@sleepy33 It oddly made me feel better that you're still in the honeymoon phase, since we haven't DTD for a month now. I'm also dyingggg at work. I'm going to stalk the June BMB and see if there is anything interesting. Will report back.
Oh for sure, with my first, we'd been married for like 4 years and we barely DTD when I was pregnant. But he also had (unbeknownst to me) cheated on me right before I got pregnant, and I found out shortly after I was pregnant, so I basically wanted to castrate him during my entire pregnancy. Hence why he's an ex-husband lol.
Another confession: I don’t pay too much attention to the u/s thread until we’re a bit further along and have “regulars”. Sometimes I’m like - I don’t even know you, why are you sharing your u/s with us?
@eatinwatermelonseeds Hugs to you ❤️❤️ I’m so glad you posted this because I feel the same. We’re so excited, but I’m a nervous Nelly over here. I also worry about how baby #2 will change our family dynamic and worry about how my son will adjust to a new baby. I worry that baby #2 will be really difficult, and I won’t have as much time for DS because of how time consuming a baby will be. I worry about dividing my time equally between DS and the baby. I worry about having enough love for both. When I let my mind wander, I worry a lot if you can’t tell. Friends with more than one child have always told me that your love doesn’t divide between your children, it multiples. They say that you may love them in different ways and for different things, but the love remains the same. Definitely here to talk if you ever want to.
Thank you ladies. I was crying so hard writing that. I'm just a wreck today.
Breast feeding hurt the entire time. I remember spending nights just bawling as he ate. My husband begged me to wean but I felt like I'd be a failure. I made it to 7 months with supplementing (which started shortly after he was out of the hospital after a bad illness at 5 months), then my supply completely vanished and I went into a horrible depression because I felt like a failure, because I didn't feel as close to my baby who only wanted dad and didn't need me anymore, because I wanted to make it to a year, because it was something my body was supposed to do and it just wouldn't. And people are great at giving tips to continue breast feeding, but nothing worked and I just needed someone to say "it's okay to formula feed, you're not a failure, that baby will be plenty healthy with formula." I begged his doctor in tears to give me permission to supplement before he finally did. I will NOT do that again. We'll have formula on hand for when I'm losing my ever loving mind. I'll try affirmations to help me get out of feeling like a failure. I can't put myself through that. I didn't deserve that.
Regarding having a second, yes the love just multiples! And yes it does change your family dynamic but after the second one arrives you can’t imagine life without them. Like you forget how it was having just one, or what it was like having none. You feel like they have always existed which is kinda silly but it’s true!!
Ivy: July 2010 | Stella: Dec 2012 | BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020
@eatinwatermelonseeds you did amazingly! I made JUST enough to feed DS and still lasted just six months (started weaning then, ended weaning around 7 months) I’m pretty sure if I’d had to supplement I would’ve gone straight to all formula right then. You are so impressive. Breastfeeding is HARD and can be so painful. Like, standing in your kitchen at 3 am with ice packs on your boobs trying to make them stop hurting, painful. BM is great, formula is also great. Baby getting fed and you staying sane is the most important ❤️
@eatinwatermelonseeds I feel so bad that that was your experience! Just in case no one has told you: you are NOT a failure and breastfeeding or not is not the mark of a good mom. Fed is best when it comes to babies and your mental health is just as important as the nutrients your baby is getting. I'm kind of blown away that your doctor wouldn't have suggested stopping earlier, that you had to BEG for permission. That is not the way early motherhood should be!
Have you considered starting on formula right from the get-go? Letting go of breastfeeding can be so freeing for some. You don't have to breastfeed.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
@k2k2tog thank you ♥️ I have really considered it, but I've recently talked to a fellow autism mom who had a very similar experience to mine when she breast fed her autistic son (unrelated of course, but a connection between us nonetheless). She now has an 18 month old daughter she's still breast feeding with ease. I want to at least try, and it'll be a crazy mental battle to stop when I get to my limits, but I think it could help me heal if I'm able to do it this time.
