I have a neighbor that we are kind of friendly with but not really friends. When talking one day she told me that years about 8yrs ago she had a miscarriage. They tried for several years to conceive again and eventually gave up and he had a vasectomy (I didn't press to find out exactly why). We've also talked about how upsetting Mother's Day is and she has said several things about her sister and her sister's pregnancies/kids that has let me know that she still has a very tough time dealing with it (rightfully).
Anyways H accidentally let it slip to them that I am pregnant. She is very obviously ignoring me now.
My sister also dealt with IF because of endometriosis and had to have a hysterectomy so no kids as well. Her and I have talked about how hard it is to hear other people's pregnancy news especially if it catches her off guard. I know this is why she's avoiding me now.
I keep going back and forth on whether I should reach out and check on her or just let it be since I'm the one causing her pain.
WWYD?
Hopefully this makes sense. I had a super crazy day and am exhausted so admittedly probably a little more scatter brained than usual.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Re: WWYD? Trigger warning **small update**
I know I'm probably way way over thinking this. It's just been bothering me.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
I'll give her space and see what happens.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
It does seem the majority thinks it’s best to leave it, so idk.
ETA
i wouldn’t reach out, honestly. It would be more humiliating for her and painful and frankly would feel condescending. Please don’t take offense to this- but as a woman with 4 kids and pregnant with another on the way, I would have been especially bitter towards you in that situation. IF and Loss suck!
@thebobloblaw when/if this conversation takes place I would definitely want it done with a message or note so she can process it however she needs.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
My sister and several friends have and still are dealing with IF. It kills me watching them go through it. I can't even begin to imagine their pain. IF and loss definitely suck!
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Just don't take it personally. You didn't do anything wrong your husband just didn't think before he let it slip the way he did.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
In my experience I have had a really hard time finding out others were pregnant. My husband and I have been trying for 7 yrs and it's been a tough road. I hated myself for being jealous and not being strong enough to be happy for others but eventually I could let it go and be friendly again.
I'll respect her space and follow her lead.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
My cousins had a loss and conceived shortly after, they announced their pregnancy in a really fun way in front of me and our entire family on Christmas and honestly it was one of the hardest days of my whole life. I hate saying that and I hated feeling that way which made it worse, but it was just awful and stayed with me for weeks...it wasn’t until later that somebody said to me “I can’t believe they didn’t give you a heads up...” and I realized that was part of why I was so upset. They knew what we had been through and they had been through it themselves...I don’t know why they didn’t think of that, they were going through their own experience I guess, but it’s still hard for me to see them, it really damaged our relationship. I guess I’m just sharing this from your friends perspective, I don’t think you did anything wrong AT ALL, and I think you sound like a wonderful friend for being so concerned. I’m going to offer a different oppinion though and say you should say something to her about it. A text is fine imo, but all I know is if my cousin said something to me all these months later like “I’m sorry it was hard for you when we announced, we should have warned you” it would mean a lot to me. Again, your situation is different and you obviously haven’t done anything wrong...but just letting her know you’re sorry for what she’s going through or that you understand she needs space but that you miss her and are here for her...could go a long way with her.
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.
3 Losses, 8/16 11/16 and 6/2017
From an IF/multiple perspective, if the person reached out at all something like “I know the way you found out was not ideal. I understand that you need your space & I will respect that” was the least offensive. No need to say you’re sorry. No need to say you can’t imagine (I always find that full of pity). And no need to say you’re there for her (because you’re the last person she wants to discuss this with).
Thanks again for all the advice! I truly do appreciate the different perspectives.
ETA forgot to add my response.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24