@eatinwatermelonseeds literally, we only have a book shelf that we already had and a rocking chair. I just know my MIL bought our crib and is having it shipped her so we cleaned the carpets and I’ve been shopping Etsy for nursery decor and the floral letters are like $100 so I just made my own. I did a lot of DIY stuff for our wedding, including making my own brooch bouquet. I like doing this kind of stuff.
@eatinwatermelonseeds not sure if this will make you feel better, but I’m Jewish and it’s an old-school superstition not to bring any baby gear into the house until the baby is born. I know lots of people who got literally nothing for the baby (except maybe the car seat to take it home in) and just clicked order on a massive Amazon order from the hospital. And it all works out!! Not suggesting you do that, of course — just pointing out that people do fine without much prep!
I had my baby shower at 27 weeks which was really perfect for us - I felt good, I wasn't gigantic and thought I still looked cute, and we were really busy so it gave me lots of time to slowly get things together. Also, since we had it right at the beginning of third tri, I had so much time to buy everything else I needed! His nursery wasn't done until 36-37 weeks (born at 39) but I loved not having to stress. People kept telling me it was too early to have a shower and I'm like - what does that even mean?! I loved that timing. But anyway, @eatinwatermelonseeds, you DO have time! I had barely anything until 27 weeks...we may have gotten his dresser and crib by then but that's about it. This time around I do have all of DSs stuff but for her specifically, just a changing table and some clothes. She'll be sharing DSs dresser.
Am I horrible for planning on literally doing nothing to the nursery and just doing a whole new room for DD? Sorry second kid, zero effort for you! Ideally, I want to get DD into her new room 2 months, 1.5 at the latest, before due date. I just don't want her to feel like the baby is pushing her out of her life, and it'll give her a chance to get used to the room before her life is upended again.
@poshspice I think that makes total sense. Hype it up as being her big girl room and allow her to help make little decisions so she feels like it’s because she growing up and not because the baby is coming.
@poshspice we are in a similar state. Ds2 is still in the crib the room is still very much a nursery, but pregnant nesting in me is like should I do something to change up the room for this kid? Ds2 is going to be moving to ds1’s bedroom, but we need a loft or a bunk bed for them first. Originally we were planning to move him after baby because we figured baby would be in our room until about 6 months, but #1 i kind of want to make this room a nursery for ds3, not just an hand me down nursery (totally blaming hormones for this irrational need) and #2 part of me thinks we should move ds2 because maybe ds1 would actually stay in his room all night if his brother was there with him.
@poshspice That's what we did. DD2 got the exact nursery DD1 did and DD1 got her big girl room. We moved her in right at her second birthday in December and the baby came mid-April. I did this timing because, like you, I wanted her to have time in her new room so that was "her" room and she didn't feel like the baby was moving into her space.
On another note, DH bought me the book Toddlers are A**hole for Christmas. I've always said DD2 was way more "two" than DD1 ever was (I think your see more of the 'terrible' twos in subsequent children), but it seems like ever since I got the book she's gotten even worse. I think she's sneaking It into bed at night and doing research 🤣 I kid, obviously, but my word, she's gotten so much more unbelievably irrational and challenging...and I thought she was tough before!
@imrachellea that might be the 3s creeping in. I didn't find either one of mine really had the "terrible twos". They were toddlers and testing limits but nothing too extreme. DD2 is SO three though. She's got a full-on threenager thing going, full of 'tude. Her favourite phrase is "but that's not fair!" in the whiniest voice you can imagine. People have told me that three is the worst, and while I would agree that the 3 year old attitude is just flipping awful, its also hilariously cute. So I'm trying to just roll with it. DH and I laugh about her naughty behaviour and comments after she's in bed, and we just hope that 4 comes early, haha.
@mcewen3@robyn2201 Three was definitely way worse with DD1, two wasn't a big deal for her. Four got better, and we're only a couple weeks into five. It isn't whining with DD2, it's the complete irrationality. For instance tonight I was putting her to bed and she's trying to stall. She says she wants a book, which I'd already read, but whatever I read. I ask if she wants the book in bed, she says no, so I put it on top of her book shelf and she freaks out and says *Not There!!" so I knock it on the ground and she gasps and starts bawling, so I put it *in* the bookshelf, she says no again, finally flabbergasted I ask where and she wails "I can't know!!!" (her way of saying I don't know). So I just walked out after a kiss. I didn't know what else to do and it was an hour past her bedtime. She also will say things like "I want Mommy I don't want Mommy I *want* mommy" all in one breathe. It's like toddler purgatory.
