I took DHs last name because it made me more connected to my ancestry. I'm Italian, French and Finn. Since my maternal great grands came from Italy and I'm closer with that side of my family, I'm more involved in that then the rest of my heritage. My maiden name was pretty standard (not smith but about as generic). DH has a much more Italian last name.
I took MH last name but kept my maiden name as a middle name. I use my maiden name at work since that's what people in the legal community know me as and I use it so often, I feel like that's more my name than my married name. Not gonna lie, I enjoy that most people still know me as my maiden name. Only my close family/friends know what my legal name is. Also shields me from crazy people I meet through work, which is a huge plus.
I have no problem when I am called Mrs. Married Last Name. I took my husband's last name and don't judge people for taking it or not taking it. I just don't like being called Mrs. Husband's First and Last name. That's weird to me
I kept my maiden name, but don't mind when people call me Mrs. Married name...as long as they use my first name! So I will "assume" his last name for sake of convenience, but kept my own legally. So I have no problem with someone referring to us as the "L family".
I think I am a weird opposite on this. I kept my maiden last name but go by my married last name to the point friends and family believe I changed it. The only time it ever caused confusion was at the hospital, when family/friends asked for “Mrs. Husbands last name” and no record of that person exists at the hospital and your baby is known as baby “maiden name” even if you have already filled out a birth certificate with a different last name. That’s how my parents and his found out I never changed it lol.
I took my husband’s last name because I wanted to be the “C family” and not feel like I didn’t belong with a different last name. As a child, my extended family made me feel I didn’t belong because I had a different last name (mom had several brothers so all my cousins had the same last name). Thankfully it’s not a big deal anymore since all the girls keep getting married and changing their names
@Dcwtada I did the same thing and it was super confusing when DD was born. Family and friends couldn’t find me because they asked for the “wrong” last name. The hospital staff kept asking if we were legally married like they have never seen a married woman with her own last name. After 3 years I finally made the legal change.
@mamamaggie524 I am glad I wasn’t the only one! My parents were so confused. I kept my maiden name because I was known by it in my professional circle (oddly enough I got into a pretty small niche of analytics) and I was worried taking his name I’d lose my, recognizability or reputation, I guess?
Now that I am pretty much assured of not going back to work I may change it. I love my maiden name but just like old childhood traditions I think I am ready to start my own new ones
Oh no, I'm not insulted or anything! It takes a lot more than that to bug me . I know everyone is just voicing how they prefer it. I totally forgot about that aspect, but I didn't want any confusion with our kids either. I didn't want to have a different last name than them, and I didn't want a crazy long last name either. I just wanted one family name. Much easier for me. I'm lazy like that.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I am nervous over not having the same last name as my kid particularly due to the fact that my husband is biracial and i am white as the day is long. Depending who he/she takes after I feel like down the road there may be some issues with me having my maiden name and the kid likely having my husbands name exclusively.
@Dcwtada I was married before DH and it had been such a pain to change my name on everything when I got married and then back to my maiden name when I got divorced. I just didn’t want to deal with it again to be honest.
Even after the legal change, I still get questions and confusion because our last name is hyphenated. Everyone assumes it is both of our last names and we changed it together. Nope. DH’s last name is a hyphenated version of his parents and I just took it on. Every couple of months I’ll ask him why he didn’t just take my maiden name. Much less difficult to explain.
My MIL still uses her married name even though her and FIL got divorced. She wanted to have the same name as her kids. She isn't opposed to getting remarried but if the time comes, she plans to keep her current last name for the same reason. It's a very personal decision and I see why people chose both sides. Why does the world have to be so judgemental?
@canuckbaby every situation is different obviously but my husband is Mexican and I shop for clear/translucent in makeup shades. His last name is not Mexican so that may weigh into it as well but I never came across any issues with people questioning I am their mother because my last name being different (although it usually only comes up at doctors offices or school things). The only thing that has been a problem or bothered me is when people don’t think my kids are related because 2 of them take after my husband and 1 takes after me. They assume different fathers or that they aren’t “really” related.
@Dcwtada Same. DS is darker than DD, and MH is very dark. If I'm out with the kids and not MH, people either ask if they're twins (18 mos apart and very similar features) or they assume they have different dads based in skin/hair color.
Love hearing everyone's experiences with this! DH and I definitely debated this when we got married. I never changed my name bc I felt like losing part of my identity.
In my culture, children are completely named after their fathers. So you're given a first name, then your middle name is your father's first name, and your last name is your father's last name. So if your father is John Smith, you are Betty John Smith. It tracks lineage and you know who is related to whom. Siblings all have the same middle name regardless of their gender. I would have to explain this when people asked why I had a male middle name!
DH eventually came around to understanding why it was important to me to keep my name. So that's all that matters Besides, our kids will have his name, so that was more than fair to him from my perspective!
For me, personally, I took DH’s last name because I really liked the idea of our family all having the same last name.
I was very adamant about not being called Mr. and Mrs. husband’s first and last name at our wedding, though. I’m completely okay with taking on a new last name based on who I chose to marry, but I don’t want to be stripped completely of my identity. My grandma is the only one who has ever referred to us as that (just on letters addressed to us) and I don’t make a big deal out of it then because she’s older and that’s what she grew up with.
Re: UO 11/1
Now that I am pretty much assured of not going back to work I may change it. I love my maiden name but just like old childhood traditions I think I am ready to start my own new ones
I totally forgot about that aspect, but I didn't want any confusion with our kids either. I didn't want to have a different last name than them, and I didn't want a crazy long last name either. I just wanted one family name. Much easier for me. I'm lazy like that.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Even after the legal change, I still get questions and confusion because our last name is hyphenated. Everyone assumes it is both of our last names and we changed it together. Nope. DH’s last name is a hyphenated version of his parents and I just took it on. Every couple of months I’ll ask him why he didn’t just take my maiden name. Much less difficult to explain.
In my culture, children are completely named after their fathers. So you're given a first name, then your middle name is your father's first name, and your last name is your father's last name. So if your father is John Smith, you are Betty John Smith.
It tracks lineage and you know who is related to whom. Siblings all have the same middle name regardless of their gender. I would have to explain this when people asked why I had a male middle name!
DH eventually came around to understanding why it was important to me to keep my name. So that's all that matters
I was very adamant about not being called Mr. and Mrs. husband’s first and last name at our wedding, though. I’m completely okay with taking on a new last name based on who I chose to marry, but I don’t want to be stripped completely of my identity. My grandma is the only one who has ever referred to us as that (just on letters addressed to us) and I don’t make a big deal out of it then because she’s older and that’s what she grew up with.