I’m having a real tough time realizing that this isn’t a chromosomal issue with the baby, this is likely an issue with my body and why it got stuck and didn’t implant where it should. I’m having a tough morning realizing what the medication is doing to the baby and how easily I signed the paperwork to get the methotrexate. I didn’t even blink. It’s like the logical part of me was there 100% and like my emotions were completely dead. I feel like a monster and I’m completely terrified this is will happen again (there’s a 15-20% chance it will if I O from that side.)
I really want this fucking medication to start working (it’s been a week) and I want to eat my healthy foods and greens that I’m craving but not allowed to eat. I hate that everyone here has/is experiencing loss, but feel alone as I don’t know anyone who has gone through an ectopic without needing surgery. So I’m also scared that after all this I’ll still need surgery, and scared that could further hurt my chances of getting the vbac I so want. My H is gone on a work trip till Sunday, our 10 year anniversary is tomorrow (cliche I know) and I really just want some sushi and whiskey and I can’t even have that. /rant /pityparty.
Eta I’m sorry if this isn't* where this kind of post is supposed to go, let me know if it shouldn’t and I’ll move/delete it.
@dolewhipper IMO, this is exactly where this post goes. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, and I know that nothing I say will heal that pain. That said, please know this is NOT your fault, and there is no right way to go about this process, or even a right way to feel about it. I myself go through a wide range of emotions on a daily basis, and it hits me at times I don't expect, and doesn't hit me at times I would expect. Not to mention your hormones are a wreck right now, which doesn't help. I'd encourage you to ask your OB about speaking to a therapist who specializes in loss. That is my next step in this if I don't start to feel more like myself soon. Also, huge huge hugs to you, and I hope you get more answers and clarity soon.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@dolewhipper - This is exactly what this thread is for. To say what's on our hearts and minds that we might not be able to express to anyone else in the world. We are here to listen to each other's heartbreaks, and to hopefully provide a little comfort from empathy. This is not your fault. You didn't chose any of this. And feeling numb comes with the territory. That doesn't make you a monster, it's your body or mind's way of protecting your heart from the crushing grief. You will feel more than enough grief in the days and weeks to come. But know this, you are no monster. You are readying your body to be able to support a pregnancy, and there was no choice.
Status:TTC- currently in the 2ww period. MC 12/18/18 - naturally at about 6 to 7 weeks
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I had a hard time this week because I have a cousin who just announced she was pregnant and due in August which is when my baby would have been due. I also have a coworker due in August so its hard to see them post all of the stuff and ultrasounds etc when I lost mine. I'm a therapist so I try to engage in positive self talk when I start getting down.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'm going to test on Saturday to see if anything happened this cycle. No doctors visits or tests coming up.
GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? Generally on time or a little before.
@dolewhipper Just... what everyone else said esp. about how this is 100% the right place for a post like that & so many hugs. I can't imagine how tough it must be to be away from YH considering everything-- the anniversary, the loss, the waiting period, your feelings, etc. I know it's cheesy, but I hope you find some comfort in our board/this thread (which I probably only say because I have found comfort here & I really hope that because of that I might be able to help others feel even a smidgen of an iota better.) Please keep us updated when you can & know you're in my thoughts.
TW: ppl I know are KU @silverbell7 I am in the same boat--my cousin's EDD is right around when mine would have been had I not had my CP. I am really lucky, though, and I (selfishly, I admit) told her this, and she's been super kind. She also isn't big on social, so phew. Honestly, I have been trying to avoid social media as much as possible bc of posts like those you've mentioned. It's definitely been helpful to my mental health, though I have one PG friend who, like, sends me bump shots on snapchat-- we are not really close enough for me to tell her, but it's getting to the point where I might email a mutual friend who is her BFF and see what she thinks I can do. I don't go on snapchat tooooo often, but I always want to look at the things ppl send me personally, and like-- I'm just tired of it, but don't want to be rude? Anyway. This somehow became all about me! ----> Good luck w/ your test on Sat. I am glad you have yourself to know how to engage in something like positive self talk, though I know that knowing what to do/think doesn't always mean we're capable of that level of positivity.
Between generally busyness of life and dealing with other emotional crap, I haven’t really even had a chance to lurk too much in here this week, but I am saddened to see so many new faces. Hopefully later I can actually post and reply.
@kagesstarshroom I am sorry you are having a tough week. I completely understand. I have been kind of numb & found myself in tears multiple times over the last couple days at the oddest times.