@eatinwatermelonseeds It was awesome you bf for as long as you did. I only pumped on maternity leave and was supplementing so much by the end that there was really no point in even trying anymore. I felt like my body had failed me, and I should be able to do this for my baby, but it was such a weight off my shoulders when I finally just let it go and realized it wasn’t for us. I’ll try to bf this baby also, but I will also go ahead and have formula on deck if it doesn’t work out. I won’t let myself feel bad this time around for not feeding my child in a way others have pressured me into thinking I needed to. It’s frankly no ones business, and all that really matters is that they are fed. I’m sorry for rambling, but I just feel strongly about mom shaming in general, especially when it comes to bf or formula. It’s hard enough as it is without having people judging and forcing opinions on you. Either way, you’re doing a great job. ❤️
Edited to take out a part since the bump doesn’t show new responses while writing posts.
@sleepy33 you didn't read it wrong, but I think I portrayed it wrong. There's a pretty good chance I didn't NEED to beg. 😂 I took my son to his appointment with a developmental pediatrician because he was 3 months old and not holding his head up, and we discovered he wasn't gaining weight and had actually lost a few ounces in the last 3 weeks or so. I was afraid to ask to supplement because I was sure it made me a bad mom, so when he told me that I said "should I supplement with formula" obviously hoping for a huge yes. He said "no, you should be just fine continuing with breast feeding, the lactation consultants are actually upstairs doing a group now" and I started bawling and begged. 😂 He was a bit surprised and told me of course I could formula feed, my mental health was more important. I went to the lactation group and bawled. And they gave me all kinds of tips. I went to the store after and bought formula. A couple weeks later he was hospitalized and we almost lost him (completely unrelated) and he wasn't eating so I just continued pumping while he was on a ventilator. When he came off, we fed him what I'd pumped and I nursed, and when that was gone I supplemented again.
I guess my issue was that I knew so many women who were told to supplement when their baby lost weight, when their baby was jaundice, and various other reasons and I actually needed someone to say it and no one would 😂
@eatinwatermelonseeds I never knew if it was ok to supplement either. My son took a long time to regain his birth weight and was a pretty low weight percentile all the way until he started solids. I was constantly worried my supply wasn't enough and that he was underfed but I had no way to tell. There don't seem to be good answers out there for what to do. I don't know what to do this time around.
@eatinwatermelonseeds ohhhh I see, ok. Gosh, my heart hurts for your struggles. My supply dropped badly when I went back to work, and I finally started supplementing at 8 months, but not until I'd driven myself nuts trying to do everything I could to boost supply, all the supplements, pumping around the clock. It was miserable. This time around, I'm supplementing as soon as I need to and not making myself crazy, and I give zero fucks about it. Fuck trying to find time to bake fenugreek cookies, fuck trying to find the time to take 'nursing vacations', fuck the 'I could be producing like a heifer if I'd only put more effort into it!' mentality. Fuck. All. That. Noise.
@RoseShadow873 my lactation consultants actually had a scale that measured down to the ounce, so they'd weigh him, have me nurse, and then weigh him again to determine how much he was getting with each feed. It was pretty nice.
@sleepy33 I'm really going to try to go in with that same frame of thought. I'm lucky that this time I may be able to take way longer off than I did with my son. I'm hoping not to go back to work until baby is about 5 months old. I went back to school at 8 weeks with him. I'm hoping that will help a lot.
