of Indonesia recognizes five genders.) Ultimately, I am not going to go out of my way to make a big deal about this issue, but I choose to use the terminology of "sex" as opposed to "gender". And someone else might choose to do the opposite, which is fine, too. Personally, I opt for this particular phrasing because talking about "baby sex" will get people to stop zoning out after I've described my daily battle with pregnancy constipation.
TTC History
Me: 38 DH: 52
Started trying June 2018
BFP Jan 2019 DD born October 2019
TTC July 2021 BFP, ended in MMC August 2021
TTC October 2021
BFP January 2022
MMC March 2022
Beginning May 2022 under the supervision of an RE - Benched while undergoing testing
@cmbt2, I'm totally with you on the princess point. I frequently call my (female) dog "princess" as a nickname (mainly as a joke to how spoiled she is), and I've already talked with my husband about how I specifically do NOT want to call our daughter that. Our daughter does not need saving from any prince! LOL
Ok, UO time. I fully expect this to be a truly UO:
I don't like when baby showers have a diaper raffle or request a book in place of a card. *snip*
Lurky lurker from Sept here.
Two years ago I would have totally agreed with you, and thought it was so weird my sister did this for my baby shower with DS (I had no clue because I didn’t even see the invites before they were sent)...but that being said...I LOVE reading all the things people wrote in the books (because they used them as a card!!). Most people don’t save the cards from their baby showers, but this is a nice reminder to see how much baby was loved before they were even here!! And many people bought their favorite books to share with DS, which was truly special.
I'm totally in the I hate cards club! I think they're so pointless and I throw them away. Why can't we just use name tags so people know who the gift is from. And like, I feel obligated to get my husband a card for special occassions but they just end up getting thrown away too. Such a waste!
I use gender/sex interchangeably. I do understand the difference and am accepting of all but when they are a newborn, a girl is a girl and a boy is a boy until they can decide differently for themselves.
I'm indifferent about the diaper raffle, etc.
Maybe a UO or maybe not. I feel like this could be 50/50... I hate baby shower games, bachelorette party games, etc. Why can't we just eat, drink (bachellorette party, not baby shower...except the guests) and mingle? lol. There are few and far between games for these parties that I actually enjoy and don't just think are incredibly cheesy.
@galentine I agree RE: books and diapers, unless you make it clear on your invitation that you are asking for this instead of gifts. I had a small shower thrown by friends, most of whom did not have children and weren't even close to trying. We specifically did not send out the registry for that and asked for help building our baby's first library. My SIL did the same for her 2nd, since she already had everything. But, I guess that is almost like putting them on the registry, so maybe it's not so much a disagreement as a clarification as to what I find acceptable on the invite?
i wear camis to bed as my night shirt. Last night, DH wasn’t home during the inbetween kids in bed and when I go to bed time. My boobs were really bothered by my shirt, so I pulled them out and let them just hang free. the worst part is I ended up staring at them because they’re so giant and full.🙈🙈 They got big with the boys but never rounded out. This time, they’re giant, round, and perky 🤦🏼♀️
The standing ovation gif of yesterday is my best indicator that I’m squarely on the unpopular side with my opinion, and I just really don’t care.
The privilege every side of this gender vs sex conversation, and the erasure towards trans and non-binary folx, is just a bit obscene. This is definitely my “peace I’m out” post because you are just folks on the internet and I deal with this bigoted bs enough in real life, I don’t have the bandwidth to smile and nod and swallow how incredibly hurtful listening to your cis privileged thoughts actually is. Do carry on or whatever and do t knowing you’ve successfully alienated and ostracized a non-binary person with your ignorant cis musings.
Babies and toddlers don’t have a gender. Gender as we understand it today is a white person’s social construct that is learned behavior, leading to toxic masculinity among many other problems. Gender and sex are socially linked, but that’s it.
Saying their sex is female or male is transphobic. Saying a little sister onesie isn’t gendered is hilariously inaccurate.