@dolewhipper I appreciate the honesty of your post. Hugs to you because unjust do not know what else to say. I don't know the official protocol on alcohol, but I foresee a vodka soda in my future. I may even dip into a cocktail for Valentine's Day dinner. I see the RE next week & I am going to be cleaning everything up.
Tonight, it is a bath with Epsom salt, stress relief candles, a mega ibuprofen, & a xanax. I have a friend's baby shower next weekend & have to pull myself together & buy a gift. **sigh**
@ruby696 I hope that HCG is finally down to zero. You've been dealing with this for so long.
@kagestarshroom I am sorry you're struggling but it's good that your H is so supportive. Lean on each other as much as you can.
@omg1108 and @maserrano714 I'm sorry you find yourselves here. I definitely understand feeling guilt. Be kind to yourselves.
@bakerstreetboys I hope your appointment next week gives you some peace.
@kerco925 I'm sorry you're feeling down about this cycle. Hugs to you.
@radiohd18 I'm so very sorry you're struggling with your mental health. I hope you are doing what's best for you, that's so important.
@marebear15 so many hugs to you, sweetheart. Knowing what you should be seeing and experiencing is an awful feeling. 💜 The day that I would have had my first U/S and heard the heartbeat was so hard.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc: 1 loss @5 weeks, 1 day (CP)
Status: TWW
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am glad that I didn't O really late the cycle and that we had really good timing. I go back and forth about how I will feel about either result this cycle. I know I'll be crushed by a BFN but terrified by a BFP. I've also been avoiding seeing and directly speaking to my inlaws since our loss. *TW*
My SIL had her son two days before I miscarried. I know she is going to send us pictures on his 2 month birthday on Friday. I know it's going to be a gut punch and a reminder of what we went through. I also don't really want to see my MIL and FIL because even though they know what DH and I have been through, they still only want to talk about the new baby. It's like ours didn't/doesn't matter. I know that's not true, that they do care, but that's how it feels listening to them. I am supposed to see them next week and I am feeling so anxious about it.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have my physical on Wednesday next week so I plan on testing that morning (9DPO) so I can answer yes/no when they ask.
GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? I am usually on time. I always want to be early but that almost never happens.
Thank you so, so much ladies. A friend got me out of the house and that helped me a lot. I was spiraling down a bit there this morning. I also bought my really expensive perfume I have been without for a long time (Chanel) so I’m happy I smell like me again (I’ve been wearing the same perfume for maybe 10 years, and wearing a body spray instead has being weird to me)
@emeraldduchess I think it’s fully within your right to respectfully say, “I’m so happy for them, but I’d really rather not talk about new babies with everything thats gone on” and change the subject if/when the topic comes up. Hopefully they get the point, and if not you totally should get up and walk to another room if they continue talking. Hugs
@dolewhipper that's great that your friend is there for you and that you could go out and treat yourself. Familiar smells can be so comforting. DH did ask his parents to stop sending us pictures and they did, but I don't think they totally got why it upset us. I think they might also be under the impression that we are "over it" or maybe since it was an early loss it was somehow "easier". I don't know, all I can think of is how to keep myself from getting upset and saying something I will regret.
@emeraldduchess I'm sorry, that's really hard. Why don't people get that we aren't just "over it"? I hope that they somehow become more understanding and sympathetic. We specifically haven't told my in-laws or my Mom about any of our losses because I know wouldn't be able to deal with the comments and questions.
@emeraldduchess I’m glad they respected him with that, at least. At the end of the day they might not get it, and while that’s sad, if they respect you that’s the best thing. Some people just will never get it.
@emeraldduchess I really don't think people get it unless they've been through it. I kind of assume those who haven't had a miscarriage are just clueless about the depth of emotion there is with an early loss. With that said, it does irk me when women with children don't get it. So your MIL gets some side eye from me, especially when they were sending pictures.
@dolewhipper This is a safe space, vent whenever you feel the need to- we are here for you!
Went out to dinner yesterday with DH and it was a good time- ate raw oysters and drank all the wine, things I couldn't do if I was still KU. This am I got surprised with a bouquet of flowers with reeses peanut butter cups stuck on skewers amongst them. It's the little things that make me feel how very lucky I am considering all the shitty things we are going through.
@emeraldduchess Ugh so sorry about the in-laws lacking any depth of understanding. I came across a page today on a site for mc support & there was a list of What To Say & What Not To Say & like--it made me feel like that should be common knowledge rather than hidden in a hard to find corner of the internet. Good luck w/ this cycle!
