@heytherefriend I get where you are coming from! Me, personally, I don't find if you need to vent your frustrations. I've found a lot of times when I do, there seems to be someone else in the same situation and find some sort of comfort knowing I'm not alone I'm also a FTM...maybe we nee to start a FTM thread. Might make it easier to voice any anxieties, etc.
TTC #1 since April 2015 June 2016 - CP 2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's IVF w/ PGS - January 2018 FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN ERA Cycle May / June 2018 ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change) FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410 U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166 Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19 EDD March 28, 2019 Baby Girl born 3/26/19
@heytherefriend@AprSnow59 Hi! I completely understand the feeling that the board moves too fast to keep up with. I’m slightly OCD and get bugged that I have so many unread threads lol. What works for me is to try and make a point to post in the weekly check-in and the HDBD and everything else only if I’ve caught up and feel comfortable jumping in. Sometimes I go days/weeks without posting, other times (like today!) I post non-stop. I try not to let my anxiety about being on time (I’m always late to my checkin/HDBD threads), or offering relevant information (I’m a FTM with little experience) or talking too much about myself, etc. bog me down, and kind of just throw myself out there. When I’m really out of it, or just don’t have time, I just “love tit” all the posts that I’ve read/liked as I lurk.
Anyway, I’m really glad you guys shared your experiences and I hope you feel more welcome/comfortable to jump in should you choose to do so .
So I’ve been offline all day & am pretty surprised to see the lows and highs of this convo. I’m actually pretty sad because my intent was definitely to light-heartedly broaden our group of active participants & not to divide us, as my post seems to have done. I appreciate the few new posters who bravely ‘answered the call’: I’ve learned more about why people choose not to comment & it’s opened my understanding of all the varied experiences & reasons people may have for joining this open group. I also appreciate those of you who did understand my original intent & tried to share/reiterate that. Honestly, I wasn’t even thinking about whenever the migration to a private group happens. I just thought we could use some more voices & alternative ideas/other topics & new perspectives here in our group. (To this end, I thought of adding another fun post called “Democrats vs. Republicans” ....KIDDING!!!)
I am NOT trying to start another firestorm, but I have to say that I respect what @indigoheightsblog posted in response here. She has been one of the most kind, positive, welcoming, & non-judgmental posters on this board, so if she shares something critical (which is outside her norm) I am going to take note. It helped me see that my well-meaning post could be easily mis-read and further scare off newbies—as a lot of the responses here probably have. I can’t fully delete (or edit my post now w all these responses) but I take absolutely no offense if anyone wants to start a new one like what @indigoheightsblog suggested, such as “Calling All Newbies!” with perhaps a more thoroughly thought-out word choice. I’m sorry if my verbiage offended anyone or further chased newbies away. It was written with the best intentions.
My first experience with online forums was in my last pregnancy on another app a few years ago. There was some occasional silly cattiness but those *itches were silenced & eventually fell off because the rest of the group killed it with kindness, lol. Snarkiness wasn’t supported or fed into at all. There was one mom who was soooo sweet it felt saccharine & sometimes fake, but it was truly her personality: she posted constantly & always had a kind word for everyone. She facilitated us going private a few months after our babies were born and recently, when our app was about to shut down, she found us all and warned us and created an email group. I became so close w those women, it was shocking & something I never expected. I definitely count them as real friends now. I’m hoping this group can become that way.
The irony in all this for me personally is that I may become a lurker. I was offline today due to some scary doctor appointments. I’ve been sick for awhile now, which is what allowed me to have lots of downtime recently & become much more active on here. Now things are medically serious & I need to take some time away. So I’m shutting my big mouth for a bit and may lurk a little, will update in another thread when I can. I wish you all peace, blessings, happiness, & tolerant communication in our digital community.
I intro'ed at the beginning and began to participate but have since fallen back into lurkerdom, not out of any lack of interest or desire to judge. Rather, my first pregnancy ended in serious complications, bedrest, preemie, NICU. Though my story has the happiest of endings, I've found it has dialed my anxiety up to 1,000 this time around as I worry about it happening again. When I feel this way, I tend to withdraw inward. All of that to say, I was and still am super connected with my previous BMB and hope to get more connected here too! @keikilove thanks for the nudge in the right direction and hope your health issues resolve quickly!
