@PurplePoppy424 same here lady! Also 24 weeks on Friday, also have bought 0 things/done 0 prep. I don't even have a registry. I think I keep telling myself I will do this stuff once the semester ends, but I should probably at least start a registry if only for organization!
@megpants209 I'm sorry. Being the point person to figure out all of the logistics of the situation is a lot of added stress for an already highly stressful time. This will pass. I hope that you have some time this week to decompress, whether that be crying, getting in a good workout, being alone for a while, eating some good food, sleeping in, or whatever sounds stress-relieving to you. And I hope that the people around you will respect that need. Sending you hugs and good vibes!
A coworker just asked me if I had an episiotomy with my first, so that was a fun conversation to have in the middle of the hallway surrounded by middle schoolers.
Thanks guys. There isn’t really a lot of delegating... my husband is a big help but leaves tomorrow. One of my sisters is supportive but not really able to go through things because she’s just so upset and dazed. The unexpectedness makes it a million times worse than I ever imagined.
I’m trying to also decide if we still go away next week. The trip is fully booked and paid and today is our last day to cancel. Part of me thinks by the time next week gets here I will be so shot I’ll need to just do nothing but I’m not sure I can get over the guilt and worry.
@megpants209 I know nothing of the particulars of your situation, but I think you should still go on your trip. Between this, and then the holidays and then little one's arrival, a vacation (in my opinion) is an absolute must for self-care. It'll be a good time to get away and process everything. And if there are still a few things that you need to wrap up, you can always get on wifi or 4G and make some calls or do some work. But I think it will be good to have a change of scenery for a bit.
I have nursery plans and goals, some of it I just need the time to do and some of it I can't do myself and need DH to find time to do and then some of it, hoping family will give Christmas gifts that will help. I am itching to have the nursery done though, it's driving me crazy that I can't just magically do it all myself in a day.
@megpants209 I agree with @hannahbananas11. Go on your trip. Self care is so important when you are grieving. I think it will really be helpful in the healing process after this sudden loss and all the stress that has come with it.
@megpants209 don't cancel the trip. You will need it - even if you don't do EVERY activity you planned to do, it'll be nice to rest and decompress and get that much needed time for yourself. We've had three very big deaths in my family over the past three years, my dad, my uncle, and my aunt/godmother this past year. We always make a point to go away somewhere as a family - even if it's just Atlantic City. It helps - take care of yourself girly.
Don't cancel, @megpants209 - Cherish this time away.
I put this together today - it's everything I HAVE to get for the baby and have on hand when he gets here, including booster seats for DD so we can do three across. I'm asking my parents for the bassinet for Christmas/my birthday:
My SO and I are in full bore childcare hunting both for the newbie and a more affordable place for DS. I forgot what a nightmare this is, and so I am feeling all the FTMs on this trek right now.
We had the most ridiculous experience tonight. We went to an open house of a new center by us that had one of the owners making a presentation that was so bad, it was laughable. After his poor opening that seemed like an example of an F- in public speaking 101, he showed a terrible amateur promo video that was 17 minutes and 41 seconds long (as the computer display showed), and man I felt every second. We stupidly sat in the front and were trapped. The video seemed meant to convey how they were going to drill instructor the tiny kids, en masse, in math and spelling, in something that looked like weird soviet propaganda or something, and then the last shot of this painful awful video had their website address SPELLED WRONG, I sh-t you not.
We left despite being in the front, after the guy then gave this long winded explanation about how he thinks their program (because this is a new center of a chain) makes kids more likely to get in gifted kindergarten classes (who knew that exists), and then started talking about how hard standardized testing in school is now, and you cannot have your kid just playing as a tot, like some parents want, because then they'll be behind. Again, I sh-t you not.
I love my SO so much for being similarly, like, get us the F out of here. This guy, who could not articulate his way out of a paper bag, then started talking about what colleges kids in his centers have gone to, except they have only existed since 2009, so you do the math on that. They did not even tell us the tuition, or anything basic, by the time we left, but I would not send my kid there if it was free. Ridiculous waste of time. ARGGGG
Is there actually such a thing as affordable childcare @sjnsjnsjn ? Sorry, I just had to ask... it's my field of expertise, I'm in Ontario, CA and the city I am in, there is no such thing. We're going daddy route because it is that expensive!