@Spartanrd4 Yaaasss oysterssss. If I can't be PG, then at least I can be not-PG during oyster season, #amirite?
AFM: My appointment tomorrow can't come sooner. They're only seeing me after 1 week bc I'll be on vacay after 2, but I'm super glad because I have a zillion questions written down (okay like 7) & can't imagine having to wait any longer--though I would probably just Dr. Google my questions if I had to wait and/or call the office. They are nice about calling back w/ answers when I have called in the past.
@Spartanrd4 Reese's cups FTW! I'm taking Target by storm this afternoon to buy a bag(or 3) of Reese's hearts and Dove chocolate hearts on sale. 😊
@kagesstarshroom I hope you are able to get the answers you need and some peace at your appointment today.
Thanks for letting me vent about my inlaw situation, ladies. I really love my MIL and FIL, and I am very lucky that they've always been so good to me. While I do side-eye the insensitivity at times, I try to remember that they probably just don't know what to do/say, so they avoid the subject. Plus I think they are just so over the moon with SIL's baby it's not registering that not everyone's world is revolving around that child right now.
I've been having an especially hard time hearing about other pregnancies with June due dates because that would have been my due date before my first loss. However, a friend who I know was struggling with IF for years just posted this on FB, and I am just so overjoyed for her!!!
After 3 1/2 years and more than 170 injections, 36 ultrasounds, 28 blood draws, 5 egg retrievals, and hundreds of miles driven all over VT, NH and MA, our Rainbow arrives in June!
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@shamrocandroll That spoiler made me legitimately tear up. I have also been worried about upcoming/future announcements bc I was... of course (I originally wrote "stupidly" and then deleted it bc no) excited to find out who else I might get to share my time being KU w/.
@emeraldduchess Thanks! It really did. I hope I can carry the peace of mind that I left with in me for a while--we shall see.
My follow-up appointment was basically textbook, but no u/s and she said we don't need to track my HGC down to zero, which, as I told her, "I like my blood & don't like parting with it," so I am fine w/ that? Thanks again to everyone for helping me get together a decent list of questions. I really like my OB--she is to the point but not in a way that is rude? And she is caring and understanding and also able to make me feel comfortable enough to crack a few jokes bc that's what I do, I guess, to relieve tension/try not to be too visibly upset. It was really REALLY hard going back into that office since last time I was there was the no good very bad news--harder than I thought.
My only worry is that the pains I have been having seem like they occur in relation/conjunction to eating/consumption, but they don't feel like my normal IBS pains, they are different? She said there's really no way for them to tell if it's bowel/uterus pain, but that the type of pain I was describing wasn't abnormal, so I should just keep doing what I have been for my IBS (which is, basically, eating healthy). Which like, okay fine, BUT then at the same time, bc it's different pain w/ not the same outcome I am used to w/ my IBS I feel like it has to be related to whatever's going on in there & so I am hoping they continue the trend of subsiding.
I have a lot to say today, sorry! This last one gets a big ol' TW bc it involves someone else's shower, ugh, & is long & whiny, too, which deserves its very own TW.
My friends who always leave me out bc I live far away now invited me to an upcoming baby shower, which I of course politely declined, but indicted in my decline email to the organizer look out for a gift from me. I really understandably COULD NOT, after what happened, bring myself to go onto this chick's registry, so I sent a book via Amazon & then a follow-up email to the organizer, who is a way closer friend to me than the girl who's KU, explaining what was going on and how I really wanted her to be sure that no one snapchatted/facetimed me when it was my gift's turn to be opened (bc they'll do stuff like that sometimes when they remember I exist). It'll be right around when we could have announced, and I just-- I just couldn't/can't/nope. Even though I said I was sharing something "private" w/ her, it's likely she'll still tell people bc what else do they have to talk about, but I felt like I needed to say something to protect myself & didn't want to be rude & not send something after saying i would. & also-- i'm not ashamed of what happened, but people, like, just don't know what to say, so it's easier not to tell people?
Oooo this is all sounding way more bitter on a reread than I wanted it to, oh boy. Serenity now!
My best friend had a loss just before our friend group had several events lined up for various baby showers, too. I knew about her loss, and just quietly shared with those who needed to know why she wasn't up to group texting about car seats and baby shower games. Everyone that found out was super compassionate. I think the way you dealt is very normal, and not bitter at all!!
