TTCAL w/o 2/11 — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

TTCAL w/o 2/11

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings?

Febrary TTGP Siggy: Animals in Love (TW below)



**TW: LC & loss**
Me: 33 | H: 38
DS: Nov 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
«1

Re: TTCAL w/o 2/11

  • edited February 11
    @Spartanrd4 I still haven't told my parents about my MMC or CP.  I just can't seem to find the right time or way of telling them.  They'll be up this weekend, and I mentioned to them that MH and I would love to go out for Valentine's Day...
    **TW
    if they could watch DS for us one night this weekend
    My mom made a comment about how they might want to go out themselves, and I know she wouldn't have hesitated to agree to it if she knew about the losses, but I also do not want to even remotely seem like I'm using them as leverage, so I guess I'm holding off a little bit longer to tell them.

    *edited for wordage  
    Febrary TTGP Siggy: Animals in Love (TW below)



    **TW: LC & loss**
    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
  • @Spartanrd4 Friendly poke: You may want to edit your original comment to add an LC TW/spoiler since this is the TTCAL thread.
    Febrary TTGP Siggy: Animals in Love (TW below)



    **TW: LC & loss**
    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
  • @shamrocandroll thanks I realized after my post that I had forgotten...Sorry about that.
    Me: 35      DH: 35
    Married: 8/16/2014
    TTC 6/2015
    BFP #1: 1/2016, MMC 3/2016 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 6/2016, DD born 3/1/17 at 39 weeks 1 day 
    BFP #3: 1/2019, CP (4 weeks 2 days)


    shamrocandroll
  • @kagesstarshroom ; So, the funny thing about it is we literally have 2 huge boxes of condoms from before I got my IUD in 2016, and we put them somewhere and can't for the life of us remember where.  I'll definitely buy more, but it's more the idea that there are two massive boxes of them somewhere in my house and I have no idea where at this point, hahaha!  And I'm glad my saying that helps you.  I don't know if I can necessarily say the loss itself is easier, so much as the process was a lot easier.  I didn't have as much time to process and become emotionally attached to the pregnancy... plus unfortunately I kind of went into it with more of a pessimistic mindset and didn't fully believe it when I got the positive.  I think PGAL brain played a pretty big role in that.  But I certainly do not want to imply that a CP is any less devastating of a loss.  That was just kind of the way my brain processed it after experiencing the MMC a few months ago.  Hugs, friend.  I wish neither of us were in the position to even need to have these kinds of feelings.  
    Febrary TTGP Siggy: Animals in Love (TW below)



    **TW: LC & loss**
    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    NYTino24
  • @kagesstarshroom I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope you enjoy the walk. I've found so far at least that my moods seem to come and go. One moment I start to feel like myself again and can get excited about moving forward and getting off the bench and the next I'm just sunk in depression. I hope it gets a little easier for the both of us soon. And I agree the temping/charting is helping me to feel at least somewhat productive. 

    @ruby696 Fx your test shows it's 0! It's so odd hoping for that, I am hoping the same for me on Thursday!

    TTC#1 - March 2013

    BFP 8/9/13 - EDD 4/14/14 - DS born 4/23/14

    TTC#2 November 2015

    Dx: Secondary IF June 2016

    Clomid+IUI -1/15/17 -BFN

    Break Mid 2017 - Resumed TTC December 2018

    "She believed she could so she did..."

    Femara+IUI 12/22/18 - BFP 1/4/19 - MMC 2/1/19

    shamrocandrollruby696kagesstarshroomNYTino24
  • @prpl11butterfly While I am hoping your Wed. HPT is positive (FX <3!) as someone who sits really well for tattoos (who knows why?), I wanted to give some advice, sorry if you've heard it all before! I always feel better when I've followed the artist's basic instructions (eating & drinking well before, for example.) The main thing I do that helps is focus on my breathing--this is something I do generally when I am in stressful situations. I like a tattoo artist who will distract me with good conversation--both of mine have been luckily able to do this for me and so kind! So maybe if you don't know the person, let them know if you want to chat during or not? Then when I am not chatting, I pay attention to breath. Yoga-type breathing is really helpful to me. 

    @omg1108 I hate that feeling of guilt--it is so stressful, and the rational side of me really fights against it. It's funny how I can know something is completely irrational but still not be able to help but to feel it. 