@cass06_07- I think it's mostly a unicorn but we did find a preschool that seems good and is $450/month less than what we have been paying for DS, so that's something and we will take it. Checking out two home daycares this week that are about $100-150 less a week than all the centers around me.
ETA: On the way out, the reception had the book with the tuition sheet out. I checked it out of curiosity and it was exorbitant of course. As my SO said, I mean if they're guaranteeing your baby will get into MIT, that's gonna cost ya ;p
@cass06_07 I’m in Ontario too! Its ridiculous how expensive it is. We have DD in it and luckily she will be in kindergarten when I would go back to work but I cant imagine putting twins in it. Its not worth it to go back to work. Where in Ontario are you? I’m about an hour north of toronto
“Affordable childcare” is the biggest oxymoron. We pay more for childcare than people pay for in-state college tuition. Thank god we only had a few months of three in daycare and then DD goes to kindergarten.
Thanks for checking in, @BourbonBiscuits, sorry I’ve taken a bit of an internet hiatus the last few days. It’s not great. I feel like we are in this weird limbo place where the initial conversations have been have but there hasn’t been much action based follow up. We are still living with my in laws for at least another 1-2 weeks. I’m not sure what happens when it’s time to go home - is he coming with us? If not, where will he go? What will the logistical side of our family look like? Are we having a trial separation, are we full on divorcing, are we going to try to work things out? Where does it all go from here? Our family knows the gist of the situation but the kids (particularly my big kid) don’t know yet. I don’t know what to tell him. I am holding onto some hope for reconciliation but I don’t really know if that will happen, because DH doesnt seem to want it. I didn’t eat or sleep for almost 3 days straight and then started puking stomach acid in the mornings. I finally did eat yesterday for lunch and dinner and didn’t get sick this morning. He’s worried about how this stress is impacting the pregnancy and so am I. He isn’t ready to do counseling, but I need to go, so I spent the last couple of days researching my insurance benefits and contacting a therapist and making an appointment - she actually had an opening for today so I will be going at noon. I just don’t want to be sad anymore and I’m so scared for the possibility of managing life with a newborn (+2 bigs) without him.
Oh and from the previous thread, I am in Indiana. My income is significantly higher than his. Both of my parents are deceased and I’m not incredibly close to my sister so I don’t have a lot of super close support outside of his family - who I am very, very close to. They are all also hurt and confused by this situation. I am so thankful for them. I do have a handful of close friends who can be there for me when things get rough. It’s just hard, you know, because it’s not the same. We’ve been partners in this crazy life for so long and it has always worked.. until it didn’t.
Sorry for the novel. TL/DR: I’m not great, but I’m trying to focus on self care while giving him the space he needs.
@cmjenkies I'm so glad that you got in an appointment with a therapist so quickly. That's very good! Even if he's not saying/doing much, you, at least, are making a huge step in the right direction by seeing a therapist. I hope that helps a little, to talk with someone who will be able to give you some good insight and some helpful ways to cope.
@cmjenkies I’m really happy you got that therapist appt. I think it’s definitely what you need first and foremost and hopefully the therapist can help you navigate these muddy waters. I think eventually you guys will have to hash out exactly what next steps are at least to give you some clarity. It sounds like he is at least concerned about the pregnancy which is a redeeming quality even though he’s the one causing the unnecessary stress.
you can still maybe remain close to his family if you have that kind of relationship - a separation doesn’t necessarily mean you need to cut off all communication but I guess that his family also has to want that. I’m again very sorry you’re going thru this but sounds like you’re making steps in the right direction to self care.
@cmjenkies I'm happy to hear you got in quickly. I can't imagine what you are going through. I know right now we are just a bunch of internet strangers but know we are always here if you need to talk, vent, bitch or whatever you need. Sending you so many hugs. Take care you yourself. ♥️
@sjnsjnsjn That sounds terrible! Thankfully we haven't seen any like that, but we're looking at a fourth place this week and then we will have to make a decision. Uhh yeah and all of them will be at least as much as in-state tuition to Penn State...