@keikilove - first and foremost i'm sorry to hear about your health scare and i hope you start to feel better soon. take the time you need to rest and listen to your body. second of all, thank you for your latest post. to be honest, in an attempt to make things more inclusive for everyone in this community, i came out of this conversation feeling attacked - and i don't feel that way very often. i came to the defense of someone who clearly has felt slighted by this group - and ironically, when that poster came back again in a later response, she took the time to bash everyone who offended her but didn't consider a moment to thank the one and only 'regular' who took the heat for her.
i said it before and i'll say it again - making digital connections is more than just a pastime for me. i am as genuine and quirky in-person as i am behind a keyboard, and i appreciate the few of you in this chatroom that are able to recognize that despite not ever meeting me.
i will not change my stance in feeling strongly that tone matters - especially when you're trying to turn internet friends into real friends. i will never get down with you guys telling someone smugly to call their doctor or harassing them for innocently asking for gender guesses. you guys love to dogpile - one person responds in a snippy way and then 7 other people feel the need to do so on top of it. how do you think that makes a person feel?
i too will become more of a lurker moving forward, because it's not worth internalizing negativity because of strangers on the internet. as much as i'd love to see this group move into friendship territory, the reality is that right now we are all here willingly on a public forum sharing opinions and seeking out advice. i have appreciated getting to know what i can of all the different personalities in these threads. it's been fun, but in the end what's best for me and my baby girl is to continue focusing on family, my passions, my health & my values. i hope everyone took away whatever they felt they needed from this thread. personally, my eyes have been opened. @keikilove, thanks again - your words have not gone unnoticed and i appreciate them very much.
no need for any responses to this! it's in everyone's best interest to move on from this thread, start the new ones, and build this group the way you see fit.
@indigoheightsblog sent you a PM, but also want to back you up with everyone else. I know you don’t need us to respond, but I for one has not said anything for too long I guess. I totally agree with you. I’m really sorry that you feel attacked when it’s clear that you have a kind heart and just want to help. I, for one, see no benefit for the arbitrary rules that dictate who can post where, and limit the content, etc. And I have been on the bump long enough to remember the old system of admins before these “rules” were established. I had a horrible experience on TTGP and participated in my first BMB over four years ago. Lurked until this BMB, and stay for the PGAL group because they don’t act that way and offer real support. However, I like the idea of staying in touch with a group of gals that all experienced pregnancy at the same time. When folks are ready I would be happy to organize the Facebook group (by design Facebook can’t really be policed/organized in the same way as this board).
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
@keikilove - I understand your trepidation over scary doctor appointments. I've had many of those myself. (see about my latest in Week 1) Like you, I am also high risk (for the 3rd time). I truly hope that things look up for you and that this pregnancy gets a little more boring!
@lemieuxk - That is the exact reason I mostly lurked with my second pregnancy. My first ended very sadly and I just couldn't connect with anyone on my Bmb at the time. That was 6 years ago. I don't know if they had dedicated threads like PGAL at the time. My last pregnancy I participated a bit but somehow missed the train when everyone left (maybe I didn't realize that was a thing). I hope you can garner some positivity for your current pregnancy by reading about some of our experiences.
@indigoheightsblog - I have enjoyed all your posts and hope you continue to participate with us.
Whoever suggested having a dedicated FTM thread; I think that is a great idea! I think we had one for my first pregnancy, and it was nice to have that place to commiserate with others going through this all for the first time.
@keikilove I’m sorry to hear about the scary doctors appointments and hope everything works out and the remainder of your pregnancy is healthy and boring.
@keikilove I am so sorry to hear about your appointments and health issues, i hope everything works out for you, you will be on my mind! @indigoheightsblog i hope that you do not stop posting, i appreciate your input and your disposition. It helps to have someone of an opposite personality lol and i do appreciate that you take the time to show a nicer face to people when there is an "issue"....i am on your page as far as making friends of people, so i truly hope this does not dissuade you from your participation.
To everyone else, thanks for posting and letting us know your reasons for "Silence"....i completely understand being busy and worried or anxious, and i wish everyone good luck and happy thoughts regardless of if we continue to share or not (which i will be).
@keikilove So sorry you are dealing with some scary health issues. Praying they are all resolved soon and you can have a little peace. Thank for for always being so kind. We will miss seeing you as much around here! But always here if you need anything
TTC #1 since April 2015 June 2016 - CP 2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's IVF w/ PGS - January 2018 FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN ERA Cycle May / June 2018 ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change) FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410 U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166 Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19 EDD March 28, 2019 Baby Girl born 3/26/19
It’s hard to get attached to a BMB, for me personally anyway. I was super active on the bump for my first baby in 2015 and now that I’ve BTDT it’s sort of lost it’s relevancy in some ways. I used to look for any and all advice and forming relationships on the board just sort of happened naturally. But I’m halfway through this pregnancy and I still don’t know any of your names. If there was a way to get notifications and reminder to check in discussions after commenting I would definitely do it more. So I’m excited to get to know you all on Facebook when we move to a group, where I am more comfortable interacting.