    @hanshotfirst77 Yes, the ups and downs are a good way to describe the difficulties, esp. when the downs are very very down. I just finished lunch & am getting ready for my walk now! I had to hold off because my neighbor got into a yelling match with someone walking by, and I called MH & he was like "lock the doors & do not leave the house." But that was over an hour ago, and I don't feel unsafe anymore. Also, at least one but probably both of our dogs would definitely defend me if anything were to happen (though I can't take either to the library haha). We live in a great neighborhood, but the neighbor that was involved, who lives behind us, is really bringing the place down. I don't have to walk by that house to get to the library though!

    @shamrocandroll Yes to all of that exactly esp. to not wanting to imply any type of loss is automatically weighted differently than another, which is why I hesitated to say/want to feel that this one has been harder for me even though it has. Similarly to you in terms of not having as much time to process, I didn't know I was PG until rriiiight before my CP because we had been NTNP (though I had been actually trying more than I let on to MH), and so I was a *whirlwind* of all sorts of emotions, including a grief I didn't recognize as such at first, which made it hard/hard to recognize as such in the long run. This time has been difficult for me I think for two major reasons, and one being its the 2nd loss (I was so optimistic! I am just like that...it's hard for me to currently not be, I feel like I am not myself.) And the other being I rearranged my whole life in my head and so every little thing reminds me of it. I didn't have time to do that last time. // I would be annnnnoyyyed about not knowing where those boxes are either! I hate spending money? Is a weird thing about me? So yeah, FX that you find them ^_~*.

    Okay, off to the library. I will let you all know if the book is any good, in case anyone is looking for/has been considering reading/purchasing an AL book. 


    shamrocandrollhanshotfirst77dolewhipper
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 15 week loss Dec 2018

    Status: cycle 2 after being benched 1 cycle. So technically cycle 3. 

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm struggling with people who haven't heard about my loss coming up to me and asking me when I'm due and how the baby is. Some days I handle it well and then days like today, I just bawl. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'm waiting for genetic testing for my angel baby. Plus...TW mention of cancer... I got a blood draw to test for breast cancer genes. My mom was diagnosed at 34 and I wanted to know if I carry any of the genes. End TW...

    GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? I'm usually late except for the rare occasion I'm slightly early or right on time. 

    maserrano714hanshotfirst77emeraldduchess
  • @shamrocandroll I'm glad you're feeling better emotionally. 

    @Spartanrd4 I was listening to a woman talking about pressuring her sister about when they were planning to have a baby. I just wanted to yell at her and tell her maybe she is trying and it isn't going well. Ugh, people just don't understand how hurtful they are being. I hope your family doesnt do that to you. 

    @hanshotfirst77 I also have a wondfo stash. They are just so cheap. I can pee on as many as I want and not feel bad about how much they cost. 


    @ruby696 CD1 over here too. I'm ready to start a fresh cycle. Hopefully you aren't benched much longer. 

    @kagesstarshroom I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Hugs❤

    @kbrown2385 don't hate me because I'm chronically late. I will be headed out the door on time but then, it never fails, someone has to poop. So then we wait and then we are late. 😫

    @omg1108 I have had the same guilt for wanting to move on and be pregnant again. I want it so bad that it actually hurts. So just know you spent alone. 

    @prpl11butterfly I'm so glad you're going forward with your tattoo. It will be beautiful. 



    shamrocandrollhanshotfirst77
  • @kagesstarshroom I'm so sorry for your loss. I too just had a D&C on 2/8 and I feel the same. So hard to be my usual optimistic self. I'm a mess of emotions. So glad your DH is supportive, I don't know what I would do without my DH by my side. Hope you enjoy your book.

    @omg1108 I feel the guilt also. Like something is wrong with me for not being able to carry these babies to full term but I try to pull myself out of that dark hole fast. But we will try again and have to overcome those feelings again because we are strong. Hope you feel better.

    @emeraldcity603 I'm sorry for your loss. I also have my good days and bad. Usually bad when I have to explain what happened to people. Good luck with your genetic testing. I too have to undergo testing also due to my mom's and aunt's and grandma's cancer history. Its never easy awaiting results. 

    AFM:

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: MMC @ 8wks 8/2018 & D&C @ 9wks 2/9/2019 

    Status: Benched, recovering

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just had a D&C last Fri due to MMC. I'm 2 for 2 so pretty upset. Still recovering from the surgery physically and emotionally. Have great support system but I know they are worried about me so I feel like I can't really show how distraught and broken I really am because they will worry more. I don't want to burden them but I also need to grieve so I feel stuck. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Waiting 4 pathology report from D&C. Have f/u appt on Thurs. 

    GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? I'm always late to everything even when I try not to, I end up being late. Something I need to work on.

    zuuls_momemeraldduchess
  • @maserrano714 I am so sorry our stories are so closely aligning here--though you do feel like my sort of Sister-in-Grief considering our d&cs were the same day, I also am "2 for 2" etc. I also have a good support system that I have trouble showing a darker/sadder/weaker side to, but for me it's been important to let them know that even though I will be okay, I am not okay right now & have been having really bad moments. There's this tweet I RTed once that was like "Even the people that appear the strongest often need your help." or something probably more poetic than that, and I always think of myself like that person that everyone thinks is fine, but sometimes I wish they knew how much I struggle? My follow-up is Friday--I don't know if we get/will get a pathology report w/ the d&c? I wonder if that is common--as far as I know (DH talked to the doc when I was under) no one mentioned it. Big hugs to you. Don't feel like you HAVE to be strong if you can't be--do what you need to for yourself, even if that is allowing yourself to be upset. 

    @prpl11butterfly Jealousy is an odd beast. Maybe DH can chat up the tattoo artist and you can listen amusedly to distract yrself. That could be... interesting... Also, thanks for your advice. I am being hyper-aware of my moods and their patterns in case I can learn anything about how to proceed moving forward. You are right that I need to give myself permission to do nothing. Thanks, I need to keep hearing that.

    AFM: Today is my first day back to work... I am glad for the distraction, but I am taking it easy. I am trying to make my lessons mostly the students doing work and me following up, rather than lectures (even though I very much enjoy lecturing!)

    I know this is  definitely different for all, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice on what might be good/standard to ask the doctor in my follow-up appointment (to my mmc/d&c) on Friday? This is loss #2 for me. The book I checked out from the library has some suggestions about possible testing I could ask for/about, but I want to make sure I go in with all the right questions, not just about possible testing, so I leave knowing as much as possible. I am a "need to know" sort of person. Being in the dark just ramps up my anxiety. My list, considering this, of what to ask is pretty slim. If there is a good Bump page or website that does this for me anyone knows about, a link would be useful as well. I've been having trouble finding decent resources online, which has been frustrating to me! Thanks in advance.
    NYTino24maserrano714shamrocandroll
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.  CP in May, Twin MMC in August.

    Status: TWW

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  Not very optimistic about this cycle.  More hopeful about next cycle, because it will be the first after 3 months of a healthier lifestyle.  

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?  None, but giving myself 1 more cycle after this one before seeking out some testing. 

    GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings?  I tend to be a few minutes early. 

    NYTino24maserrano714emeraldduchess
  • @kagesstarshroom I had a D&C but it was my first loss so they didn't do any genetic testing on the baby. I got some blood work to track Hcg and I got one draw every week until it went to zero. They ask you about any symptoms like bleeding/spotting/cramping and check to make sure everything is healed- no signs of infection. My OB seemed pretty confident that I would have no issues getting pregnant again and having a successful pregnancy which *TW I did end up getting pregnant 3 cycles after my MMC and having a LC TW* This time around after my CP my OB said if I have another miscarriage she would be willing to refer me for testing with a RE...so not sure because you had 2 consecutive if they will be more aggressive- I think age also has to do it with it because I am 35 right now and was 32 when I had the MMC. 
    Me: 35      DH: 35
    Married: 8/16/2014
    TTC 6/2015
    BFP #1: 1/2016, MMC 3/2016 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 6/2016, DD born 3/1/17 at 39 weeks 1 day 
    BFP #3: 1/2019, CP (4 weeks 2 days)


    NYTino24
  • @Spartanrd4 I hate when people like to have an opinion with whats going on in other people's uteruses.

    @ruby696 FX it's 0!

    @shamrocandroll @hanshotfirst77 @maserrano714 sending healing thoughts your way.  @omg1108 I'm feeling a lot of guilt, too.

    @emeraldcity603 FX you're not a carrier and the testing brings peace to you.

    @kagesstarshroom I hope the weather stays good and you can take more walks, and enjoy that book. I don't have any advise on testing, but hope these ladies have some direction. Today was my first day back at work, too. 



    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. ectopic found 2/19. 