@cmjenkies crossing all my fingers and toes that the therapist appointment goes well! It sounds like you do have a great support system, even though it's not the same as having him as your support. It also sounds like you're doing right by your kids - you're a great mom to try to establish a sense of normalcy for them. I know it can be easy to stress about stress while pregnant (isn't that convenient how stress begets stress?) but if nothing else know that your baby is doing just fine. As @megpants209 said, women used to give birth in caves surrounded by wolves and shit and their babies were perfectly fine! You're doing great
And take as much time as you need away - know we'll all be here with open arms if/when you feel like it's time to come back
@cmjenkies- What an intense place you are at. Kudos on getting to a counselor stat. Your kids will be ok because you're their mom and you won't have it any other way. Your spouse will do whatever he wants unfortunately. You've got this.
@cmjenkies I'm glad you were able to get in so quickly for a therapist appointment. You are clearly such a strong and capable woman. It's just so unfair that this is happening to you.
I'm glad that your in-laws have continued to be good to you during this time. If it helps, I do know of situations of people staying absolutely unbreakable family with in-laws through some nasty divorces. When my mother's sister left her husband for another man, he continued to live with my family for years afterward, all very harmoniously and lovingly. When he eventually moved out, it was only because his job situation changed, not because we got any less close. They've been divorced for more than 10 years now, and he is still 1000% my uncle. He just came and stayed with me this weekend actually.
You are strong, you are a great mother, and you will get through this.
@cmjenkies I am glad you could find a therapist so quickly, I hope that goes well for you today! Your situation really sucks but it sounds like you are doing a great job! *Hugs*
I’m glad to hear you are taking care of you, @cmjenkies. I hope that DH’s family stands by you - if one of my kids pulled this shit, I would not be happy. We’re here to support you however we can.
@cmjenkies thinking of you and hoping that the therapy will help. As others have said, it's such an unfair situation that you've been put in, and we're all sending you creepy internet hugs and good vibes
@cmjenkies thinking of you! Take advantage of your therapy appointment to talk about everything. Keep taking care of that sweet baby growing inside of you and just love on your kids you already have. Hugs! We are all here for you!
I’m glad you got an appointment so soon @cmjenkies! Echoing what everyone else said re: stress and baby, your LO will be totally fine even though you’re stressed out. I’m happy you have such a good relationship with your IL’s too. My mom is still good friends with dad’s sisters, and they divorced almost two decades ago.
DS born 2/18/2019 DD born 4/1/2023 Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
@cmjenkies glad you got in with a therapist so quickly! Hopefully they can help you navigate this emotional turmoil your husband created for you as well as maybe steer you in the right direction legally too (like putting you in touch with a family law firm). I’m sure your ILs will keep by you through all this too and be there for you and your kids. I’m glad you have that support!
@cmjenkies glad you are having an apptt today. Stay focused and try your best not to overly stress yourself out about the what if's and possibilities. They say plan for the worst but hope for the best.
My randoms: I was über grumpy yesterday(hormones and lack of sleep), told DH to basically leave me the F alone to have a mild mental break down before work. Went to work, still mad and stuff. He sent me a message saying he had a surprise for me. Find out it is new pots and pans...uhh yay?? I guess credit for trying but curious as to why he thought that would excite me.
Other news: i ordered a few things from thr motherhood maternity store and it came! It all fits and is sooo comfy. Got 2 bras, 2 shirts and jeans all for under 80 bucks. Plus both bras are nursing bras and have room to grow as I progress.
Final positive! I ate lunch(so it was toast, fries and coleslaw but hey whatever works!) And it is still staying down 3 hrs later!!!
I love my nursing bras from Motherhood. Wearing one right now actually! I also recently discovered the comfort that is maternity pajamas pants. I was trying to not buy any to save $$ but everything was just getting too uncomfortable. Bought 2 pairs of pants and a 3 pack of maternity/ nursing tanks. They are heavenly!
Omg. MIL is freaking out about trick or treating because her church had a prayer to keep kids safe from poison, razorblades and drugs in their candy. I had a hard time not laughing and she was getting emotional.
Re: Weekly Randoms {10/29-11/2}
I’m trying to also decide if we still go away next week. The trip is fully booked and paid and today is our last day to cancel. Part of me thinks by the time next week gets here I will be so shot I’ll need to just do nothing but I’m not sure I can get over the guilt and worry.