Saying it’s such a small part of the population so why bother erases the experiences of folks who are still killed today for their existence.
Saying why ignore their sex when they have one is wronglyfully associating it with gender, and taking the easy, cis-privileged route.
Saying you’ll listen when a kid lets you know you guessed wrong at best means you’re putting the burden on a child to correct an adult, and that it’s on them to advocate for themself. Which is grossly selfish on your part.
You know what happens when you raise a kid respecting their antegender development phase? At best, you raise a trans kid who never has to correct and argue against those closest to them (which, yeah, is a big effing deal. Could literally be life saving). At worst? You raise a cis kid who has questioned and deliberately understood their own gender identity, making them more compassionate to all of us who have to do it in secret because society still thinks gender reveals for a fetus is an effing thing.
Sincerely, a non binary person who does not equate their genitalia with a gender. My pussy isn’t female and it never was. It did, however, take me decades to work through the dysmorphia and angst of not fitting in a way that everyone expected me to, though, because my well intentioned and loving parents never considered that I would be anything but a girl/woman and I never knew how to contradict them, since I wasn’t raised with the language to understand my experience.
PS while I’m burning bridges, here’s another unpoular opinion— “gender disappoint” over that “boy” is possibly the most selfish, stupid and ridiculous feeling. Get the eff over yourselves and maybe you’ll get lucky and your disappointing boy will turnout to be a girl after all, not that you deserve it. Gender disappointment is not valid at all. Work through your privilege and gtf over yourself.
i wear camis to bed as my night shirt. Last night, DH wasn’t home during the inbetween kids in bed and when I go to bed time. My boobs were really bothered by my shirt, so I pulled them out and let them just hang free. the worst part is I ended up staring at them because they’re so giant and full.🙈🙈 They got big with the boys but never rounded out. This time, they’re giant, round, and perky 🤦🏼♀️
I've actually started occasionally going to bed with a sports bra on. My shirts or even just letting them hang hurts. Mine didn't change at all with my daughter. Mine don't feel bigger this time either they hurt more though, I don't remember them hurting this much.
Ok, UO time. I fully expect this to be a truly UO:
I don't like when baby showers have a diaper raffle or request a book in place of a card. *snip*
Lurky lurker from Sept here.
Two years ago I would have totally agreed with you, and thought it was so weird my sister did this for my baby shower with DS (I had no clue because I didn’t even see the invites before they were sent)...but that being said...I LOVE reading all the things people wrote in the books (because they used them as a card!!). Most people don’t save the cards from their baby showers, but this is a nice reminder to see how much baby was loved before they were even here!! And many people bought their favorite books to share with DS, which was truly special.
Totally agree. My family did the book thing for my shower with my first several years ago and I was nervous it was going to look tacky. They did put optional but I still was worried. However, I’m so thankful for it because to this day we still read a lot of the books and the message written to my son in the beginning. A few of the special people in our lives have passed and I get teary reading the message in their book when we read it to our kids. I still love a good card and I pretty old school that way with sending and receiving cards but I thought the books was something really special.
Maybe a UO or maybe not. I feel like this could be 50/50... I hate baby shower games, bachelorette party games, etc. Why can't we just eat, drink (bachellorette party, not baby shower...except the guests) and mingle? lol. There are few and far between games for these parties that I actually enjoy and don't just think are incredibly cheesy.
Amen to that!! I promised all my friends that at my shower I will supply ALL the champagne and absolutely no games.
I will say on record though, that I HATE traditional baby showers and refuse to have one. No games, no weird baby cookies or cakes, etc. We're going to have a BBQ/pool party at my parents house, with beer and cocktails for those who can imbibe, and some kind of mocktail for me. If people want to buy us baby stuff from our registry and bring it, awesome. We'll play horseshoes and bags, maybe ladder golf, but that's it.