@kagesstarshroom my ibs has been all over the place the past 10 days. I’m pretty sure it’s because I have to be on a no/very low folate diet with the methotrexate so that takes out almost every fruit and veggie, and I’m mainly eating gf bread, cheese, meat and potatoes. My body hates me right now.
Have you ever ever heard of the low FODMAP diet? I did it for awhile to find my trigger foods. It’s really restricting but it’s the only actual medical diet to help ibs. You might find relief!
And you dont don’t sound bitter in your tw. You sound 100% normal.
@dolewhipper I have heard of FODMAP! My Mom has the same issues, and she is all over the internet these days, so she told me about it--we already know what not to eat pretty much though. I used to just think I had a sensitivity to certain unnatural ingredients in food--specifically, chemical preservatives because that's what my Mom initially said/thought we had--& it's true if we eat foods w/ those ingredients, it's a bad day. If we don't, we're (mostly) fine (except for a few exceptions, which line up exceptionally w/ IBS [overeating, super oily fried foods, being super nervous]). Anyway, it's nice to be able to tell a Dr. what I actuallllly have, once I figured it out, rather than being like "I can't have these certain chemicals they put in food" which is totally true but also makes me sound a little nuts?
Short story long, in tru Kages fashion, I tried to tell my ob I wasn't eating anything out of the ordinary, I just felt like my pains were related to my eating, and maybe bc of my IBS. Yesterday was my best day thus far in terms of pains though--and my nasty post-sinus infection cough! It has become such a part of my life lol that I have barely mentioned it around here.
Ugh, I know you're in a totally different boat though and I am so sorry your body is being a biotch (are we allowed to say that on here?) At least there are.... so many different ways to prepare potatoes? (I am clearly feeling more like myself if I am trying to pull optimism out of thin air...)
@kagesstarshroom nah I don’t think you sound nuts when you say what you can’t eat. When I figured out my trigger foods my GI dr told me he wished more patients would learn their bodies like that, so he could be out of a job
I got the bill from the ER that diagnosed my miscarriage in December. Definitely brought back so many feelings. It's really hard to see everything written down as simply a list of "services" and "cost".
@emeraldduchess This isn't something I would have thought about w/out TB, but bc I've read on here about how hard it is to get that bill, I've been trying to prepare myself for when mine comes. If you're up to it, sounds like you might be able to argue/explain your way out of that "other therapeutic services" charge, which sounds like some hopped up BS.
@kagesstarshroom I also default to humor in upsetting situations. It can make things super awkward sometimes, but other times it helps. Big hugs. My friends were incredibly passionate about my loss, even though none of them have experienced one. I hope your friends understand as well, and find a way to make you feel loved without triggering you.
@emeraldduchess Ugh, the bill after loss is the worst. I honestly just paid mine without looking at it because I couldn't bear to relive it. I really really hope for the sake of human decency they didn't sneak bogus charges into mine, because I honestly wouldn't have noticed. I still haven't gotten my bill for my most recent loss, but at least it shouldn't be as bad because it was much earlier and there wasn't as much involved. I'm sorry.
Also, side note: I tend to disappear on weekends because the mobile app is the worst, so I'm sorry for ghosting on important conversations like this!
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
Re: TTCAL w/o 2/11
I’m having a real tough time realizing that this isn’t a chromosomal issue with the baby, this is likely an issue with my body and why it got stuck and didn’t implant where it should. I’m having a tough morning realizing what the medication is doing to the baby and how easily I signed the paperwork to get the methotrexate. I didn’t even blink. It’s like the logical part of me was there 100% and like my emotions were completely dead. I feel like a monster and I’m completely terrified this is will happen again (there’s a 15-20% chance it will if I O from that side.)
I really want this fucking medication to start working (it’s been a week) and I want to eat my healthy foods and greens that I’m craving but not allowed to eat. I hate that everyone here has/is experiencing loss, but feel alone as I don’t know anyone who has gone through an ectopic without needing surgery. So I’m also scared that after all this I’ll still need surgery, and scared that could further hurt my chances of getting the vbac I so want.
My H is gone on a work trip till Sunday, our 10 year anniversary is tomorrow (cliche I know) and I really just want some sushi and whiskey and I can’t even have that.
/rant /pityparty.