I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
My kid is currently belting out Purple Rain and it’s making me happier than it should.
I put this together today - it's everything I HAVE to get for the baby and have on hand when he gets here, including booster seats for DD so we can do three across. I'm asking my parents for the bassinet for Christmas/my birthday:
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
We had the most ridiculous experience tonight. We went to an open house of a new center by us that had one of the owners making a presentation that was so bad, it was laughable. After his poor opening that seemed like an example of an F- in public speaking 101, he showed a terrible amateur promo video that was 17 minutes and 41 seconds long (as the computer display showed), and man I felt every second. We stupidly sat in the front and were trapped. The video seemed meant to convey how they were going to drill instructor the tiny kids, en masse, in math and spelling, in something that looked like weird soviet propaganda or something, and then the last shot of this painful awful video had their website address SPELLED WRONG, I sh-t you not.
We left despite being in the front, after the guy then gave this long winded explanation about how he thinks their program (because this is a new center of a chain) makes kids more likely to get in gifted kindergarten classes (who knew that exists), and then started talking about how hard standardized testing in school is now, and you cannot have your kid just playing as a tot, like some parents want, because then they'll be behind. Again, I sh-t you not.
I love my SO so much for being similarly, like, get us the F out of here. This guy, who could not articulate his way out of a paper bag, then started talking about what colleges kids in his centers have gone to, except they have only existed since 2009, so you do the math on that. They did not even tell us the tuition, or anything basic, by the time we left, but I would not send my kid there if it was free. Ridiculous waste of time. ARGGGG
ETA: On the way out, the reception had the book with the tuition sheet out. I checked it out of curiosity and it was exorbitant of course. As my SO said, I mean if they're guaranteeing your baby will get into MIT, that's gonna cost ya ;p
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
Oh and from the previous thread, I am in Indiana. My income is significantly higher than his. Both of my parents are deceased and I’m not incredibly close to my sister so I don’t have a lot of super close support outside of his family - who I am very, very close to. They are all also hurt and confused by this situation. I am so thankful for them. I do have a handful of close friends who can be there for me when things get rough. It’s just hard, you know, because it’s not the same. We’ve been partners in this crazy life for so long and it has always worked.. until it didn’t.
Sorry for the novel. TL/DR: I’m not great, but I’m trying to focus on self care while giving him the space he needs.
you can still maybe remain close to his family if you have that kind of relationship - a separation doesn’t necessarily mean you need to cut off all communication but I guess that his family also has to want that. I’m again very sorry you’re going thru this but sounds like you’re making steps in the right direction to self care.
Uhh yeah and all of them will be at least as much as in-state tuition to Penn State...
And take as much time as you need away - know we'll all be here with open arms if/when you feel like it's time to come back
I'm glad that your in-laws have continued to be good to you during this time. If it helps, I do know of situations of people staying absolutely unbreakable family with in-laws through some nasty divorces. When my mother's sister left her husband for another man, he continued to live with my family for years afterward, all very harmoniously and lovingly. When he eventually moved out, it was only because his job situation changed, not because we got any less close. They've been divorced for more than 10 years now, and he is still 1000% my uncle. He just came and stayed with me this weekend actually.
You are strong, you are a great mother, and you will get through this.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
@megpants209 I hope you are hanging in there.
My randoms: I was über grumpy yesterday(hormones and lack of sleep), told DH to basically leave me the F alone to have a mild mental break down before work. Went to work, still mad and stuff. He sent me a message saying he had a surprise for me. Find out it is new pots and pans...uhh yay?? I guess credit for trying but curious as to why he thought that would excite me.
Other news: i ordered a few things from thr motherhood maternity store and it came! It all fits and is sooo comfy. Got 2 bras, 2 shirts and jeans all for under 80 bucks. Plus both bras are nursing bras and have room to grow as I progress.
Final positive! I ate lunch(so it was toast, fries and coleslaw but hey whatever works!) And it is still staying down 3 hrs later!!!
I also recently discovered the comfort that is maternity pajamas pants. I was trying to not buy any to save $$ but everything was just getting too uncomfortable. Bought 2 pairs of pants and a 3 pack of maternity/ nursing tanks. They are heavenly!