@sleepy33 Preach.. those damn fenugreek cookies/pills and “nursing vacays”. I kept myself hooked up to that damn pump like a milk cow for only 1oz total. I’m with you. F ALL THAT. 👏🏻
@duchessofcambridge yes! I don't even go in there. The little yellow unread post flag is over 100 at this point. They don't look like babies this early to me. Nothing to ohh and awww over, in my opinion.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I am so sorry that you experienced that but let me tell you, you are not a failure. And to you and all the other moms who've said they hated breastfeeding, aren't looking forward to having to do it again, etc. you do what's best for you and baby, breast/formula it doesn't matter. You guys don't want to nurse? Cool, ill be over here telling you it's 100% ok. You want to nurse? Also cool I'll still be over here supporting you too. I hate that there is this pressure put on people to breastfeed.
@eatinwatermelonseeds Huuuge hugs. It's really hard to think about how baby 2 will come into our family also, and I also feel insanely guilty because DD will only be 1.5 when the baby is born, so now I am worried I'm shorting her on alone time. It's so hard to imagine loving anyone as much as I love DD, and exactly as you said, I can't imagine another person coming into our lives like that.
For everyone who struggled with breastfeeding Breastfeeding was a trainwreck for us - DD was born early so she didn't have the suck/swallow thing down, and she wouldn't eat. I didn't have all that much colostrum, but luckily my milk came in pretty quickly. The second night DD was in the hospital - not eating - the nurse made a joke and I broke down sobbing, asking if DD was going to live. Our hospital was huge on pushing breastfeeding. We worked with a lactation consultant for over a month, and DD would do it, but then I would get stressed, she would get stressed and spit up (HORRIBLE reflux back then), and then we would both cry. Once I accepted it and went to exclusively pumping things were so much better. Formula, pumping, breastfeeding... fed is best in my little opinion.
DD born PPROM preemie at 36 weeks on 10/1/17 after over a year TI, then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW, because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
I hate the fact that we are discouraged from starting new threads for personal questions. I hate revisiting pages 6 or 7 of old threads that never move. Questions get lost and it's boring! I rather see a lot of new threads with a handful of responses that move fast, rather than threads with 150 responses that just don't move.
I'm really glad I confessed that. I'm sorry others have struggled with breast feeding and I'm sorry others are experiencing the same fears I am. Thank you all for your support. I'm pretty sure it's mostly hormones causing me issues right now, but I appreciate you all.
I hate the fact that we are discouraged from starting new threads for personal questions. I hate revisiting pages 6 or 7 of old threads that never move. Questions get lost and it's boring! I rather see a lot of new threads with a handful of responses that move fast, rather than threads with 150 responses that just don't move.
@sleepy33 I mean the same posts are in the same place on the board for so long. I'd personally rather see more board movement. I don't want to go to page 7 of the symptoms page to post a question. I'd rather start a thread, get to answers and then it move down because 5 new questions were posted. Personal preference. The post titles will help me decide what to read or not. I'd rather be exposed to more in the chances of seeing more, then digging through pages.
@sleepy33 I mean the same posts are in the same place on the board for so long. I'd personally rather see more board movement. I don't want to go to page 7 of the symptoms page to post a question. I'd rather start a thread, get to answers and then it move down because 5 new questions were posted. Personal preference. The post titles will help me decide what to read or not. I'd rather be exposed to more in the chances of seeing more, then digging through pages.
I understand your POV, but on your end, you don't want to do the work of reading through pages. On my end, I don't want to answer the same question 27 times. And eventually, us regulars will just stop chiming in on the 20th time someone's asked if it's too early to feel movement, or if it's normal to have diarrhea, or whatever, and that's not helpful either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@sleepy33 yea I get that. But, you also don't have to respond. That's ok. Maybe someone else will-- maybe no one will. But if it's buried in a thread, I'm sure you'd feel the same way. I just am not a fan of that aspect of board organization. P.S. -- haven't gotten your answer yet on if it's normal to have diarrhea. See page 4 of the symptoms thread... lol
@sleepy33 yea I get that. But, you also don't have to respond. That's ok. Maybe someone else will-- maybe no one will. But if it's buried in a thread, I'm sure you'd feel the same way. I just am not a fan of that aspect of board organization. P.S. -- haven't gotten your answer yet on if it's normal to have diarrhea. See page 4 of the symptoms thread... lol
I saw it and had no experience with it, so chose not to respond. Laugh if you want. Obviously, when I said 'I', I meant the regulars collectively. I'm just having a conversation about both sides of this issue, sorry to have rustled your jimmies.