In the mean time, I love HDBD and I look forward to sharing my bump with you all and seeing your progression pics! You might see me pop in on other threads when I can. I’ve met so many actual long term friends on TB the first time around that I know it’s worth while to get to know you all
@archetypeblonde I find it easier to keep up with certain threads I've commented on by clicking the "star" icon next to the thread. It'll update you on all new posts for that thread. I'm with you...I've met a lot of great girls on here over the years, some I even text still regularly with. I always find it nice to have buddies going thru the same stages of life.
TTC #1 since April 2015 June 2016 - CP 2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's IVF w/ PGS - January 2018 FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN ERA Cycle May / June 2018 ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change) FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410 U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166 Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19 EDD March 28, 2019 Baby Girl born 3/26/19
@archetypeblonde - there is a notification panel at the top right that is red when someone has mentioned you or responded in a thread you've posted or looked through. I've only noticed it on my computer, not on mobile though.
@Lbloom it doesn't work on mobile unless you are on the app when the notification occurs, then a little box will show up at the bottom of the screen with the notification.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
I'm somewhere in the middle. Not a total lurker, and I don't think I'd consider myself a regular either. I guess I'm the middle child
It was the same with my first when I was in N15. Tough in general for me to keep up but I do really enjoy reading most of the responses. When my N15 group moved to FB is when I got much more involved. It's been such an amazing place of support for me as all of our kids are growing up together. Luckily there was no "cut" as someone had put it earlier! If I had to have two people vouch for me I might have been denied too!! Everyone was welcome to join and so happy that that was the case, just an easier platform for me to stay on top of.
@keikilove sorry to hear things have been shaky with your health. Sending some positive vibes that things turn around quick.
It sounds like when we migrate, we might be splitting into a Facebook group and a private Bump board because of preference for one platform over another
Well that was fun! 😂 i will say that i do lurk but I’m ok with that. I personally find this app hard to stay on top of. I’m more of a FB girl. So if we go there..I’m in.
Besides a lot of people getting upset with this thread, I will say this group is WAY better than the one i was in back in 2013. It was nothing but rude & judgmental. So I have been hesitant with commenting or giving any input. I know that if i have questions or comments, i can post, ( and i have ) and they always get answered. So I’m thankful for that! ❤️
anyway, if you regulars move to FB or anything, please post. I bet you’d have a good turnout 🙋🏼♀️
Re: To All the Lurkers :)
June 2016 - CP
2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
IVF w/ PGS - January 2018
FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
ERA Cycle May / June 2018
ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP
U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
EDD March 28, 2019
Baby Girl born 3/26/19
Anyway, I’m really glad you guys shared your experiences and I hope you feel more welcome/comfortable to jump in should you choose to do so
I am NOT trying to start another firestorm, but I have to say that I respect what @indigoheightsblog posted in response here. She has been one of the most kind, positive, welcoming, & non-judgmental posters on this board, so if she shares something critical (which is outside her norm) I am going to take note. It helped me see that my well-meaning post could be easily mis-read and further scare off newbies—as a lot of the responses here probably have. I can’t fully delete (or edit my post now w all these responses) but I take absolutely no offense if anyone wants to start a new one like what @indigoheightsblog suggested, such as “Calling All Newbies!” with perhaps a more thoroughly thought-out word choice. I’m sorry if my verbiage offended anyone or further chased newbies away. It was written with the best intentions.
My first experience with online forums was in my last pregnancy on another app a few years ago. There was some occasional silly cattiness but those *itches were silenced & eventually fell off because the rest of the group killed it with kindness, lol. Snarkiness wasn’t supported or fed into at all. There was one mom who was soooo sweet it felt saccharine & sometimes fake, but it was truly her personality: she posted constantly & always had a kind word for everyone. She facilitated us going private a few months after our babies were born and recently, when our app was about to shut down, she found us all and warned us and created an email group. I became so close w those women, it was shocking & something I never expected. I definitely count them as real friends now. I’m hoping this group can become that way.