    Status: benched

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? It's been 5 days since I got the methotrexate and I'm still waiting for it to work. DH left on a work trip yesterday and won't get back till Sunday. Our 10 year dating anniversary is Thursday. I had a really good weekend in spite of it all; my best friend I was going to DIsneyland with came to me instead, and my sister came up as well. They were really able to take my mind off things, but now I don't even have DH at home. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? I had hcg levels pulled yesterday and probably will again Thursday/Friday. I get to have a rhogam shot today after work to add insult to injury. I have a dr appt next Tuesday to go over blood work, get an u/s, and next steps from those findings.

    GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? Honestly, late. But I HATE IT. I usually leave with more time than I think. TW

    DD is making things like getting some place or even drops offs take foreverrrrr. 2 year olds. 

    NYTino24maserrano714emeraldduchess
  • @dolewhipper I had to have the rhogam shot too. It's kind of like salt in the wound. Ugh sorry you needed it too. I hope the medicine works soon for you. Hugs!

    TTC#1 - March 2013

    BFP 8/9/13 - EDD 4/14/14 - DS born 4/23/14

    TTC#2 November 2015

    Dx: Secondary IF June 2016

    Clomid+IUI -1/15/17 -BFN

    Break Mid 2017 - Resumed TTC December 2018

    "She believed she could so she did..."

    Femara+IUI 12/22/18 - BFP 1/4/19 - MMC 2/1/19

    dolewhipper
  • @kagesstarshroom I would ask that your doctor track your hcg down to zero with betas if they just to a TV US and tell you you're good to go. You might not be. That's my life currently. I would also ask how long before your uterus can support a new pregnancy. I did not ask that question and I'm currently dealing with that now, too. Those would be my only suggestions. I hope your first day back at work is a good one.  <3

    @dolewhipper Good luck with your testing. I didn't mind the testing because it felt like I was still doing something. I hope you get some answers.

    @bakerstreetboys It's so hard to stay positive when you've been through so much. Hugs to you. <3

    @maserrano714 I am so very sorry you're back. Hugs to you, too.  <3
    dolewhipperkagesstarshroommaserrano714bakerstreetboys
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 MMC in 2018 (Feb and Nov)

    Status: benched

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  I've been dealing with some mental health stuff lately, sorry for being MIA the last week or so. I have been lurking, tho, just no energy to post because I'm tired or saying the same damn thing about myself. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Got my blood test results and everything came back normal. I also had my ultrasound last weekend and the technician said that I have two large fibroids at the top of my ute but that they are not in the lining so they shouldn't have an effect on carrying a baby successfully. I knew about the fibroids but didn't realize that one of them is about 4 cm. I am waiting for the doctor to review the report and provide some input. I have little faith that anything productive will come of this and they'll tell me to just keep trying.

    GTKY: Are you usually early or late to scheduled events/meetings? For meetings, I am always early or on-time. I prefer to be early so I have a chance to compose myself and chill for a minute. For social engagements, it depends on what it is. If there's a large party, I will probably not be the first one to arrive.

    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerMe: 39  H: 37
    Married: 8 years

    ***TW***

    ****trigger warning****


    1 LC, girl 4 years old

    TTC #2 Summer 2017

    BFP 1/5/2018, MC (D & E) 2/23/2018

    TTCAL May 2018

    BFP 9/20/2018, MC (D & E) 11/16/2018 :'(

    NYTino24maserrano714emeraldduchessdolewhipper
  • @emeraldcity603 definitely don’t hate you haha. At least you make an attempt to be on time. There are people, like my sister, who just flat out don’t care about anyone else’s time and are just late to be late. That’s what irritates me lol.
  • @kagesstarshroom I asked about testing in the recovery room and they said the doc ordered some tests on the fetus. It might be due to my age (I'm 40) and the fact that it's my 2nd MMC. When I met with my OB during my ultrasound, he mentioned they normally wait after 3 losses but he didn't want to wait for another one especially because of my age. They will also be testing me after I recover. He told me I'm what they call a habitual aborter. What a horrible term right? He said it's what they use for coding. I thought it was RPL. At least that sounds better. Sorry I can't be of more help. I don't know the details of the testing (names, etc.). Once I do, I will let you know.
    kagesstarshroom
  • ruby696ruby696 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited February 12
    @maserrano714 Omg that is an awful term. That's probably information you could have done without. I'm sorry.  <3

    PS - I guess I'm a habitual aborter too (yay RPL), so you're not alone.