Ugh 3 was straight hell on Earth for us. 2 was difficult, but it was nothing like 3. Our struggles are a bit different than normal, though. I'm sorry @imrachellea that is not a fun stage at all.
Does anyone else ever feel guilty walking around in public with their pregnant bellies? When we were struggling, I remember watching pregnant women with wonder and sadness. I wanted so badly to be there again. Whenever I notice a woman looking at my belly, I fear she's feeling the same thing. And I have no idea how to get rid of that feeling. I didn't think of it last time, but we tried on and off for 3 years this time.
@imrachellea My DD is doing those same things, and it is frustrating. Breakfast the other day she wanted oatmeal, no cereal, no oatmeal with cream and sugar and when I set the oatmeal down in front of her, she said "I said cereal!" 🤪
@eatinwatermelonseeds I don’t in general public, probably because I don’t have experience with fertility or conceiving struggles. However, I do around DHs extended family. He has a cousin that has been trying every month for 17 months to conceive but her husband is 41 and his swimmers aren’t swimming (they had his sperm tested). She has really been struggling because it only took DH and I 4 months after our wedding to conceive, it was only our second cycle trying, and we are the youngest cousins on that side. It’s a very fine line I’m trying to tread because, while I know she’s happy for us, her heart breaks for her struggle. They are doing an IVF implantation next month and I pray every day it sticks. I cannot imagine the feeling.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I don't struggle in general public, but like @mrskoz428 said I feel guilty around family and co-workers that I know either struggle or have loses. When I see first sharing with co-workers I nonchalantly asked one of our teacherd who was pretty newly married if she and her husband were going to have kids and she told me she'd actually had a miscarriage a month prior and didn't share with anyone at work because she was new and it was early in the year. I felt awful.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I don't feel guilty in public because honestly pregnant women are part of society and that's a risk you take going out in the world. I remember feeling sad looking at pregnant bellies when we were TTC, but like... it's part of life. Just like I don't feel guilty if my kid, sitting in her paid-for airplane seat starts throwing a fit. It's public transportation, babies, pregnant people, etc are part of society. BUT this is yet another reason I haven't posted about my pregnancy on social media. I do care about the feelings of people I know IRL, and those pregnancy announcements sting a bit. The birth of a baby is a real life event and we will probably post that because it changes our family with a whole new person, but I don't need to hurt people with pregnancy/bump posts.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I don't feel guilty in public because honestly pregnant women are part of society and that's a risk you take going out in the world. I remember feeling sad looking at pregnant bellies when we were TTC, but like... it's part of life. Just like I don't feel guilty if my kid, sitting in her paid-for airplane seat starts throwing a fit. It's public transportation, babies, pregnant people, etc are part of society. BUT this is yet another reason I haven't posted about my pregnancy on social media. I do care about the feelings of people I know IRL, and those pregnancy announcements sting a bit. The birth of a baby is a real life event and we will probably post that because it changes our family with a whole new person, but I don't need to hurt people with pregnancy/bump posts.
I know this is not the point of your post, but I agree so much with this!
@eatinwatermelonseeds Me me me. I had 2 MCs and I could not stand seeing pregnant bellies for that entire year. I even hated it when I was pregnant with DD. I had a spa weekend with my 3 best girlfriends this weekend and my bff is pregnant with her 2nd after 10 years of IF treatment. In the spa, there were 3 other pregnant women and all I could think about is how awful it would be for any woman who is struggling to be hoping for a relaxing spa day and seeing is.
@chloe97 I was beginning to think I was the only one. I understand social media, but they can unfollow me if they see I'm pregnant. I have been in situations where I was standing near people for a while and it's difficult to escape that.
Before I got pregnant with DS1, I found out I had hydrosalpinx (which inevitably led to the removal of my tube this year due to severe pain). I remember sitting in the OB office, I can't remember why but they had me in the waiting room for FIVE HOURS. I cried silently as I watched pregnant women come and go. It was terrible. I just wanted to curl up in a ball. This year when I had my follow up after removing my right tube and finding out my left was blocked, I felt miserable every time I saw a pregnant woman. Pregnancy announcements were terrible for me, but seeing it in person was miserable. I know it's life, and it can't be avoided and I NEVER would've wanted those women to feel guilty for being pregnant, I just can't help but feel bad.