The standing ovation gif of yesterday is my best indicator that I’m squarely on the unpopular side with my opinion, and I just really don’t care.
The privilege every side of this gender vs sex conversation, and the erasure towards trans and non-binary folx, is just a bit obscene. This is definitely my “peace I’m out” post because you are just folks on the internet and I deal with this bigoted bs enough in real life, I don’t have the bandwidth to smile and nod and swallow how incredibly hurtful listening to your cis privileged thoughts actually is. Do carry on or whatever and do t knowing you’ve successfully alienated and ostracized a non-binary person with your ignorant cis musings.
Babies and toddlers don’t have a gender. Gender as we understand it today is a white person’s social construct that is learned behavior, leading to toxic masculinity among many other problems. Gender and sex are socially linked, but that’s it.
Saying their sex is female or male is transphobic. Saying a little sister onesie isn’t gendered is hilariously inaccurate.
Saying it’s such a small part of the population so why bother erases the experiences of folks who are still killed today for their existence.
Saying why ignore their sex when they have one is wronglyfully associating it with gender, and taking the easy, cis-privileged route.
Saying you’ll listen when a kid lets you know you guessed wrong at both means you’re putting the burden on a child to correct an adult, and that it’s on them to advocate for themself. Which is fucking selfish as hell.
You know what happens when you raise a kid respecting their antegender development phase? At best, you raise a trans kid who never has to correct and argue against those closest to them (which, yeah, is a big fucking deal. Could literally be life saving). At worst? You raise a cis kid who has questioned and deliberately understood their own gender identity, making them more compassionate to all of us who have to do it in secret because society still thinks gender reveals for a fetus is an effing thing.
Sincerely, a non binary person who does not equate their genitalia with a gender. My pussy isn’t female and it never was. It did, however, take me decades to work through the dysphoria and angst of not fitting in a way that everyone expected me to, though, because my well intentioned and loving parents never considered that I would be anything but a girl/woman and I never knew how to contradict them, since I wasn’t raised with the language to understand my experience.
PS while I’m burning bridges, here’s another unpoular opinion— “gender disappoint” over that “boy” is possibly the most selfish, stupid and ridiculous feeling. Get the eff over yourselves and maybe you’ll get lucky and your disappointing boy will turnout to be a girl after all, not that you deserve it. Gender disappointment is not valid at all. Work through your privilege and gtf over yourself.
I'm struggling with how to respond to this, but I at least want to sincerely apologize. It sucks that you feel alienated. I don't want you to lose safe places to have support, especially the PGAL and mental wellness threads. Don't feel like you have to burn bridges if you don't want to.
When my cousin's fiance had her shower, we played 1 game and it was don't say "Baby" and honestly the little kids got more enjoyment out of stealing everyone's beads. She also had all the gifts displayed on their stage and only opened the ones if you asked her too. We mingled and ate breakfast and drank mimosas all morning. It was the best fun ever.
@jenferlee82 sounds like my kinda shower!! @Cass005 That's pretty funny and sounds like fun too. I prefer a shower/party/whatever it is of just having fun!!
I agree that most baby shower games are laaaaaame, but I always feel the need to share the game I created for my sisters baby shower, which was super hilarious and went over well (or at least, everyone told me they liked it to be nice 😂)
I compiled a list of embarrassing/funny things that my sister and BIL each did as kids, and then made it into a quiz. I think we gave prizes (lottery scratch off tickets) to the 3 highest scorers on the quiz.
Some of the questions included things like: -Which person loudly proclaimed "doggie go woof woof!" during their middle aunt's wedding ceremony? -which person asked the pastor if he was Jesus at Easter service? -which of the following was BIL's childhood crush? I listed a few fictional characters and historical figures, with the correct answer being the Statue of Liberty 😂😂
Re: UO & FFFC 4/19
if you have a 4+ year old who listens or a school aged kid in general, you should not be parking in the spots closest to the door at daycare (unless you have a physical inability to walk across the single lane parking lot..). Those spots should be left for those with infants and young toddlers/special needs children.
this brought to you by all the parents with 6+ year old kids taking the spot right by the door while I park on the other side of the lot trying to stop both DS1 and DS2 from running in front of cars.
