@lzzfrancisco yeah, being older and dealing with aging and eventually dying parents is one of my major reasons for maybe considering a sibling in the future. Besides, having three siblings definitely made it easier for me to make the decision to move and settle down halfway across the world, guilt-wise.
I do worry about what we’ll do when my IL’s are so old they’ll need care, H and I will have to deal with everything ourselves. Then again there’s no guarantee a sibling would help, some people end up being deadbeats and then you’ll have to deal with them too, on top of taking care of your parents. Bottom line, there’s no right or wrong answer to what a family should look like.
DS born 2/18/2019 DD born 4/1/2023 Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
DH doesn’t get sibling dynamics with our kids either because he didn’t have a normal experience.
And we’ll both have to deal with caring for our parents alone and dealing with their estates (not to mention actually losing them). We’re both dreading that.
@kayjay44 I am sorry you are still having issues. This might be selfish to say but if you are looking for any good, you help me know I can make it through. You have been dealing with this with kids and here I am a ftm and feeling like three more months will kill me. You may feel like utter crap but you are constantly an inspiration.
In other news, after being so sick yesterday, took it easy today with my helper. My mood is slowly improving, only cried once sp far! Somewhat wishing DH amd I didn't make dinner plans with friends tonight. I did "practice" the swaddle though, lol
FWIW, I’m an only child and I really enjoyed it as a kid but now, as an adult dealing with aging parents, it is exhausting. It’s probably a large reason why I went from “one and done” after having my DD to now being pregnant with #3.
@grebretso- Your last sentence is 💯. As a third child, raised by a single mom, with an older brother who was adopted before I was born and who is my favorite person in my family, and a blood-sister who I cannot remotely relate to, yes, family is whatever you want it to be!
@okayestmom12- If I had that outfit for him, that would be my son. He loves ponytails and my headbands and is fascinated by makeup. 👍👍
We’ve got no gender rules here - I know some people’s DH’s particularly aren’t cool with boys doing girl things and visa versa (in my other BMBs I see this), but that would never fly with me and DH agrees that our kids should be who they want to be (unless that’s an asshole or a serial killer, obviously). DD is pretty princess-y, despite us not pushing that on her, but she likes to get dirty, play with trucks, more stereotypically boy things. DS loves sports and cars, but he also wears dresses and pretends to be a queen (and gets mad if you don’t address him as such).
We also dont let shit fly with our families or strangers pushing gender norms on our kids - we’re raising our kids to be kids and to find their own likes and dislikes and not pigeonholing them. Sorry not sorry if that bothers someone - I’m sorry you’re not more comfortable in your own gender that you can’t be comfortable with my boy in a dress with painted nails or my girl who wants to learn how to fish.
The bay is still selling one of the recall models... and I am sure Westcoast kids (or something) is also, because the price was like 80$ lower than normal.
I agree with all of the frustration re:kids and gender. This is boy #2 and we’ve already gotten multiple comments on when we will have #3, are you disappointed it’s not a girl, will you keep trying until you have a girl. Listen people, this kid is barely halfway done baking. Slow your fucking roll. And it’s none of your business.
I think a facebook conversation is a good idea (though I do already see a thread started so my comment is pointless)
we have one daughter and have two more on the way. I always wanted boys until DD came and all I wanted was another girl (but obviously would be happy with either gender). Now that were having twin girls soo many ask if we will try for a boy. A) no. We always said no more then 2 kids (but are excited to have three) b) it never mattered the gender. We wouldnt have tried for a thrid regardless of gender. So annoying people think if you don’t have both genders that you are unsatisfied.
We don’t raise DD to any gender roles. She does what she wants. Literally. Shes demanding ha. But she wears dresses, plays with trucks, in the mud, plays with worms. Kids will be kids. I was a “tom boy” for lack of better word when I was a kid. Didnt do anything girly. Played with all the boys, sports, wore baggy clothes. It was fun and I did what I wanted. Nowadays somehow thas a bad thing? Heaven forbid kids be kids.
I can never tell if MIL means what she is saying with emojis or if she’s using the wrong one. She just sent me this. She hated her mom in a lot of ways so I have no idea how to respond to this.
@kayjay44 haha yes thats a hard code to crack. Not going to lie I laughed when i read it. More so the fact that older generations always use them incorrectly ha.
LOVING this gender role conversation!!! I was away all afternoon and got so psyched when I saw almost 50 unread posts. AND THEY WERE ALL COOL AND SUPPORTIVE AND NICE AND NO DRAMA LLAMAS!
Funnily enough after I got off the app my DS asked for my makeup mirror and a brush. Then he got pissed when I wouldn’t give him my bronzer lol he already ruined one!
@grebretso yup kid ain’t even born and people want to know when we’re going for the girl.
People in this society just don’t know how to talk about kids. I have friends who don’t want children and people berate them as to why. Who cares it’s their decision. My cousin who is the same age as me and we are basically sisters, can’t have children. And it is all she has ever wanted so when people ask her when are you having kids etc it’s so incredibly painful - being that I know this I am now better about asking the question of others. You just never know what may be going on in people’s lives and you shouldn’t assume.