    ETA: damn autocorrect 
    maserrano714
  • @prpl11butterfly @bakerstreetboys I have not yet found the two huge boxes, but I did find like 8 of them outside of the box in a random beer box that I emptied my nightstand drawer into a while ago because my parents were going to be staying at our house for a week while we were away.  Now I'm questioning if I somehow maybe used the rest of them?  But that would have been a very excessive amount of protected sex that I feel like I would have remembered.  :lol:

    @kagesstarshroom I had 2 consecutive losses, and my OB said they wouldn't start to recommend testing until it's been 3 losses, and I'm still far more likely to go on to have a healthy pregnancy than not, so that was comforting to hear.  She also told me that I could still request to have testing done if I really wanted to rule things out, and that was totally in my rights to ask for.  She did tell me there's no medical reason for me to take a break from trying at this point, but did say she thought it was a good idea after I told her I felt like I needed one to reset a bit.  So I guess kind of mixed messages there.  I also asked her if there was anything I should be doing diet-wise, and she said in general it's good to work on being healthy overall, but that nothing specific was really proven to help with this.  Our issue isn't necessarily getting pregnant.  It's more staying pregnant.

    @dolewhipper @hanshotfirst77 I also had to get the rhogam... twice in the last 3 months.  I agree it's definitely like being kicked while you're down.  My office also requires them to draw blood each time before they can administer the rhogam.  So basically it's: sorry for your loss, please go to the lab to have your blood drawn, and then come back here tomorrow so we can stab you in the butt.  They're obviously a lot more tactful about it than that, but that's how it feels.  
    Febrary TTGP Siggy: Animals in Love (TW below)



    **TW: LC & loss**
    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    kagesstarshroomdolewhipperbakerstreetboys
  • @shamrocandroll it was exactly the same for me. Had to do the blood draw and then bend over for your shot haha. I felt the same way about it as you. 

    TTC#1 - March 2013

    BFP 8/9/13 - EDD 4/14/14 - DS born 4/23/14

    TTC#2 November 2015

    Dx: Secondary IF June 2016

    Clomid+IUI -1/15/17 -BFN

    Break Mid 2017 - Resumed TTC December 2018

    "She believed she could so she did..."

    Femara+IUI 12/22/18 - BFP 1/4/19 - MMC 2/1/19

    shamrocandroll
  • Thank you so much to all who are helping me decide what I should be asking/what I might expect in my follow-up Friday! Here's to you, @shamrocandroll @maserrano714 @ruby696 @Spartanrd4 <3 <3 <3 <3 

    ruby696Spartanrd4shamrocandrollmaserrano714
  • @marebear15 I'm so, so sorry you're struggling today.  Big, big hugs.  You are welcome here whenever you feel ready, but please take however much time you need until then.  You're allowed to feel all of the feelings.  <3 
    Febrary TTGP Siggy: Animals in Love (TW below)



    **TW: LC & loss**
    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    marebear15kagesstarshroom
  • @marebear15 I'm so sorry today is such a hard day for you. I felt like I could have written that post a week ago. It was supposed to be a scan to confirm growth and see a happy healthy little baby but instead I went into make sure my uterus was empty from the MMC. 

    Sending you big hugs today <3

    TTC#1 - March 2013

    BFP 8/9/13 - EDD 4/14/14 - DS born 4/23/14

    TTC#2 November 2015

    Dx: Secondary IF June 2016

    Clomid+IUI -1/15/17 -BFN

    Break Mid 2017 - Resumed TTC December 2018

    "She believed she could so she did..."

    Femara+IUI 12/22/18 - BFP 1/4/19 - MMC 2/1/19

    marebear15kagesstarshroom
  • @marebare15 I am really sorry, lots of hugs going your way. 
    Me: 35      DH: 35
    Married: 8/16/2014
    TTC 6/2015
    BFP #1: 1/2016, MMC 3/2016 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 6/2016, DD born 3/1/17 at 39 weeks 1 day 
    BFP #3: 1/2019, CP (4 weeks 2 days)


    marebear15kagesstarshroom
  • @marebear15 I will more than likely feel those same feelings next week. Sending so much healing and peace your way 
    kagesstarshroommarebear15
  • @marebear15 Ugh, I'm sorry. Milestone dates are so hard.  <3
    marebear15
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