I am late to the conversation but for me, I was most upset about pregnancies that were accidental. It stings when other people are able to get pregnant when ttc and have babies, but I can look aside and be happy for them. It is part of life. However, I knew of a couple of people that had unplanned pregnancies while we were trying and those really stung. It felt so unfair.
@lappymom2019 I get that. My friend's sister is a heroin addict and she had 3 unplanned pregnancies and babies in the time we were trying. The first pregnancy occurred before we were trying, but baby was born after I got off bc. The other two came about during that time. Every time she got pregnant, my heart broke and I was just so angry.. Especially the subsequent pregnancies. She didn't take care of the babies she had, but she just got to keep making more. So frustrating.
I also don't feel guilty walking around but knowing people who have had losses and struggled with IF is part of why I keep it off of social media when I'm pregnant for the most part (posted a pic at 6 months - ETA with DD since we are not that far yet! - but it wasn't an official announcement, just me and DH in the spot where we got married by the lake we go to in the summer on our anniversary). Many people took it as an announcement but the one friend who I knew had been struggling the longest I had already told via email and she immediately cut us out of her life and unfollowed me on social media (they are now due in Feb but I don't think she'll ever reach out). I go through phases of more contact with certain friends from high school and college (we're all spread out) but *TW* I feel awkward reaching out to my 2 friends who had miscarriages while I was early on in my pregnancy. I think about them both almost every day (one had a MC and got pregnant right after, the other was waiting to try 2 months per her doctor). I last talked to them both before the holidays so I'll reach out again soon.
@kvh22 Though it’s not really your responsibility, I’d try reaching out to the friend with infertility issues. Once is enough. I cut out a lot of people in my darkest hours of infertility and I felt like I didn’t deserve to come back into my friends lives afterwards. I found the entire experience very isolating. I reached out to several but it was really hard, and I’ve really appreciated the friends who have continually reached out to me to let me know they were there for me whenever I was ready.
@kvh2@jkduer I've had it both ways- I had to cut a friend out of my life for 6 months when I miscarried because our due dates had been 6 days apart and it was too hard to be around her. I sent her a long email apologizing and we since made up, but I know it was hard for her. I have been completely cut out of the life of a close friend who lost her first child when I did (November 2015) who has gone through IF hell. She just had her second donor egg transfer fail at almost 40. I just don't know if I will ever hear from her again. I haven't reached out to her about this pregnancy and don't plan to. I figure someone else will tell her eventually. Our mutual childfree friends (some childfree by choice, others bc of IF or never meeting the right father) think she is completely irrational and needs to get over it because they have. But I get it. It's a special kind of hell that I would wish on no one.
@jkduer@chloe97 thanks for the insight. I just sent her a note. I'm still kind of worried that finding out we're going to have our second child 3 months after they have their first when they started trying before us might be upsetting to her if she does decide to respond but it's out of my hands. I tried to be positive and sincere without obligating her to respond.
Re: Randoms week of 12/31
Did some crafting today for Miss Tennyson’s nursery today. I love it! 💕💕
@DuchessOfCambridge I’m having mine at 28 weeks because it’s the only time my sister can come from NYC. I think that’s what’s motivating me.
Also @misskimsue you got PM!
On another note, DH bought me the book Toddlers are A**hole for Christmas. I've always said DD2 was way more "two" than DD1 ever was (I think your see more of the 'terrible' twos in subsequent children), but it seems like ever since I got the book she's gotten even worse. I think she's sneaking It into bed at night and doing research 🤣 I kid, obviously, but my word, she's gotten so much more unbelievably irrational and challenging...and I thought she was tough before!
Before I got pregnant with DS1, I found out I had hydrosalpinx (which inevitably led to the removal of my tube this year due to severe pain). I remember sitting in the OB office, I can't remember why but they had me in the waiting room for FIVE HOURS. I cried silently as I watched pregnant women come and go. It was terrible. I just wanted to curl up in a ball. This year when I had my follow up after removing my right tube and finding out my left was blocked, I felt miserable every time I saw a pregnant woman. Pregnancy announcements were terrible for me, but seeing it in person was miserable. I know it's life, and it can't be avoided and I NEVER would've wanted those women to feel guilty for being pregnant, I just can't help but feel bad.