Come at me, bro
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
I don't like when baby showers have a diaper raffle or request a book in place of a card. I'm kind of old school with my shower etiquette, and I find it awkward that you are basically asking for multiple gifts. No matter how many people argue that books are "just as cheap as a card," that's just not true. Some people make a free card by folding over a piece of wrapping paper and writing on it, or just writing on the tag that comes on the gift bag. If someone wants to gift you with books, they will. If someone wants to gift you with diapers, they will. And if you want books and diapers.... register for them! That way you'd be more likely to get the ones you want, and less likely to receive repeats. Asking for them separately on the invitation comes across as extra gift grabby to me, especially considering you are inviting guests to an event already focused on gift-giving.
I think the whole sex vs gender argument for fetuses/small children is over the top and just unnecessary. And when people are super snarky and condescending about it, it makes me roll my eyes so hard. Yes, I understand that for a small portion of the human population, they can be two different things. I am not arguing that and fully support that trans people should be who they want to be, regardless of what their DNA says. But for the vast majority of people, they are the same. And there is exactly 0% chance that my infant fresh out of the womb (or even my 2yo for that matter), is going to identify as a different gender than their sex. So, for the fetus currently growing inside me, sex = gender. If, one day in future, one of my children decides that they identify as the opposite gender, that is fine and H and I will navigate that with them. But for now, my daughter has a vagina, her gender and her sex are female.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
edit: okay, I lied. I’ll leave this. Sex is between the legs. Gender is between the ears. There’s a difference
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Judge all you want, doesn't affect me one bit - I am judging right back.
I correct terminology. Big whoop. The terms mean different things. TETO
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
fffc: I put body wash in my hair this morning instead of shampoo 😐 idk why but my brain power/memory has gone WAY down this week, it’s a little upsetting 😅
@galentine cracking up at your awkward moment!! I have always loved the book instead of card and never think of it as gift grabby, but I can certainly see how someone would see it that way. But I love books and want to buy them anyways! I can’t stand to spend a lot of money on cards but I will for a book haha. Dollar store all the way for my cards that are gifted to people
I don't mind diaper raffles. I didn't do one, but I don't judge when I see them. I usually bring a small pack of diapers to every shower anyways.
OH thought of another UO - I don't really mind when people touch my belly without asking. As long as it's someone I like haha
I don’t get the ignoring the sex either, but whatever. I gave my views on the whole thing a few days ago. The way I see it, I throw all things at them and let them decide what they like, and eventually, their gender identity will be made known. The term gender reveal just makes me cringe for unrelated reasons
i just loathe the color pink and hate ruffles and glitter 😂 this doesn’t not mean I haven’t bought pink clothing (onesie packs have pink ones 🤷🏼♀️), im just not going out of my way for it. My issue with princess is that they were always traditionally “the princess gets saved by the male” concept. I’m all for the princess that save themselves.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
Two years ago I would have totally agreed with you, and thought it was so weird my sister did this for my baby shower with DS (I had no clue because I didn’t even see the invites before they were sent)...but that being said...I LOVE reading all the things people wrote in the books (because they used them as a card!!). Most people don’t save the cards from their baby showers, but this is a nice reminder to see how much baby was loved before they were even here!! And many people bought their favorite books to share with DS, which was truly special.
I use gender/sex interchangeably. I do understand the difference and am accepting of all but when they are a newborn, a girl is a girl and a boy is a boy until they can decide differently for themselves.
I'm indifferent about the diaper raffle, etc.