@sleepy33 wooah...I'm not rustled at all. I was totally joking about you not responding to my question on the symptoms board-- that's why I added the "lol". I appreciate hearing your side - no hard feelings We are all entitled to opinions. P.S. what are jimmies?
@willmisspumpkinbeer you are describing how any number of other pregnancy boards are set up. Why hang out here and not there if you dislike the organization? This is an honest question! I'm not trying to be salty.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
I get really tired of people arguing with me about my weight. IRL I don't mention my weight much unless it comes to something like having a doctors appointment about it or how I just joined a gym.
I don't understand why people feel the need to argue with me and tell me I'm not fat. I'm fat. Thats ok. Fat isn't a dirty word. I'm the highest on the BMI for overweight before you become considered obese. Yet people will argue to my face that I'm not overweight at all. It makes me want to ask if they need glasses.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I breastfed my daughter for maybe a month. I was in total misery. My nipples where bleeding and complete scabs. In the town I'm from the only lactation consultant then was at WIC. The WIC consultant told me if my baby got hungry enough she would eventually latch correctly. Thats was all the advice I was given. No help other than that nothing at all. I was in so much pain I hated my child. I hated her I hated the site of her I hated holding her and feeding her because it was nothing but pain. I finally quit an put her on formula. I had doctors and the WIC lady tell me I should have tried harder and try to guilt me. I already felt enough guilt I was a 16 year old single mother. But I didn't feel bad anymore that she was finally being fed and I wasn't in pain.
With my son I told myself maybe I can try it again. I read books, I bought a pump, I got nipple cream and a breastfeeding pillow.
And you know what no one at that hospital would help me either. I asked for hours to see a lactation consultant. They wouldn't give me one until i told the nurse to give me a bottle. Then the consultant came in and wouldn't give it to me. She stood there holding it lecturing me on how breast is best yet never once did she offer to help me. Just lecture. I told her to give me the goddamn bottle. She then proceeded to lecture my husband. DH isn't stupid enough to go against what I say.
My point is I knew right away to keep my sanity I needed a bottle. I knew breastfeeding wasn't going to work. As soon I tried to breast feed my son those feelings of hate for my baby came right back. It may be best for you to try formula just to relieve yourself of the stress.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@secicc12 yessss soft serve swirl with chocolate jimmies. 😭 I miss home. Everyone calls them sprinkles here 😭 everyone looks at me like I have ten heads when I ask where the bubbler is (most of them think I'm asking for a bong 😂). *Sigh* #homesick
Re: FFFC 05/10
Breast feeding hurt the entire time. I remember spending nights just bawling as he ate. My husband begged me to wean but I felt like I'd be a failure. I made it to 7 months with supplementing (which started shortly after he was out of the hospital after a bad illness at 5 months), then my supply completely vanished and I went into a horrible depression because I felt like a failure, because I didn't feel as close to my baby who only wanted dad and didn't need me anymore, because I wanted to make it to a year, because it was something my body was supposed to do and it just wouldn't. And people are great at giving tips to continue breast feeding, but nothing worked and I just needed someone to say "it's okay to formula feed, you're not a failure, that baby will be plenty healthy with formula." I begged his doctor in tears to give me permission to supplement before he finally did. I will NOT do that again. We'll have formula on hand for when I'm losing my ever loving mind. I'll try affirmations to help me get out of feeling like a failure. I can't put myself through that. I didn't deserve that.