The irony in all this for me personally is that I may become a lurker. I was offline today due to some scary doctor appointments. I’ve been sick for awhile now, which is what allowed me to have lots of downtime recently & become much more active on here. Now things are medically serious & I need to take some time away. So I’m shutting my big mouth for a bit
i said it before and i'll say it again - making digital connections is more than just a pastime for me. i am as genuine and quirky in-person as i am behind a keyboard, and i appreciate the few of you in this chatroom that are able to recognize that despite not ever meeting me.
i will not change my stance in feeling strongly that tone matters - especially when you're trying to turn internet friends into real friends. i will never get down with you guys telling someone smugly to call their doctor or harassing them for innocently asking for gender guesses. you guys love to dogpile - one person responds in a snippy way and then 7 other people feel the need to do so on top of it. how do you think that makes a person feel?
i too will become more of a lurker moving forward, because it's not worth internalizing negativity because of strangers on the internet. as much as i'd love to see this group move into friendship territory, the reality is that right now we are all here willingly on a public forum sharing opinions and seeking out advice. i have appreciated getting to know what i can of all the different personalities in these threads. it's been fun, but in the end what's best for me and my baby girl is to continue focusing on family, my passions, my health & my values. i hope everyone took away whatever they felt they needed from this thread. personally, my eyes have been opened. @keikilove, thanks again - your words have not gone unnoticed and i appreciate them very much.
no need for any responses to this! it's in everyone's best interest to move on from this thread, start the new ones, and build this group the way you see fit.
[spoiler=TW in signature]
Me: 36, DH 37.
August 2014- 6w MMC
July 2015- CP
PCOS, plus some medical issues that make me high risk.
Our rainbow babies are due 3/21!!!!!
[/spoiler]
@lemieuxk - That is the exact reason I mostly lurked with my second pregnancy. My first ended very sadly and I just couldn't connect with anyone on my Bmb at the time. That was 6 years ago. I don't know if they had dedicated threads like PGAL at the time. My last pregnancy I participated a bit but somehow missed the train when everyone left (maybe I didn't realize that was a thing). I hope you can garner some positivity for your current pregnancy by reading about some of our experiences.
@indigoheightsblog - I have enjoyed all your posts and hope you continue to participate with us.
Whoever suggested having a dedicated FTM thread; I think that is a great idea! I think we had one for my first pregnancy, and it was nice to have that place to commiserate with others going through this all for the first time.
@indigoheightsblog i hope that you do not stop posting, i appreciate your input and your disposition. It helps to have someone of an opposite personality lol and i do appreciate that you take the time to show a nicer face to people when there is an "issue"....i am on your page as far as making friends of people, so i truly hope this does not dissuade you from your participation.
To everyone else, thanks for posting and letting us know your reasons for "Silence"....i completely understand being busy and worried or anxious, and i wish everyone good luck and happy thoughts regardless of if we continue to share or not (which i will be).
June 2016 - CP
2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
IVF w/ PGS - January 2018
FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
ERA Cycle May / June 2018
ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP
U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
EDD March 28, 2019
Baby Girl born 3/26/19
In the mean time, I love HDBD and I look forward to sharing my bump with you all and seeing your progression pics! You might see me pop in on other threads when I can. I’ve met so many actual long term friends on TB the first time around that I know it’s worth while to get to know you all
June 2016 - CP
2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
IVF w/ PGS - January 2018
FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
ERA Cycle May / June 2018
ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP
U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
EDD March 28, 2019
Baby Girl born 3/26/19
DS1: 9.6.12**DS2: 12.22.14
CP1: 6/17 @4w4d
CP2: 9/17 @4w3d
CP3: 2/18 @5w
Rainbow Baby On Board
<a href="https://babysizer.com/geeky"><img src="https://babysizer.com/geeky-2019-03-08.jpg" alt="Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker"></a>
It was the same with my first when I was in N15. Tough in general for me to keep up but I do really enjoy reading most of the responses. When my N15 group moved to FB is when I got much more involved. It's been such an amazing place of support for me as all of our kids are growing up together. Luckily there was no "cut" as someone had put it earlier! If I had to have two people vouch for me I might have been denied too!! Everyone was welcome to join and so happy that that was the case, just an easier platform for me to stay on top of.
@keikilove sorry to hear things have been shaky with your health. Sending some positive vibes that things turn around quick.
Besides a lot of people getting upset with this thread, I will say this group is WAY better than the one i was in back in 2013. It was nothing but rude & judgmental. So I have been hesitant with commenting or giving any input. I know that if i have questions or comments, i can post, ( and i have ) and they always get answered. So I’m thankful for that! ❤️
anyway, if you regulars move to FB or anything, please post. I bet you’d have a good turnout 🙋🏼♀️