Maybe a UO or maybe not. I feel like this could be 50/50... I hate baby shower games, bachelorette party games, etc. Why can't we just eat, drink (bachellorette party, not baby shower...except the guests) and mingle? lol. There are few and far between games for these parties that I actually enjoy and don't just think are incredibly cheesy.
i wear camis to bed as my night shirt. Last night, DH wasn’t home during the inbetween kids in bed and when I go to bed time. My boobs were really bothered by my shirt, so I pulled them out and let them just hang free. the worst part is I ended up staring at them because they’re so giant and full.🙈🙈 They got big with the boys but never rounded out. This time, they’re giant, round, and perky 🤦🏼♀️
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
The privilege every side of this gender vs sex conversation, and the erasure towards trans and non-binary folx, is just a bit obscene. This is definitely my “peace I’m out” post because you are just folks on the internet and I deal with this bigoted bs enough in real life, I don’t have the bandwidth to smile and nod and swallow how incredibly hurtful listening to your cis privileged thoughts actually is. Do carry on or whatever and do t knowing you’ve successfully alienated and ostracized a non-binary person with your ignorant cis musings.
Babies and toddlers don’t have a gender. Gender as we understand it today is a white person’s social construct that is learned behavior, leading to toxic masculinity among many other problems. Gender and sex are socially linked, but that’s it.
Saying their sex is female or male is transphobic. Saying a little sister onesie isn’t gendered is hilariously inaccurate.
Saying it’s such a small part of the population so why bother erases the experiences of folks who are still killed today for their existence.
Saying why ignore their sex when they have one is wronglyfully associating it with gender, and taking the easy, cis-privileged route.
Saying you’ll listen when a kid lets you know you guessed wrong at best means you’re putting the burden on a child to correct an adult, and that it’s on them to advocate for themself. Which is grossly selfish on your part.
You know what happens when you raise a kid respecting their antegender development phase? At best, you raise a trans kid who never has to correct and argue against those closest to them (which, yeah, is a big effing deal. Could literally be life saving). At worst? You raise a cis kid who has questioned and deliberately understood their own gender identity, making them more compassionate to all of us who have to do it in secret because society still thinks gender reveals for a fetus is an effing thing.
Sincerely,
a non binary person who does not equate their genitalia with a gender. My pussy isn’t female and it never was. It did, however, take me decades to work through the dysmorphia and angst of not fitting in a way that everyone expected me to, though, because my well intentioned and loving parents never considered that I would be anything but a girl/woman and I never knew how to contradict them, since I wasn’t raised with the language to understand my experience.
PS while I’m burning bridges, here’s another unpoular opinion— “gender disappoint” over that “boy” is possibly the most selfish, stupid and ridiculous feeling. Get the eff over yourselves and maybe you’ll get lucky and your disappointing boy will turnout to be a girl after all, not that you deserve it. Gender disappointment is not valid at all. Work through your privilege and gtf over yourself.
I will say on record though, that I HATE traditional baby showers and refuse to have one. No games, no weird baby cookies or cakes, etc. We're going to have a BBQ/pool party at my parents house, with beer and cocktails for those who can imbibe, and some kind of mocktail for me. If people want to buy us baby stuff from our registry and bring it, awesome. We'll play horseshoes and bags, maybe ladder golf, but that's it.
I'm struggling with how to respond to this, but I at least want to sincerely apologize. It sucks that you feel alienated. I don't want you to lose safe places to have support, especially the PGAL and mental wellness threads. Don't feel like you have to burn bridges if you don't want to.
I compiled a list of embarrassing/funny things that my sister and BIL each did as kids, and then made it into a quiz. I think we gave prizes (lottery scratch off tickets) to the 3 highest scorers on the quiz.
Some of the questions included things like:
-Which person loudly proclaimed "doggie go woof woof!" during their middle aunt's wedding ceremony?
-which person asked the pastor if he was Jesus at Easter service?
-which of the following was BIL's childhood crush? I listed a few fictional characters and historical figures, with the correct answer being the Statue of Liberty 😂😂