Eta I’m sorry if this isn't* where this kind of post is supposed to go, let me know if it shouldn’t and I’ll move/delete it.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
This is not your fault. You didn't chose any of this. And feeling numb comes with the territory. That doesn't make you a monster, it's your body or mind's way of protecting your heart from the crushing grief. You will feel more than enough grief in the days and weeks to come. But know this, you are no monster. You are readying your body to be able to support a pregnancy, and there was no choice.
Status:TTC- currently in the 2ww period. MC 12/18/18 - naturally at about 6 to 7 weeks
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I had a hard time this week because I have a cousin who just announced she was pregnant and due in August which is when my baby would have been due. I also have a coworker due in August so its hard to see them post all of the stuff and ultrasounds etc when I lost mine. I'm a therapist so I try to engage in positive self talk when I start getting down.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'm going to test on Saturday to see if anything happened this cycle. No doctors visits or tests coming up.
GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? Generally on time or a little before.
TW: ppl I know are KU
@silverbell7 I am in the same boat--my cousin's EDD is right around when mine would have been had I not had my CP. I am really lucky, though, and I (selfishly, I admit) told her this, and she's been super kind. She also isn't big on social, so phew. Honestly, I have been trying to avoid social media as much as possible bc of posts like those you've mentioned. It's definitely been helpful to my mental health, though I have one PG friend who, like, sends me bump shots on snapchat-- we are not really close enough for me to tell her, but it's getting to the point where I might email a mutual friend who is her BFF and see what she thinks I can do. I don't go on snapchat tooooo often, but I always want to look at the things ppl send me personally, and like-- I'm just tired of it, but don't want to be rude? Anyway. This somehow became all about me! ----> Good luck w/ your test on Sat. I am glad you have yourself to know how to engage in something like positive self talk, though I know that knowing what to do/think doesn't always mean we're capable of that level of positivity.
@dolewhipper I appreciate the honesty of your post. Hugs to you because unjust do not know what else to say. I don't know the official protocol on alcohol, but I foresee a vodka soda in my future. I may even dip into a cocktail for Valentine's Day dinner. I see the RE next week & I am going to be cleaning everything up.
Tonight, it is a bath with Epsom salt, stress relief candles, a mega ibuprofen, & a xanax. I have a friend's baby shower next weekend & have to pull myself together & buy a gift. **sigh**
@dolewhipper I really wish I had some words of comfort for you. Instead I can only offer internet hugs and promise we are all here for you.
@silverbell7 I had the same thing happen two weeks ago. A good friend told me her news and we would have been due the same month. It sucks.
@shamrocandroll I'm glad you're doing OK so far this week. 💚
@Spartanrd4 FX you cycle isn't thrown off. Mine was after my CP, but only by a few days.
@hanshotfirst77 good luck with your blood draw.
@ruby696 I hope that HCG is finally down to zero. You've been dealing with this for so long.
@kagestarshroom I am sorry you're struggling but it's good that your H is so supportive. Lean on each other as much as you can.
@omg1108 and @maserrano714 I'm sorry you find yourselves here. I definitely understand feeling guilt. Be kind to yourselves.
@bakerstreetboys I hope your appointment next week gives you some peace.
@kerco925 I'm sorry you're feeling down about this cycle. Hugs to you.
@radiohd18 I'm so very sorry you're struggling with your mental health. I hope you are doing what's best for you, that's so important.
@marebear15 so many hugs to you, sweetheart. Knowing what you should be seeing and experiencing is an awful feeling. 💜 The day that I would have had my first U/S and heard the heartbeat was so hard.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc: 1 loss @5 weeks, 1 day (CP)
Status: TWW
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am glad that I didn't O really late the cycle and that we had really good timing. I go back and forth about how I will feel about either result this cycle. I know I'll be crushed by a BFN but terrified by a BFP. I've also been avoiding seeing and directly speaking to my inlaws since our loss. *TW*
Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have my physical on Wednesday next week so I plan on testing that morning (9DPO) so I can answer yes/no when they ask.
GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? I am usually on time. I always want to be early but that almost never happens.
@emeraldduchess I think it’s fully within your right to respectfully say, “I’m so happy for them, but I’d really rather not talk about new babies with everything thats gone on” and change the subject if/when the topic comes up. Hopefully they get the point, and if not you totally should get up and walk to another room if they continue talking. Hugs
DH did ask his parents to stop sending us pictures and they did, but I don't think they totally got why it upset us. I think they might also be under the impression that we are "over it" or maybe since it was an early loss it was somehow "easier". I don't know, all I can think of is how to keep myself from getting upset and saying something I will regret.