I’m planning to combo feed (bf & ff) this baby from the beginning.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I feel so bad that that was your experience! Just in case no one has told you: you are NOT a failure and breastfeeding or not is not the mark of a good mom. Fed is best when it comes to babies and your mental health is just as important as the nutrients your baby is getting. I'm kind of blown away that your doctor wouldn't have suggested stopping earlier, that you had to BEG for permission. That is not the way early motherhood should be!
Have you considered starting on formula right from the get-go? Letting go of breastfeeding can be so freeing for some. You don't have to breastfeed.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
Edited to take out a part since the bump doesn’t show new responses while writing posts.
@sleepy33 I'm really going to try to go in with that same frame of thought. I'm lucky that this time I may be able to take way longer off than I did with my son. I'm hoping not to go back to work until baby is about 5 months old. I went back to school at 8 weeks with him. I'm hoping that will help a lot.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I am so sorry that you experienced that but let me tell you, you are not a failure. And to you and all the other moms who've said they hated breastfeeding, aren't looking forward to having to do it again, etc. you do what's best for you and baby, breast/formula it doesn't matter. You guys don't want to nurse? Cool, ill
be over here telling you it's 100% ok. You want to nurse? Also cool I'll still be over here supporting you too. I hate that there is this pressure put on people to breastfeed.
For everyone who struggled with breastfeeding
Breastfeeding was a trainwreck for us - DD was born early so she didn't have the suck/swallow thing down, and she wouldn't eat. I didn't have all that much colostrum, but luckily my milk came in pretty quickly. The second night DD was in the hospital - not eating - the nurse made a joke and I broke down sobbing, asking if DD was going to live. Our hospital was huge on pushing breastfeeding. We worked with a lactation consultant for over a month, and DD would do it, but then I would get stressed, she would get stressed and spit up (HORRIBLE reflux back then), and then we would both cry. Once I accepted it and went to exclusively pumping things were so much better. Formula, pumping, breastfeeding... fed is best in my little opinion.
then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW,
because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
I rather see a lot of new threads with a handful of responses that move fast, rather than threads with 150 responses that just don't move.
In real life: if i don’t talk about it, nothing bad will happen right? Silly logic. I haven’t told basically anyone that I’m pregnant. Gah.
We are all entitled to opinions. P.S. what are jimmies?
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
I don't understand why people feel the need to argue with me and tell me I'm not fat. I'm fat. Thats ok. Fat isn't a dirty word. I'm the highest on the BMI for overweight before you become considered obese. Yet people will argue to my face that I'm not overweight at all. It makes me want to ask if they need glasses.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I breastfed my daughter for maybe a month. I was in total misery. My nipples where bleeding and complete scabs. In the town I'm from the only lactation consultant then was at WIC. The WIC consultant told me if my baby got hungry enough she would eventually latch correctly. Thats was all the advice I was given. No help other than that nothing at all. I was in so much pain I hated my child. I hated her I hated the site of her I hated holding her and feeding her because it was nothing but pain. I finally quit an put her on formula. I had doctors and the WIC lady tell me I should have tried harder and try to guilt me. I already felt enough guilt I was a 16 year old single mother. But I didn't feel bad anymore that she was finally being fed and I wasn't in pain.
With my son I told myself maybe I can try it again. I read books, I bought a pump, I got nipple cream and a breastfeeding pillow.
And you know what no one at that hospital would help me either. I asked for hours to see a lactation consultant. They wouldn't give me one until i told the nurse to give me a bottle. Then the consultant came in and wouldn't give it to me. She stood there holding it lecturing me on how breast is best yet never once did she offer to help me. Just lecture.
I told her to give me the goddamn bottle. She then proceeded to lecture my husband. DH isn't stupid enough to go against what I say.
My point is I knew right away to keep my sanity I needed a bottle. I knew breastfeeding wasn't going to work. As soon I tried to breast feed my son those feelings of hate for my baby came right back. It may be best for you to try formula just to relieve yourself of the stress.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@eatinwatermelonseeds Whaaaa?? That’s most definitely a water fountain...