@danixbanani24 Ughhh that's terrible regarding your cousin! Never ask childless people when/if they're having kids, you have no idea who are struggling. Someone asked me when we were going to have have kids a week after my CP, it was awful. Besides, there's nothing wrong with not wanting children either. A friend of mine just turned 40, and she told me her family have finally stopped pestering her within the last year or so. They started pestering her when she got married at 25. That's 15 year of incessant nagging! Dear lord.
Basically people won't be happy until you have two kids, one of each gender. Nothing more, nothing less.
DS born 2/18/2019 DD born 4/1/2023 Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
@danixbanani24 one of my friends had a boy 9 years ago, and everyone asked and asked and asked why they werent having another. Unfortunately they tried for a very very long time but couldnt. It was heartbreaking when people asked. And my cousin had a girl, but multiple miscarriages after and again people hounded. Mind your business people. You have no clue whats going on in other peoples lives. PRIVATE lives
@grebretso - My 3.5 year old son loves to play dinosaurs and trucks while wearing a princess dress 🤷🏼♀️
Thank you. I haven't opened up about this here yet, but as a gender non-conforming masc of center person, I love this. I come from a fanatically religious family that physically punished expressions outside the socially perscribed binary, and this makes my heart sing.
This matters so freaking much. While your child may not fall outside the perscribed binary when they are older, your loving support now is exemplary parenting.
“My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage." - Aunt Frances”
I haven't kept a meal down (or much fluid) in two days. That's on Unisom and Zofran. Waiting to hear back from my MW because I don't even know what to do at this point.
@kayjay44 we are the same way in our household. If my son wants his nails painted with his sisters, great! If he wants to walk in moms heels around the house, great! Their childhood is too precious to waste time worrying about what society thinks they should or shouldn't be doing IMO.
Our RainbowBaby H arrived at 37 weeks on 12/20/16!
Baby E arrived at 37 weeks on 01/31/15!
Married my Marine 05.23.14
*TW* TWIN LOSS 7.2.15 BFP 9.7.15 CP BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16 BFP 10.14.17 CP BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
Re: Weekly randoms 11/12-11/16
I do worry about what we’ll do when my IL’s are so old they’ll need care, H and I will have to deal with everything ourselves. Then again there’s no guarantee a sibling would help, some people end up being deadbeats and then you’ll have to deal with them too, on top of taking care of your parents. Bottom line, there’s no right or wrong answer to what a family should look like.
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
And we’ll both have to deal with caring for our parents alone and dealing with their estates (not to mention actually losing them). We’re both dreading that.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
In other news, after being so sick yesterday, took it easy today with my helper. My mood is slowly improving, only cried once sp far! Somewhat wishing DH amd I didn't make dinner plans with friends tonight. I did "practice" the swaddle though, lol
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
@okayestmom12- If I had that outfit for him, that would be my son. He loves ponytails and my headbands and is fascinated by makeup. 👍👍
“Hey cool, pink lipstick” and continues dancing.
We also dont let shit fly with our families or strangers pushing gender norms on our kids - we’re raising our kids to be kids and to find their own likes and dislikes and not pigeonholing them. Sorry not sorry if that bothers someone - I’m sorry you’re not more comfortable in your own gender that you can’t be comfortable with my boy in a dress with painted nails or my girl who wants to learn how to fish.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
@kayjay44 love your take on raising kids and gender.
People need to learn to keep their mouth shut.
I think a facebook conversation is a good idea (though I do already see a thread started so my comment is pointless)
we have one daughter and have two more on the way. I always wanted boys until DD came and all I wanted was another girl (but obviously would be happy with either gender). Now that were having twin girls soo many ask if we will try for a boy. A) no. We always said no more then 2 kids (but are excited to have three) b) it never mattered the gender. We wouldnt have tried for a thrid regardless of gender. So annoying people think if you don’t have both genders that you are unsatisfied.
We don’t raise DD to any gender roles. She does what she wants. Literally. Shes demanding ha. But she wears dresses, plays with trucks, in the mud, plays with worms. Kids will be kids. I was a “tom boy” for lack of better word when I was a kid. Didnt do anything girly. Played with all the boys, sports, wore baggy clothes. It was fun and I did what I wanted. Nowadays somehow thas a bad thing? Heaven forbid kids be kids.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
@grebretso yup kid ain’t even born and people want to know when we’re going for the girl.
People in this society just don’t know how to talk about kids. I have friends who don’t want children and people berate them as to why. Who cares it’s their decision. My cousin who is the same age as me and we are basically sisters, can’t have children. And it is all she has ever wanted so when people ask her when are you having kids etc it’s so incredibly painful - being that I know this I am now better about asking the question of others. You just never know what may be going on in people’s lives and you shouldn’t assume.
Basically people won't be happy until you have two kids, one of each gender. Nothing more, nothing less.
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
This matters so freaking much. While your child may not fall outside the perscribed binary when they are older, your loving support now is exemplary parenting.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
Hopefully your MW will come up with something!
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18