@dolewhipper This is a safe space, vent whenever you feel the need to- we are here for you!
Went out to dinner yesterday with DH and it was a good time- ate raw oysters and drank all the wine, things I couldn't do if I was still KU. This am I got surprised with a bouquet of flowers with reeses peanut butter cups stuck on skewers amongst them. It's the little things that make me feel how very lucky I am considering all the shitty things we are going through.
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
@Spartanrd4 Yaaasss oysterssss. If I can't be PG, then at least I can be not-PG during oyster season, #amirite?
AFM: My appointment tomorrow can't come sooner. They're only seeing me after 1 week bc I'll be on vacay after 2, but I'm super glad because I have a zillion questions written down (okay like 7) & can't imagine having to wait any longer--though I would probably just Dr. Google my questions if I had to wait and/or call the office. They are nice about calling back w/ answers when I have called in the past.
@kagesstarshroom I hope you are able to get the answers you need and some peace at your appointment today.
Thanks for letting me vent about my inlaw situation, ladies. I really love my MIL and FIL, and I am very lucky that they've always been so good to me. While I do side-eye the insensitivity at times, I try to remember that they probably just don't know what to do/say, so they avoid the subject. Plus I think they are just so over the moon with SIL's baby it's not registering that not everyone's world is revolving around that child right now.
I've been having an especially hard time hearing about other pregnancies with June due dates because that would have been my due date before my first loss. However, a friend who I know was struggling with IF for years just posted this on FB, and I am just so overjoyed for her!!!
After 3 1/2 years and more than 170 injections, 36 ultrasounds, 28 blood draws, 5 egg retrievals, and hundreds of miles driven all over VT, NH and MA, our Rainbow arrives in June!
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
@emeraldduchess Thanks! It really did. I hope I can carry the peace of mind that I left with in me for a while--we shall see.
My follow-up appointment was basically textbook, but no u/s and she said we don't need to track my HGC down to zero, which, as I told her, "I like my blood & don't like parting with it," so I am fine w/ that? Thanks again to everyone for helping me get together a decent list of questions. I really like my OB--she is to the point but not in a way that is rude? And she is caring and understanding and also able to make me feel comfortable enough to crack a few jokes bc that's what I do, I guess, to relieve tension/try not to be too visibly upset. It was really REALLY hard going back into that office since last time I was there was the no good very bad news--harder than I thought.
My only worry is that the pains I have been having seem like they occur in relation/conjunction to eating/consumption, but they don't feel like my normal IBS pains, they are different? She said there's really no way for them to tell if it's bowel/uterus pain, but that the type of pain I was describing wasn't abnormal, so I should just keep doing what I have been for my IBS (which is, basically, eating healthy). Which like, okay fine, BUT then at the same time, bc it's different pain w/ not the same outcome I am used to w/ my IBS I feel like it has to be related to whatever's going on in there & so I am hoping they continue the trend of subsiding.
I have a lot to say today, sorry! This last one gets a big ol' TW bc it involves someone else's shower, ugh, & is long & whiny, too, which deserves its very own TW.
Oooo this is all sounding way more bitter on a reread than I wanted it to, oh boy. Serenity now!
Have you ever ever heard of the low FODMAP diet? I did it for awhile to find my trigger foods. It’s really restricting but it’s the only actual medical diet to help ibs. You might find relief!
And you dont don’t sound bitter in your tw. You sound 100% normal.
Short story long, in tru Kages fashion, I tried to tell my ob I wasn't eating anything out of the ordinary, I just felt like my pains were related to my eating, and maybe bc of my IBS. Yesterday was my best day thus far in terms of pains though--and my nasty post-sinus infection cough! It has become such a part of my life lol that I have barely mentioned it around here.
Ugh, I know you're in a totally different boat though and I am so sorry your body is being a biotch (are we allowed to say that on here?) At least there are.... so many different ways to prepare potatoes? (I am clearly feeling more like myself if I am trying to pull optimism out of thin air...)
@emeraldduchess Ugh, the bill after loss is the worst. I honestly just paid mine without looking at it because I couldn't bear to relive it. I really really hope for the sake of human decency they didn't sneak bogus charges into mine, because I honestly wouldn't have noticed. I still haven't gotten my bill for my most recent loss, but at least it shouldn't be as bad because it was much earlier and there wasn't as much involved. I'm sorry.
Also, side note: I tend to disappear on weekends because the mobile app is the worst, so I'm sorry for ghosting on important conversations like this!
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020